IF SIR SAMUEL BAKER is going to the Nile Basin, that is no reason why you should rout out a grey old joke, and ask us whether he will afterwards proceed to the River Plate.

EASY FOR THE DRAFTSMAN.-The Bill which has been laid before the House of Commons relating to the Post Office Savings' Banks, is about the simplest ever drawn, consisting entirely of Saving clauses.

THE EGG-POACHER (A TALE OF COUNTRY LIFE, IN 3 VOLS.) VOL. II.

Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 24. Holford Square, in the Parish of St. James, Clerkenwell, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Evans, & Co.. Lombard Street. in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and Published by him at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London.-SATURDAY, April 24, 1869.

Pardon the slight variation on MILTON. But MR. LOWE, like the PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. magnificent Armado, did excel Samson. For he not only destroyed, he erected. As for the Carey Street plan, it would cost Four Millions and MONDAY, April 19. Rather a fragmentary sort of week hath to be more, and he would be no party to such extravagance. Nor would he accounted for. Dear LORD REDESDALE began it by bothering about build on the Embankment. But there was a site already cleared, that eternal Coronation Oath, which he still thinks debars the QUEEN between Cecil and Arundel Streets, Strand, and bounded on the north from passing the Irish Church Bill. Punch utterly declines to try any by Howard Street, which could be had for a reasonable sum, and there more to make him understand the case, especially as he has now got to he proposed to build the Temple of Law. It would have no Strand the point of demanding an Act of Parliament enabling HER MAJESTY front, but might have a splendid front towards the river. As he spoke, to dispense with the obligations of the Oath. That is, the QUEEN is to Father Thames, now a nice clean old man, quite unlike his former dirty absolve herself from it with the aid of the Estates. But will she not self, rose from his purified tide, putting little salmons and whitebait do so in ordering La Reine le veut to be said over the Irish Bill? LORD tenderly aside, and held out his arms to the virgin Themis, imploring REDESDALE seems to think the QUEEN is a personage of the mental her to come and be his beautiful neighbour and love. Behold the calibre of GEORGE THE THIRD, who replied to the explanation that Cartoon. Finally, MR. LOWE said that INIGO JONES had planned a he had sworn in an executive and not a legislative capacity, "None of Palace for CHARLES THE FIRST near the suggested spot, the plans were your Scotch metaphysics;" or of GEORGE THE FOURTH, who, in a to be seen, and might be adopted. The House, simply staggered, sober interval, wept over a Bill which he thought would affect his could only beg that the subject might be adjourned; and in about three holy religion. LORD MELBOURNE's pupil knows all about it, dear weeks the Australian Slasher is to produce a Government scheme. LORD REDESDALE, and you know all about railways. Stick to 'em. Temple Bar, again saved, has been in such a paroxysm of joy ever since, that we hear that MESSRS. CHILDS' employés complain of its

A Bill in regard to the Indian Council brought up the new peer, LORD LAWRENCE, amid general applause. He spoke for half-an-hour, very calmly, and as one who thoroughly understood his subject. He said that LORD MAYO was but carrying out with the Afghans a policy Initiated by LORD LAWRENCE. There, M. VAMBÉRY.

MR. BRIGHT, on cigar smoking, commanded much attention. He objected to compel the Metropolitan Railway to provide smoking carriages, as the trains would soon arrive every two minutes, and it would be impossible to sort, first the three classes, and then the three classes of smokers. So what was good for the Metropolitan District lines was held not to be good for the Metropolitan, and MR. SHERIDAN was defeated by 31.

Sickly soldiers before discharge are not "cupped until the world goes round," or at all, except for medical purposes.

We then went again into Committee on the Irish Church Bill. Every amendment on which the Opposition divided was rejected by a large majority. MR. DISRAELI had, we are sorry to say, HORACE WALPOLE'S "Remedy," so could not attend, and MR. HARDY took the defeats in his absence. The date of Disendowment was fixed at January 1, 1871, the clause for effecting it was carried, the Irish Bishops were turned out of the House of Lords, and the Committee would not alter the clause for deducting compensation to curates from the income to incumbents. On this last division the Conservatives got their largest number since they divided on the Second Reading, but the figures were 330 to 232.

Tuesday. The Lords discussed, and the Government disapproved, a Bill of LORD CLANRICARDE'S on the Tenure of Irish Land. The Bill is a mild one, and its object is to compel the use of Written Agreements for letting. But the mass of Irish tenants do not like this, and prefer verbal engagements, as more elastic. It is difficult to supply documents to an Affectionate People that settles conveyancing instruments by the light of the flash of a blunderbuss; but if the system could be enforced, good would be done. Some Conservative Lords joined in the debate, rather (if Mr. Punch might be permitted to wink his thought) with the hope of extracting some damaging information as to Government Land plans, than for the sake of helping to adjust the question. But Lords GRANVILLE and KIMBERLEY would not be drawn, and so were informed that the Administration no doubt held dangerous and revolutionary views as to the rights of property, and that they would be responsible for all the Tipperary murders next winter. After which pleasantness, their Lordships went away. SIR EARDLEY EARDLEY, Baronet, was sentenced to imprisonment for a very cruel bigamy. His term has been abbreviated, and he is on the Continent. It was imputed that a powerful connection in the Ministry had helped him, but the explanations of the late and present HOME SECRETARY made it clear that he had been treated as any other diseased convict would be-perhaps a little more rigidly. But it is always well to know why criminals are let off.

