Enter Sir ANDREW, Sir TOBY, and FABIAN. Sir And. Now, sir, have I met you again? there's for you. [Striking SEBASTIAN. Seb. Why, there's for thee, and there, and there: Are all the people mad? [Beating Sir ANDREW. Sir To. Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house. Clo. This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be in some of your coats for two-pence. [Exit Clown. Sir To. Come on, sir; hold. [Holding SEB. Sir And. Nay, let him alone, I'll go another way to work with him; I'll have an action of battery against him, if there be any law in Illyria: though I struck him first, yet it's no matter for that. Seb. Let go thy hand. Sir To. Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young soldier, put up your iron: you are well fleshed; come on. Seb. I will be free from thee. What wouldst If thou dar'st tempt me further, draw thy sword. Oli. Hold, Toby; on thy life, I charge thee, hold. Oli. Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch, Rudesby, begone!-I pr'ythee, gentle friend, Against thy peace. Go with me to my house; Seb. What relish is in this? how runs the stream? Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep; If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep! Clo. Bonos dies, sir Toby: for as the old hermit said to a niece of king Gorboduc, That, that is, is; of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily so I, being master parson, am master parson; For what is that, but that? and is, but is? Sir To. To him, sir Topas. Clo. What, hoa, I say,-Peace in this prison! Sir To. The knave counterfeits well; a good knave. Mal. [In an inner chamber.] Who calls there? Clo. Šir Topas, the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio, the lunatic. Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas, good sir Topas, go to my lady. Clo. Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man? talkest thou nothing but of ladies? Sir To. Well said, master parson. Mal. Sir Topas, never was a man thus wronged: good sir Topas, do not think I am mad; they have laid me here in hideous darkness. the most modest terms; for I am one of those Clo. Why, it hath bay-windows transparent as barricadoes, and the clear stones towards the southnorth are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of obstruction? Mal. I am not mad, sir Topas; I say to you, this house is dark. Clo. Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness, but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog. Mal. I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there was never man thus abused: I am no more mad than you are; make the trial of it in any constant question." Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras, concerning wild-fowl? Mal. That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird. Clo. What thinkest thou of his opinion? Mal. I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion. Clo. Fare thee well: Remain thou still in darkness: thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits; and fear to kill a wood Oli. Nay, come, I pr'ythee: 'Would thou'dst be cock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy gran rul'd by me! Seb. Madam, I will. Oli. O, say so, and so be! [Exeunt. SCENE II.-A Room in Olivia's House. whilst. Enter MARIA and Clown. Mar. Nay, I pr'ythee, put on this gown, and this beard; make him believe thou art sir Topas, the curate; do it quickly: I'll call sir Toby the [Exit MARIA. Clo. Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in't; and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I am not fat enough to become the function well, nor lean enough to be thought a good student: but to be said, an honest man, and a good housekeeper, goes as fairly, as to say, a careful man and a great scholar. The competitors' enter. Enter Sir TOBY BELCH and MARIA. Sir To. Jove bless thee, Master Parson. Rude fellow. • Violence. Confederates. dam. Fare thee well. Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas, Sir To. My most exquisite sir Topas ! Clo. Nay, I'm for all waters.' Mar. Thou mightst have done this without thy beard and gown; he sees thee not. Sir To. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him: I would, we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were; for I am now so far in offence with my niece, that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber. [Exeunt Sir TOBY and MARIA. Clo. Hey Robin, jolly Robin, Tell me how thy lady does. [Singing. Mal. Fool, Clo. My lady is unkind, perdy. Mal. Fool, Clo. Alas, why is she so? Mal. Fool, I say ;— Clo. She loves another-Who calls, ha? Mal. Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at Regular conversation. Any other Gem as well as a Topaz. my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and paper; as I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for 't. Clo. Master Malvolio! Mal. Ay, good fool. Clo. Alas, sir, how fell you beside your five wits? Mal. Fool, there was never man so notoriously abused; I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art. Clo. But as well? then you are mad, indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool. Mal. They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness, send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to face me out of my wits. Clo. Advise you what you say; the minister is here. Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore! endeavor thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble babble. Mal. Sir Topas Clo. Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Who, I, sir? not I, sir. God b'wi' you, good sir Topas.-Marry, amen.-I will, sir, I will. Mal. Fool, fool, fool, I say, Clo. Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am shent for speaking to you. Mal. Good fool, help me to some light, and some paper; I tell thee, I am as well in my wits, as any man in Illyria. Clo. Well-a-day,-that you were, sir! Mal. By this hand, I am: Good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what I will set down to my lady; it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did. Clo. I will help you to 't. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit? Mal. Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true. Clo. Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman, till I see his brains. I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink. Mal. Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I pr'ythee be gone. Cio. I am gone, sir, Like to the old vice Who with dagger of lath, In his rage and his wrath, Cries, ah, ha! to the devil: Seb. This is the air; that is the glorious sun; This pearl she gave me, I do feel 't and see 't: And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus, Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio then? I could not find him at the Elephant: Yet there he was; and there I found this credit,' That he did range the town to seek me out. His counsel now might do me golden service: For though my soul disputes well with my sense, That this may be some error, but no madness, Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune So far exceed all instance, all discourse, That I am ready to distrust mine eyes, And wrangle with my reason, that persuades me To any other trust, but that I am mad, Or else the lady's mad; yet, if 'twere so, She could not sway her house, command her followers, Take, and give back, affairs and their despatch, With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing, As, I perceive, she does: there's something in't, That is deceivable. But here comes the lady. Enter OLIVIA and a Priest. Oli. Blame not this haste of mine: If you mean Now go with me, and with this holy man, you; And [Exeunt. That they may fairly note this act of mine! ACT V. Duke. Just the contrary; the better for thy friends. Clo. No, sir, the worse. Duke. How can that be? Clo. Marry, sir, they praise me, and make an ass of me; now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself; and by my friends I am abused: so that, conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives your two affirmatives, why then the worse for my friends, and the better for my foes. Duke. Why, this is excellent. make Clo. By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be one of my friends. Duke. Thou shalt not be the worse for me; there's gold. Clo. But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would you could make it another. Duke. O, you give me ill counsel. Clo. Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once, and let your flesh and blood obey it. 1 Account. . Until. Duke. Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a double-dealer; there's another. Clo. Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex, sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of St. Bennet, sir, may put you in mind: One, two, three. Duke. You can fool no more money out of me at this throw if you will let your lady know, I am here to speak with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my bounty further. Clo. Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think, that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness: but as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I will awake it anon. [Exit Clown. Enter ANTONIO and Officers. Vio. Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me. Duke. That face of his I do remember well; Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear'd As black as Vulcan, in the smoke of war: A bawbling vessel was he captain of, For shallow draught, and bulk, unprizable; With which such scathful grapple did he make With the most noble bottom of our fleet, That very envy, and the tongue of loss, Cry'd fame and honor on him. What's the matter? 1 Off. Orsino, this is that Antonio, That took the Phoenix, and her fraught from And this is he, that did the Tiger board, Vio. He did me kindness, sir; drew on my side; Duke. Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief! What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies, Whom thou, in terms so bloody, and so dear, Hast made thine enemies? Be pleas'd that I shake off these names you give me ; Duke. Still so cruel? Oli. Still so constant, lord. Duke. What! to perverseness? you uncivil lady, To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breath'd out, That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do? Oli. Even what it please my lord, that shall become him. Duke. Why should I not, had I the heart to do it, Like to the Egyptian thief, at point of death, Kill what I love; a savage jealousy, That sometime savors nobly?