and my good. I find that my will is subdued, and my desire is, that his whole will may take place. This year the Lord has graciously vouchsafed me another minister to the chapel, who has been brought to us in so providential a manner, that I can have no doubt of his being an answer to those prayers put up in faith for this blessing, especially as those we at first cast our eyes upon were prevented from coming by the most uncommon interpositions of Providence. It is satisfactory to reflect, that Mr Jones's call and ordination was carried on in the most scriptural and acceptable manner, and with much ease, the hearts of men being wonderfully turned to it, that the Lord's hand appeared conspicuous in the whole, agreeable to the petitions every day offered up in my house, that the Lord's hand might appear in it. I have also had the comfort this year to hear of good being done at Exmouth, and a prospect of that work being established on a permanent footing. Many are the particular mercies I have received from the Lord as an individual; preservation from dangers, recovery from pain and sickness, protection and direction in journeyings, and frequently pleasing and refreshing moments in the ordinances, when by faith I could realize the invisible world, and lay hold on the promise of life eternal in Christ. I have also had comfort in seeing my own past miscarriages, and in viewing the hand of God chastening me in infinite wisdom and mercy, in the way most likely to cure the predominant diseases of my soul; thus convincing me, that it is the rod of a Father that is laid upon me, and that I am not a bastard, but a lawful child, an heir of glory. O, joyful transporting thought! who would not suffer, nay, desire to suffer chastisement, 1779. OF HER BIRTH-DAY. 459 when it is to bring us nearer to God, and render the soul meet to behold and enjoy him. O my God, I desire' with my whole heart to submit to thy fatherly correction, and to receive it as a proof of thy tender care for my eternal welfare. I ask not deliverance till the end of it is obtained, and every high thought and imagination of my vile heart brought into subjection to Christ. I beseech thee not to leave me to my own devices, or to follow the desires of my carnal heart, but lead me into thy holy will, whatever pain it may give me ;-let my own corrupt will and affections be crucified,-let Christ live in me, that the life I lead henceforward may be a life of faith on him, receiving from him continual supplies of life, so that it may be no longer I that live, but Christ that liveth in me. If I have erred, convince me of it, that I may humble myself before thee, and seek pardon; and do thou overrule my errors for the glory of thy name, and the good of thy people. Dispose of me, and all that is called mine, in the way which seemeth good in thy sight. I would no longer seek honour from the world, but desire that honour which cometh from thee only. O, let me never be ashamed of my hope;-thou art my refuge, my strength, my high tower, my only hope. In thee I desire to put my trust. On thee I depend for deliverance out of my present perplexities and troubles. Surely thou wilt never let me be ashamed. Sunday, September 5.—We had no public worship this day in church, but the Lord has abundantly made up the loss to me, by permitting me to draw near to him in private prayer, and giving me some sensible communications of life to my soul; giving me the joyful hope of eternal life in Christ Jesus, and causing me to believe the things that are freely given me of God. I also read the Bible with delight, and had * some small measure of light thrown on some passages of it, which afforded me delightful meditations. In this way I passed four comfortable hours. Glory be to God for this profitable exercise. O that a sweet savour of divine things may continue through the week, that every day of it may be a Sabbath to my soul, by my resting in the work of Christ. O for an increase of faith, for more love, for greater degrees of spiritual life and light, that I may go on from strength to strength, till I appear before my God in Zion! September 19.-I was last week mostly in a dull frame, two mornings excepted, when I found some comfort in prayer, and was enabled to cast my care upon the Lord. This day I have been much harassed by vain worldly thoughts. I have striven against them, and prayed for deliverance from them, but have gained little ground; so that I must number this among my lost Sabbaths, for I do not know of any thing obtained to-day, unless it be a more feeling sense of my total inability to do any thing good of myself. The state of Lady Glenorchy's mind at this period to the end of the year, although on some occasions depressed, yet often rose into high religious enjoyment. Nothing could satisfy her unless all her thoughts, and words, and actions, were comformed to the will of Christ. This, as well as the principal employments in which she was engaged, will appear by the next extracts from her Diary. Edinburgh, Sunday, October 3.-Through mercy the Lord has brought me again to this place, and permitted me to join this day in the great congregation; 1779. GOES TO BARNTON. 461 but, alas! how cold and insensible is my heart to all his mercies. O to be thankful! O for more seriousness in the things of God, that I may walk continually as in his presence, as seeing him who is invisible! I do experience some measure of faith in approaching him as a reconciled God. Barnton, October 10.-Once more the Lord has permitted me to come to this place. The day I came I was seized with a cold and fever, which confined me to my room for two days. My mind was dark and gloomy in the evening, but I felt through the night some stirrings in my soul towards God. Some portions of Scripture were brought to my remembrance, but in the morning this frame was gone, and I was harassed by foolish idle thoughts. After combating them some time, the Lord was pleased to lead my thoughts towards the state of my mind, and enabled me to lay it before him. I felt the Spirit of God bringing my sins and follies to remembrance, shewing me my backslidings, and pointing out wherein I had erred and grieved him, and brought darkness and distress upon myself. I saw the wisdom and goodness of God in bringing that sort of distress upon me which was most likely to cure my soul, and wean me effectually from created good. I thought I could perceive the cure in a measure begun; I felt willing it should be completed in any way the Lord saw fit. After some time spent in confession of sins, of which I hope I was deeply convinced, I was led to view Jesus as the propitiation for them. I saw his death as a sufficient atonement for all of them; and that when he was nailed to the cross, the curse of the law was removed, and my transgressions blotted out; and when he arose from the dead, my acquittal was declared; and when he ascended on high, it was to give me assur ance that I also should be received into glory, where he now is making intercession for transgressors, and appearing in the presence of God for us. I found that the belief of this, so far from tending to slacken my diligence in duty, was the strongest and most powerful motive to holiness; for in the view of being redeemed by his blood, I felt a holy indignation against sin, and could say with Paul, "Shall we sin because grace abounds? God forbid." I had this testimony in myself of belonging to him, that I hated all known sin, and particularly that which separated my soul from him, and may be called my besetting sin. This evening the Lord has been pleased to fill my soul with joy unspeakable, manifesting his name to me as the Lord God merciful and gracious, and giving me a glorious hope of life and immortality beyond the grave. Death seemed a joyful prospect, the invisible world was realized, and this world and its vanities disappeared. The Lord seemed to draw nigh to my soul, and permitted me to present my petitions. I felt that I was utterly unworthy of the least of his mercies, and that he would have compassion upon me because he would have compassion. His love appeared wonderful, and his grace infinite. I was enabled to commit all my concerns fully into his hands, and to put my trust in his name, and to believe that I should never be ashamed of my hope. This frame has. continued less or more for ten hours past, my eyes often pouring out tears of joy when I think of the love of God manifested through Christ to me, a vile worm, the least of my father's house. O what a debtor am I to free sovereign grace! I desire to record it to his glory, who delighteth in shewing mercy to the evil and the unthankful. Satan has thrown fiery darts at me through the day to shake my faith; but thanks be to Jesus, in whose |