CAUSE AND EFFECT.

AN old lady, who was apt to be troubled in her dreams, and rather superstitious with all, informed the parson of the parish, that on a night previous, she dreamed she saw her grandfather, who had been dead for ten years. The clergyman asked what she had been eating. "Oh! only half a mince pie." "Well," said he, " if you had devoured the other half, you might probably have seen your grandmother too."

ON A WINDY PARSON.

"Preaching is foolishness," he made
The text of his oration;

And all confessed that he display'd
"A perfect demonstration."

HAVING THE FIRST WORD.

It is recorded in the most veritable of our Saxon chronicles that :

A very ready lady,

One Miss Baxter,

Refused a nice young man
Before he axed her.

BELDEYCH,

THE distinguished poet of Holland, was, in his youth, so careless and idle, that he proved a source of anxiety to his father, who, one day came with a newspaper in his hand to stimulate him, by shewing him the advertisement of a prize offered by the Society of Leydon, and decreed to the author of a piece, signed with the words" An author, 18 years old," who was invited to make himself known. "You ought to blush, idler," said old Beldeych to his son, "here is a boy, who is only of your age, and though so young, is the pride and happiness of his parents; and you "It's myself," answered young William, throwing himself upon his father's neck, who covered him with caresses and tears of joy.

THE punishment of criminals should be of use, when a man is hanged he is good for nothing.-Voltaire.

THE best government is that in which the law speaks instead of the lawyer.

TRUTH is as impossible to be soiled by an outward touch as the sunbeam.-Milton.

If the spring put forth no blossoms, in summer there will be no beauty, and in autumn no fruit. So if youth be trifled away, without improvement, riper years will be contemptible and old age miserable.

VOL. I.

M

A PUZZLING DEVICE.

THE proprietor of a tan-yard, adjacent to a certain town, in Virginia, concluded to build a stand, or a sort of store, in one of the main streets, for the purpose of vending his leather, buying raw hides, and the like. After completing his building, he began to consider what sort of a sign it would be best to put up for the purpose of attracting attention to his new establishment, and for days and weeks he was solely puzzled on this subject. Several devices were adopted, and on further consideration rejected. At last a happy idea struck him. He bored an augur-hole through the door-post, and stuck a calf's tail into it, with the bushy end flaunting out. After a while, he noticed a grave looking personage standing near the door, with his spectacles on, gazing intently on the sign; and there he continued to stand gazing and gazing, until the curiosity of the tanner was greatly excited in turn. He slipped out and addressed the individual:—

"Good morning," said he.

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sign.

Morning," said the other, without moving his eyes from the

"You want to buy leather ?" said the store-keeper. "No."

"Do you wish to sell hides ?"

"No.'

"Are

you a farmer ?"

"No."

"What the d-1 are you then ?”

"I'm a philosopher. I have been standing here for an hour, trying to see if I could ascertain how that calf got through that augur-hole, and I can't make it out to save my life.”

It is somewhat a singular fact, that restless as is the ocean, the path of your ship is the only part of it that is really a wake."

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A COUNTRY editor, in speaking of a steam-boat, says " She has twelve births in her ladies' cabin." "Oh! life of me," exclaimed Mrs. Partington, on reading the above. "What squalling there must have been."

A TRAVELLER, among other narrations of wonders of foreign parts, declared he knew a cane a mile long. The company looked incredulous, and it was evident they were not prepared to swallow it, even if it should have been a sugar cane. Pray what kind of cane was it ?" "It was a hurricane," replied the traveller.

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A ROGUE'S GRATITUDE.

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"I PROMISE your honor, if you will pass a light sentence on me, I will reform and become an honest man," said a criminal, who had been convicted of theft. The promise made an impression on the judge, and he passed as light a sentence as possible. May the hangman choke me, but that judge is a fine old fellow! I must send him something!" exclaimed the criminal, as he left the court; and behold, the next day, the judge received from an unknown hand a valuable gold watch of which he had been robbed two years before.

FANCY'S VISION OF THE SHADOWS.

Slowly and gently the shadows descending,
Daylight and darkness their images blending;
Stir up the fancies which busily throng,
Whispers the breeze, like a maiden's low sighing,
When to her sensitive lover replying,

She wakens emotions so fervent and strong.
Float through the haze of the night's shadow falling
Mystical voices, the accents recalling

Of the lov'd lost ones to memory dear;

Come too, sweet faces, and forms such as only
Enter our visions, when dreary and lonely,
Drops from our eyelid the sorrowing tear.

Day brings us trouble and many vexations;
Night bestows on us ideal creations;

Come then, sweet night! with thy quiet and rest;
Darker and faster descend, oh! ye shadows!
Densely enveloping moorland and meadows;
Give me society still with the blest!

