I88IYAM ra SIR G. [Angrily.] What! not married, I married, I hope? Ind. Bilen They have courted so long. S long, Si and they have been such Constant lovers, and the bann's have been out for these three weeks, and STE O To tell you the truth, I have heard of this, Mrs. Birch, and I'sent for you to talk to you about it. You are a sensible woman, Mrs. BIRCH, and I have a great regard for you and your family, and wish well particularly to this young woman; and, therefore, ... MRS. BIRCH. Thank you, Sir, God will bless you for it, and I'm sure they'll both prove deserving of your goodness; for Richard Hazle is as good a young man as any in the whole county; and he has lived with farmer Stiles ever since he was eight years old; and they do so love one another and Mrs. Stiles says that they are the handsomest couple that.... VSIR G. Well, well; never mind that now. You are a sensible woman, and you know that this love, as they call it, is all nonsense; and that when poverty comes in at the door, this love flies out of the window. MRS. BIRCH. Not always, Sir; for I am sure that I and my poor husband were poor enough, and.... SIR G. Well, well; but, now, don't you think it would be better to put off this marriage for a year or two, till.... MRS. BIRCH. Lor, Sir, it would break poor Betsey's heart! SIR G. Oh, no! Women's hearts are tougher than you think for. [Aside.] I know that pretty well. MRS. BIRCH. Not Betsey's, Sir: poor thing, she'd go crazy, and so would Richard too. SIR G. Now, I tell you what I'll do, Mrs. Birch: I'll make your daughter my housekeeper in London, and I'll make Hazle my bailiff here, and give each them twenty pounds a year and their board. of MRS. BIRCH. Lor, Sir! SIR G. Will you propose it to them? MRS. BIRCH. Pray don't ask me to do it, Sir. SIR G. Why, you can propose it, at any rate. MRS. BIRCH. No, indeed, Sir, I cannot. how am I to endure the hatred of my child? SIR G. [Angrily.] Better than you can, don't do what I tell you to do. 20 77 van am slurr n endure to starve, as you w MRS. BIRCH. By the blessing of God, Sir, I have not starved yet, and hope I shall not. SIR G. And what is God to do do for you, you perverse fool MRS. BIRCH. He says, "Cursed be he that oppresseth the widow and the fatherless." SIR. G. And you, being the interpreter, apply that curse to me, eh! You impudent hag! Mus. BIRCH. No, indeed, Sir; but... SIR G. Hold your tongue! go along; and call upon God to save your rags, when MR. SCUT comes, to-morrow morning, to bundle you into the road, MRS. BIRCH. I will call upon God, Sir, and he will be my help in the need. time of Exil. SIR G. Now, then, I know what I have to do. [rings the Bellis o BARR Just come, Sir. Sia G. Show him into the best room, and say I will be with him directly. [Exit Barebone] I Show him intost this half fool, he'll have his qualms of conscience, if it be only out of vanity and conceit; if it be only to show 242 his philosophy, as the fool calls it. I humour him with his rubbishy stuff about surplus population, which has made him as mad as the fellows are that are trying to discover the longitude, and he really thinks, that I half starve my servants purely from the patriotic motive of insuring their continence! But I'll sound him a little about this girl, at any rate, and Sand see a what he's made of. BARE. The three men, Sir, say they're hungry and dry. I SIR G. Send one of them to the Inn for a gallon of beer and a gallon of gin, and get a pound or two of cheap cheese and a loaf. I may want them by-andby. [Exit Barebone. t SCENE III-The best room: the walls smoky, with torn paper; no fire, no curtains, old broken chairs, and a ragged carpet. SQU. THIMBLE sitting at a table with papers and pamphlets. "Sat. THIM. Well, [looking round him, if this be the best room, the worst must be some degrees worse than a. Enter SIR GRIPE.. L Sov. THIM. [Rising and bowing.] I was just saying to myself what a beautiful house this is, how tranquil, how admirably calculated for study, and especially for that species of study which I delight in; for you must know that London does.. SIR. G. [Aside,] Oh! the Deyil! ..not favour the flow of ideas like this quiet SIR G. [Aside.] By they sha'nt flow here! SQU. THIM.. place; and I am resolved to finish my treatise on checking population before I go back. SIR G. But where's your Remedy against Breeding, that I asked you to bring up with you? SQU. THIM. Here 'tis. [Giving it to Sir G.] 9 SIR G. [Reads to himself, while Thimble sits and looks eagerly at him.] Admirable, admirable! Delightful! Here are granimar, logic, philosophy, eloquence, elegance, clearness, strength, and in short.... SQU. THIM. Oh, no! The essay is well enough, but nothing like equal to that which I have now in hand: 'I'll read you a passage of it.... SIR G. [Raising his voice.] the man that could write tha"Well enough," do you call it! I say that ought to be prime minister. SQU. THIM. Oh, no! you flatter me; but do, then, let me read you à passage from my new work; for, as as you will see,... SIR G. No: you sha'nt, y you sha'nt: I wo'nt hear a word of it till it comes out: I'll hav't all together: a taste beforehand would spoil my feast. SOU. THIM. Well, then, let us talk of what