My purse shall swell, laden by fee upon fee,

King's Proctor, in war-time, were nothing to me:

While you, happy man, down Pactolus's tide

Your silver-oar'd galley triumphant shall guide,

And whirl'd in no eddy, o'ertaken by no ill,

Reign Hymen's Arch-Chancellor, vice Lord Stowell.

New Monthly Magazine.

OLD ACTORS-DICKY SUETT. O for a 66 slip-shod muse," to celebrate in numbers, loose and shambling as himself, the merits and the person of Mr. Richard Suett, comedian !

Richard, or rather Dicky Suett-for so in his lifetime he was best pleased to be called, and time hath ratified the appellation-lieth buried on the north side of the cemetry of Holy Paul, to whose service his non-age and tender years were set apart and dedicated. There are who do yet remember him at that period-his pipe clear and harmonious. He would often speak of his chorister days, when he was "cherub Dicky."

What clipped his wings, or made it expedient that he should exchange the holy for the profane state; whether he had lost his good voice (his best recommendation to that office), like Sir John, "with hallooing and singing of Anthems;" or whether he was adjudged to lack something, even in those early years, of the gravity indispensable to an occupation which professeth to "commerce with the skies," I could never rightly learn; but we find him, after the probation of a twelvemonth or so, reverting to a secular condition, and become one of us.

I think he was not altogether of that timber, out of which cathedral seats and sounding-boards are hewed. But if a glad heart-kind and therefore glad -be any part of sanctity, then might the robe of Motley, with which he invested himself with so much humility after his deprivation, and which he wore so long with so much blameless satisfaction to himself and to the public, be accepted for a surplice-his white stole, and albe.

The first fruits of his secularization was an engagement upon the boards of Old Drury, at which Theatre he commenced, as I have been told, with adopting the manner of Parsons in old men's characters. At the period in

which most of us knew him, he was no more an imitator than he was in any true sense himself imitable. He was the Robin Good- Fellow of the stage. He came in to trouble all things with a welcome perplexity, himself no whit troubled for the matter. He was known, like Puck, by his note-Ha! Ha! Ha! sometimes deepening into Ho! Ho! Ho! with an irresistible accession, derived perhaps remotely from his ecclesiastical education, foreign to his prototype of➡ Ola? Thousands of hearts yet respond to the chuckling O la! of Dicky Suett, brought back to their remembrance by the faithful transcript of his friend Mathews's mimicry. The force of nature could no further go." He drolled upon the stock of these two syllables richer than the cuckoo.

Care, that troubles all the world, was forgotten in his composition. Had he had but two grains (nay, half a grain) of it, he could never have supported himself upon those two spider's strings, which served him (in the latter part of his unmixed existence) as legs. A doubt or a scruple must have made him totter, -a sigh have puffed him down-the weight of a frown had staggered him→ a wrinkle made him lose his balance. But on he went, scrambling upon those airy stilts of his, with Robin GoodFellow, "thorough brake, thorough briar ;" reckless of a scratched face or a torn doublet.

Shakspeare foresaw him when he framed his fools and jesters. They have all the true Suett stamp, a loose gait, a slippery tongue; this last the ready midwife to a without-pain-delivered jest; in words light as air, venting truth deep as the centre with idlest rhymes tagging conceit when busiest singing with Lear in the tempest, or Sir Toby at the buttery hatch.

Jack Bannister and he had the fortune to be more of personal favourites with the town than any actors before or after. The difference, I take it, was this: Jack was more beloved for his sweet, good-natured, moral pretensions. Dicky was more liked for his sweet, good-natured no pretensions at all.Your whole conscience stirred with Bannister's performance of Walter, in the Children in the Wood-how dearly beautiful it was!-but Dicky seemed like a thing, as Shakspeare says of Love, too young to know what conscience is. He put us into Vesta's days. Evil fled before him--not as from Jack, as from an antagonist, but because it could not touch him any more than a

cannon-ball a fly. He was delivered from the burden of that death; and when Death came himself, not in metaphor, to fetch Dicky, it is recorded of him by Robert Palmer, who kindly watched his exit, that he received the last stroke, neither varying his accustomed tranquillity, nor tune, with the simple exclamation, worthy to have been recorded in his epitaph-O la! Ola! Bobby!-London Magazine.

JOE MILLER.

