IN Uncle Dick's Darling (a capital title) MR. BYRON has supplied MR. TOOLE with a strongly marked character-Dick Dolland, a Cheap Jack-which enables him to display his power, both as a comic and a serious actor, with great effect, as that very large constituency with whom he is so deservedly popular will within the next-well, we will not venture to assign a limit to the longevity the piece is likely to attain-give themselves the pleasure of observing by personal inspection. He has the advantage of finding himself supported, and we have the advantage of seeing him supported, with great efficiency, by MISS NEILSON, who will win your admiration and your praise, as Mary Belton, and by all who take part in the drama, and co-operate with MR. TOOLE in making Uncle Dick's Darling another of MR. BYRON'S successes. In going to the Gaiety, remember-and be grateful to MR. HOLLINGSHEAD for following MR. WEBSTER'S excellent example at the Adelphi-that you go to a theatre where there are no fees; an additional reason why you should visit this bright and comfortable house, to which the accommodation (of a Restaurant, where you can dine before or sup after the performance, has lately been added. At the Holborn Theatre, MR. BARRY SULLIVAN, untiring in his efforts to supply us with plays of established reputation and high excellence, has increased our obligation to him by restoring to the stage Love's Sacrifice. By many this powerful play of MR. LOVELL'S has never been seen at all; others may remember it in past years and be glad to renew their acquaintance with its undoubted merits: all have now the opportunity of seeing it well acted on the Holborn boards. As Matthew Elmore and his noble daughter Margaret, MR. BARRY SULLIVAN and MRS. HERMANN VEZIN are undeniably successful; MR. J. C. COWPER in the character of Paul Lafont, gives them vigorous support, and is a great contributor to the attraction of the performance, and MR. GEORGE HONEY originates much mirth by his able personation of Jean Rusé. The story, told with much poetic diction, is one of considerable interest, tragic in its development, but happy in its ending. We cordially hope that this revival of Love's Sacrifice will be attended with the success it so well deserves, both on account of the merits of the play itself, and the very satisfactory manner in which it is now being performed at the Holborn Theatre. TESTIMONIUM PROTEST-ANTIS. (After reading the interview of the Oxford and Cambridge Deputations for the Abolition of Tests, with MR. GLADSTONE. LIDDELL is a Latitu Latitu-dinarian : BATESON is an AnythingId est, Nothing-arian. THOMPSON is a UnitArian in Trinity: Ductor Dubitantium, Though Doctor of Divinity. JOWETT's an irrational ROLLESTON's a Materia- HARCOURT's a Historicus, Hystericus, Hyper-bolicus; KINGSLEY is a sciolist, And Socialist rowdy rollick-us: These are the Promoters Of this Godless movement, To lift the Universities Out of their old groove meant. Tests to do away with- In this strife of Resident And statu-quo, hold proxies. For the road of honours free: But not for the wickets That admit to L. S. D. Will have no new brooms; An Appropriate Chaunt. Ar the induction of the new Bishop of Winchester-SAMUEL EX-OxON-the Chaunt, as SAMUEL moved up the nave, was, "Oh, how amiable!" a compliment equally neat and appropriate to that most genial of prelates. O TO BATH, or Birmingham, or Bristol, or Bombay. The people will be very glad to see you there, you may rely on that at least if you are wise enough to make yourself as pleasant as a sight of Punch's Almanack will enable you to do. THE LIBERATOR OF THE LADIES. HEN Woman shall have been relieved The gazing crowd those baits entice, And you, so nice yourselves, ye fair, And ornaments more costly still. Your ribbons are of much avail; Light fancy is by ribbons caught, So Beauty's sale, like Beef's, is sped; But then, thereafter, for excess, In ribbons, there's no more excuse; Save by her husband, to be seen; Nay, Ma'am, don't call this moral mean! SANDHURST BREAKING UP. When ladies, ere many months shall have passed over their heads, rush to the poll and tender their votes for the men of their choice, let them not forget to whom they are mainly indebted for ability to exercise the birthright of a Britoness. It has ever been the aim of Mr. Punch to elevate Woman as well as Man. To this end No; Sandhurst has not gone to pieces. Only on Friday last week the he has directed pen and pencil to the Sandhurst Cadets were "breaking up and going away, all for the sake special exposure of the peculiarities of a holiday," as when we were at school we used to say. But first those which distinguish silly from sensible military undergraduates were put through their drill and other exerwomen to derision. The consequence cises by his Royal Highness the DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE," attended," has been a very general relinquish- says a reporter by a numerous and brilliant staff." They were then ment of those