ought to be done as well as written. STR G. Yes, I like doing. Squ. THIM. These positions are clear: first, part of the people must be sent out of the country; or, second, the millions must be made to live on potatoes, like the Irish; or, third, their breeding must be checked; or, fourth, those who live on tithes and taxes must be compelled to work for their bread. SIR G. As to the first, they wo'nt go; as, to the second, they will burn up the country rather than submit to it; as to the fourth, it is not to be thought of; and, therefore, it must be the third. not to UI THIM. So say I, and, therefore, I am labouring, first to persuade them and next to teach st to teach them how to avoid having live children, if th marry and SIR G. [aside] What a d fool it is! A SOU. THIM..... Have we not, ander our eyes, a proof of the necessity of my labours de Forslook at this young woman, who is going to be married tomorrow, and who, probably, without my lessons, might breed twenty oue poor creatures as her mother has dones s 9vod I es ned low Dail Str G. Ah! a striking instance indeedy and all this litter is to be kept, tob, out of my estate, or my farms and my woods are to be burntério of 25 boog SQU. THIMA aman might as well have no property it is not property: you have your estate in common with this devouring herds190 MIRT UO2 SIR G. Aye, and they leave me here, you see, with hardlyda bit of bread to put in my mouth. sait vita67192 300Y : woa SQU. THIM. It is not only your duty, then, but your interest also, to aid me in my labours, and, when my essay is finished, which, in this tranquil abode, will be in about a month, you will see that procreation will be effectually checked. Zbog sila ainsignidoud to 2752 SIR G, No doubt; but, in the meanwhile, this brace of breeders get together. Now, I'm a practical man; I hold that an ounce of prevention is worthta spound of cure; and, therefore, I'm for sending the girl away, and to-night too. SOU. THIM. To-night ! to you, misis Juariew II'Iesique o Sou. G. Yes, to-night, and I shall want your assistance.baod & awonɔ & not SIR THIM. My assistance! SIR G. You know, my dear Thimble, what a regard I have for you, and how sincerely I admire your talents. You are fit for the highest posts in the State. You only want to be in parliament to make your surprising talents known; and when I am made a peer, you shall take my place. RESOU. THIM. [Getting up and taking him by the hand. Thank you, thank -you; I always thought that this would be the case; but SIR G. What I intend is this; to get a post-chaise and four horses over her at midnight, clap her and you into it, and let them carry you off, like the wind, to London, where you can deposit her in my house at Pimp-Place, under the care of little PANDER, who, you know, breathes only through my nostrils. SQU. THIM. But what would the world say now on sens SIR G. World! Did you ever know the world find wrong any thing done by a man with forty thousand a year in land! A SOU. THIM But I have not forty thousand a year, and should n never dare show my face again; for the newspapers SIR G. A handful of guineas would bribe them all to silence. However, if b you do not choose to oblige me... CE SQU. THIM. Pray do not put it in that way I do choose it; but let us take a little time to think of it. SIR G. And they get to breeding in the meanwhile? 5 tedy dog_cond SIR G. That's out of the question, for I mean to shut the house up to-morrow, Ys and to go and live with my friends a few days, till I go to London. is bad SOU. THIM. You know, dear Sir Gripe, that it would be violation, that wit would be assault at the least; and that there would be such an outcry; and then .29/radiol eds bad .... SIR G. Very true, very true; you are right, and great as will be the evil to my estate and to my country, I must, upon reflection, give up my intention, estate and let the devouring devils breed away. don't think that di redw wond voy D 12 SQU. THIM. I hope all! 18 quite right; you're for I now see the ava see the danger. & best G. Oh, no, no, no, no ! not at all, not at a SOU. THIM. Oh! I shall go off by the mall, which stops here at the Grodum Arms. BIG 9 SER Gia And what time shall, you get into town?ew 978H.... .MIRT .002. SounTand Why, let me see; the mail comes about one, and I shall get in about six. band menores yo Juodiwyldadong,odw bas,wottom SIR G. Well, then, as I have a deal to do here, I'll send you a letter down to the farm, which, when you get out of the mail in Piccadilly you'll be so good as to carry directly (it's in your way) to Pimp-Place, and give it to little Pander. But, you'll be sure to deliver it without a moment's delay1002 SQU. THIM. Certainly Rising, and gathering up his papers.You'll send down the dettersby ten or eleven o'clock. [Pulls out his watch.] It is past eight now: your servant, Sir Gripe. Exit, bowing. in SiR G [Looking contemptuously after him.] Oh! your servant, Mr. Stitch-louse! Here's a pretty scoundrel! He has openly advised women to procure abortion; which is murder; and now he has his qualms of conscience! As Richard says of Buckingham, in the play, "I'll henceforth deal with shorter-sighted villains:" And here they are at hand, in the three