Many a would-be wit, who has Joe Miller constantly on his lips, might probably be induced to make a pil grimage to his grave, if he knew that it was as near to him as the place called the Green Church-yard, or burying ground, in Portugal-street, Lincoln'sinn-fields, belonging to the parish of St. Clement Dane, and close by the once celebrated Lincoln's-inn-fields Theatre, where Garrick became so famous, and now as celebrated for being Spode's depôt for china, &c.Miller's epitaph, by Stephen Duck, is on a handsome stone, on the left-hand side as you enter the burial-ground, nearly under the windows of the work house. The inscription was originally on another stone, but time had taken such liberties with it, that in the year 1816 the churchwarden for the time being, greatly to his credit, caused the present one to be erected. He certainly has tacked himself to Joe Miller by his explanation at the bottom of the stone; and probably hopes, and in some degree deserves, to share a little of his immortality; though at present he is on this side the grave, and a highly respectable man.

The following is the inscription on the present stone:

Here lie the remains of
honest Joe Miller,

who was

a tender husband,

a sincere friend,

a facetious companion, and an excellent comedian. He departed this life the 15th day of

August, 1738, aged 54 years. If humour, wit, and honesty, could save The hum'rous, witty, honest, from the

A.D. 1816.

FANATICS.

Richard Brothers, the prophet, and Wright and Bryan, two fanatics, the former a carpenter at Leeds, the latter a journeyman copper-plate printer, in 1789 repaired to Avignon, in order to form a society of prophets: these men became the friends and coadjutors of Richard Brothers. One of them, howéver, had doubts, and he went to see Brothers, prepared with a knife; so that, if any doubts of his apostolic mission should arise, he might deliver such a message from the Lord as Eliud carried to King Eglon. The new king of the Hebrews had not so much as a single Jewish historian. Mr. Sharpe became one of his disciples, and beneath a well-engraved portrait placed the following words :- Fully believing this to be the man whom God hath appointed, I engrave his likeness. W. S."-Brothers wrote letters to the King, and to all the Members of both Houses of Parliament, announcing his intention of speedily setting out for Jerusalem.Some of his disciples actually shut up their shops, and many repaired to London to join him. Before his departure, he was to prove the truth of his mission by a public miracle, and said he would throw down his stick in the Strand at noon-day, which, like the wand of Moses, would be converted into a serpent. In a like strain he threatened London with an earthquake.

NAUTICAL BREEDING. When the late Duke of York (brother to George III.) went on board Lord Howe's ship, as a midshipman, the different captains in the fleet attended, to pay him their respects, on the quarter-deck. He seemed not to know what it was to be subordinate, or to feel the necessity of moderation in the display of that superiority which would naturally result from his high rank. He received them with some

OBSERVATIONS ON LYING. Lies of interest are very various, and more excusable and less offensive than many others. The pale and ragged beggar who, to add to the effect of his or her ill looks, tells of the large family which does not exist, has a strong motive to deceive in the penury which does exist-and the tradesman, who tells you he cannot afford to come down to your price because he gave almost as much for the goods you are cheapening, is only labouring diligently in his calling, and telling a falsehood which custom authorizes, and which you may believe or not as you choose. It is not from persons like these that the worst, or most disgusting marks of falsehood are found. It is when habitual and petty lying profanes the lips of those, whom independence preserves from the temptation to violate the truth, and whom education and religion ought to have taught to value it.

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Lies of convenience are next in the list, and are super-eminent in extent and frequency. The order to your servant to say, Not at home," is a lie of convenience; and one which custom authorizes, and which even some moralists defend, because, say they, it deceives no one. But this I deny-It is often meant to deceive-but were it not so, and were it understood amongst equals as a simple and legitimate excuse, it still is very objectionable, because it must have a pernicious effect on the minds of our servants, who cannot be supposed parties to this implied compact among their superiors, and must therefore understand the order à la lettre, and that order is, "Go and tell a lie for my convenience." How then, I ask, in the name of justice and common sense, can I, after giving such an order, resent any lie which a servant may think proper to tell me for his convenience, or his pleasure, or his interest? But amongst the most frequent lies of convenience are those, which are told relative to engagements which they who make them are averse to keep. "Head-aches,' ""bad colds," unexpected visitors from the country." All these in their turn are

