presence and love of God. If He withdraws us from this life, is not He asking us to enter upon so vast an eternal inheritance of joy, it is beyond our comprehension, but it fills our hearts with gladness, literally fulfilling the words, "Though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day." To wind up all that has occupied life, and to see its end near, is no trifle: I find in it a marvellous rest, a faint shadowing of the eternal joy and calm, when all here is finished, and the kingdom of heaven entered. It is an unspeakable difference to look no more onward in this world, but to look instead to the glory and the light in the very presence of God. Through His grace I would hardly regard the detail of this mortal body coming to nothing. He has said, "It is raised in incorruption, and glory, and power." Let us trust His assurance, and at all times be careful for nothing, heartily adopting the words, "I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me." Here ends the autobiography. The sudden news of my aunt's illness was a very great surprise to all her friends. She always seemed so strong and well, enjoying the walk from Richmond to Wimbledon, a distance of five miles, on Sunday mornings, to have breakfast with us and attend the ministry of Rev. E. W. Moore. This she did even in July twice, and we had noticed no signs of declining strength, except that she occasionally mentioned a slight shortness of breath after much exertion. In looking through her Diary, however, I find several hints that she was conscious something was the matter. In July, 1898, she wrote: "Lord, may it please Thee to heal me, and renew me from this pain and malady somewhere." Again, in February, 1900: "May the threatened malady, if Thy will, cease. In the name of Thy blessed Son I would pray for this, and for greater blessing in it if continued. Show me, O Lord, Thy purpose in my present time, and be pleased to fit me for following all Thy holy will." Again in May, 1900: "May my one employment be Thy will. May I, through grace, be ready for whatever it be, and ready to depart Home-ready, too, for just Thy will here hour by hour with joy in Thyself. Give to me wisdom, O Lord, and love, and selfforgetting, and enable me to set all things in order and be ready." July 1, 1900, she wrote: "Have just walked to Wimbledon to breakfast with the dear Moores. This month and next alone here (Richmond). Lord, wilt Thou take these days into Thy own hand, and fill them with Thy presence. Let me make ready, if Thy good will, to stand waiting and ready, if Thy call should come unto Thyself. May I learn all Thou wilt teach and show me of things to come. Heavenly Father, hast Thou aught for me in the world beyond, that is Thy will I should go, and be there, and be doing? What Thou wilt; in loving trust toward Thee, let me rejoice in whatever be Thy will. Winding up is my thought now. O Lord, wilt Thou speak, may I listen and follow. I If I may go to Switzerland, if Thy will, praise to Thy Holy Name. It would be a great boon. seem to need it more than a little. Thou art knowing, O Lord." But so little was any cause for anxiety suspected, that my father and family had gone to Scotland for the summer holidays, leaving her with her dear aged mother at Richmond, and she was busy making preparations for a trip to Switzerland in September, when the others should return. At the end of July letters from herself and the family doctor brought the startling news that she had asked Dr. F. to call, as the difficulty of breathing had so increased, and he discovered that she was suffering from an incurable malady, which had already got such hold of her that no treatment could save her life. We heard afterwards that she met the doctor cheerily in the hall, and, taking him into the drawingroom, she told him why she had sent for him, and he proposed to come again next day and make a further examination. She begged him to do it at once and tell her everything—the worst-for she had no fear. He complied, and looked very grave, saying he would not like to say it to most people, but he knew she had no fear. It was the worst, for she was suffering from cancer in the breast, which had already gone so far (reaching the left lung and affecting the heart) that nothing could be done. She just exclaimed, "Oh! I'm so glad!" and it was evident she was greatly relieved to find the illness must take its own course. Probably she had never mentioned what must have been suspected by her for some time, as she wished to leave it till no human interference was possible. The last entry in her Diary is very touching. "July 26, 1900. Thursday.-Praise be to our Lord! Yesterday Dr. Fergusson said that cancer has affected much of my left side, left lung, etc. |