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AN AUSTRIAN HEAVEN. An Austrian, upon being asked for a defininition of Paradise, said —" I believe it to be a kingdom where you can travel backwards and forwards without a passport."
COPY OF AN ADVERTISEMENT IN A NEW
JERSEY JOURNAL. “To be sold, one hundred and thirty-one suits in law, the property of an eminent attorney about to retire from business.” Note. The clients are rich and obstinate.
FEES. The fee of a Spanish physician, at present, is said to be two-pence from a tradesman, ten-pence from a man of rank, and nothing from the poor. In France, the fee from a tradesman, is from three to five francs; from a man of rank, the amount varies, large sums being occasionally given.
PARIS AND LONDON. It must be acknowledged, that a walk from the Boulevards down the Rue de la Paix, through the Place Verdome, to the Place Louis Quinze, and so on to the River, proceeding along the Quai to the Tuileries and the Louvre, exceed anything in London.
THE DWELLINGS OF THE IRISH POOR. The dwellings of the Irish poor are wretched hovels, built of earth and rudely thatched, without any boards, consisting of only one story, and frequently of only one rooin. Almost every Irish peasant possesses a pig, which usually shares his cabin and his meals; and upon which greatly depends the payment of the rent, and support of the family.
A traveller, who was visiting an Irish cabin, expressed his surprise that the pig was treated so inuch as an equal, when the master replied—“ Sure we cannot turn out the gintleman that pays the rint.”
SINGULAR. A POPULAR writer remarks —" I don't think there is any thing more curious in history than the changes of opinion. One would think that right and wrong must be always the same, and yet how differently people think of it !
The change of opinion may be generally traced to the progress of knowledge. The more the human understanding is cultivated, the more it is enlarged, and the better able to discern good from evil.
THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON'S SYMPATHY
“ Drew iron tears down Plato's cheeks.” On the morning after the fight of Waterloo, orders were transmitted to the proper authorities, to make the usual specific account of killed and wounded, and forthwith to bring it to the Commanderin-Chief. Dr. Hume, principal medical attendant on his Grace's staff, on preparing the list, hastened to the Duke's tent, and giving the pass-word, was ushered in by the sentinel. His Grace was asleep. The doctor was aware of the fatigue the Duke's system had undergone, and hesitated to awake him. The order of the Duke, on the other hand, had been issued with more than usual peremptoriness, and the doctor ventured to give the Duke a shake. În an instant his Grace, dressed as he had been in full regimentals, was sitting on the bedside. “Read,” was the significant command. For more than an hour had the doctor read aloud the harrowing list, and then his voice failed, and his throat choked with emotion. He tried to continue but could not. Instinctively he raised his eyes to the Duke. Wellington was still sittiug with his hands raised and clasped convulsively before him. Big tears were coursing down his cheeks. In a moinent, the Duke was conscious of the doctor's silence, and recovering himself, looked up and caught his eye. “Read on," was the stern command, and while his physician continued for hours, the Iron Duke sat by the bedside, clasping his hands, and rocking his body to and fro from emotion.
ALL'S FOR THE BEST !
Troubles and sorrows are friends in disguise;
Courage for ever is happy and wise.
Providence wishes us all to be blest;
Heaven is gracious and all for the best !
Meet all your fears, and your foes in the van,
Trust like a child while you strive like a man.
Providence reigns from the east to the west;
Hope and be happy, that's all for the best!
A BELOCHEE, condemned for murder, walked to execution, conversing with calmness on the road; when turned off, the rope broke and he fell, but started up instantly, and with inexpressible coolness, said " Accidents will happen in despite of care ; try again."
EFFECT OF ACCIDENT-OBSERVATIONS UPON. It is very entertaining to see how many useful things have been discovered by accident. There is a saying about “necessity being the mother of invention;" we are sure that accident must be one of her sisters; and we cannot help remarking that circumstances which may be thought trifling and accidental, frequently determine a man's conduct and situation through the most important parts of his life. Thus it was with Jacob.
Which memory faintly throws ?
That hope and fear compose.
That comes and disappears :
Of memories, hopes, and fears.
