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PURGANAX. Call in the Jews, Solomon the court porkman,
Oh, would that this were all ! The oracle ! Moses the sow-gelder, and Zephaniah the hog
Why it was I who spoke that oracle,
And whether I was dead drunk or inspired, They are in waiting, sire.
I cannot well remember ; nor, in truth,
The oracle itself!
The words went thus : [The Pigs run about in consternation. “ Bæotia, choose reform or civil war ! That load the earth with pigs; cut close and deep. When through the streets, instead of hare with Moral restraint I see has no effect,
dogs, Nor prostitution, nor our own example,
A Consort Queen shall hunt a King with hogs, Starvation, typhus-fever, war, nor prison
Riding on the Ionian Minotaur.”
Now if the oracle had ne'er foretold
This sad alternative, it must arrive,
Or not, and so it must now that it has ;
Let your Majesty And whether I was urged by grace divine,
Or Lesbian liquor to declare these words,
It matters not : for the same power made all,
Zephaniah, cut Oracle, wine, and me and you—or noneThat fat hog's throat, the brute seems overfed ; 'Tis the same thing. If you knew as much Seditious hunks! to whine for want of grains. Of oracles as I do
PURGANAX. Your sacred Majesty, he has the dropsy ;
You arch-priests We shall find pints of hydatids in's liver,
Believe in nothing ; if you were to dream He has not half an inch of wholesome fat
Of a particular number in the lottery,
You would not buy the ticket !
Yet our tickets He'll serve instead of riot-money, when
Are seldom blanks. But what steps have you taken? Our murmuring troops bivouaque in Thebes’
For prophecies, when once they get abroad, streets ;
Like liars who tell the truth to serve their ends, And January winds, after a day
Or hypocrites, who, from assuming virtue, Of butchering, will make them relish carrion.
Do the same actions that the virtuous do, Now, Solomon, I'll sell you in a lump
Contrive their fulfilment. This IonaThe whole kit of them.
Well-you know what the chaste Pasiphae did,
Wife to that most religious King of Crete,
And still how popular the tale is here ;
And these dull swine of Thebes boast their descent
Call themselves bulls, though thus degenerate ;
Is popular and respectable in Thebes : Their everlasting grunts and whines no more!
Their arms are seven bulls in a field gules. [Excunt, driving in the Swine.
They think their strength consists in eating beef,Enter Mammon, the Arch Priest ; and PCRGANAX, Chief of If Queen Iona
Now there were danger in the precedent
I have taken good care Dark as the frown of Hell, hangs over it
That shall not be. I struck the crust o' the earth The troops grow mutinous—the revenue fails— With this enchanted rod, and Hell lay bare ! There's something rotten in us—for the level And from a cavern full of ugly shapes, Of the State slopes, its very bases topple ;
I chose a LEECH, a GADFLY, and a Rat. The boldest turn their backs upon themselves! The gadfly was the same which Juno sent
To agitate 10,* and which Ezechielt mentions
That the Lord whistled for out of the mountains Why what's the matter, my dear fellow, now?
Of utmost Ethiopia, to torment
* The Prometheus Bound of Æschylus. To show his bilious face, go purge himself,
+ And the Lord whistled for the gadfly out Æthiopia, In emulation of her vestal whiteness.
and for the bee of Egypt, &c.-EZECHIEL.
A good match!
Has a loud trumpet like the Scarabee ;
A high connexion, Purganax. The bridegroom
[A most tremendous humming is heard.
Gods! what an if! but there is my grey Rat;
GADFLY. Hum ! hum! hum! From the lakes of the Alps, and the cold grey scalps
Of the mountains, I come!
Hum! hum! hum!
Of golden Byzantium ;
From Athens and Rome,
I come! I come!
Were open to me!
Which lamps hardly see
Dinging and singing,
Far, far, far,
I drove her--afar!
Far, far, far,
A ship without needle or star ;-
Seeking peace, finding war ;-
Hum ! hum!
The venom is working ;-
With canting and quirking,
Night and day, hum! hum ! ha! I have hummed her and drummed her From place to place, till at last I have dumbed her.
Hum ! hum! hum !
I will go
Enter LAOCTONOS and DAKRY. Aroint ye ! thou unprofitable worm !
It is my royal pleasure [To the LEECH.
That you, Lord General, bring the head and body, And thou, dull beetle, get thee back to hell !
If separate it would please me better, hither [To the GADFLY.
Of Queen Iona.
That pleasure I well knew, SWINE (within).
And made a charge with those battalions bold, Ugh, ugh, ugh !
Called, from their dress and grin, the royal apes, Hail ! Iona the divine,
Upon the swine, who in a hollow square We will be no longer swine,
Enclosed her, and received the first attack But bulls with horns and dewlaps.
Like so many rhinoceroses, and then
Retreating in good order, with bare tusks
And wrinkled snouts presented to the foe,
Bore her in triumph to the public sty:
What is still worse, some sows upon the ground PURGANAX (fiercely).
