swarm of bees settled about my mouth, without doing me any injury. These were looked upon as presages of my being a great man; and the early promises I gave of a quick wit, and lively fancy, confirmed the high opinion my friends had conceived of me. It would be an idle tale to relate the trifling adventures of my youth, until I arrived at my twentieth year. It was then that the love I bore to a beautiful young virgin, with whom I had innocently and familiarly conversed from my childhood, became the public talk of our village. I was so taken up with my passion, that I entirely neglected all other affairs: and though the daughter of Machaon the physician, and a rich heiress, the daughter of a famous Grecian orator, were offered me in marriage, I peremptorily refused both the matches, and rashly vowed to live and die with the lovely Polyhymnia. In vain did my parents remonstrate to me, that the tradition of her being descended from the Gods was too poor a portion for one of my narrow fortune; that except her fine green-house and garden, she had not one foot of land; and though she should gain the lawsuit about the summit of Parnassus (which had yet many pretenders to it), that the air was so bleak there, and the ground so barren, that it would certainly starve the possessor. I fear my obstinacy in this particular broke my mother's heart, who died a short time after, and was soon followed by my father. I now found myself at liberty, and notwithstanding the opposition of a great many rivals, I won and enjoyed Polyhymnia. Our amour was known to the whole country, and all who saw, extolled the beauty of my mistress, and pronounced me happy in the possession of so many charms. We lived in great splendour and gaiety, I being persuaded that high living was necessary to keep up my reputation, and the beauty of my mistress; from whom I had daily expectations given me of a post in the government, or some lavish present from the great men of our commonwealth. I was so proud of my partner, that I was perpetually bringing company to see her, and was a little tiresome to my acquaintance, by talking continually of her several beauties. She herself had a most exalted conceit of her charms, and often invited the ladies to ask their opinions of her dress; which if they disapproved in any particular, she called them a pack of envious insipid things, and ridiculed them in all companies. She had a delicate set of teeth, which appeared most to advantage when she was angry; and therefore she was very often in a passion. By this imprudent behaviour, when we had run out of our money, we had no living soul to befriend us; and every body cried out it was a judgment upon me for being a slave to such a proud minx, such a conceited hussy. I loved her passionately, and exclaimed against a blind and injudicious world. Besides, I had several children by her, and was likely still to have more; for I always thought the youngest the most beautiful. I must not forget that a certain great lord offered me a considerable sum in my necessity, to have the reputation of fathering one of them: but I rejected his offer with disdain. In order to support her family and vanities, she carried me to Athens; where she put me upon a hundred pranks to get money. Sometimes she dressed me in an antique robe, and placed a diadem on my head, and made me gather a mob about me by talking in a blustering tone, and unintelligible language. Sometimes she made me foam at the mouth, roll my eyes, invoke the gods, and act a sort of madness which the Athenians call the Pindarism. At another time she put a sheephook into my hand, and drove me round my garret, calling it the plains of Arcadia. When these projects failed, she gave out, with great success, that I was an old astrologer;** after that a dumb man,t and last of all she made me pass for a lion.‡ It may seem strange, that, after so tedious a slavery, I should ever get my freedom. But so it happened, that during the three last transformations I grew acquainted with the Lady Sophia, whose superior charms cooled my passion for Polyhymnia; insomuch that some envious dull fellows gave it out, my mistress had jilted and left me. But the slanders of my enemies were silenced by my public espousal of Sophia; who, with a greatness of soul, void of all jealousy, hath taken Polyhymnia for her woman, and is dressed by her every day. * Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq. an astrologer in the Tatler. A lion in the Guardian. N° 142. MONDAY, AUGUST 24, 1713. BE -Pacis mala: sævior armis Luxuria incubuit, victumque ulciscitur- Juv. Sat. vi. 291. And wasteful riot; whose destructive charms EING obliged, at present, to attend a particular affair of my own,* I do empower my printer to look into the arcana of the lion, and select out of them such as may be of public utility; and Mr. Button is hereby authorized and commanded to give my said printer free ingress and egress to the lion, without any hinderance, let, or molestation whatsoever, until such time as he shall receive orders to the contrary. And for so doing this shall be his warrant. NESTOR IRONSIDE. By virtue of the foregoing order, the lion has been carefully examined, and the two following papers being found upon him, are thought very proper for public use. "Given in at the lion's mouth at six of the clock MR. IRONSIDE, "I came very early this morning to rouse your lion, thinking it the properest time to offer him trash when his sto mach was empty and sharp set; and being informed too that