66

GRAMMAR.

JOHN, parse-Girls are lovely. Girls is a common noun, third person, plural number, and objective case.-Objective case? No nominative case.—. -Nominative to what verb? "I don't know, sir." Well, what follows girls ?" John Dickson followed our girls what we've got to hum last Sunday afternoon." "Oh! young man. Well, I should suppose they were in the objective case.' No, sir-ee! when I seed 'em, I should think they was in the possessive case, for he was hugging 'em like thunder!"

ON MISS MOLLY FOWLE, A CELEBRATED

BY

CAMBRIDGE BEAUTY,

THE REVEREND HANS DE VEIL.

Is Molly Fowle immortal?

No!

Yes! but she is, I'll prove her so;
She's fifteen now, and was I know,
Fifteen full fifteen years ago.

THEODORE HOOK being in company, where he said something humorous, in rhyme, of every person present, he, on Mr. Winter, the late solicitor of taxes, being announced, made the following impromptu :

"Here comes Mr. Winter, collector of taxes,

I advise you to give him whatever he axes,

I advise you to give it without any flummery,

For tho' his name's Winter, his actions are summary."

IN a speech, before Lord Redesdale, Plunket had occasion to use the phrase kites, very frequently, as designating fraudulent bills and promissory notes. Lord Redesdale, to whom the phrase was quite new, at length interrupted him, saying "I don't quite understand your meaning, Mr. Plunket. In England, kites are paper playthings, used by boys. In Ireland they seem to mean some species of monetary transactions." "There is another difference, my Lord," said Plunket, "in England, the wind raises the kites; in Ireland, the kite raises the wind."

GRACE GREENWOOD satirizes, in the Dollar Magazine, the parrot-cry that women should know how to wash, &c., and asks, why not the stronger sex also? What could be a more beautiful illustration of womanly dependence, and manly courage, than a lady gracefully cleansing handkerchiefs and lace, while her loving lord boldly wrestles with the counterpanes and table cloths?

A GENTLEMAN, at an eating-house, asked the person who sat next to him, if he would please pass the mustard. "Sir," said the man, "do you take me for a waiter ?" "Oh! no sir," was the reply" I mistook you for a gentleman."

WHY IS A GARDENER THE MOST EXTRAORDINARY MAN IN THE KINGDOM ?

BECAUSE no man has more business on earth, and he always chooses good ground for what he does. He commands his thyme, he is master of the mint, and when he pleases, fingers penny royal. He raises his celery every year, and it is a bad year, indeed, that does not produce him a plum. He meets with more boughs than a minister of state, makes more beds than the Pulteney Hotel, in Piccadilly, and has in them more painted ladies, and more genuine roses, and lilies, than are to be found at a country fair. He makes raking more his business, than his pleasure, yet his wife enjoys as much hearts' ease as she wishes. He can boast of more bleeding hearts, than in any town taken by storm, during the last war; and of more laurels, than the victorious Wellington.

ON Dr. Goodenough preaching before the House of Lords :'Twas odd enough, that Goodenough, Before the Lords should preach;

For sure enough, full bad enough,
Were those he had to teach!

THAT which we acquire with most difficulty, we retain the longest, as those who have earned a fortune are usually more careful of it, than those who have inherited one.

A COQUETTE does not want to be loved; all she aims at is, to appear lovely, and to pass for a beauty. What predominates in her is vanity and levity.

WHAT renders men so miserable is their pride and cupidity. WHAT Cost little is too dear, when it is of no use.

WHAT Seneca says, is, true anger is madness.

It is difficult for men not to hate what they fear much.

It is from good or bad education, that depends always the happiness or misfortune of our life.

He is truly a good man, who has a natural abhorrence of vice, and love of virtue.

CADMUS taught the Greeks the use of letters.

IF you desire to be esteemed, you must be civil, mild, complaisant, and affable.

VICIOUS habits are diseases which human helps cannot remedy. PRUDENCE is the eye of virtue.

LOVE is the soul of the world.

YOUTH is the soul of beauty, and beauty is the stumblingblock of men of feeling.

GOING THE WHOLE HOG.

A QUERIST asks information as to the origin of the American figure of speech-" to go the whole hog." I apprehend its parentage belongs less to America than to Ireland, where a "hog" is still the synonyme for a shilling, and a "tester" or "taster' for a sixpence. Previously to the assimilation of the currency of the two countries in 1825, a "white hog" meant the English shilling, or twelve pence; and a "black hog" the Irish shilling, or thirteen pence. To " go the whole hog," is a convivial determination to spend the whole shilling; and the prevalence of the expression, with an extension of its application in America, can be readily traced to its importation by the multitudes of emigrants from Ireland.