66

used as lies of convenience, and gratify indolence or caprice at the expense of integrity. How often have I pitied the wives and children of professional men for the number of lies, which they are obliged to tell in the course of the year!" Dr.is very sorry, but he was sent for to a patient just as he was coming."-"Papa's com pliments, and he is very sorry, but he was forced to attend a commission of bankruptcy, but will certainly come, if he can, bye and bye;" when the chances are, that the physician is enjoying himself over his book and his fire, and the lawyer also- congratu lating themselves on having escaped that terrible bore, a party, at the expense of teaching their wife and daughter, or son, to tell what they call a white lie! I would ask those fathers, I would ask mothers who make their children bearers of similar excuses, whether they could conscientiously resent any breach of veracity committed by their children in matters of more importance. Ce n'est que le premier pas qui coute, and I believe that habitual, permitted, and encouraged lying in little and unimportant things, leads undoubtedly to want of truth and principle in greater and serious matters. The barrier, the restrictive principle once thrown down, no one can presume to say where the inroads and the destruction will end; and however exaggerated, however ridiculously rigid my ideas and opinions may appear, I must repeat, it is my firm conviction, that on no occasion whatever is truth to be violated or withheld.-European Magazine.

THE HOG,

A MOCK-HEROIC ORATION. After all that has been said of the utility of the hog, in olden and modern times, we cannot but think that to him. instead of the lion, belongs the title of the king of animals; in point of instinct (by which he selects seventy-two species of vegetables, and rejects one hundred and seventy-one), sagacity, and docility, when tutored, he is but little, if anywise, inferior to the dog, beaver, and half-reasoning elephant. Who has not heard of the learned pig spelling words, pointing out names and designating cards? In the towns of Europe, when the swineheard sounds his horn, every hog leaves his stye to follow him to the forest or fields. If a storm is approaching or a change of wind or weather is about to take place, the hog is the first with his barometer

nose, true as Torricelli's best instrument, to make the discovery, and to warn his keeper by his cries and movements. With a knowledge of this fact, the conjecturers tell us he is the only animal who sees the wind,' by which means he is enabled, on the principle of carpe diem, to avoid foul weather and enjoy the fine. He is also endowed with sensibility as well as instinct, and has one quality which distinguishes him from all others of the brute creation that of running to the aid of his brother hogs in distress and difficulty, braving the greatest dangers and the rudest treatment for the love of kin.

In all countries. except Scotland, the hog, out of gratitude for the eminent services his family has never ceased to render to man, from the most remote antiquity, is permitted to live in a state of what many erect hogs we know of would call luxury and ease. But who ever has visited that sage computer, the ever-saving sawney, in his Murrayshire, must have frequently seen the hog tackled with a small horse to the same plough. How different from the Mexicans, who, in driving their hogs to market, cover their feet and lower joints with a sort of boots, to prevent the ill effects of fatigue, while the peasant who conducts them goes bare-footed!

Had it not been for some Egyptian goddesses who fell in love with a bull, and the clan of that wise legislator, Moses, whose cutaneous sympathies pork was supposed to increase (and, therefore, the patriot hog was by both proscribed), we moderns should entertain a much higher respect for him than we do; for it must be acknowledged, taking him altogether, soul and body (honi soit qui mal y pense), inside and out, that he is very superior to most animals, and the devoted friend of man, to whom he never fails to show his gratitude, by repaying him a hundred fold for all his favours.

sure,

lords of the creation, would do well to recollect, that

The hog who works not, nor obeys
their call,

'Lives on the labours of these lords
of all.'

Much has been said in praise of the hog, yet many a swinish excellence must be passed over in silence, and left, like virtue, to its own reward. The last advice of the dying, like the parting kiss of the lover, is the most impressive; so is the peroration of a discourse, the finish of an epigram, and last stanza of a poem, as well as the last hint of a moral, from Æsop to Franklin: so, precisely so, appears the last and most prominent character of our bristly personage; a character of inestimable value in this great republic, the Pharos among nations.

