CRITIC has been animadverting on the British Public for thronging to see sensation-plays, burlesques, and pantomimes, in preference to the ideal and rational drama. This predilection is unphilosophically ascribed to dulness and depraved taste. On reflection, however, it will be seen to be really owing to the high intellectual and moral endowments of the majority of playgoers. Their daily life of business consists in the laborious exertion of the higher mental faculties, and the arduous exercise of the nobler sentiments. In their hours of idleness they fly, for the recreation of change, to scenes and exhibitions which afford a temporary excitement to their sensuous proclivities and animal natures. Suppose a man is living in inactive luxury, or is habitually engaged in some frivolous avocation, such, for example, as that of writing levity without ever trying to make it the vehicle of any truth which may be worth considering, it is all very well for such a fellow, when he wants amusement, to go to one of SHAKSPEARE'S plays, or an opera by MOZART or BEETHOVEN, or an oratorio by HANDEL. His mind, whose lower powers are those which he employs as a rule, is refreshed by the exceptional stimulation which it derives from musical and dramatic performances of an elevating tendency. Very naturally, therefore, this kind of man resorts to the legitimate drama, or the lyric theatre, and frequents the Philharmonic or the Monday Pops; whilst the multitude, accustomed to graver pursuits, repair, for that variety which is restorative as well as charming to the temple of buffoonery and nonsense, and to the music-hall.

NAIRN AND LAPUTA.

THERE is some reason to suppose that the Public has not seen a genuine copy of the answer returned by the Right Honourable the PRESIDENT OF THE BOARD OF TRADE to the letter sent him by MR. ALEXANDER DREW, of Nairn, inviting him to encourage officially, by a Royal bounty, a company to be formed for the purpose of clearing the seas of porpoises and bottle-nosed whales. It will be clear to every person of any discernment that the following transcript of the reply which MR. DREW's suggestion was honoured withal, is stamped with authenticity :

Sir,-It is impossible for me to express, in suitable terms, the opinion I entertain of your proposal that the Government in which I have the honour to serve should grant pecuniary aid to a commercial association for exterminating bottle-nosed whales and porpoises. But, unfortunately, Her Majesty's Ministers have not at their disposal any public money which they could devote to the furtherance of an enterprise even so practicable and promising as that which you propose. In order to obtain the necessary funds, they would have to apply to Parliament. I regret to say that the House of Commons is not yet sufficiently advanced to be likely to view your project in any other light than that in which Legislatures in all times have been wont to regard the great ideas of projectors whose conceptions, afterwards realised, have proved blessings to mankind. This consideration alone, however, would not deter me from urging your grand and original scheme on their attention; but I fear that, if I ventured to do So, should incur the risk which attends the advocacy, no less than the invention, of designs too vast for comprehension by minds of the existing age. In short, I. am afraid that were I to move in the House of Commons for a grant of money to be expended in promoting the capture of those monsters of the deep, the bottle-nosed and other cetaceans whose enormities you so justly denounce, the only effect of my motion would be that the House would vote forthwith my own immediate removal from the post which I have the honour of occupying to a lunatic asylum. I am, Sir, with the profoundest respect and the highest esteem, your faithful friend, J. B.

I

SONG OF THE BOTTLE-NOSED WHALE. (Dedicated to the RIGHT HONOURABLE JOHN BRIGHT, by the Colwell

(Suddenly and gaily.)

But hey, ho, ho! (Symphony of Bootjacks.)
The Bottle-Nosed Whale
May dance on a housetop,

Or sit on his tail! (Solo on Shoehorn.) Then mind what I say, (Organ in the distance.) Or you'll rue the day.

Oh yes, JOHN BRIGHT,
You'll rue the night
When you wouldn't attend,
And you wouldn't lend
A sixpence to me in a gale,
JOHN BRIGHT:

To me the Bottle-Nosed Whale,
JOHN BRIGHT,

To me the Bottle-Nosed Whale.
Then say, All hail,

And come on my trail,
While out on bail.
You'll take the veil,

Pinn'd on with a nail

To the top of my tail,

And away we 'll sail (Crescendo.)

For a glass of ale.

But snub me or rub me or hurt my scales,

JOHN BRIGHT don't try,

I'll tell you why,

I'm King of the Bottle-Nosed Whales, ha! ha!
I'm King of the Bottle-Nosed Whales!

(Crash of all the Instruments, and the Sleeper's awakened.)

Railway Intelligence.

