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widower just now for the seventh importunate petitioner with a look ;time) has in hand “a shilling's worth sooth him with a jest, or terrify with of advice to any gentleman who is an execration; and then give forth a looking for a wife. It is the debtors fresh order in such terms of winning only--well may they be called “ Poor pleasantry, that the poor rogue could Debtors,” who seem on all hands to only giggle-admire-and be undone. be neglected. The “ olden time" Oh, what a “ falling off" is there teems with the assertion of their rights now a-days, my countrymen ! -the dramatists of all ages have fed. Think of that tailor (he worked for fat upon their exploits,--and yet no John Dryden,) who could not contain one rises up to direct the wandering his suits when a good jest was promoderns in the path of profit and glory nounced before him! Where is that which was trodden by their ancestors. tailor now? - He is gone from the But there is still (as Dr Solomon says) shop-board. He has fed like the co“ there is still a balm in Gilead :" I, lour of a kerseymere in the spring. Mr North, am the Samaritan whó His goose has passed into another hand: shall bind up the wounds of this it should have died with him! bleeding and forsaken race! In short, Long as the thread shall woo the needle's my forthcoming work shall be a neat Pocket Manuel, a kind, if I may 80 Long
as silk, twist, and buttons, have their express myself, of Tailor Tickler's
use ! Vade Mecum--by which the student of Bond Street may read his way to
But no; we will not weep. He is the drab coat, as plainly as the stu- gone into Elysium. He wanders dent of Lincoln's-Inn reads his way to through those fields where the cabbages the stuff gown.
are ever green. He“ makes” for PluNow I shall throw out altogether, in to now. But what are we? the course of this inquiry, the trading Tempora mutantur : et nos, ge. debtor ; that is to say, the merchant, Attorneys, bankers' clerks, and even dealer, or chapman." I will have no prentices, owe money now! Yet, wridealings with people who are subject ting, as I do, for“ Sunday men," and to the bankrupt laws; nor anything not for these " Sunday gentlemen," to say about “ Set off,”-that is, in fellows for whom the Tread-millthe sense of the ledger. Neither, on clarum si non venerabile nomen-by the other hand, will I be of counsel a stretch of modern genius is made with rogues, or with sharpers, who and provided I will hope that my pass by feigned names, or obtain goods book will restore the science the under false pretences. No: I mean gaye science may I not call it, as the to labour exclusively for the benefit of Provençals, for distinction's sake, callthose (a very numerous class in the ed their art of poetry ?--to a respectyear 1823,) who find padded coats, able, nay, even, again to a classical and stiff boots, points of indispensable footing. necessity, who cannot possibly “sur- Then first,--as to the means of get. vive” without a “ cabriolet," and a ting into debt; a point upon which “ rascal," and who must dine, while different ages have held different opi“ things are," at a coffee-house in nions. Bond Street; but who are careful, Goldsmith (I think it is) gives a notwithstanding, never to incur a par- specimen of one manner-the “ free ticle of debt, without religiously in- style"-which was considered effectending to discharge the same" the tive in his day. “Master, what's your very moment they can make it conve- name-damme? Cut me off six yards nient.” And it shocks me really, to of that blue velvet, damme. But think, how, for want of some such harkye ! Don't fancy that I ever incode as I proposesome regulatory tend to pay you for it--damme.”. system for men to wrong their neigh- Of late years the “ free style” has bours by-the practice of indebita. fallen rather into disuse ; and an imtion has degenerated of late years. In provement, in the way of apparent the days of James and Charles, our caution, has been devised. For inchief debtors were the courtiers, stance" Sis pounds six ? That's men of high fancy, faculty, and breed- not a price to suit me, Mr Staytape. ing; -fellows who had always wit, if Five pounds for the best article; and they had not always money at their at the regular credit ;-that's my ulcommand, who could overpower an timatum."
For my own part, I think the "free" est son was clerk to an attorney! My manner was too hastily. laid aside. friend opened the ball by paying an Caution did something while the bloom arrear of twenty guineas, meaning to of novelty was upon it; but in the "give it” the schneider, (as the phrase long run there is nothing like trust- is) at least, for a hundred; and the ing to the natural principal; and the set-to was the sweetest thing I ever hope of huge gain is the true key to beheld in my life! All the high the heart of a shopkeeper.
ground was on the enemy's side. The Whatever style, however, you a- slightest symptom of purpose,-the dopt, half the battle lies in a proper smallest shew of eagerness-anything introduction of the affair. Never run like a hasty offer, or promise too good headlong-open-mouthed, at a trades to be kept, would have ruined us. man with your proposal ;-but keep But, as good as the tailor was, it was your design behind you, as a tooth nine to one against him from the bedrawer does his wrenching iron,
and ginning. The captain was over bim let the same roar from your patient-length and science every way. He announce the developement of your gave his large order with detail and intent and its completion.