When nature created and endowed the hog with qualities surprising and rare, she seems to have presented him to the statesman, lawyer, judge, physician, and divine-to all the human race -as the perpetual model of that stubborn, rude, uncourtly integrity, commonly understood by the name of independence; and yet, strange inconsistency! this representative of honest obesity has given rise to the calumnious metaphor of bribery, implied by greasing a man's palm! as if the fat of a hog was synonimous with gold.-Our very aspersions are often times charged with precious confessions, detersive of the reputation they were intended to tarnish. Senators have been known to take bribes; Jugurtha bought the Roman and Walpole the British se nate; and who has not heard of the Yazoo purchase ?-Courtiers and sycophants, too, will flatter; but neither adulation nor money can tempt to deviate from the invariable laws of his nature, the even tenor of his ways,' this valuable quadruped, who, though like a candidate for public office, he will go through thick and thin to reach his object, will never be led or driven like a time-serving radical. The downy bed has no enchantment for him. With the Doric simplicity of a back woodsman, he lays himself down in the, humblest hovel, or under the blue spangled arch of heaven,' and snores away the night with a full stomach and a clear conscience :

'Go! from the creatures thy instruction take.'

When the Roman historian captivates us most, he recals that simple age

of purity in which Cineinnatus cultivated his own ground, or Scipio roasted turnips and broiled his own pork on his Sabine farm; not that vile Epicurean epoch when emperors and courtezans melted pearls for a soup, gave thousands for a turbot, and millions for a debauch. The incorruptible hog, with Roman simplicity, ploughs his own fields, and caters for himself. Truffles and mushrooms are his choicest dainties; for his heaven, like that of the gods, who, in the reign of Saturn, fought and ate with men, and held sweet converse with the women, is upon the earth. There he grunts and grumbles for his competency, which, like the fund of South American riches, is concealed partly under ground, as if the deity had foreseen that tyranny would enslave or cowardice surrender every thing above its surface. But all the crevices of despotism and its inquisition will not coerce him, like the Indian of the Mita, to dig dross for a master.-Literary Chronicle.

BURNING DEAD BODIES. The city of Calcutta being very populous, about sixty or seventy Hindoos are dying every day. After they are dead, their relations take their corpses to Cossy Miter's Ghaut (the only one in the town), where they burn them, and perform other funeral rites. This Ghaut is about fifteen cubits broad and forty long, within which space three, or at most four, piles of wood only can be heaped; therefore the inconvenience that is experienced in burning the dead bodies of the Hindoos will appear from the following description. When any person of a moderate fortune living at Jaun Bazar, and usually going about in a palanquin, has lost some of his relations, he experiences great difficulty in walking so far, in order to bring the body to Cossy Miter's Ghaut at Bagbazar. Again, when he has reached the Ghaut, he finds three or four piles already burning, while five or seven others are ready to be burnt: some brought in the morning, others at noon, and this, that is just coming from Jaun Bazar, at about four in the evening. When those three or four have been burnt away, those that were brought in the morning begin to be burnt about sunset, and are completed between ten and eleven at night. At this time, the water being raised, or, in other words, the flowing tide coming in, prevents those corpses which had been brought at noon from being burnt, and they that

had brought them necessarily are obliged to wait the return of the ebb tide till six in the morning, when they begin their task, and leave those who have come from Jaun Bazar to burn their corpse about the noon, which they cannot finish before evening. This is the manner in which the Hindoo corpses are burnt. This is a very bad practice, and costs a great deal of trouble. First, as it is inconsistent with the general opinion and that of the Shasters, to stale the corpse; second, as our feelings are inexpressibly hurt, to wait at the burning ground with that object in our bosom for whose loss we lament; third, as those persons who take the dead body to the Ghaut have been obliged, before the death of the patient, to attend upon him, and keep up whole nights without any food to themselves, and are now again obliged to do the same on the river Ganges; and, fourth, as, until these persons return home, no one there is allowed to eat any thing, but all must lie down lamenting. We therefore, sincerely wish, that either a very wide Ghaut, where twenty-five or thirty dead bodies may be burned, or three or four more of the present kind be made, so that the corpses, immediately upon being taken to the Ghaut, be burned without any opposition or inconvenience. I presume that, when this circumstance is publicly known, the merciful rulers of this land, who are doing eyery thing to make their subjects happy, will adopt some such measures as will tend to the abolition of this evil practice. They have granted extensive pieces of ground to the Moosulmans, Armenians, Portuguese, and many other nations for burying their dead, and they are more and more adding to those pieces of ground, for another corpse cannot be buried in the same place where one has already been interred: but such is not the case among the Hindoos, for they require only different piles of wood to burn their dead bodies, but not spots of ground. From this we presume to hope that the Hindoos will be able to meet with success from their generous and wise rulers.