respectable personages that my friend, Lord Rottenborough, has had down at his election, and who have dropped in as old acquaintances, on their way back to London. They will have no scruples, I'll warrant them: they would cut the throats of their own mothers for a crown a head. 567 izen w0€ *t # ACT III. [Exit. bîь boq xoloved I bias) ♬ 9t of atoe deursid ses me well SCENE I. Mrs. Birch's cottages. MRS. BIRCH, BETSEY, and DICK 91632 BETS see, here are beautiful flowers that aunt Martha has sent us to strew up to the church-door; and there are brothers Tom and Jack coming, and many lads, and all the girls in the village; and they are to walk armin-arm before us; and do, Richard, look at these true-lovers-knots, that Patty Primrose has sent me! MRS. BIRCH. And look at this fine gammon of bacon and these plums, that Mrs. Stiles has sent in DICK. Ah! she's the woman! And now I must go home to bed, for I'm to get up at one o o'clock to o carry Squire Thimble's portmanteau up to the Grindum Arms. BET, Well, good by; but I wish it was over, for my heart does sink so! BET Why, I'm so afraid that something will happen it seems to be too much happiness; and there's that shocking old villain sent for mother and you; and there's the rent to pay; and he is such a spiteful monster, and so cunning! DICK. But what can the villain do? 412 MRS. BIRCH. There, never mind her qualms: go home to-bed, Richard; for you must be tired to death. [Exit Dick.] And now, my child, let us go to bed and get some rest; and, as to the rest, Farmer Stiles says, that old rascal shall not turn us into the road, if he turn him out of his farm for saving us. as I told the old skin-and-bone miser, the Lord will protect the widow fatherless. **SCENE H. room in Gripe Hall: SIR GRIPE and the three London bullies, BLUDGEON, „noišasini vGUZZLE, and SLANG, all seated : a bottle of gin and a glass on the table. SIR G. You know where the cottage is? 97'50 BLUP, Yes we came by it in the morning, 90 533 39t bre sh now aged I waT.092 and saw a young chap and a ma quiser I basgiz stimp agua y que von hair and bright eyes, and ched dog pov lliw wod,jud SIR G. With SLANG Yes a nice piece enough of yde og i de laÒ MINT .002 ALL. Yes, yes we understand all about it."" SIR G. Here's my old friend, Bludgeon, did such a job for me once before, and he knows I paid him well. BLUD. Aye, how did that turn out, Sir Griper SIR G. Very well, very well; she got quite cured in time! time! ya 2290 BLUD. And is now upon the town; for I met her in Drury-lane only about a month ago; but so altered! Pique au ed ten biome vonei tf SIR G. The chaise will come over from Rottenborough, and will be at the corner of the lane just at twelve o'clock. 69 5.1 of 200ean 96 JULER BLUD. We'll knock them up by telling them that the intended is taken ill; and then seize her, and.... ཨ་སྙན་ GUZZLE. Ram a handkerchief into her mouth; to. SLANG. Tow, or cotton-wool, is better. Sra G. Give the two post-boys a guinea, instead of a crown; and be sure y that it is a mad woman that you are taking to St. Luke's., to say BLUD. Leave that to us, Sir. SIR G. One of you ride on the box, and the other two in the chaise; and when you come to Stains, go across to Kingston, and lop gently along till you get to Mrs. Lynx's. LUD. I know it, you know Sir, in Dismal-lane? SIR G. Yes, the same place; and, now, go and get some supper, and then I will give you money to pay your expenses on the road, GUZZLE. It will want a pretty deal, Sir: four horses, you know, and two post-boys, and 'tis dry work, as the saying is. SIR G. I shall be in town the day after to-morrow, and if well, I'll give you five guineas a-piece. SIR G. Calling them back.] Oh! here, I had forgotten pistols? BLUD. Look here! [Showing them.] SIR G. All's right, then. Enter BAREBONE... you do your job They go out have you got [They go out; he rings. SIR G. Barebone, take this letter down to Squire Thimble, at farmer Stiles's. [Barebone going.] And do you hear, Barebone? BARE. Sir? SIR G. If any one call to-morrow, be it who it may, tell him, or her, that I am not at home, that I am gone to the county-election, to work in the cause of Parliamentary Reform. What o'clock is it now, Barebone BARE. 'Tis a good bit past eleven, Sir, by the church clock. [Exit Barebone. SIR G. I'll now go and prime these fellows with money. Let me see: they will be at Old Moll's about eight; Thimble will be in about six; so that there will be plenty of time for Pander to get to Old Moll's with my letter of instructions. What a thing is forty thousand a year! All these devils hate me; nay, despise me; and they crouch to me like so many spaniels! Yet, in One thing, I'm a slave too: I know that this Reform of Parliament will strip me of my power; I detest it accordingly, and yet I'm compelled to work for it. SCENE III.-Stiles's Parlour : TAMBLE packing up his papers. Exter BAREBONE. BARE. A letter, Sir, from Sir Gripe. 1. SQU. THIM. What, you're going to shut the Hall up to-morrow, are you young man? BARE. Not that I know of, Sir; I have not heard any-thing about it. SQU. THIM. No! [Exit Barebone] This is a lie, then, invented to get rid of me, when he found that I would not be his pimp! But opening the letter] |