Obrazy na stronie


[merged small][graphic]


"I've been waiting here this hour, sir," said a little cross Toad, looking as sour as a crab on the "apple of her eye."

"My dear creature, I beg you a thousand pardons," replied her devoted lover; "but, unless I had borrowed sham-pinions (cham-pignons), I could not have flown to the foot of toad-stool sooner. your The fact is "" "The fact is, sir," interrupted his tender innamorata, you've been philandering."


Upon my veracity you do my affection an injury," said the lover, laying his hand upon his heart, or rather the place formerly occupied by that muscle; for he had already bestowed it on the amiable object of his attachment. "Oh! Toadalinda, you little know what I feel!" and he fumbled in his coat-pocket for his snuff

[ocr errors]

box; for he was one of those valuable friends who are always ready at a pinch. "The rains fell like a deluge, and, fearful lest the tender flame of pure love should be extinguished by the inundation, I tarried on my way to purchase a Macintosh."

"Ah! you have always some excuse for your conduct," cried his lady. The other night you were

detained at the club."

"And did you not then blame me for having soaked my clay too much? It was that very rebuke, Toadalinda, that induced me on this rainy night to make this purchase, that I might not again be in the same condition."


"You're a rogue !

"And you 're a beauty!" said the lover, as he imprinted a kiss upon her lips.

"Done, do!" cried Toadalinda; "I'll tell my ma', -see if I don't."

"And I'm quite sure your ma' will not mar our hopes," replied the lover; "for, though she is an affectionate wife, I feel confident, I'm above par in her estimation."

"Dear me! see how you've creased my sleeves. What will my parent say?"

"Say?" rejoined the lover. "Why, when she sees your dress, she 'll say she sees my love in-creases, to be sure! "

"And call you a puppy

"No; for puppies are not fond of muslin, and I am,-when it adorns the fair proportions of Toadalinda!"

[ocr errors]

"Oh! you flatterer"

"No! I speak the truth, though I see you through love's spectacles."

"Does love wear spectacles ?"

“Yes, and makes them too. Look at the rejected, or the jealous lover, are they not a pair of spectacles? But let us not waste the precious moments, Toadalinda. I've come to invite you to a hop."

"A hop! Oh! delightful!”

"Yes, in Bogland Marsh. I've succeeded in obtaining two tickets from the Lady Patroness. I assure you it will be quite a crack affair. Jack-o'-lantern illuminates on the occasion."

[ocr errors]

"Gemini! how kind of you

"Yes; and I think we shall shine too, as the brass candlestick said to the new saucepan; for few can shake a toe better than your devoted; and you, my beloved, are perfect in the figure, in more senses than one. But come along!"

The appeased and delighted Toadalinda put her arm within her lover's, while he held an expanded toad stool over her head to shelter her from the drizzling rain, and away they trotted to the scene of festivity, without waiting to partake of any refreshment; for, as the lover jocosely expressed himself, "they were sure of a little wet upon the road!"

[graphic][ocr errors][ocr errors][merged small][merged small]

A RHAPSODICAL, ERRATIC RIGMAROLE. "Non fumum ex fulgore, sed ex fumo dare lucem Cogitat, ut speciosa dehinc miracula promat."-HORAT.

"Fus. Now shall we smoke the calumet of peace.
ART. I shall smoke short-cut; you smoke what you please.
BOMB. Whate'er your Majesty shall deign to name,
Short-cut or long, to me is all the same."

Bombastes Furioso.

"Sublime tobacco! which, from East to West,

Cheers the tar's labours, or the Turkman's rest."-BYRON.

[ocr errors]

Qui vivra fumera

Qui fumera vivra.-"

"Qui vit sans tabac, n'est pas digne de vivre."-MOLIERE. "Teach me put dry grass, red hot in hollow white tick." Inkle and Yurico.

"I knew by the smoke that so gracefully curled."


"Give me a cigar!"

The Woodpecker.

In this age of universal competition, the multitude struggling for notice or notoriety find all their merit and honest endeavours unavailing without advertisement. They must either chalk their walls, à la Warren, or advertise, if they wish to progress with the times. From a country curate's widow left with six small, helpless children, (the eldest only nine years of age,) to a patent razor-strop, all must put their miseries and excellences in print, in order to attract the notice of a benevolent and discerning public.

I am so confident in the truth of this proposition, that, notwithstanding the generally-acknowledged virtues of the hookah, the meerschaum, the chibouque, the calumet, the dhudeen, the cuttie, the "yard of clay," and the more primitive cigar, I am resolved to give them one and all a puff!

Whatever their various and several attractions may be, I am quite certain they will draw-for I have tried them all!

« PoprzedniaDalej »