THREE THINGS WHICH A GOOD WIFE SHOULD
BE LIKE, AND THREE THINGS WHICH SHE
SHOULD NOT BE LIKE.

A wife, domestic, good and pure,
Like snail should keep within her door;
But not like snail, in silver'd track,
Place all her wealth upon her back.

A wife should be like echo true,
And speak but when she's spoken to;
But not like echo, still be heard,
Contending for the final word.

Like a town clock, a wife should be,
Keep time and regularity;

But not like clocks, harangue so clear
That all the town her voice may hear.

My friend if these allusions strike
She whom as bride you hail,
Must just be like, and just unlike,
An echo-clock-and snail!

AGE and merit render a man venerable, rank and dignity render him respectable.

NATURE begins, education finishes.

NATURE makes the poet, art the orator.

HEALTH is the support of life, and joy is the soul of health,

INNOCENT pleasures make the comforts of life.

VALOUR is the compound of prudence and courage.

THE too great indulgence of fathers ruins children.

MEMORY is the depository of the riches of the mind.

POLITENESS is an attention in doing that by our words and our manners, that others be pleased with us and with themselves. AUTHORITY and power bind, interest and love engage.

A GERMAN PRINCE.

WHEN an Englishman was introduced to him, he thought the best thing he could say to him, was to remark that "it was bad weather;" upon which the Englishman shrugged up his shoulders and replied " Yes, but it is better than none at all."

THE DOCTOR WHO FORGOT HIS ERRAND. IN the biography of Hannah Moore, just published, it is related, that when about sixteen, a dangerous illness brought her under the care of Dr. Woodward, a physician of eminence at that day, and distinguished by his correct taste. On one of his visits, being led into conversation with his patient, on subjects of literature, he forgot the purpose of his visit, in the fascination of her talk, till suddenly recollecting himself, when he was halfway down stairs, he cried" Bless me, I forgot to ask the girl, how she was ;" and returned to the room-" How are you to-day, my dear child ?"

THE LAST ABOUT BARNUM.

THE wags will never let Barnum alone. The last story in regard to him is, that he had picked up in his travels a small pot of tar, supposed to have been left where the Israelites pitched their tents.

IMAGINATION makes the greatest part of all the pleasure and displeasure of men.

LIBERALITY and thankfulness are the bonds of concord.
YOUTH and love are two fine excuses for many follies.
NEITHER riches nor dignity render us happy.

Not only his dignities, his riches, but his virtue vanish away. WEALTH, dignities, honour, every thing disappears at death. Virtue alone remains.

MOST people act more by habit, than by reflection; it is for that reason we see so many people, who, though with great abilities, commit very great faults.

A VERY great number of youth ruin themselves because they read impious books, and because they get acquainted with licentious people.

A GREAT number of Christians fell into errors because they would submit the dogmas to their weak reason.

THE greatest part of philosophers are not reasonable.

MOST men see only through self-love.

MOST men are active in suing for a favor, and indolent when they have obtained it.

RIGHTS AND WRONGS OF WOMEN.

WHEN the simple question of superiority is at issue, the men always have given up. If ladies and gentlemen meet on the sidewalk, who have to turn out? If there are not seats enough for all the company, who has to stand up? When there is danger to face, who must go forward? If there is curiosity to gratify, who goes behind? If there is too much company for the first table, who eats at the second? Who has the right hand and the most enviable position ? We could mention a hundred other cases, in which, on the simple question of right, every thing is yielded to the woman. But there are cases in which the condition of them is still worse. For instance, if on any public occasion, a pew at church, or a seat any where, be occupied by them, ever so respectable or aged, a smirking little beauty trips along, and presents herself at the top of the seat, when they all jump up, and run out as if they had been shot. Especially ought it to be noticed, that when matrimonial negociations are to be made, the whole burden of performing the delicate and often embarrassing part of making proposals is thrown upon the men, while the women, sit and say "No," "No," as long as they like, and never say "Yes," until they have a mind to.

IN THE CHURCH YARD OF HORRINGTON.

Here lies the body of Edward Hide;
We laid him here because he died,

We had rather

It had been his father.

If it had been his sister

Few would have missed her;

But since 'tis honest Ned

No more shall be said.

AN EPIGRAM.

To this night's masquerade, quoth Dick,
By pleasure, I am beckoned,

And think 'twould be a jolly trick,

To go as Charles the Second.

Tom felt for repartee a thirst,

And thus to Richard said,

You'd better go as Charles the First,

For that requires no head!

HALF of the people take pleasure in slandering, and the other half in believing slanders.

WE too often say, it is they who have caused our ruin; it would be more true to say, it is we who are the first cause of all our misfortunes.

A MISER may have riches in his chest, but he is not the master of them, for they are in possession of his heart and of his mind.