HERBERT T. FRY.

DINNER VERSUS SMOKING.

A RESPECTABLE farmer, living in the parish of German, used to be amused at hearing his reapers remark, after dinner, that they would prefer a smoke to the food that was set before them. He resolved to put the matter to the test, and on the following day caused two tables to be laid out, one well supplied with the usual food, and the other with tobacco pipes and tobacco. Just before the reapers went to dinner, he communicated to them, that he wished them all before him, as he had something very important to tell them. "What is it ?" was eagerly demanded. "It is this," said Mr. M. "I told you I would try you. Here are two tables well supplied, choose which you will, but you cannot have both." The result was, every individual enjoyed his dinner, and left the pipes “alone in their glory."

THOSE who will not learn to speak a-propos should learn to hold their peace, for it is better to speak nothing than to bolt out follies.

SWINDLING EXTRAORDINARY.

A MAN in the disguise of a Railway contractor, lately went into a tavern at Dunfermline, and was followed by a person resembling an Irish navvie, demanding his wages from him. The contractor seemed greatly insulted, and to be in a passion at the conduct of the navvie, asking him, "Why he did not come for his wages on Saturday, and how he could have the assurance to dog him, demanding his wages on the Sabbath, that he would settle with him this once, but would never do so again." He (the contractor) then asked change for a pound from the landlord, which was readily granted, and in the meantime the landlord was dispatched for something to drink. While at the bar, the navvie decamped, carrying off the change, and to the apparent mortification of the contractor, he from some mistake, was not in possession of a pound note which he expected, but promised to call upon the landlord next day with the cash. His manner was such that no doubt attached but that he would do as he promised. It was, however, ascertained, that the whole affair was a villanous imposition, and that the trick had been played on the same day in no less than five different houses. The authorities are taking every means to discover the imposture.

A STUDY FOR FRENCHMEN, IN ENGLISH

PRONUNCIATION.

THIMBLERIG THISTLEWAITE, thievishly thought to thrive through thick and thin, by throwing his thimbles about; but he was thwarted, and thwacked, and thumped, and threshed with thirty thousand thistles and thorns, for thievishly thinking to thrive through thick and thin, by throwing his thimbles about.

A REPARTEE OF CHANCELLOR HYDE. MADAM CASTLEMAIN was very angry with him once (though he brought her into her dishonourable honour), and in great indignation told him, "I hope to live to see you hanged." Madam," said he, "I hope to live to see you old."

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Two Cardinals found fault with Raffaelle, for having, in one of his pictures, given too florid a complexion to S. Peter and S. Paul. "Gentlemen," replied the artist, ill-pleased with the criticism, "don't be surprised; I paint them just as they look in Heaven; they are blushing with shame to see the church below so badly governed."

PRUDENT men lock up their motives, letting familiars have a key to their heart as to their garden.

A VIRTUOUS mind chooses such amusements as least tend to vitiate the affections.

BOOKS.

WE occasionally meet with books which awaken emotions equally discordant. The reader is oftentimes puzzled, beyond expression, to know whether he ought to laugh or to cry. Between tears and

smiles, he is "perplexed in the extreme," and has no other escape from the predicament than that which suggested itself to Lord Byron, when bewildered between women and wine, in the reflection that "It is much better to have both than neither."

MR. DOHENY, at a public dinner, at Dunboyne, in allusion to the present condition of Ireland, said-" And if we do not better that condition, and prepare, we should only insult the memory of those patriots, who, sleep in their glorious graves, and who watch for the dawn of Ireland's independence." On which Punch remarks -"Surely, Ireland, then, is the land of patriotism. In what other country upon earth are these patriots,-who sleep and watch at the same time, and that in their graves,-patriots dead and buried, and alive and kicking, and asleep and wide awake? By the powers we should like to be acquainted with these patriots, and go with Mr. Doheny and plant laurels on their graves, and shake hands with the gentlemen under the roots of daisies."

AN IRISH EPITAPH.

Here lies,

And my heart at ease is,

Wid the point o' my nose,

And the tips o' my toes,

Turned up to the roots o' the daisies.

DAYS.

Not void of moral, though unheeded glides
Time's current, stealing on with silent haste;

For lo! each falling sand his folly chides
Who lets one precious minute run to waste.

Oh! how this spring of life resembleth
The uncertain glory of an April day,

Which now shows all the beauty of the sun,
And by and bye a cloud takes all away.

THE USE OF LITTLE TIME.

ONE of the hours each day, wasted on trifles or indolence, saved and daily devoted to improvement, is enough to make an ignorant man wise in ten years, to provide the luxury of intelligence to hands torpid from lack of thought, to brighten up and strengthen faculties perishing with rust, to make life a fruitful field, and death a harvest of glorious deeds.