« PoprzedniaDalej »
man that I am ; who shall deliver me from the body of this death ?” In the afternoon, met with the Indians, according to appointment, and preached to them. My soul seemed to confide in God; had some relief and enlargement in prayer, and some assistance in the duty of intercession ; vital piety and holiness appeared sweet to me, and I longed for the perfection of it.
Friday, May 18. Felt again something of the power of religion; and my soul seemed to confide in God, that he would never leave me. But oftentimes saw myself so mean a creature, that I knew not how to think of preaching: oh that I could always live to, and upon God!
Saturday, May 19. Part of the time I was greatly oppressed with the weight and burden of my work ; it seemed impossible for me ever to go through with what I had undertaken. Towards night, was very calm and comfortable; and I think, my soul trusted in God for help.
Lord's day, May 20. Preached twice to the poor Indians, and enjoyed some freedom, while I attempted to remove their prejudices against Christianity. My soul longed for assistance from above, all the while; for I saw I had no strength sufficient for the work. Afterwards, preached to the Irish people; was much assisted in the first prayer, and in preaching. Several persons seemed concerned for their souls, with whom I discoursed afterwards with freedom and power.
Blessed be God for any assistance afforded to an unworthy worm : oh that I could live to him!
[Through the rest of this week, he was sometimes ready to sink with a sense of his unworthịness and unfitness for the work of the ministry; and sometimes encouraged and lifted above his fears and sorrows, and was enabled confidently to rely on God. On Saturday evening especially, he enjoyed calmness and composure, and assistance in prayer. He rejoiced “ That God remains unchangeably powerful and faithful, a sure and sufficient portion, and the dwelling-place of his children in all generations.”]
Lord's day, May 27. Visited my Indians in the morning, and attended upon a funeral among them ; was af
fected to see their Heathenish practices. Oh that they might be “ turned from darkness to light !" Afterwards, got a considerable number of them together, and preached to them. I observed them very attentive. After this, preached to the white people from Heb. ii. 3. Was enabled to speak with some freedom and power : several people seemed much concerned about their souls, especially one who had been educated a Roman Catholic. Blessed be the Lord for any help.
Monday, May 28. Set out from the Indians above the Forks of Delaware, on a journey towards Newark in New Jersey, according to my orders. Rode through the wilderness; was much fatigued with the heat; lodged at a place called Black-River ; was exceedingly tired and
[On Tuesday he came to Newark. The next day, went to Elizabeth-Town; on Thursday, he went to New-York; and on Friday returned to Elizabeth-Town. These days were attended with some perplexity. He continued at Elizabeth-Town till Friday in the week following. Was enlivened, refreshed and strengthened on the Sabbath at the Lord's table. The ensuing days of the week were spent chiefly in studies preparatory to his ordination ; and on some of them he seemed to have much of God's gracious presence, and of the influences of his Spirit; but was in a very weak state of body. On Saturday, he rode to Newark.]
Lord's day, June 10. At Newark. In the morning, was much concerned how I should perform the work of the day, and trembled at the thoughts of being left to myself. Enjoyed very considerable assistance in all parts of the public service. Had an opportunity again to attend on the ordinance of the Lord's Supper, and through divine goodness was refreshed by it. My soul was full of love and tenderness towards the children of God, and towards all men ; felt a certain sweetness of disposition towards every creature. At night I enjoyed more spirituality, and desire after holiness, than I have felt for some time: was afraid of every thought and every motion, lest thereby my heart should be drawn away from
God. “ Lord, in thy presence is fulness of joy :" oh the blessedness of living to thee.
Monday, June 11. This day the presbytery met together at Newark, in order to my ordination. weak and disordered in body; yet endeavoured to repose my confidence in God. Spent most of the day alone, especially the forenoon. At three in the afternoon preached my probation sermon, from Acts xxvi. 17, 18, being a text given me for that purpose. Felt not well, either in body or mind; however, God carried me through comfortably. Afterwards, passed an examination before the presbytery. Was much tired, and my mind burdened with the greatness of that charge I was in the most solemn manner about to take upon me. I was so pressed with the weight of the work incumbent upon me, that I could not sleep this night, though very weary and in great need of rest.
