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puterespecting their jumping powers, The Laird's Song:
by vaulting over a chair. At one When I'm late out at night, and my wife end of the table you might see the lies alone,
Bailie driving about empty bottles, in I'm sure to prepare for a battle ;
the character of curling stones, in On the servants she calls, to make her order to convince some Closeburn in. case known,
fidels of Lochmaben superior play. And against me to rail and to rattle. There again you might observe the She may scold, or keep quiet, or do as laird beating time with the handle she will,
of his punch-ladle, for he had broI'll never depart till my jacket is full
ken off the mouth, to the tune of But bumper to bumper, I'll keep it up
“ I care for nobody, no not I,
If nobody cares for me.”
Rapuit, rapietque gentes ;" And tell me of prudence and pelf; and this poor Brandy experienced, If she had but the spirit to moisten her to his utter abasement and annoyclay,
ance, when Mrs MacCandlish enterShe was take to the bottle herself. ed the room, in person, announcing She knows not, she sees not, she reads not to the laird the arrival of a servant,
with the lady's positive orders for That glistens in friendship, or beams in his instant departure home!
reply · But drinks for no reason but that she is “ So comes the reckoning when the bandry,
quet's o'erTo moisten the bore of her throttle. The awful reckoning, and men smile no But drinks, &c.
more." Wi' such jolly fellows-a fig for all care, the reckoning which awaited him at
Whether it was the anticipation of And that for the deil and my wife ; I'm a match for aul " Hornie,” gif” that home, where, probably, sat his sulken
he were thereAnd she darena come here for her life.
“ Gathering her brows like gathering Then pass round the jug, there's no eels
storm in the bowl
Nursing her wrath to keep it warm ;" That kindles the wit, and enlivens the soul;
or whether it was regret for leaving And here, paramount, without risk of so jovial and good-natured a party, I controul,
presume not to know; but true it is, I am laird of the beef and the bottle.
and in verity, that the laird went And here paramount, &c.
away, looking over his shoulder, like
one who would have said The clamour upon the conclusion of this song was so extravagant and
“ Will none of you in pity ?" continued, that it was now evident to all but ourselves that we had con
When we finally broke up, or at
what hour the moon sunk beneath siderably trespassed the point of hi- the Galloway hills, and the morning larity. There was no longer any star began to peep from behind the union or order in our conviviality: muirs of “ Casteton,” it becomes not Here you might see the Tailor squat you to enquire, nor me to say. One upon his hams, rolling about like a
should not tell stories, you know, ship in a storm, endeavouring to out of school. So I beg leave, for the convince the Sutor, by ocular demonstration, that he could thrust present, to conclude, with wishing his great toe into his own mouth.
you and all your readers, as well
contributors as others, a good new There you might observe the Poet and the Borderer settling an old dis- year, and many a merry Christmas.
A BURGIS9 OF LOCHMABEN.
of the right hand.
Serignende ring finger and thumb Christmas - day,}
OLDNIXON ON "THE LIBERAL. significant hints, that had he been No. II."
consulted in the distribution of good 4 TRUTH, GOOD, were idle names to and evil in this world, things would them, without a meaning. They must have gone on a great deal better. have a LIE, a palpable, pernicious Lie, Now, this appears somewhat unreato pamper their crude, unhallowed con- sonable on his part.
Nature has ceptions with, and to exercise the un. made him both a peer and a poettameable fierceness of their wills." what would he have more ? and if
The Liberal, p. 233. the baseness of attempting to assas NR EDITOR,
sinate the memory of a good and The public having been favoured virtuous Prince, is likely to bring with a new importation of what is him in contact with the laws, it is called “ Verse and Prose from the clear that the fault rests not with South," I naturally concluded, that Providence, but with Mr Murray you would have no objections to and the Constitutional Association. learn my opinion of the cargo; the His Lordship is a great poet-we do more especially, as these “ dull and not deny it; although some honest muddy-mettled” Pisans have taken enough people among us have of late it into their noddles to indite sundry begun to think, that he has already scurrilities and falsehoods against “ touched the highest point of all the children of the “North Coun- his greatness, and from that full me. trie," and which cannot, I should ridian of his glory, hastes now to imagine, be more appropriately no- setting ;” but sure I am, he is but a ticed, than in the Scots MAGAZINE. sorry Metaphysician, and that he Perhaps you will tell me, that the would act wisely, in letting alone buzzings of such dirt-flies ought to what he does not understand. Alexcite no other feelings than those phonso, who knew only the cycles of pity and contempt. Granted. and epicycles of the Ptolemaic sysBut only suffer me to show the pub- tem, had the hardihood to assert, lic how much they are to be pitied, that, had he been consulted in the and how thoroughly they deserve to arrangement of the Solar System, he be despised.