Then did we not have a sensation? Did not MR. LOWE astonish the House? There was debate on the Site of the New Courts of Law. The lawyers wish to adhere to the Carey Street location, and there are other objections to doing this besides the prima facie one that the course is acceptable to our natural enemies. The public, directed by the Demon of Taste, according to SIR ROUNDELL PALMER, wish the new building to adorn our noble Thames Embankment. When the discussion had been protracted far into the night, the CHANCELLOR OF 99, and, the ladies in the cage called their gallery instantly set up such THE EXCHEQUER rose, like Samson Agonistes, to spoil all the architecture. He would agree to neither plan.

On division the Second Reading was carried by 243 to 144, majority

a clatter, clapping hands, waving handkerchiefs, and rattling parasols, that Mr. Punch, who seldom wonders at anything a woman does, almost wondered at such a demonstration, though he sternly rebuked a cynical Member near him, who growled that a good many females seemed very anxious for the deaths of their sisters. The Bill will be thrown out by the House of Lords, as matter of course. Do you remember what LORD PALMERSTON said about it-that it was a humane measure, for it would enable a man, though he married twice, to have but one mother-in-law.

Thursday. What's the Tendering Hundreds Railway Bill? No

railway people ever tendered us hundreds, and we should like to catch them at it. Whatever it was, the Lords passed it, and we are quite ready for the money.

LORD LYTTLETON moved the Second Reading of a Bill for making a great lot of new little Bishops-"subscription Bishops," as the DUKE OF SOMERSET amiably called them. The real Baron-Bishops gave it but scant approval. CANTERBURY, YORK, LONDON, GLOUCESTER spoke against it. LORD CARNARVON said that these were not times when folks would be very ready to risk ecclesiastical or educational endowments. We hear you, my Lord. LORD LYTTLETON said he had been called an enthusiast, but he had no desire to be particularly enthusiastic on that or any other question-it was merely a matter of authentic and common sense. The Bill was rejected by 43 to 20.

HINTS FOR CONVERSATION.

M

HOME SECRETARY BRUCE was asked why he had not hung one WILTSHIRE, who had been sentenced to death for an atrocious outrage, since which he had committed another, and who, if you kill anybody at all, seems certainly a savage of whom this world might as well be rid. MR. BRUCE had a very good answer in the representations of ten of the jury, and in the recommendation of MR. JUSTICE HANNEN. But he desired to show that he had discharged his duty properly out of eleven persons sentenced since he came into office, two proved to be Grandison Street; and how they innocent, one was insane, two had been sent to penal servitude for life, and he had hanged the other six. The House applauded. Irish Church again, and Compensation to Curates. If you want details, the daily papers are open to you. One amendment, in the interest of the poor Curates, was agreed to by MR. GLADSTONE, and a reasonable present is to be made to them. The Organists make a noise, but do not receive much favour, which is not wonderful, if the Ministers have often heard Irish church organs. The only incident was rather a neat quotation by MR. BERESFORD HOPE, who, looking towards MR. SYNAN, Catholic Member for Limerick County, said, Victorque SINON incendia miscet Insultans."

Now this was good, and Mr. Punch is not pleased with MR. SYNAN, who, instead of accepting a classical fling as a compliment, as scholars and gentlemen usually do, answered angrily, and borrowed a secondhand epithet of scoff at MR. HOPE. An Irishman not take a joke! Could he not-for he waited a long time to reply-have run into the library, and looked up some line with SPES in it? This event convinces us that Catholic Emancipation ought not to have been granted.

Friday. LORD MONCK, of Ballytrammon (what a good name), late Governor-General of the Dominion of Canada, called attention to the state of the Army, which he did not think at all adequate to our requirements. The Under-Secretary for War, LORD NORTHBROOK, thought better of it, but announced various improvements. The DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE hoped that there would be no destruction of the present system until another should have been tested. Our GEORGE's speech was very sensible, but in manner a beautiful illustration of the way veterans hammer the same allegation into you a dozen times consecutively. LORD TRURO most properly urged the Government to look after the Volunteers.

Irish Church again. Amendments intended to improve the carnal prosperity of the deposed Church-all defeated. The docile way in which both sides obey their leaders is lovely. Only a few of the chiefs really understand the details of the Bill. If you suddenly asked one of the rank and file on either side to explain the purport of the proposed insertion for or against which he was going to vote, you would get an answer much in the style of Joseph Surface, when the screen has fallen. But the faithful followers never go into wrong lobbies.

"They know this truth, enough for them to know,
DISRAELI walks out this way-that way LowE."