precision ; stood the hint that followLook carefully to the ushering in ed as to “ what credit ?” without of the transaction. To use the name changing colour.-The victim doubtof an acquaintance by way of pass- ed. - His head was in Chanceryport would be dishonourable ; but, if “Probable profit;"_" possible loss!" you can manage to call in the com- -At length it came to “ last cards." pany of a friend, it may do well. You on both sides. The Schneider was can then be seized with a fancy for forced to speak first. “Will you give the “ded fellow's cut.” He may me a bill for the whole at three try“ just one coat ;" and,“ if it hits, months ?” he asked-It was well play“ you'll do something more for him." ed for the king; but we had the ace Give your order, if possible, in the behind." I can't do it on a certainpresence of your acquaintance ; be, ty at three months," replied my friend; cause that, in fact, makes him bail " but you shall have your bill at sis.' by implication; and yet he can't, -He bit. though he sees his danger, for decen- Upon the general management of cy's sake, interfere. Above all, take creditors, my first direction is-sce all care that the whole appears to arise your duns. When you have made up out of the whim of the moment. your mind to pay nothing, what posSeem to be well served already, but sible risk can you incur? capricious.--Lead the creature gently, There is good authority upon the and he'll follow like a lamb. And be books for receiving such dependants as cautious always to take your measures, these at breakfast. Take especial care -or rather to have them taken-in always to keep about you that cheap good time; and as you hope for credit, corner-stone of credit a handsome, don't go in an old coat to give orders nay, an expensive appearance in trifles. for a new one.
Loll upon a rich sofa—though unpaid And what a field does this practice for, 'tis no matter. Wear a magnifithrow open for bold and dexterous cent dressing-gown-it shall strike manæuvre! Talk of Talavera, Sala- awe into the very artist that made it. manca, or Waterloo ? I saw a display See that you have a sufficiently expenof gladiatorship not six weeks ago, sive tea equipage upon your table; between a friend of mine (a half-pay with show of flowers, perfumes, and captain) and a tailor in Covent-Gar- such perishable commodities as mark den, such as Agincourt nor Pharsa- the habitual carelessness of money, if lia ever beheld the like of. He of not its babitual abundance. the needle, to do him justice, was as For your manner, let it be easy; very a devil as ever sat cross-legged. yet never so free but that you can be He had been twenty years in busi- offended on the sudden if you happen ness; dealing with all
istomers; to find it convenient. If the enemy taking the measures of all kinds of is civil, talk of disappointments, low men ;-he was a member of seven so prices, no rents, agricultural distress ; cieties for the prosecution of swind- these are good topics now. Property lers; a list of insolvents hung behind in Ireland may always come in well. his counter ; it was a bailiff's brother Whiteboys, Shanavats, outrages, and wlio managed his books; and his eld- Captain Rock. You may burn crops
of wheat, if you like, on the bog of copious index, references, and notes, Allan; or even have three acres of after the manner of our law digests, land and a windmill all carried off your along with which, indeed, it will take estate in one night! On the other its place. For example, looking to the hand, never suffer yourself to be dis- article of Tailor in the index, the turbed by an insolent or pertinacious reader will find the following instrucdemand.' Remember on such occa- tions :-"Tailor; from the French, sions that the power is in you. If a Tailler, to shape or cut. TAILORS, fellow is troublesome, tell him plump flourished first in Germany, p. 138; that “ he shall wait three months for pilloried for cabbaging, pp. 42 and bis impertinence"-meantime, “ you 165; men in law, p. 273; have a withdraw your custom from him alto- hell of their own, p. 364; ruined by gether"-and, if he plagues you a giving credit, pp. 4, 13, 27, 30, 99, moment longer," you shall be com- 101, 263; paid, p. 16; humorously pelled to kick him down stairs."-In- cajoled, p. 196; tossed in a blanket, deed I have known that course taken p. 222; felony to kill, p. 391.-Taiin the first instance with very admi- LOB (Tailleur), see Sufferer ; Schneirable effect.