Have given the ape-guards apples, nuts, and gin, Be silent ! get to hell ! or I will call
And they all whisk their tails aloft, and cry,
THE SWINE, (without). And spell some scheme to make it ugly then. Long live Iona ! down with Swellfoot !
Went to the garret of the swineherd's tower, She is returned ! Taurina is in Thebes
Which overlooks the sty, and made a long, When Swellfoot wishes that she were in hell !
Harangue (all words) to the assembled swine, Oh, Hymen ! clothed in yellow jealousy,
Of delicacy, mercy, judgment, law, And waving o'er the couch of wedded kings
Morals, and precedents, and purity, The torch of Discord with its fiery hair ;
Adultery, destitution, and divorce, This is thy work, thou patron saint of queens
Piety, faith, and state necessity, Swellfoot is wived ! though parted by the sea, And how I loved the queen !-and then I wept, The very name of wife had conjugal rights ;
With the pathos of my own eloquence, Her cursed image ate, drank, slept with me,
And every tear turned to a inill-stone, which And in the arms of Adiposa oft Her memory has received a husband's—
Brained many a gaping pig, and there was made
A slough of blood and brains upon the place,
The millstones rolled, ploughing the pavement up,
With dust and stones.
I wonder that grey wizards
Like you should be so beardless in their schemes ;
To keep Iona and the swine apart.
Between two parties who will govern you,
But for my art.- Behold this bag ! it is
The poison bag of that Green Spider huge,
A bane so much the deadlier fills it now,
Now, with a little common sense, my Lords, The Gadfly's venom, fifty times distilled,
Only undoing all that has been done, Is mingled with the vomit of the Leech,
(Yet so as it may seem we but confirm it,) In due proportion, and black ratsbane, which
Our victory is assured. We must entice That very Rat, who, like the Pontic tyrant,
Her Majesty from the sty, and make the pigs Nurtures himself on poison, dare not touch ; - Believe that the contents of the GREEN BAG All is sealed up with the broad seal of Fraud, Who is the Devil's Lord High Chancellor,
Are the true test of guilt or innocence.
And that, if she be guilty, 'twill transform her And over it the primate of all Hell
To manifest deformity like guilt. Murmured this pious baptism :-“Be thou called
If innocent, she will become transfigured The GREEN BAG; and this power and grace be thine:
Into an angel, such as they say she is ; That thy contents, on whomsoever poured,
And they will see her flying through the air, Turn innocence to guilt, and gentlest looks
So bright that she will dim the noon-day sun ; To savage, foul, and fierce deformity.
Showering down blessings in the shape of comfits. Let all, baptised by thy infernal dew,
This, trust a priest, is just the sort of thing Be called adulterer, drunkard, liar, wretch !
Swine will believe. I'll wager you will see them No name left out which orthodoxy loves,
Climbing upon the thatch of their low sties ; Court Journal or legitimate Review !
With pieces of smoked glass, to watch her sail Be they called tyrant, beast, fool, glutton, lover
Among the clouds, and some will hold the flaps Of other wives and husbands than their own
Of one another's ears between their teeth, The heaviest sin on this side of the Alps !
To catch the coming hail of comfits in. Wither they to a ghastly caricature
You, Purganax, who have the gift o' the gab, Of what was human !-let not man nor beast
Make them a solemn speech to this effect: Behold their face with unaverted eyes !
to put in readiness the feast Or hear their names with ears that tingle not
Kept to the honour of our goddess Famine, With blood of indignation, rage, and shame !"
Where, for more glory, let the ceremony This is a perilous liquor ;--good my Lords.
Take place of the uglification of the Queen.
DAKRY (to SWELLFOOT).
Of your high office, as man-milliner
To red Bellona, should not be deferred.
All part, in happier plight to meet again.
The Public Sty.
And such home manufactures, is but partial;
A loud cry from the Pigs.
That she is guilty ; thus, the lean-pig faction
Into an angel, (as I am sure we shall do,)
[Showing the Bag.
Excellent, just, and noble Purganax !
Why, no one
How glorious it will be to see her Majesty
But like a standard of an admiral's ship, The sows especially, and what effect
Or like the banner of a conquering host, It might produce upon the purity and
Or like a cloud dyed in the dying day, Religion of the rising generation
Unravelled on the blast from a white mountain ; Of sucking-pigs, if it could be suspected
Or like a meteor, or a war-steed's mane, That Queen Iona
Or water-fall from a dizzy precipice
Scattered upon the wind.
Or a cow's tail,
Or any thing, as the learned Boar observed.
Why, it is hinted, that a certain bull -
[A great confusion is heard of the Pigs out of Doors,
which communicates itself to those within. During the first Strophe, the doors of the Sty are staved in, and a number of exceedingly lean Pigs and Sows and Boars rush in.
A law !
Oh! no GREEN BAGS!! Jealousy's eyes are green,
but only bacon colour)
SECOND BOAR (solemnly).