could have given the Creator useful Of Lord Byron's “ Heaven and advice; but Kepler, Copernicus, and Earth" I have little to say: It Newton arose, to proclaim the ignobears to be founded on a passage in rance and impiety of men, and the Genesis, which his “ Satanic Majes- perfect wisdom and contrivance of ty" has either ignorantly, or wilfully the Universal Mind. Has this lesson misunderstood, and seems to be in- been forgotten, or is it despised ? tended as an imitation of Percy Shel- I pass over some miserable nonley's “ Queen Mab,” though 'far in- sense, called the “ Giuli Tre,” to ferior to that ill-starred performance come at once to my worthy friend in the higher qualities of poetry. Mr Leigh Hunt, and the “Spirit of The versification is so hard and con- Monarchy". On glancing over this strained, that it is quite unreadable; notable stuff, I felt inclined at first and though, in a few instances, we to believe that Leigh had become a may hit upon considerable beauty of wag. The Pisans, said I to myself, thought, and felicity of expression, are resolved to pay off some of their there is so much confusion and absur- old scores, and have taken it into dity interwoven with the texture of their heads to quiz our Adam Smith, the thing, that it is fit for no publi- and his Theory of Sympathy. How cation with which I am acquainted, could I think otherwise, when I except that in which it appears. In found this whipster maintaining, a moral point of view, it is certainly that we pay homage to kings, beless exceptionable and odious than cause we wish to be kings ourselves, the “ Vision of Judgment,” and considering how agreeable it would contains fewer examples of licen- be to have our hands kissed on levee tiousness and profanity-tunt mieux; days, to ride in state coaches, and to but still his Lordship cannot let have those greasy rogues, the mob, Providence altogether escape: he is hallooing in our train ; that “the not at all satisfied with its allotments, slave admires the tyrant, because and throws out sundry shrewd and the last is what the first would be;"
and that " we make kings of men, a tragedy." If it should be objectand gods of stocks and stones,” be- ed to this version, that it fails in cause “ inan is a poetical animal,- doing justice to the original, I must delights in fiction, and is not jealous appeal to its truth, in my own vindi. of the creatures of his own hand." cation, and request those who cavil My mistake, however, soon became with the liberty I have used, to cast manifest. I found honest Leigh was their eyes on the despicable raving in sad, sober, bitter earnest, and full from which it is extracted. Poor of the flattering notion that he was Hunt, however, does not see that busy extinguishing, not only " the his view of the matter cuts a little spirit of monarchy,” but “the spirit” against himself. If mankind are, of religion also; both, according to as he says, so radically and incurably him, being equally fictions, and de- monarchical in their propensities, lusions of the imagination. “ The that they can endure eren a monster madman in Hogarth,” says he," who on the throne, rather than suffer it to fancies himself a king, is not a soli- be empty,—what is to become of the tary instance of this species of hallu- Liberalism of which he is the advocination. Almost every true and cate and apostle ? Men will always loyal subject holds such a barren act according to the fixed principles sceptre in his hand ; and the meanest of their nature, whether these be of the rabble, as he runs by the poetical” or not. The tyrant, we Monarch's side, has wit enough to are assured, only is, what the slave think-There goes my royal self! would be. Give the slave, then, a From the most absolute despot to fair opportunity, and he will become the lowest slave, there is but one step a tyrant--and there's an end on't. (no, not one) in point of real merit. We know that, by some wicked wags As far as truth or reason is concern- on this side of the Tweed, Mr Hunt ed, they might change situations to- himself has been raised to the regal morrow---nay, they constantly do so dignity : does he feel “ the principle without the smallest loss or benefit of monarchy" budding forth within to mankind ! Tyranny, in a word, is him, and an inclination to “ hold a farce got up for the entertainment such a barren sceptre in his hand ?" of poor human nature ; and it might If so, why lecture us on the “ mo. pass very well, if it did not so often narchical spirit?” The stone must turn into a tragedy.” This is very fall to the ground, -the spark must splendid and very convincing ; but ignite the gunpowder,—the laws of to render it a little more to the point, nature must be obeyed: it might, without any great violence to the original, be rendered after the
For who can hold a fire in his hand, following fashion : “ The blockhead