-But hear me this: Since you to non-regardance cast my faith, And that I partly know the instrument That screws me from my true place in your favor, Live you, the marble-breasted tyrant, still; But this, your minion, whom, I know, you love, And whom, by heaven, I swear, I tender dearly, Him will I tear out of that cruel eye, Come boy, with me; my thoughts are ripe in misWhere he sits crowned in his master's spite. chief; Ay, husband; Can he that deny? Duke. Her husband, sirrah? Vio. No, my lord, not I. While one would wink; denied me mine own purse, That makes thee strangle thy propriety: Not half an hour before. Fear not, Cesario, take thy fortunes up; Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence, Confirm'd by mutual joinder of your hands, Strengthened by interchangement of your rings; Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my grave, I have travell'd but two hours. Duke. O thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be, When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case? Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow, That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow? Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet, Where thou and I henceforth may never meet. Vio. My lord, I do protest,Oli. O, do not swear; Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear. Enter Sir ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK, with his head broken. Sir And. For the love of God, a surgeon; send one presently to sir Toby. Oli. What's the matter? Oli. Who has done this, sir Andrew? Sir And. The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate. Duke. My gentleman, Cesario! Sir And. Od's lifelings, here he is:-You broke my head for nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't by sir Toby. Vio. Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you: You drew your sword upon me, without cause; But I bespake you fair, and hurt you not. Sir And. If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me; I think, you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb. Enter Sir TOBY BELCH, drunk, led by the Clown. Here comes Sir Toby halting, you shall hear more: but if he had not been in drink, he would have tickled you othergates' than he did. Duke. How now, gentleman? How is't with you? Sir To. That's all one; he has hurt me, and there's the end on't.--Sot, did'st see Dick surgeon, sot? Clo. O he's drunk, sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes were set at eight i' the morning. Sir To. Then he's a rogue. After a passy-measure, or a pavin; I hate a drunken rogue. Oli. Away with him: Who hath made this havoc with them? A natural perspective, that is, and is not. Ant. Sebastian are you? Seb. Fear'st thou that, Antonio? Ant. How have you made division of yourself?— An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian? Oli. Most wonderful! Seb. Do I stand there? I never had a brother: Nor can there be that deity in my nature, Of here and every where. I had a sister, Whom the blind waves and surges have devour'd:Of charity, what kin are you to me? [To VIOLA. What countryman? what name? what parentage? Vio. Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father; Such a Sebastian was my brother too, So went he suited to his watery tomb: If spirits can assume both form and suit, You come to fright us. Seb. A spirit I am, indeed; Vio. And died that day when Viola from her birth Had number'd thirteen years. Seb. O, that record is lively in my soul! He finished, indeed, his mortal act That day that made my sister thirteen years. But this my masculine usurp'd attire, Do not embrace me, till each circumstance But nature to her bias drew in that. Duke. Be not amaz'd; right noble is his blood.- [TO VIOLA. Thou never shouldst love woman like to me. Duke. Vio. The captain, that did bring me first on shore, Hath my maid's garments: he, upon some action, Is now in durance; at Malvolio's suit, A gentleman, and follower of my lady's. Oli. He shall enlarge him;-Fetch Malvolio hither: And yet, alas, now I remember me, From my remembrance clearly banish'd his.- Clo. Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the stave's end, as well as a man in his case may do: he has here writ a letter to you; I should have given it to you to-day morning; but as a madman's epistles are no gospels, so it skills not much, when they are delivered. Oli. Open it, and read it. Clo. Look then to be well edified, when the fool delivers the madman:-By the Lord, madam,Oli. How now, art thou mad? Clo. No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must allow vox." Oli. Pr'ythee, read i' thy right wits. Clo. So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits, is to read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear. Oli. Read it you, sirrah. [To FABIAN. Fab. [Reads.] By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the world shall know it: though you have put me into darkness, and given your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not but to do myself much right, or you much shame. Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of, and speak out of my injury. The madly used MALVOLIO. Oli. Did he write this? Clo. Ay, madam. Duke. This savors not much of distraction. on, To think me as well a sister as a wife, Your master quits you; [To VIOLA] and, for your So much against the mettle" of your sex, A sister?-you are she. Notorious wrong. Have I, Malvolio? no. Oli. Why you have given me such clear lights of favor; • Voice. • Attend. • Frame and constitution. That e'er invention play'd on? tell me why. Oli. Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing, Fab. Oli. Alas, poor fool! how have they baffled thee! Mal. I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you. Clo. When that I was and a little tiny boy, But when I came to man's estate, But when I came, alas! to wire, With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, When hey, ho, the wind and the rain, 1 Fool. |