ludicrous peculiarities, addressed by the Commander-in-Chief in terms of merited eulogy, and an awakening the female mind to and:logical perception, and a sense of the absurd and the grotesque. This has engendered a corresponding respect for the gentler sex in general among philosophers, with MR. MILL at the head of them, and MESSRS. JACOB BRIGHT, MR. RYLANDS, MR. CHARLEY, and many other Members of Parr liament, among their number. Hence will sooner or later inevitably result Female Emancipation, for which Female Intellect will have to thank Mr. Punch. The Almanack which Mr. Punch has just presented to the world contains many illustrations of the foregoing statement all tending still further to cultivate that natural wisdom, grace, and refinement, which young ladies sometimes allow to be perverted by the influence exerted on their love-of-approbation by handsome fools. Every man has a right to do as he likes with his own, wronging nobody else. One thing is undoubtedly Mr. Punch's own, namely a trumpet. It can offend no ears, however long, and without descending to vulgarity of expression, his motto is "Blow it." RAW MATERIALS IN RIBBONS. ADORNED with ribbons red and blue, And so are many, and foretaste Their banquet with augmented zest, But can such gauds attract the wise? A sucking-pig is in their eyes, Trimmed, or untrimmed, a sucking pig. "At the conclusion of the address his Royal Highness presented prizes for exemplary conduct to responsible under-officers FoWNEY, who received a regulation medal; NORTON, a sword; under-officers KNIGHT and HORSBURGH, an opera-glass each." There And such an instrument they were to use, of course, each recipient of the opera-glass, as well as the receiver of the sword. An operaglass, when we come to think of it, we perceive to be a suitable and serviceable, if not an absolutely necessary, utensil for an officer and a gentleman. As such it has now been recognised at Head Quarters. glass advantageous in the exercise of gallantry. May the opera-glasses are, clearly, occasions when a gallant officer may find an operaawarded to MR. KNIGHT and MR. HORSBURGH avail them many a time at the Opera, when there on duty as escort to ladies, and, by bringing them nearer to objects of admiration, afford them frequent gratification, of an evening, in after-life. Fogies of the old military school may stare, some of them, and some perhaps will smile at a peculiarity in the character of the new, which may appear to them indicated by the information that: "Cadet SPARKS received a prize of a gymnastic belt, with a silver plate bearing a suitable inscription for his proficiency in gymnastic exercises. The performance of this young gentleman, and the manner in which he climbed a perpendicular pole, was very surprising, and he was highly complimented by his Royal Highness." There certainly does seem something both novel and peculiar in the art of climbing poles, regarded as an element of military education, though in civic schools it is commonly practised by school-boys; but out of school-hours. The idea of a cadet climbing a pole under the admiring eyes of the DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE presents itself to the mind in an undeniably, if undeservedly deemed, comic aspect. It cannot well be dissociated from that of a Street Arab ascending a lamp-post; of an Acrobat; of one of our Poor Relations, as the Bard of Memory called certain quadrumana, going aloft at the Zoological Gardens; of a member of the plantigrade family making a similar exhibition at the same place of agreeable, instructive, and fashionable resort. cannot help imagining Cadet SPARKS receiving the gymnastic belt, which he had most creditably won, from the Commander-in-Chief's hand, at the far end of a stick. But what then? There is no old fogy, unless he is also an old fool, who would not be glad to be as much like a bear or a monkey as MR. SPARKS, who resembles neither the one nor the other except in the activity and vigour of both combined. May this young gentleman differ especially from a young bear in not having any troubles to come. One Noble Sportsman. "WELL, JIM, HAVE YOU BEEN IN JAIL LATELY FOR NIGHT-POACHING?" 66 Jim. No, MY LORD. I'VE BEEN A BEATIN' ALL THIS MONTH TO YOU GENTS FOR POT-HUNTIN', AND THAT'S ENOUGH TO TAKE ALL NOTIONS O' REAL SPORT OUT OF A CHAP!" TO BISHOP TROWER. I WISH I knew for certain, BISHOP TROWER, Or, which of course would be about the same, My ignorance may stamp me as a noodle, Your worthy secretaries, MR. FISH And MR. BOODLE! Remember, good divine, That with the self-same hand Which wrote the one, he signed the Thirty-Nine! As for his life, that happens to be known, And is at least as noble as your own. For many a dear and well-beloved son; How many a lad has learnt to be a man In ARNOLD'S School, on ARNOLD'S Christian plan. Now, in the ancient city of the West, Through no ambitious yearnings of his own, But in obedience to a high behest, He takes his place upon the Bishop's throne. Semper Fidelis" says the proud old scroll Of the Cathedral-city, where, to-day, Whatever TROWER, FISH, and BOODLE sayMen write the name of TEMPLE on the roll: Semper Fidelis!" Faithful to the last, If we may judge his future from his past! O, Orthodoxy's flower! O, Reverend DOCTOR TROWER! If still your ardent spirit it should vex DUCATE! EDUCATE! EDUCATE! Costermongers, Duchesses, Life-Guardsmen, and Policemen, Parlour-maids, and Cooks, should improve their minds by the perusal of the new scholastic series, called CULTURE FOR THE MILLION! Price only Threepence, or Fourpence if impressed with the Government stamp. For further particulars apply to Punch's Almanack. Sold by everybody everywhere, and bought by all the rest. Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 24, Holford Square. in the Parish of St. James, Clerkenwell, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Evans, & Co. Lombard Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars in the City of London, and Published by him at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London.-SATURDAY, December 25, 1889. METEOROLOGICAL MEMORANDA. SIR,-I am going to write to MR. HIND (ought, in fact, to have written to MR. HIND before) about Meteorological matters. Let us come to the point at once: through the medium of your flying columns. I want to see the months re-arranged. There is no doubt, on any one's mind, but that we are in a dreadfully unsettled condition as regards weather. We are, Sir, in a Transition State. Let us, scientific men, hold a Council and define what we mean by Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. 1 propose a few questions to start with ?1. Who gave them these names? 2. When should Spring commence? Summer? When 3. Who was the tyrant who divided the year into twelve months? Why shouldn't there be twenty-four? 4. Why should one month have thirty-one days and another only thirty? 5. Why should February only have twentyeight and exceptionally twenty-nine ? For myself I vote for double the number of months, and only fifteen days apiece. As to the Moon having any effect upon such an arbitrary division as that of the months, it is absurd, and in these enlightened times it should not be allowed; no, not for an hour. While we are rearranging, suppose we say a little more summer, and just so much mild winter as will be beneficial to the poor and sportsmen. I am ready to receive subscriptions, and would suggest that to further my prospect the Scientific Committee for the Re-arrangement of the Year should meet once a fortnight for dinner (a business dinner of course) say, at the London Tavern; also we could have a halfyearly banquet, when the reports could be read and the Committee re-elected. Yours, scientifically, PARRY PLWEE. THE NEW HAT. DELIGHTFUL IN THE PARK. A CROWN OF OLD CLO'. A TELEGRAM from Rome states that there are now no less than sixteen Cardinals' Hats at the POPE's disposal. His Holiness, of course, needs no advice how to dispose of them; but if he felt any difficulty on that score, he might be recommended to evade it by bestowing them all on one person, namely ARCHBISHOP MANNING. As a personification of Ultramontanism the titular Archbishop of Westminster may be considered more than equal to sixteen Cardinals rolled into one, and his out-and-out advocacy of papal absolutism has surely entitled him to a Cardinal's Hat twenty times over. If the Holy Father gave him all those Hats, DR. MANNING could crown himself with the whole of them mounted in a pile, and perambulate the streets of London. He would then cut a striking and significant figure, to the immense diversion of his juvenile spectators, and agreeably remind their seniors of old times-and old clo'. This would be as it should be, for in championing the revived pretensions of the Medieval Papacy, what does ARCHBISHOP MANNING, in fact, do but cry "old clo'," as MR. CARLYLE calls such-like anachron PERHAPS A LITTLE DISAPPOINTING ACROSS COUNTRY IN A HIGH WIND. A GOOD-BYE TO THE "GROWLERS." "With the New Year there is to be free trade in cabs, and the final disappearance of that unseemly vehicle the four-wheeler,' or 'growler,' is, we may hope, imminent." THEY were musty, they were fusty, they were grimy, they were grim, Of all our London nuisances i' the first rank they held place, isms? Going about, therefore, with sixteen Cardinals' Hats upon his head, one on top of the other, CARDINAL MANNING would not only form a conspicuous and amusing object, but also constitute an instructive walking symbol. A Severe State MR. LOWE says that the country has had the benefit of the reduction of certain imposts through his arrangement to pay all the taxes at once on the First of January, one thousand eight hundred and seventy. That may be: but couldn't MR. LOWE have contrived some pleasanter means of lowering taxation? It is a clever financial operation, but should be performed on the patients under chloroform, or if possible, laughing gas. We sighed for cabs we saw abroad, in Paris, or in Rome, Mayhap ere the next century our sons will take the air THOSE DEMOCRATIC RAILROADS.