THE DUKE'S “ ARTFUL DODGE.” When the British Army was on the march in Spain, its commander sometimes called on the ecclesiastical authorities, who conducted him over the churches and cathedrals. “ It is a noble building,” Lord Wellington would say, for he spoke Spanish; “ what lofty windows ! how can you clean them ?” “Oh! we have ladders !” “ Indeed, but where can you deposit such long ladders ?” The information was willingly given, and the next morning these long ladders formed part of the British baggage, to be useful at the next siege.
NOTES AND QUERIES. Note.-The proverb says~" Patience is a virtue.” Query.- If a surgeon has any patients, does it therefore follow that he has no virtue ?
A man who was rescued from drowning, in Boston, abused the man who rescued him for not saving bis hat ! A GENT dined one day with a dull preacher.
Dinner was scarcely over before the gent fell asleep, but was awakened by the divine, and invited to go and hear him preach. “I beseech you, sir,” said he, “ to excuse me; I can sleep very well where I am.
OPINION. He who believes his own views to be true, must believe the opposite views to be in error; but the great point in our judgment and feelings towards man, seems to be, not to confound error with fault.
VERY GOOD COMPANIONS. The two great ornaments of virtue, which shew her in the most advantageous points of view, and make her altogether lovely, are cheerfulness and good nature. These generally go together, as a man cannot be agreeable to others who is not easy within himself. They are both very requisite in a virtuous mind, to keep out melancholy from the many serious thoughts it is engaged in, and to prevent its natural hatred of vice from degenerating into severity and censoriousness.
I SHOULD not advise any one to place his child where the Holy Scriptures are not regarded as the rule of life. Every institution, where God's word is not diligently studied, must become corrupt. "Weighty words,” says D. Aubergne, “which goveruments, fathers, and the learned of all ages, would do well to consider.”
Mrs. SULLEN, talking of her husband, says :-“He comes flouncing into bed, dead as a salmon into a fishmonger's basket; his feet cold as ice, his breath hot as a furnace, and his hands and his face as greasy as his flannel nightcap. Oh! matrimony ! matrimony! He tosses up the clothes with a barbarous swing over his shoulders, disorders the whole economy of my bed, leaves me half naked, and my whole night's comfort is the tuneful serenade of that wakeful nightingale—his nose.”
A SAILOR, having purchased some medicine of a celebrated doctor, demanded the price. Why,” says the doctor, “ I cannot think of charging you less than seven and sixpence ?” “ · Well, I'll tell you what,” replied the sailor, “ take off the odds and I'll pay you the even.” Well,” returned the doctor, “we won't quarrel about trifles.” The sailor laid down sixpence and was walking off, when the doctor reminded him of his mistake. “ No mistake at all, sir; six is even, and seven is odd, all the world over, so I wish you a good day.” “Get you gone,” said the doctor,
« I have made fourpence out of you yet.'
We asked a pretty girl the other day to give us a kiss, but she could not afford it. She said, however, she would lend us one, provided we would return it. It is needless to add, that we borrowed the article and returned it promptly.
QUICK A RUDE fellow said to an unoffending Hebrew—“ Do you know they hang Jews and Jackasses together in England ?" "I didn't,” replied the Israelite,“ but if it be true, it is fortunate that you
and I are not there."
ACCEPTATION. “Will you take my arm ?” said a gallant to a young lady, after the dance was broken up. “ La! yes, and you too ! seeing it's leap year."
CONVENIENCE. An American physician announces, that he has changed his residence to the neighbourhood of the church-yard, which he hopes may prove a convenience to his numerous patients.
KEEP THE HEART LIGHT AS YOU CAN !
We have always enough to bear,
We have always a something to do,
When we have the world to get through!
The courage and vigour of man,
Who keep the heart light as they can!
Our energy's sure to be gone :
Two lords are less easy than one!
Is a poor and profitless plan:
If we keep it as light as we can!
Excepting a harvest of pain :
And till it and plough it again!
The gloom that decision may span,
Then keep the heart light as you can!
Some hearts, like evening primroses, open most beautifully in the shadows of life.
POLITENESS of the heart consists in an habitual benevolence, and an absence of selfishness, in our intercourse with society of all classes.
If a man be compassionate towards the affliction of others, it shews that his heart is like the noble tree, that is wounded itself when it gives the balm.-Bacon.