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himself with his gun before he surrenders it, or to hang himself with the same rope that ties up me. When I was a puppy, I was every day fed in the kitchen, and caressed in the parlour; and I have now a brother, that always points for the best of company. What though our race has been frequently reproached? What though we, together with the spaniels, have been accused, I do not say wrongfully, of crouching to our enemies, and licking the hand that beats us? Is not this every day practised among your species ? And is it not countenanced by the greatest examples ? In fawning and flattering we are by no means singular; and crouching and cringing are not confined to the brute species.
I very heartily second the request of my friend, and I doubt not, but the arguments you will use in our behalf will be able to divert the storm that threatens us. This you may be assured of, that if my life is spared through your means, it shall be devoted to your service; and you shall sup, as often as you please, on a brace of birds.
This speech was attended with a bark of applause; and I was next accosted by a lap-dog, who, after dolefully shaking his ears, began the following ha
Though I am aware that many of my species will remain unhurt by this scheme devised for our destruction, yet I have on my own account great reason to be alarmed. I was born, indeed, in a noble family in St. James's Square, but unfortunately was within these three months resigned over to my present mistress, an old maid, who has been through her whole life as frugal of her money as her favours. She is, indeed, so very saving, that I have more than once been beat for lapping up her breakfast cream; and it was but last week, that I was severely corrected for devouring a sheep's heart, for which she had been to market her
95% self. Such a mistress will undoubtedly sacrifice me to this cruel tax; and though you may perhaps imagine the loss of life in these circumstances is not much to be regretted, yet death is a terrible remedy, and a living dog is better than a dead lion. But if some of our species must perish, surely a regard should be had to national merit; and the storm should first fall on those foreign intruders, who by the flatness of their noses are supposed to be of Dutch extraction. If the ladies also have any regard for the honour of their country, or any love remaining for us, it becomes them to take our case into consideration. And I make no doubt, since the female parliament is now sitting, (if you, Sir, would but draw up a petition in our favour,) as the other sex have taken necessary precautions for the preservation of the game, the ladies would in their turn bring in a bill for the preservation of lap-dogs.
Various were the arguments, that many others used in their own behalf. The mastiff insisted on the protection he afforded us, and the terror he struck into thieves and house-breakers. King Charles's black favourites came fawning upon me, and hoped that their breed might be preserved in deference to the taste of so witty a monarch. I could not help smiling at the argument made use of by a bull-dog from Norfolk ; who declared, that he was so instrumental to the mirth of the county, that he firmly believed they would never part with him; but begged at the same time, that, if sentence must pass, it might be changed into banishment, and that Spain (where bull-feasts are held in so much honour) might be the place of his transportation.
The eloquence and gesture of my four-footed visitors had such an influence over me, that I was just going to answer them in the manner they could wish; when my own dog on a sudden jumped into my lap, and rouzed me from my dream.
N° 65. THURSDAY, APRIL 24, 1755.
Nec tamen indignum si vobis cura placendi,
Blame not the belles, since modern times can shew
TO MR. TOWN.
As no one has a greater respect for the fair sex than myself, I was highly pleased with a letter inserted some time ago in your paper, ridiculing the detestable use of paint among the ladies. This practice is, indeed, too general; and for my part, when I meet a blooming fresh-coloured face in town, I no more take it for the real face belonging to the lady, than I imagine Queen Anne's pourtrait delineated on a sign-post to be her majesty's flesh and blood.
But this fashion is not confined to the ladies. I am ashamed to tell you, that we are indebted to Spanish wool for many of our masculine ruddy complexions. A pretty fellow lackers his pale face with as many varnishes as a fine lady; and it is well known, that late hours at the card-table, amusements at Haddock's, immoderate draughts of Champagne, and sleeping all night upon a bulk, will strip the most healthy complexion of it's roses. Therefore, to repair the loss, they are obliged to substitute the unwholesome disguise of art for the native hue of a vigorous constitution.
I must leave it to you, Mr. Town, or your ingenious correspondent, to enlarge upon this subject; and
will only just appeal to the ladies, whether a smooth fair face is a proper recommendation of a man to their favour; and whether they do not look upon those of the other sex as a contemptible sort of rivals, who aspire to be thought charming and pretty? As many females are also conscious, that they themselves endeavour to conceal by art the defects of nature, they are apt to suspect those of our sex, who are so very solicitous to set off their persons: And, indeed, I fear it will be found upon examination, that most of our pretty fellows, who lay on carmine, are painting a rotten post.
I am, Sir,
Your humble servant,
Many of my readers will, I dare say, be hardly persuaded, that this custom could have ever prevailed as a branch of male foppery: But it is too notorious, that our fine gentlemen, in many other instances besides the article of paint, affect the softness and delicacy of the fair sex. The male beauty has his washes, perfumes, and cosmetics; and takes as much pains to set a gloss on his complexion, as the footman in japanning his shoes. He has his dressing-room, and (which is still more ridiculous) his toilette too; at which he sits as many hours repairing his battered countenance, as a decayed toast dressing for a birth-night. I had once an opportunity of taking a survey of one of these maletoilettes; and, as such a curiosity may perhaps prove entertaining to many of my readers, I shall here give a description of it.
Having occasion one morning to wait on a very pretty fellow, I was desired by the valet de chambre to walk into the dressing-room, as his master was not stirring. I was accordingly shewn into a neat little chamber, hung round with India paper, and adorned
N° 65. with several little images of pagods and bramins, and vessels of Chelsea China, in which were set variouscoloured sprigs of artificial flowers. But the toilette most excited my admiration; where I found every thing was intended to be agreeable to the Chinese taste. A looking-glass, enclosed in a whimsical frame of Chinese paling, stood upon a japan table, over which was spread a coverlid of the finest chints. I could not but observe a number of boxes of different sizes, which were all of them japan, and lay regularly disposed on the table. I had the curiosity to examine the contents of several; and in one I found lip-salve, in another a roll of pig-tail, and in another the ladies black sticking plaister: but the last which I opened very much surprised me, as I saw nothing in it but a number of little pills. I likewise remarked, on one part of the table, a tooth-brush and sponge, with a pot of Delescot's opiate; and on the other side, water for the eyes: In the middle stood a bottle of Eau de Luce, and a roll of perfumed pomatum: Almond-pastes, powder-puffs, hair-combs, brushes, nippers, and the like, made up the rest of this fantastic equipage: But, among many other whimsies, I could not conceive for what use a very small ivory comb could be designed, till the valet informed me, that it was a comb for the eye-brows.
It must be confessed, that there are some men of such a delicate make and silky constitution, that it is no wonder, if gentlemen of such a lady-like generation have a natural tendency to the refinements and softnesses of females. These tender dear creatures are generally bred up immediately under the wing of their mammas, and scarce fed with any thing less innocent than her milk. They are never permitted to study, lest it should hurt their eyes, and make their heads ache; nor suffered to use any exercises, like other boys, lest a fine hand should be spoiled by being used