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But I'm sorry to see you stand there,
Don't mention it, Tom; I can stand.
I wish I could, too; but unmann'd,
(I wish the whole race at Old Nick !)
And set your friend free from the stocks!
THE POT-BOY'S ORATION.
"TALK o'rank! rank nonsense! I'm for equality; everybody alike, to be sure !-for, where there's no difference, in course, everybody must agree.
"I'm for the levelling system, which would certainly make all the world as smooth as a billiard-table.
"What are the heads of the people? Heads of pins and flummery. A head to a pot o' porter is wery vell; cos vhy, ve can blow it off ven ve vant to drink. "All screws have heads, but brads has none; and brads is the things ve vant.
I'm a Radical. They say as how ve 've bin a-gettin' a-head lately, and that vun of our heads has a tail. Vell, then, it's a game of heads and tails, I
s'pose; and it all depends upon the best two and
"A sort o' toss-up vether ve succeeds or no. I, for vun, vill not cry 'heads,' but 'ooman; and, under the present government, the 'ooman vill vin, depend on 't !
"Now, I'll jist go for to explain my plan; it is this 'ere. Fust and foremost, I'd lop all the members. Does anybody vant members? Secondly, I'd do away with the heads; for, does any body vant a head? And then, lastly, I'll let nobody govern anybody.
"Now, I ask, is not that liberty and independence? Vhy, it 's plain as the nose on your face.
"There are two p'ints more I vish to discuss, vhich is this 'ere,-vhat's the use o' hedication I never could understand. I on'y know as I vent to school, and that the master whack'd me over the hand vith his 'ruler'; and vhat did I learn?-vhy, to hate all rulers ever since; and that's the holus bolus o' the business.
"As for writin', I never could come it' at all; and so, instead o' writin' copies, I sot uprightin' o' wrongs; and isn't it more nobler?
“The next p’int is, vot's the use o' taxes? Vhy, jist this 'ere, a big un or so gets place (that's the fish they like), and ve starves on red herrings. Ain't this ridic❜lous?.
"The high-bred get the loaves, and raise the price o' bread (which is the reason they're called high-bred); and ve, poor devils! can scarcely get brown bread, thof
ve 're better bred nor them adulterated fellows, vot have a precious sight o'chaff' in their compositions!
"The next reform I vould purpose is this 'ere, that all the public houses should be free; that is, that every Englishman should call for vot he liked, and no reckoning; so that there might be twenty public houses in vun street, and yet not a score!
'My eyes! but the publicans would be a-tapping all day long, like so many woodpeckers.
“Ain't this fine, ey? And it vill come to pass, too. But, unfort'nately, there are so many blockheads, that there is no doubt any rational proposition vill meet vith considerable opposition.
“But time will conquer all obelisks,* and truth vill make its vay slowly but surely, like a bright sun through the fog; see if it doesn't, that's all !"
My heart is gone, and I've no heart to tell,
As I have lost one heart-and won thee too.
* Tempus edax rerum !
One whom plain reason guides in her converse,
"I love thee," -ay, and will till settling day;
Be in such need, that needs must quickly kill.
A final word or two I'll just indite,
Which right well fit what I'm well pleased to write. When Cavil waited on the Widow Bland With letter and with settlement in hand, She read Sir Solo's nonsense, and she sigh'd; Then sweetly said, just laying it aside, (The world's experience such precaution breeds,) "The words are fair-now let me see the deeds."