1770.

DIARY.

197

I desire only thy love,-take whatever else thou wilt from me,-take health, friends, fortune, reputation, or even life itself,-only let me be assured of an interest in thee, and of the eternal enjoyment of thee, in the world to come!

Sunday, December 30.-All last week I was confined to my room with sickness, and greatly oppressed in spirit with outward trials, and no inward comfort. I have had little time for prayer; and when I had, my mind was so confused and dissipated, that I was a terror to myself. I have been led to doubt if ever I was awakened. The Lord's dealings with me are very mysterious. I cannot see why he hides his face from me, but I trust it is for my good. I will still hope in his word, that those who trust in him shall never be ashamed, and they that seek him shall find him; and though I am yet in darkness, yet will I hope and wait on him till he sees fit to bring me to light. Why art thou cast down, my soul? Still trust in God, for I shall yet praise him.

Monday, December 31.-Another year is gone, and where art thou, my soul? What shall I render unto thee, O Lord, for thy long-suffering kindness and forbearance with me? Hadst thou cut me off in my sins. I could not but have justified thee: But thou hast prolonged my day of grace;-still there is hope-still thy Spirit strives with me, and carries on thy work, thy marvellous work, in my soul. Thou art refining me in the furnace of affliction, that I may come forth like gold. I see thy hand in all my trials. They are necessary to my soul,-I could not do without them. Lord, I would submit in all things to thy will. I

commit my soul wholly to thee. Do with it whatever is most for thy glory!

This year I have gained a deeper sense of the evil of sin, and seen more of the depth of corruption in my own heart. I have seen more of the vanity of the world, and am become (through grace) more dead to it. I have got more courage to speak for God, and less fear of the reproach of men. I have spent more time in prayer, and have been enabled to pray with others. The Lord has blessed some attempts I have made for the conversion of souls, and I hunger and thirst more after Christ; yet the light has not shone so powerfully upon my own soul as I have experienced it formerly. The Lord hides his face from me, and I am troubled; I mourn after him,-it has been a sorrowful year to me in this respect. But blessed be his name for the mercies and privileges bestowed upon me, and that he still keeps me waiting upon him, and trusting in his word.

1771.

LADY GLENORCHY'S ZEAL, &c.

199

CHAPTER IX.

Lady Glenorchy's zeal leads her to go lengths which unnecessarily expose her to trials-This remonstrated against by her Christian friends -Rev. Mr Gillespie's letter to Lady Glenorchy on the subject— Admirable letter of Mr Walker on the same subject-Lady Glenorchy's influence over Lord Glenorchy-Mr De Courcy appointed minister of St Mary's Chapel-Letter of his to Lady GlenorchyExtracts from Diary January 6. to February 2. 1771-Lady Glenorchy's letter to Lady Maxwell-Extracts from Diary from February 7. to 12-Letter from Lady Glenorchy to Lady Maxwell-Extracts from Diary.

THE reader will no doubt have observed, by the extracts already made from Lady Glenorchy's Diary, that she considered it a duty incumbent on her to recommend and enforce, not only by her example, but also in her conversation, the practice of religion upon every one, great and small, to whom she had access; and if she happened to neglect any opportunity of this kind which occurred, she viewed and lamented it as a sin of omission, which heavily burdened her conscience: and hence she studiously sought occasions to perform these services. These services, however, were not confined to persons in her own family, or of her own rank and station in society. She was in the practice of going among the lower orders, especially in the country, and in the course of her journeys, and speaking to them respecting the state of their souls. This, as might be expected, did not always succeed. it not unfrequently exposed her to very unworthy treatment, unsuitable to her rank. These circum

Indeed,

stances, and other peculiarities connected with her Christian zeal, were observed by some of her friends not without a considerable degree of uneasiness and regret, and produced some attempts to open her eyes to the impropriety of it. Accordingly, a very interesting and sensible letter on this subject, though directed to a lady in general terms, yet evidently intended for her use, was written by that very apostolical man, the Rev. Mr Gillespie, justly considered as one of the most able casuists of his day, and who had himself been deprived of his living of Carnock, for his zeal and fidelity in the cause of truth. This letter was communicated to her; and a copy of it, taken by herself, is still in existence. Another letter, of which she frequently spoke, even to the close of her life, with great approbation, and the original of which was found amongst her papers, was written and sent to her by her judicious faithful friend and pastor Mr Walker. It is, as might be expected, marked with all the good sense and elegance, as well as piety, for which he was so eminently distinguished. As these letters are both excellent in themselves, and have a relation to the situation of Lady Glenorchy at this time, they shall be inserted, and are as follow.

Letter of Mr Gillespie.

"Dear Madam,-The doubtful point on which your conscience wants satisfaction, is a weighty case. Resolution of it is to be humbly sought of from the Lord by prayer, and searched for in the blessed Bible, -a rule both perfect and infallible. That our hearts are deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked, appears by the divine declaration. Hence it is both difficult to discern duty in certain circumstances, and

1771.

LETTER.

201

to practise it aright. The warm affections of young Christians are apt to carry them too far in some things, although with the best design. It is no less the will of the Great God and Saviour, that we be wise as serpents, as well as harmless as doves. Want of proper caution may hurt the religion of Jesus as much as insincerity and craft. Christ's disciples are sent forth as sheep in the midst of wolves. This calls for the greatest care and circumspection. Dependance on the Lord is to be exercised, that one may not hurt his interest, and prejudice those against the ways of their God who are otherwise minded. Christ appoints "that pearls be not laid before swine." The pearls of the things of God are not to be laid before persons in conversation, who are known to have the spirit of scorners of these great and glorious things, and to be disposed to make a bad use of what is ever so well intended, however well it may be expressed. The pearls of reproof and rebuke are not to be cast before swine, those who are daring in sin, and obstinate in evil ways, lest they trample them under their feet, contenin them, turn again and rend the reprovers, and hurt them in character, or at least wound their spirits, in place of profiting by the reproof. To administer a suitable rebuke to reach the end desired, requires much spiritual wisdom, prudence, and Christian temper. Without these, it is like to do more hurt than good. There are evil times of general corruption and danger, when, though persons in public office must speak, private believers who are prudent, as exercises of spiritual prudence, ought to keep silence, because it is an evil time, and persons are become incorrigible. Amos v. 13. Therefore the prudent shall keep silence in that time; for it is an evil time.' Holy silence in some instances does more service to religion