By thinking of the frosty Caucasus ? in The Liberal, who fancies himself Montesquieu has said, that honour a wit, is not a solitary instance of is the principle of a monarchy: but this species of hallucination. Al. Mr Hunt, who knows better, will most every true and radical Pisan not believe him, and says, it is “hoholds such a barren sceptre in his nour dishonourable, sin-bred.” This, hand; and the meanest of the rabble, of course, is unfortunate, considering as he passes by the corcomb's side, that, whether we will or no, we are has sense enough to think—' There all monarchical in our hearts. But goes as great a fool as myself! what, according to Mr Hunt, is the From the most absolute cockney down principle of a monarchy? Why, to the lowest radical, there is but one seduction ! « What female heart step (no, not one) in point of real can withstand the attractions of a merit. As far as truth or reason is throne?” he triumphantly asks; and concerned, they might change situa. tells some anecdotes in support of tions to-morrow-nay, they con- this singular discovery. So Kings stantly do so, without the smallest exist for no other purpose but to seloss or benefit to mankind! Libe- duce our wives and daughters; and ralism, in a word, is a farce got up “every man within the precincts of for the entertainment of poor human a palace is a hypothetical cuckold, or scoundrels ; and it might pass very holds his wife's virtue in trust for well, if it did not so often turn into the Prince!!" Mr Hunt, however,
thinks there are some (not many) trace the origin of either. It is, exceptions, and gravely tells his therefore, as unphiloscphical to say, realers, that he“ entertains no that superstition gave rise to modoubt, that ladies of quality have narchy, as that monarchy gave rise occasionally resisted the importuni- to superstition. Both spring from ties of a throne," and that he had the action of the simple principles been assured by several, that a King of human nature, but are no more would no more be able to prevail the causes of each other's existence, with them than any other man ! than the sense of touch is the cause of Immaculate vestals ! who could en- the sensation of colour ; though both dure such a subject of conversation, may be, and in fact always are, coand give such an assurance—to such existent. The most obvious truths a man! If this be not beastly, or recorded by history, nay, even obserworse, pray tell me what is ? And ved in our own experience, refute this this is the man who abuses the Scots pitiful nonsense. The Greeks and for “filthiness” in conversation ! I Romans were republicans—so are the can easily account for Mr Hunt's hos- Americans: the two former nations tility to monarchy; there is no mys- were superstitious: the latter has tery” in that. But he might have a- hardly any religion at all. Let Mr bused kingly government on "earth” Hunt turn up Sismondi's History of without insulting the Majesty of the Italian Republics, and he will “ Heaven.” He might have safely find later examples, at his very door, expounded his Liberalism without to show, that religion, or superstiattempting to smite or defile Chris- tion, has no more necessary connection tianity. He might have ridiculed with the monarchical than with the the superstitions of Egypt,of Greece, republican principle. The Roman or of Rome, without sneering at the Catholic religion is essentially hostile Bible, and falsifying its statements; to liberty : yet it has been the reliof which, however, he is grossly ig- gion of free states : perhaps we shall norant. For who, that had ever live to see it so again. read that antiquated, but still vene- The soi-disant satirical poem called rable volume, could have, for a mo- “ The Dogs,” dedicated to “ The ment, confounded, as he has done, Abusers of the Liberal,” is of home (p. 233,) the idolatry of the Golden manufacture; and to say that it is Calf
, with the beautiful, affecting, literally doggrel is not to say enough: and typical incident of the Brazen it is a libel on the greatest warrior of Serpent? This is as contemptible the age; and the author no doubt inas it is odious,-it is a strange mix- tended to kill many “ dogs" with ture of disingenuousness and igno- one bone. If this be a fair specimen rance, every way worthy of Mr Hunt of Liberul satire and retaliation, the and of The Liberal. But this is not Pisans had as well be quiet. They a solitary instance. He labours to are a set of poor toothless puppies. prove, that superstition begot, and, to They snarl a little, and mumble, and à certain degree, merged, in mo- slaver, as if bit by a mad “dog ;" narchy,-in which the worship for- but their tongu:s have so swollen in merly' bestowed upon stocks and their mouths with the venom, that stones is, according to him, trans- they cannot bite for the souls of ferred to the living subject. I dare them: (I beg their pardon, I forgot say he considers this very bright they have no souls.) It is not with idea. Be it so: I am unwilling to the poem, however, but with one or deny him any thing I can decently two of the notes, taken in conjunction and properly concede. But it is, with a paper