THE approved Method of Communication between Passenger and Guard-A Shilling.

A PERFECT CURE.

THE NAPIER AND THE LADY.

DEAR SIR WILLIAM, PUNCH does like you so, you can't think. You have all the true NAPIER impulse, which ninety times brings your family into glory, and ten times into grief.

You sent to the Times a letter from a Lady, who described what she saw, and told what she had heard, during the late fighting in Malaga. It was essentially "a woman's letter," and whether that phrase be praise or censure depends upon whether the employer likes women or not. Some people don't like them. Punch adores them.

Then somebody told you that the Pall Mall Gazette had been rude to the lady. And then came out the NAPIER characteristic which Punch does admire so, you can't think. You scorn to get the Journal and see whether the accusation be true, but you write a letter of magnificent abuse, and add that you will never again expose a lady to such treatment. Probably, by this time, you have seen the paper, and may think that beyond the liberty of daring to make any remark on anything which a NAPIER has endorsed, there was no great harm in what the

Critic said.

Bless you, stick to this way of doing things. We (and others) find it so convenient. When we read a sensation story of some grievance or wrong, we instantly hurry out an indignant article upon it. For as the story is nearly sure to be a wild exaggeration, or an unfair statement, we should be done out of our gush if we waited for the facts. Accept, brother-in-arms, best compliments, and believe us,

Your devoted,

PUNCH.

WHAT CAN YOU SAY?-Name any celebrated English humorist you please to an American, and he will tell you, by way of reply, that in his country they have a WHITTIER.

ADVICE GRATIS.

OLD woman, do not dye thy hair
Old fogy, from thine hoary head,
Repel the darkening wash; a snare
Contrived with deleterious lead.
Ye who are prematurely gray,

Use dyes, and know not what you do,
May brush in mercury, and may

Be prematurely toothless too.

It may not harm the blood of man

If liquid iron the scalp's pores drink, And then the head with juice of tan

Be washed, and so renewed with ink.
Or say that you blanched locks restore
To something near their pristine hue
Like faded clothes; upon them pour
The old reviver black and blue.

But mind that all the salts of Mars
On linen leave a rusty stain:
A bosom's front, adorned with stars
Of reddish brown, there may remain.
The walnut's liquor will afford

To grizzled hair a safe disguise,
With that from time to time restored
It might be, rather than with dyes.

And there are mushrooms which do yield
A ketchup that would serve as well;
Go, seek them in the pasture field,
Along the borders of the dell.
But better will you leave the pate
To grow, as Nature wills it, white,
Your aged face, that doth not mate
With raven fringe's a sorry sight,
Which if you don't, old fools, discern,
Whilst you betray yourselves unwise,
All who behold you thence will learn

How much have likewise failed your eyes. Attention to the head's inside

With more good will repay your pains; Philosophy of health, applied,

May help you to preserve your brains.

PRESENTS FOR A GIRL OF THE PERIOD.-A bottle of olives, and a box of cigars.

WELSH NANNYGOAT-ANECDOTE, WE MEAN. "At the Montgomeryshire quarter session at Welshpool last week a tramp was proved to have stolen clothes. After a lengthy consultation the jury returned a verdict of guilty, and, to the surprise of every one in court, accompanied the verdict with a recommendation to mercy. The Chairman.-On what ground, may I ask? The Foreman (evidently puzzled).-I do not box, and another lengthy consultation ensued, and after the lapse of a few know (laughter). The foreman then turned round to his colleagues in the minutes the foreman suddenly started up, and explained the recommendation by saying 'We recommend him to mercy because no one see'd him commit the crime"-an explanation which elicited a loud burst of laughter from a crowded court."

To laugh at a Welsh jury is as natural a thing as it used to be to ridicule an Alderman for being rotund and liking his dinner. Nobody, except LORD DALKEITH, ridicules Aldermen now, seeing that for the most part they are active intelligent gentlemen, who think less of dinners than do the languid Swells at the clubs. But we must go on laughing at the Welsh jurors, until they stand up on their hind legs and try to imitate humanity. The above story is good, but how much more advanced is the London constable than the Welsh clown? If the former does not see a crime committed, he will do nothing for you. So though we laugh at the Welshers, they have a laugh against the Londoners.

Good News from the Tagus.

SPAIN has found a Sovereign at last, one all who wish well to that country must earnestly desire may have a long rule, for we are informed that "Tranquillity reigns throughout the Peninsula."

POINTED ARCHITECTURE.-The Cathedral of Spires.