der ; Goose; Brentford, &c. &c. &c. Then, as a rule which deserves to be A total change in the conditionwritten in the Fives Court and at a reorganization, indeed of society Tattersall's, I say-Do things (I say) must arise, or I am mistaken, from upon an extensive scale. I will not the publication of this work I contalk about the proverb of the Sheep template. To simplify and extend the and the Lamb, because there is some means of getting credit, is, in effect, to thing of an unlucky turn about the open a new mine of subsistence to the first half line of it; but, depend upon community. It is not to our home it, it is more creditable to owe for policy alone that the operation of my claret than for port; besides that the principle will extend; thousands upon former is the more pleasant and gen- thousands from our superabundant tlemanly drinking. Tradesmen have, home population shall go forth, not to from some instinct in their nature, a starve in the back woods of America, predilection, nay, a kind of veneration, but to live upon the fat of the land in for anything that leads to a long bill. the choicest countries of Europe. I am not sure that a shopkeeper could Then, considering that the man who refuse a 500l. order, even although he once pays for my book will be rewere certain that he should never get lieved, as long as he lives, from the a shilling of the money. I am clear necessity of paying for anything else, that he would like a man better for I cannot doubt of an unprecedented owing him 500l., than for paying him sale. Thirty English editions at least, 2001. And as regards arrangements and translations out of number; some (after the ceremony) with sufferers in token of the national gratitude it esse, the mere circumstance of having can't be less than 20,000l. ; these, in issued a command to the amount of a a confined view of the matter, are prothousand pounds, gives you such a . fits which I may reckon upon. I look hold upon a tradesman's weakness and that, Mr Editor, your numerous conbonhommie ! He remembers the lord- tributors (more than any set of men ly air with which the order was given. perhaps interested in this new pros. The profits which have accrued~no, pect thrown open), will send you at which are to accrue, when the money least an article a-piece
upon the occais paid. And he hopes that it will be sion. For myself, I can accept nopaid. He thinks it must. Not thing beyond approbation from my now, Francis ; but to-morrows or on fellow-craft ; but, if “ a particular Friday, Francis.” A man never sure ballad,” in the pages of Blackwood's can have ordered for five hundred Magazine, should commend the true pounds, and have no means at all !- alchemist of the year 1823, who abanshall have infinite to say, in my to-be- doned the hopeless task of making esteemed work, on behalf of an order gold, and pursued the true secret of to the extent of Five hundred pounds. philosophy—thatof doing withoutit
But I am running this sketch to an such a tribute might perhaps ease the impracticable length; and must pass, grateful hearts of those who offered it; therefore, in silence, over a variety of and (in that view) would not be unimportant topics. My book will be acceptable to printed in a neat octavo volume, with
The Pewter Quart.
A New Song to an old Tuns.
Porter, ale, Stout, happy,
Matdens, who Helicon's hill resort,
ral Pew-ter Quart.
Pleasant it is their chink to hear, Bubbles and froths inside the pot : When they rattle on table full charged Why should anything, brittle or frail,
with beer ; Fence ENGLAND's liquor, VALOROUS Pleasant it is, when a row's on foot, ALE!
That you may, when you wish to demolish He was a man of taste and art,
a brute, Who stowed it away in a Pewter Politely the lad to good manners exQuart.
By softening his skul with a Pewter 3. In the bowels of ENGLAND's ground,
5. What cheers the bowels of ENGLAND'S As for the mallet-pate, pig-eye Chinese,
They may make crockery if they please; Can the same be said, I ask,
Fit, perhaps, may such vehicle be,
None can of them the good report, That is a liquor I leave to be drunk
Folks with whom I never consort, Make a dead thief dance a Highland reel,
And he proves by this science, with Silver and gold no doubt are fine,
erudite art, But on my table shall never shine ;
That malt must be drunk from a Being a man of plain common sense,
9. In washing down gobbets of boiled and If Hock then loves the glass of green, roast,
And champagne in its swan-necked flask is With stingo stiff of the stiffest sort,
seen ; Curiously pulled from a Pewter Quart. If Glasgow punch in a bowel we lay,
And twist off our dram in a wooden quaigh; 7.
If, as botanical men admit,
Everything has its habitat fit,
Let Sir John Barleycorn keep his They give a smack, say the wat’ry folks,
court, Like drinking after artichokes. Devil may care ! I never use
Turban'd with froth in his Pewter
So, boy, take this handful of brass, 8.
Across to the Goose and Gridiron pass, Galvani one day, skinning a frog,
Count the coin on the counter out, To pamper his paunch with that pinch- And bring me a quart of foaming stout ; gut prog,
Put it not into bottle or jug,
Except the natural Pewter Quart.
In the works of the ingenious D'Urfey, which he who studies not with nocturnal and diurnal attention, is worthy of infinite reprobation, not to say worse, will be discovered two poems, which have not, as yet, excited the notice of the learned in the manner which they deserve. I shall therefore, as briefly as the importance of the matter will admit of, dissertate somewhat upon them; inviting the attention of the sage and erudite to my remarks ; perfectly regardless of the approbation or disapprobation of those whom my friend, the Reverend Edward Irving, calls “ the flush and flashy spirits of the age;" thereby making an agreeable and euphuistical alliteration at head and tail.
In the third volume of “ Pills to Purge Melancholy,” the two hundred and forty-seventh page, and first verse, will be found these words:
Che Leather Bottle.
Row God above, that made all things,
I wish in Heaven that soul may dwell
Chat first devised the leathern bottle. A more splendid exordium is not in the whole compass of our poetry. The bard, about to sing of a noble invention, takes high ground. His eye, with a fine frenzy rolling, glances at the origin of the world, the glories of Heaven,