WANTED: A STEAM-DOMESTIC.
O THAT this present were my dwelling-place,
With one steam-servant for my minister;
Then I'd dispense with all JEMIMA's race,
And, hiring none, keep it instead of her.
Ye mechanists, by whose unceasing stir
New helps are still invented, can ye not
Construct me such an engine? Do I err
In deeming such will work in many a cot,
Though with one to be blest may never be my lot?

CAUGHT NAPPING.

AY-DAY! Instead of asking BLANCHE and AUGUSTA whether they went out shopping this morning, or for a ride in the "Row," or a walk along the charming new landscape garden in the Park, inquire of them whether they got up early, and went a-Maying with their young companions of the upper classes in the Willesden lanes, and had a May Meeting with Jack-in-the-Green and the chimney-sweepers of the vicinity in holiday costume; and what spoil of scented hawthorn blossom and wild flowers they brought_home to the family mansion in Upper enjoyed dancing the cotillon round the Maypole in the Strand, reared at daybreak by the Metropolitan Police in the presence of the LORD MAYOR and Sheriffs; and whether they did not find May-dew, applied as a wash to the complexion, a wholesome and sufficient cosmetic; and who, after a ballot, was elected Queen of the May;" and what objection they see to giving up the Opera for this one night, and going, in sedan-chairs and chariots lighted by link-boys, to any hill conveniently situated they may choose to select, Mount Primrose, or Ben Haverstock, or the Peak of StamBRYANT AND MAY's matches, blazing fires, in revival of the ancient ford, or, perhaps, the more sylvan Denmark, there to kindle, with Keltic (spell it with a "K") heathen festival known as " Beltein," and fully detailed in the works of that luminous historian, IGNISS PHATUOUS? BLANCHE and AUGUSTA may not be able to report that they have performed any of these rites and ceremonies, and may elect to go to William Tell, or MRS. CLIFTON CLEVELAND's dance, in "green light-ofday tulle," in preference to rambling on Herne or Notting Hill; but you will have had the opportunity of displaying your antiquarian knowledge, to which, when you brush against the chimney-sweepers, you can impart a more modern turn by references to MRS. MONTAGU, and the young nobleman," as dear CHARLES LAMB calls him, who was lost, and found, all in black, in the state bed at Arundel Castle, and the dinner she used to give to the London sooties on the first of May, and the sweet voices of the Oxford choristers singing their morning carol on fair Magdalen tower; concluding with a classical allusion to the Roman "Floralia," held in ancient times at this period of the year under the patronage of the resident nobility, clergy, and gentry, which you will translate into Flower Games, or Flower Shows, and so adroitly bring your fair and dark hearers back home to the Regent's Park and South Kensington Gardens, where, by a happy conspiracy, you all met to see the spring flowers, sat under the Upas Tree (which, from its supposed fatal power of causing the death of every person who came near it, ought to have been called the You Won't pass Tree), admired the new voluptuous blossoming shrub from the Cordilleras -Hookeria Scrumtiosissima-and noted the last novelty in parasols. Ask that Irish archdeacon, peeling an orange, who is recruiting his health in furnished apartments in Piccadilly after the exhausting duties of his sequestered parish (Protestant population 26, emoluments £446, good substantial house, and some glebe), what the "Kentish Fire is which of late has been rather extensively consumed in public meetings and assemblies where MR. GLADSTONE is not idolised-whether a sort of Protestant firework (wholly different from Roman candles) dangerous when entrusted to firebrands, and of a highly inflammable character; and talk to him nicely about Maynooth, and the POPE and the Jubilee he has been celebrating, and ARCHBISHOP MANNING, and his own prospects in the Archidiaconal future, until you have made him comfortable and happy for the rest of the evening.

66

As you are personally interested in the matter, being on the point of marriage with a lady who is one of six daughters, get, if you can, at the views of MR. LOFTUS H. SMALLEY, the Member for New Sagent, on the Deceased Wife's Sister and Deceased Husband's Brother Question; or, if you are a lawyer, ascertain whether he inclines to Carey Street or leans to Howard Street; or startle the timid lady you took down to dinner, in a shy-coloured silk (there is a new novel worth reading-In Silk Attire, and HENRIETTA ANNESLEY is advising everybody to make the acquaintance of her namesake, Hetty, in Once a Week), by asking her if she has seen the article in one of the scientific periodicals on "The Lion in Britain," which great "carnivore" she has hitherto hoped was confined to the Zoological Gardens, where you can recom

THE sleepy habits of some of the Members make it certain that there mend generally all who have a taste for the ferocious to go and see the

is one kind of hat seldom seen in the House-the Wide-awake.

A MONEYED MAN.-From an account of the Yeomen of the Guard we learn that one of the officers is called "The Clerk of the Cheque." Of course he acts as Paymaster?

young Wild Cat; or condole with the company round on the possibility of the revival of the great Convent Case, which you forgot at the time to say was a nonesuch; or, finally, having reserved it as a bonne bouche, thinking the subject one certain to arouse universal interest, set yourself to elicit the opinions of all at the social board on -the Bulgarian question.