Tuesday, June 12. Was this morning further examined, respecting my experimental acquaintance with Christianity. * At ten o'clock my ordination was attended to; the sermon preached by the Rev. Mr Pemberton. At this time I was affected with a sense of the important trust committed to me; yet composed and solemn, with out distraction. I hope, I then (as many times before) gave up myself to God, to be for him, and not for another. On that I might always be engaged in his service, duly remembering the solemn charge I have received, in the presence of God, angels, and men. Amen, May I be assisted of God for this purpose. --Towards night, rode to Elizabeth-Town.
* Mr Pemberton, in a letter to the Honourable Society in Scotland that employed Mr Brainerd, which he wrote concerning him, (published in Scotland, in The Christian Monthly History,) writes thus, “We can with pleasure say, that Mr Brainerd passed through his ordination-trials, to the universal approbation of the presbytery, and appeared uncommonly qualified for the work of the ministry. He seems to be armed with a great deal of self-denial, and animated with a noble zeal to propagate the gospel among those barbarous nations, who have long dwelt in the darkness of Heathenism."
From his Ordination, till he first began to preach to the
Indians at Crosweeksung, among whom he had his most remarkable success.
WEDNESDAY, June 13. Spent some considerable time in writing an account of the Indian affairs to go to Scotland. Conversed much with friends; but enjoyed little satisfaction.
Thursday, June 14. Received some particular kind, ness from friends, and wondered that God should open the hearts of any towards me: saw myself unworthy of any favour, either from God or man. Was much exercised with pain in my head ; yet determined to set out on my journey towards Delaware in the afternoon; but the pain increased so much, that I was obliged to betake my. self to bed. The night following I was greatly distressed with pain and sickness; was sometimes almost bereaved of the exercise of reason by the extremity of pain. Continued much distressed till Saturday, when I was something relieved by an emetic : but was unable to walk abroad till the Monday following, and still remained very feeble. I often admired the goodness of God, that he did not suffer me to proceed on my journey from this place where I was so tenderly used, and to be sick by the way among strangers. God is very gracious to me, both in health and sickness, and intermingles much mercy with all my afflictions and toils. Enjoyed some sweetness in things divine, in the midst of my pain and weak
Oh that I could praise the Lord ! [On Tuesday, June 19. He set out on his journey home, and in three days reached his place, near the Forks of Delaware. Performed the journey under much weakness of body, but had comfort in his soul; and in this state he continued through the week.]
Lord's day, June 24. Extremely feeble, scarcely able to walk. Visited my Indians, and took much pains to
instruct them; laboured with some that were much disaf. fected to Christianity. My mind was much burdened with the weight and difficulty of my work. My whole dependence and hope of success seemed to be on God, who alone I saw could make them willing to receive instruction. My heart was much engaged in prayer, sending up silent requests to God, even while I was speaking to them. Oh that I could always go in the strength of the Lord.
Monday, June 25. Was something better in health th: of late, and was able to spend a considerable part of the day in close studies. Had more freedom and fervency in prayer than usual of late ; especially longed for the presence of God in my work, and that the poor Heathen might be converted. In evening-prayer, my faith and hope in God were much raised. To an eye of reason every thing respecting the conversion of the Heathen is as dark as midnight ; yet I cannot but hope in God for the accomplishment of something glorious among them. My soul longed much for the advancement of the Redeemer's kingdom on earth. Was very fearful lest I should admit some vain thought, and so lose the sense I then had of divine things. Oh for an abiding heavenly temper. Tuesday, June 26. In the morning, my
desires seemed to rise, and ascend up freely to God. Was busy most of the day in translating prayers into the language of the Delaware Indians; met with great difficulty, seeing that my Interpreter was altogether unacquainted with the business. But though much discouraged with the difficulty of the work, yet God supported me; and especially in the evening, gave me sweet refreshment. my soul was enlarged, and my faith drawn into sensible exercise ; was enabled to cry to God for my poor Indians; and though the work of their conversion appeared “impossible with man, yet with God” I saw “all things were possible.". My faith was much strengthened, by observing the wonderful assistance God afforded his servants Nehemiah and Ezra, in reforming his people, and re-establishing his ancient church. I was much assisted in prayer for dear Christian friends, and for others that I