on the Scotch Chanevertheless, very puerile, and very racter," that I at present concern silly. No people have ever yet been myself. On the line in “ The Dogs" discovered without some religious All Scotland takes " like hairpies coming o'or oz," belief, or superstition, if you will ; and among every tribe, however sa- we have the following note-mark vage, upon the face of the globe, we it, reader! “ That is to say, in recognize the existence of monarchy English, like harpies coming o'er in some shape or other. These prin- us.' I should not have made this siples are co-existent--we cannot apparently invidious translation, (cs
pecially as I am fond of the Scot- result of their observation was not tish dialect in its proper place,) entirely favourable to the voyagers. if the Scotch, of late, had not taken Be that as it may, however, it into their heads to give their had scarcely got rid of our ugly men, Southern neighbours lessons in writ- when we were assailed with a much ing.” It is really amusing to observe worse sight, a gang of ugly boys, the self-satisfied assurance of these They were a set of young knaves, ricketty cocknies. Do the poor poking about for what they could things really imagine that the mon- lay their hands on; and came loiterstrous jargon, “like hairpies coming ing and hanging about the vessel, o'oroz,” is Scotch? It may, for under pretence of asking charity. ought I know, be Welch, or He. Their fathers and mothers, or their brew, or Amharic, but sure I am it is fathers and mothers, or manners and not Scotch. Next, as to giving these customs ad infinitum, had much to anindignant oracles “ lessons in writ- swer for in contriving such a set of ing, we admit it betrays great prea jurenile vagabonds !" " Fathers and sumption on our part, but is not a mothers, and their fathers and mowhit the less necessary on that ac- thers, and manners and customs ad count. Let me see-“LETTERS infinitum CONTRIVING a set of ugly FROM ABROAD—Letter II. ; Genoa." and juvenile vagabonds !" Good aThe fourth sentence is as follows:- gain, Mr Ilunt. No slip-slop here,
The base (of ' a glorious amphi- l assure you. theatre of white houses') is composed I entreat you, Mr Editor, to obof the city with its churches and serve, and if you please, you may enshipping; "the OTHER houses are treat your readers to observe also, country-seats, looking out, one above that I take these things quite at ranthe other, up the hill. To the left dom: hundreds more may be had for are the Alps, with their snowy tops: the seeking; but I have neither time to the right, and for the back, are nor inclination for the task. Now, the Appenines. This is Genoa!!!” is it not the very quintessence of imAgain :-“The lucid Mediterranean pudence in the Scotch, to “ take it sea WASHED against our vessel, like into their heads to give their Southamber.” Again :-" After travelling ern neighbours lessons in writing !” the great' world of waters wide and considering that such rare ornaments, deep,' it was every way a pleasant and graces of speech, Hoat in rich thing to feel one's self embraced in abundance on the surface of every the Genoese harbour, which is one of page of their immortal scribblings? the most encircling there are, We Proh pudor! I am truly ashamed of were full, at that time, of happy my countrymen. How can they be thoughts of a dear friend; and we so ignorant of the genuine Anglicism? felt as if the country he was in em- But they are doomed to suffer for it. braced us for him.” Again :-“The These Pisanized Cockney “ fellors" quay is a handsoine one, profuse of have no mercy on them. Let me good pavement, gate, &c.” “ Pro- then come to the main point; alfuse of GATE !” Good! Yet again :- though the topics that solicit my atMr Hunt gets fairly ashore, and in- tention are so multitudinous, that for stead of “fine Southern heads,” sees the soul of me, (I have a soulmat only a pack of ugly devils, with vice, least I believe so, which comes nearmisery, and crime painted in their ly to the same thing,) I know not faces : he is surprised, and so is his where to begin : but I shall try. wife: “ The children looked at me: After much nonsense about “ bowe all looked at one another : and, dies-corporate," "double existences,” what was very inhospitable, the pi- “ the Arctic circle," “ Hampstead," lots all looked at us." What opinion "Highgate,” and “the Calton Hill,” “ the pilots” formed of the importa- the first tangible assertion is this: tion we have not learned : it is clear- “ Some one the other day, at a literly made out, however, that the poor ary dinner in Scotland, apologized for fellows " looked,” and it is to be alluding to the name of Shakespeare presumed they saw something or so often, because he was not a Scotchother; and, from their “inhospitable” man.” Without the least hesitation grin, it is to be inferred, that the I pronounce this statement a false.