Mine is a quiet little Club in a quiet corner. It's very convenient for anyone living in the country: at least so everyone says. But I can't see why it is more convenient than any other when you're once in London. It makes a home for you in town. As I enter I notice a new hall-porter, who notices me, and he evidently inquires my name of another porter. To save trouble, I ask if there are any letters for me. I don't expect any, of course. By the way, I do, though an answer from BOODELS about publishers jumping at his poems. Porter makes a faint attempt at pretending to remember my name. I help him to it. There is a letter from BOODELS. Into the smoking-room to read it. I don't want any brandy-and-water, nor a cigar, but I call for them, and take a seat in the smoking-room. As I don't recognise anyone there, I am glad to have BOODELS' letter to read. BOODELS' letter informs me that his printing and publishing was an exceptional affair, as his publisher was a distant connection of his family's by his mother's side, and so they did it more to oblige him than for any other reason; but he was sure, if I knew any respectable firm, they would be most happy to do it for me. If it is a work of a philosophical and scientific character, why not go (says the letter) to POPGOOD AND SPRITT? He incloses POPGOOD AND SPRITT'S address (cut out of a newspaper) and wishes me luck. "P.S. You mustn't be surprised if you hear of my being married soon. Don't mention it at present. Any day you like to come down and have some fun dragging the pond, do. I shall be delighted to see you. Remember me to your wife." Oh, BOODELS can't be going to be married. Impossible. But why impossible? Why should I be surprised? Happy Thought.-To write him something pretty and neat back in verse. Something he can keep and show to his intended, and say, "Wasn't that thoughtful of him?" I will. Awkward word to rhyme to-" BOODELS." Poodles. Noodles. Toodles. There's a farce called The Toodles. Saw it once in a country theatre. Mr. and Mrs. Toodles. Might say "Oh, may you, WILLIAM AUGUSTUS BOODELS, Be happy as Mister and Mrs. Toodles!" seem to impress them much, as they continue their argument. [I note MILBURD shakes his head over potatoes this year. "Except," says LORD DUNGENESS, "in Jersey-large exports made there now." This diverts the conversation for a time to Jersey. I say, àpropos of the potatoes, that I've never been to Jersey. MILBURD asks me if I'll go, with him? We have more gin-sling, and I WHAT shall we say of the portentous fact thus stated in a leader on prosecutions for heresy in the Times : "What in the eyes of one Bishop is saving doctrine, to be clung to and propagated, is in the eyes of another a pestilential heresy, to be stamped out before it is spread in the diocese." Perhaps the best that can be said is a variation of a popular distich :"Different Bishops have different opinions; Some are Ritualists and some Socinians." Or, if you prefer the Latin tongue to the vernacular :"Quot episcopi tot sententiæ." What's the odds, my Lords, so long as you're little is the least that can be said-and that is the "We are authorised to state that TOUSSOON PASHA was present at the Breakfast given by the QUEEN at Buckingham Palace on Monday last." This welcome announcement will doubtless elicit a very general quotation of the adage which, in commendation of punctuality, avers that it is better to be too soon than too late. THE dog-days have come-to find cautious people wrapped in fleecy hosiery, and shivering over the fire. The weather has one canine characteristic, not usually associated with the dog-days-it is very biting. 66 NOVEL SCULLING MATCH, IN ONE BOAT, AND ON A SMALL POND. Now, GIRLS, WHICHEVER SIDE BUMPS THE SHORE FIRST, WINS! So, ONE, TWO, THREE, AND AWAY! AND, IF YOU LIKE, I WILL BE THE PRIZE !" (THE IRISH CHURCH) VENUS ATTIRED BY THE (CHRISTIAN) GRACES. "Simplex munditiis," not "naturalibus;" Neat, but not naked, our mistress must be : Shall Babylon's trull go in "pontificalibus," And our Anglican maiden stripped stark shall we see? No; the garments that GLADSTONE, with hand sacrilegious, From her poor shiv'ring body relentlessly tore, We'll not only give back, but her beauties egregious, We'll cover with vestments more rich than before. As Heathendom's Graces to fair Aphrodite Gave the cestus and veil that her witch'ry enhanced, Till those whom nude charms, though of magic so mighty, Were powerless to sway, her draped beauties entranced,So we, Christian Graces, fair Faith, florid Hope, And Charity-thinking and speaking no illOur Irish Church Venus, in spite of the Pope, To bedeck, will employ all our strength and our skill. Till they who no comeliness saw to desire her, In these limbs, bare of purple, fine linen, and gold, Shall bow down their hearts when we gloriously 'tire her In the metal for which creed and conscience are sold. Not a garment she wore, when established aforetime, But, if single-pile then, henceforth three-pile shall be; And our ill-treated mistress shall rise, from this sore time, Rich in all Christian Graces' best grace-£ s. d. And Several of Them. AT the last State Concert was performed "Heaven preserve the Emperor with Variations." Would not this do for the French National Anthem? VOCAL GOVERNMENT. WELSHPOOL is a nice place for Montgomeryshire, and the Welshpoolers must be uncommonly nice people, judging by a specimen of those whom they elect to govern them. From the Oswestry Advertiser we extract the following report of a sweet little scene at the Local Board: "MR. JOHN MORRIS. I say, without the slightest fear of contradiction from any man alive, that had it not been for three members of this Board there would have been no trial in RIDER'S claim. "The MAYOR. I must make one remark upon that. I will not sit at this Board and hear insinuations and accusations made by MR. JOHN MORRIS against any member of this Board, and, repeating his own words, I will tell MR. JOHN MORRIS that, without the slightest fear of any man alive, he is not to sit at this Board and attempt to browbeat or intimidate its members. "MR. JOHN MORRIS. Yes! and look here too. I give you notice now, that if you don't restore my water which you have taken away from me, I shall have an action entered at once. There! I don't like any clique work! "MR. D. HUMPHREYS. MR. MAYOR, I "MR. JOHN MORRIS. Botheration! Sit down! can't you? "In the midst of a general Babel, "MR. PARKER. I rise to order. Will you please obtain order "The MAYOR. I should be very happy to do so if I could. It really seems quite impossible." Mr. Punch would like to be a member of this Board. Its proceedings may not be exactly dignified, but they are certainly not dull. He proposes to keep his eye upon it, and trusts, next week, to read of another General Babel. He always had an intense reverence for Local Government, which this sort of thing is calculated to exalt in the esteem of all right-thinking persons. Go it, MR. MAYOR, go it, MR. MORRIS, and more power to your respective and respectable elbows. N.B. Copy the Address. A PROTESTANT POKE.-Mohammedans leave their shoes at the doors of their places of worship: Papists their understandings. |