-An old Tory, hearing of what had been done to Mont Cénis, and that it was also proposed to tunnel St. Gothard, remarked that it was indeed a levelling age. SKITTLES. BY A PLEBEIAN. THEY'VE done it. "Tis the final hounce as busts the camel's back. I've stood from Peelers lots of chaff, and now and then a whack. They've stopped my beer o' Sundays-laid embargo on my wittles; And I submitted meekly. But I draws the line at skittles. I ain't no ways addicted to aristocratic sins, But if I have a weakness, it's a liking for the pins ; But that's tabooed. Now mark my words, although I ain't a bandit, I haven't joined the working men who 'se called Conservative, And thus I warn you, 'Zekiel-like, you'll soon find out how brittle 's Yes, as I write, across my hoperative bosom steals A wild desire to join my lot with BRADLAUGH and with BEALES; Sundays and week-days, swells at clubs they drinks their wine, we know it. They keep their games up all night long, and freely we say "Go it." You set us the example in the self-denyin' line, So all you HALCIBIADESES, here I draws the line Of quietness, you go your way, and just let me go mine. You keep your 'osses, cards and dice, cigars, and, wine, and wittles, But don't denige the working-man his pipe and beer and Skittles. THE PROSPECTS OF THE POPPY. So, the Indian revenue comes short by £400,000 in consequence of a fall in the price of opium! How is the depreciation which has befallen that narcotic to be accounted for? Very likely it has been caused by the decline of Mahometanism, whence Mussulmans may have extensively abjured opium together with thin potations, and addicted themselves to beer, and other generous liquors, instead of it. But the opium-growers, and the Indian Government need not altogether despond. If the United Kingdom Alliance succeed in destroying the British liquor-trade, the consequence of their triumph will in all probability be an immensely increased consumption of opium in the United Kingdom. When exhilarating beverages shall have been banished from the Christmas banquet of the future, people who have eaten as much roast beef and plum-pudding as they can, will then sit after dinner opium-eating, or drinking laudanum. But will not black drop be even worse than blue ruin? Good old Soul. MRS. MALAPROP's feeling heart is full of pity this Christmas for those poor "Suffering" Bishops she hears people talking about. She is knitting them some warm socks. THE 'MONARCH, H.B.M. SHIP OF WAR, AND THE PLYMOUTH, U.S.N. CORVETTE, SAIL WITH THE BODY OF GEORGE PEABODY. Monday, Dec. 20, 1869. WAR-SHIPS e'er now have veiled their warlike state, To bear across the sea a funeral freight- But now what admiral's, what captain's, bier Wherefore this mortuary chapel fair Above this coffin, with immortelles crowned, Some mighty man of war this needs must be, One whom two nations wreathe their flags to mourn! He was a warrior-thus proudly borne, Thus proudly convoved o'er sea to his grave, He fought the silent fight with want and woe, A captain in the warfare, under Christ Captain in chief-'gainst suffering and sin, Who in love's strength, unpricing, and unpriced, Went forth, his victory over these to win! On such a Warrior's body it seems well That Old World's war-ship with New World's attend, Augury of the time when love shall quell Warfare to peace, and turn each foe to friend. INFORMATION WANTED. A PARAGRAPH detailing the final arrangements (as then contemplated) for the new Bishop's reception at Exeter, concluded with the following rather puzzling announcement : "It is said that the clergy of Exeter will present an address to his Lordship, and that the rural dean of Christianity-who has taken a conspicuous part in opposing his election-will be called upon, by virtue of his office, to present it." Will some one possessing local knowledge be good enough to say who the Rural Dean of Christianity" is, and what are the geographical boundaries of his ruri-diaconate, and how he looked when presenting an address (of course, of congratulation) to the Bishop whose election he had "taken a conspicuous part in opposing"? New Bulls v. Old Cows. AT the Thames Police Court MR. BENSON has condemned the owner and vendor of a quantity of old Irish Cow Beef to penalties for selling meat unfit for human consumption. This should be a warning to all whom it may concern, that though new Irish bulls may be introduced freely, and even be relished in this country, there is no toleration for old Irish cows on this side St. George's Channel. Gems and Beads for Beauty. MISTLETOE berries are pretty as pearls; Berries of holly beat coral: O, and so much less expensive, my girls! Dearest ones, draw your own moral. NOT PERMISSIBLE. DOES SIR F. LYCETT understand Latin? If so, we only wish to ask him one question, à propos of the Southwark election, and to suggest the answer. Licetne Liberales dividere? Non Licet. |