he is so very modest, as to be shy of swallowing any thing before much company, and not without some other -politic views, the principal of which was, that his digestion. being then the most keen and vigorous, it might probably refine this raw piece from several of its crudities, and so make it proper food for his master; for as great princes keep their taster, so I perceive you keep your digester, having an appetite peculiarly turned for delicacies. If a fellow-feeling and similitude of employment are any motives to engage your attention, I may for once promise myself a favourable hearing. By the account you have given us of the Sparkler, and your other female wards, I am pretty confident you cannot be a stranger to the many great dif The particular affair alluded to here was probably Steele's election as M. P. for Stockbridge. ficulties there are in weaning a young lady's inclination from a frolic which she is fully bent upon. I am guardian to a young heiress, whose conduct I am more than ordinarily solicitous to keep steady in the slippery age, we live in. I must confess Miss hath hitherto been very tractable and toward, considering she is an heiress, and now upon the brink of fifteen: but here of late Tom Whirligig has so turned her head with the gallantries of a late masquerade (which no doubt Tom, according to his usual vivacity, set forth in all its gayest colours), that the young creature has been perfectly giddy ever since, and so set agog with the thoughts of it, that I am teased to death by her importuning me to let her go to the next. In the mean time, I have surprised her more than once or twice very busy in pulling all her clothes to pieces, in order to make up a strange dress, and with much ado have reprieved them from her merciless scissars. Now you must understand, old Iron, I am very loath to trust her all alone into such an ocean of temptations. I have made use of all manner of dissuasives to her, and have sufficiently demonstrated to her, that the devil first addressed himself to Eve in a mask, and that we owe the loss of our first happy state to a masquerade, which that sly intriguer made in the garden, where he seduced her; but she does not at all regard this; the passion of curiosity is as predominant in her as ever it was in her predecessor. Therefore I appeal, sage Nestor, to your experienced age, whether these nocturnal assemblies have not a bad tendency, to give a loose turn to a young lady's imagination. For the being in disguise takes away the usual checks and restraints of modesty; and consequently the beaux do not blush to talk wantonly, nor the belles to listen; the one as greedily sucks in the poison, as the other industriously infuses it; and I am apt to think too, that the ladies might possibly forget their own selves in such strange dresses, and do that in a personated character which may stain their real ones. A young milkmaid may indulge herselfin the innocent freedom of a green gown; and a shepherdess, without thinking any harm, may lie down with a shepherd on a mossy bank; and all this while poor Sylvia may be so far lost in the pleasing thoughts of her new romantic attire, and Damon's soft endearing language, as never once to reflect who she is, until the ro mance is completed. Besides, do but consider, dear Nestor, when a young lady's spirits are fermented with sparkling champaign, her heart opened and dilated by the attractive gaiety of every thing about her, her soul melted away by the soft airs of music, and the gentle powers of motion; in a word, the whole woman dissolved in a luxury of pleasure: I say, in such critical circumstances, in such unguarded moments, how easy is it for a young thing to be led aside by her stars. Therefore, good Mr. Ironside, set your lion a-roaring against these dangerous assemblies: I can assure you, one good loud roar will be sufficient to deter my ward from them, for she is naturally mighty fearful, and has been always used from her childhood to be frightened into good behaviour. And it may prove to some be→ nefit to yourself in the management of your own females, who, if they are not already, I do not at all question, but they will be very shortly gadding after these midnight gambols. Therefore, to promote your own peace and quietness, as well as mine, and the safety of all young virgins, pray order your lion to exert his loudest notes against masquerades; I am sure it would be a perfect concert to all good mothers, and particularly charm the ears of "Your faithful friend and companion, "MOST WORTHY SIR, Being informed that the Evites daily increase, and that fig-leaves are shortly coming into fashion; I have hired me a piece of ground and planted it with fig-trees, the soil being naturally productive of them. I hope, good Şir, you will so far encourage my new project, as to acquaint the ladies, that I have now by me a choice collection of fig-leaves of all sorts and sizes, of a delicate texture, and a lovely bright verdure, beautifully scolloped at the extremities, and most curiously wrought with variety of slender fibres, ranged in beautiful meanders and windings. I have some very cool ones for summer, so transparently thin, that you may see through them, and others of a thicker substance for winter; I have likewise some very small ones of a particular species for little misses. So that I do not question but to give general satisfaction. to all ladies whatsoever, that please to repair to me at the sign of the Adam and Eve, near Cupid's gardens. If you |