commit my soul wholly to thee. Do with it whatever is most for thy glory!

This year I have gained a deeper sense of the evil of sin, and seen more of the depth of corruption in my own heart. I have seen more of the vanity of the world, and am become (through grace) more dead to it. I have got more courage to speak for God, and less fear of the reproach of men. I have spent more time in prayer, and have been enabled to pray with others. The Lord has blessed some attempts I have made for the conversion of souls, and I hunger and thirst more after Christ; yet the light has not shone so powerfully upon my own soul as I have experienced it formerly. The Lord hides his face from me, and I am troubled; I mourn after him,-it has been a sorrowful year to me in this respect. But blessed be his name for the mercies and privileges bestowed upon me, and that he still keeps me waiting upon him, and trusting in his word.

1771.

LADY GLENORCHY'S ZEAL, &c.

199

CHAPTER IX.

Lady Glenorchy's zeal leads her to go lengths which unnecessarily expose her to trials-This remonstrated against by her Christian friends -Rev. Mr Gillespie's letter to Lady Glenorchy on the subject— Admirable letter of Mr Walker on the same subject-Lady Glenorchy's influence over Lord Glenorchy-Mr De Courcy appointed minister of St Mary's Chapel-Letter of his to Lady GlenorchyExtracts from Diary January 6. to February 2. 1771-Lady Glenorchy's letter to Lady Maxwell-Extracts from Diary from February 7. to 12-Letter from Lady Glenorchy to Lady Maxwell-Extracts from Diary.

THE reader will no doubt have observed, by the extracts already made from Lady Glenorchy's Diary, that she considered it a duty incumbent on her to recommend and enforce, not only by her example, but also in her conversation, the practice of religion upon every one, great and small, to whom she had access; and if she happened to neglect any opportunity of this kind which occurred, she viewed and lamented it as a sin of omission, which heavily burdened her conscience: and hence she studiously sought occasions to perform these services. These services, however, were not confined to persons in her own family, or of her own rank and station in society. She was in the practice of going among the lower orders, especially in the country, and in the course of her journeys, and speaking to them respecting the state of their souls. This, as might be expected, did not always succeed. it not unfrequently exposed her to very unworthy treatment, unsuitable to her rank. These circum

Indeed,

Wednesday, December 12.-I spent most part of this morning, till twelve o'clock, in prayer, and found my soul longing and thirsting after the experimental knowledge of Christ. Afterwards I had some edifying discourse with Dr Erskine, which was interrupted by visitors. I was enabled to continue to speak before them of the things of God, and we were all refreshed, and I hope profited. When they were gone, I found it needful to ask the Lord to pardon the self-seeking and spiritual pride, which I discovered in my own heart. I was then led out to praise the Lord for his goodness, and to pray that he would impart grace to all men, that every thing that he had made might praise him for ever.

Dr Erskine says, that a general acquaintance, even with good people, is a loss to a Christian,-it takes up much of that time which ought to be employed in communion with God, and bestows it on the creature. This is certainly true; I therefore resolve, through grace, to give up all needless and useless visits, and redeem more time for private devotion. In this way my faith will be strengthened, and then I shall not be so easily hurt when I go out among others. I find I have not yet attained an appropriating faith in Christ as my Saviour;-I see my need of him-my heart is like to break at times for longing for him-I think I am willing to part with all, even life itself, for his love: But by and by my soul grows dead,-a crowd of useless impertinent thoughts break in upon me like a flood without my consent, and hurry me away I know not whither. This often happens when I am at prayer; and when I discover the treachery of my enemies, who have thus unawares got possession of me, I cry aloud to the Lord for help, and he delivers me. O for a steadfast faith, to cleave continually to the

1770.

DIARY.

195

Lord. Then should I be more than conqueror! Lord, grant me this faith.

Thursday, December 13.-I found liberty in private prayer this morning, but great wanderings in family worship; the enmity of the natural heart was strong, and there was a great struggle between the old and new nature within me. I felt great deadness in speaking to some people about their souls this forenoon, yet the Lord carried me on, giving me something more to say, when I thought I had not another word. Alas! I am very dead and of a careless spirit. I do not mourn after Christ as I have done for some days past. I tremble lest 1 should again fall into a false peace. O blessed Jesus, suffer me not to find comfort in any thing short of thy love, revealed to my soul by the Holy Ghost!

Friday, December 14.-I spent this morning in reading and prayer, and found liberty to cast my soul on Jesus, and trust upon his word both for present and future mercy. I have cause to praise the Lord this day for ordering all things well that concerneth me. Lord G arrived from the country. I received many comfortable letters from absent friends. O how comes it that so many show kindness to such a poor worm as I? What cause have I to bless him who turneth their hearts towards me!

Sunday, December 16.-I went this morning to Leith to hear Mr A. Hunter, and found much comfort in hearing him preach from these words,-" To those that believe he is precious." His prayers and sermon came with power to my soul. I felt a secret witness within me, that the marks he gave of true believers

applied in some measure to me. Since I came home, I have met with a severe trial, which sent me to a throne of grace with strong cries and tears. The Lord enabled me to plead with him for perfect submission to his will, and he gave me power to rejoice in some measure in this trial, as the way he hath appointed to mortify my corruptions, and to subdue his enemies in my soul. I cast my care upon him, and he hath sustained me, and caused me to look forward with joy to the glorious appearance and second coming of Christ,-to that happy period when all sin and sorrow shall for ever cease, and I shall behold him, and be transformed into his image, and rejoice in his presence for ever more. O blessed trials! happy afflictions! since they bring me nearer to God, and give me clearer views of him for whom my soul longeth.

Sunday, December 23.-I have been confined all last week with a cold, and also attending Lord G. who has been ill. I have had little leisure for reading, meditation, or prayer; no Christian companions, nor any person to whom I could speak of the things of God, and my own soul in a dead and uncomfortable frame. At times I have got liberty to pour out my complaint to the Lord, and found some comfort in weeping in secret for my own sins and the sins of others. I have also had refreshing letters from friends at a distance; yet, upon the whole, it is not with me now as in former times of sickness. I am confused, and my thoughts are dissipated. I long for access to God; I groan after him, but cannot get near him. O merciful Jesus! thou who knowest my inmost soul, and canst read the secret desires of my heart, have pity upon me! Grant but the crumbs which fall from thy children's table,remove whatever hinders my intercourse with thee.