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A WIFE. Solitude and disappointment enter the history of every man's life; and he is but half provided for his voyage who finds but an associate for happy hours, while for months of darkness and distress no sympathizing partner is prepared.
MUCH WILL HAVE MORE. A BEAUTIFUL woman once said to General Shields, who, by the bye, was an Irishman—"How is it that having obtained so much glory, you still seek for more ?" “Ah! madam," he replied, “how is it that you, who have so much beauty, should still put on paint ?"
CLOUDS AT SEA.
Gathers back o'er the mariner's glee,
All his revels of joy with the sea.
Like a bridegroom, devoted and fond;
For the blue sky is smiling beyond.
When the sunshine of pleasure is gone,
Which she fears are for ever withdrawn.
Look upward and never despond;
The blue sky is smiling beyond.
UTILITY OF A GRANDMOTHER. As two urchins were trotting along together, one of them fell and broke a pitcher which he was carrying. He then commenced crying, when the other boy asked him—“Why he took on so ?" “ 'Cause said, when I get home, mother will whip me for breaking
“What," said the other, "aint you got no grandmother living at your house ?" "No," was the reply. “Well, I have, and I might break two mugs, and they daren't whip me.”
A PILL. MRS. SPEKLES says—the best vegetable pill yet invented is an apple dumpling : for destroying a knawing at the stomach, it is a pill that may always be relied on.
HOW TO BEGIN THE NEW YEAR. Open the door with the silver key of Hope that it may close on the golden hinge of Prosperity.
A FABLE. Doctor Paris has just been with me. Pulse languid; he has prescribed a tonic. He talked of the folly of patients, prescribing for themselves, and quoted a fable of Camerarions :—“ An ass, loaded with salt, was crossing a brook; the water diluted the salt, and lightened the burthen. He communicated his discovery to a brother donkey laden with wool. The latter tried the same experiment, and found his load double weight."
NOVEL DEFINITION. The other day, the teacher of a lady's school in Wick, while putting a company of juveniles of the gentler sex through their facings in the spelling book, came to the word “lad," of which in accordance with the modern method of tuition, she asked the signification. “One little puss, on the question having been put, with a sidelong look, blushingly answered—“For courtin' wi';" a reply which we accord of the future lexicographers.
THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON'S APPETITE. When the Duke was at Paris, as Commander of the Allied Armies, he dined with Cambaceres, one of the most distinguished statesmen and gourmets of the time of Napoleon. In the course of dinner, his host having helped him to some particular recherche dish, expressed a hope, that he found it agreeable. “ Very good," said the Duke, who was probably reflecting on Waterloo, " good, but I really do not care what I eat.” “Good Heaven !” exclaimed Cambaceres, as he started back and dropped his fork, “ don't care what you eat ! What did you come here for then ?"
WET CLOTHES. Neglect of changing their clothes, when wet, is a great source of disorder among husbandmen. To remain in wet clothes, when the body is at rest, subjects the person, who is so imprudent, to the united bad effects of cold and inoisture. Much worse consequences, however, may be expected, where they are heated by labour, and lie down to rest, as they often do, in their wet clothes. The diminished force of the circulation, and other powers of life, which always takes place during sleep, cause the bad effects of cold to operate with much greater danger to health and life. This hazard is much further aggravated, if they add to this imprudence, by sleeping on the ground. This not only communicates additional inoisture and cold, but is, perhaps, still more prejudicial, from the nature of the exhalation. It is the opinion of great eminence, that the vapour which arises from moist earth, is the ca
se of the most dangerous fevers. Those, therefore, who put themselves wantonly in the way of such danger, are guilty of liitle less than suicide.
THE WAY TO THE WORKHOUSE. John REEVES, the actor, well understanding human imperfections, was accosted on the Kensington road by an elderly female, with a small bottle of gin in her hand. Pray sir, I beg your pardonIs this the way to the Workhouse?” John gave her a clerical look of dignity; and pointing to the bottle, gravely said—“No ma'am, but that is !”
Nor yet one half so dear;
Or thousands gained a year:
'Tis virtue's firmest shield :
Than all the stars may yield.
To sorrow whispers peace;
For mortals to increase.
It lulls you to repose;
An everlasting rose.
To snatch the brow from care;
Spreads gladness everywhere.
That gems the lily's breast;
As ever man possessed.
When threatening storm begins ;
That still its sweet way wins:
Where waves conflicting foam,
This angel of our home.
With power unheard before-
Good temper—nothing more!
That woman homeward brings,
To bliss unknown to kings.
DOBBs, the portrait painter, says—that every thing should be in character. For instance, search warrants should be printed on "tracing paper."
A DUN. A Few days since, a dun called on a young gentleman, and presented him a bill, when he was somewhat taken aback by the gent taking him aside, and blandly saying—“My dear sir, call next Thursday, and I'll tell you when to call again."
A NEW FORM OF HEROSHIP. The robbery, as said, committed upon a French author, by our Chancellor of the Exchequer, when he was expatiating on the virtues of Wellington, was intended, after all, as a compliment; for Disraeli thought he could not pay the memory of this departed Hero a greater honour than by taking something more from the French.
THE WEATHERCOCK. IN Wales, as in England, formerly, weathercocks were commonly placed on the church towers, and in one of the Welch villages there happened to be one so placed, but which from want of proper attention ceased to act. A new incumbent having come to the place, who had not paid much attention to its utility, (though as a matter of course, perchanice, looked to be satisfied it was safe,) being on a visit to a friend, a neighbouring clergyman, was taking his morning walk, when his attention was attracted to the weathercock on his friend's church, but to his surprise and annoyance it kept twisting and whirling about, so that when he met his friend at the breakest table, he said—“I don't like your weathercock.” “ Why ?” “Because," said he, “it is always moving about. Now, mine never mores, so that I always know where to find it.”
SHARP RETORT. A YANKEE, and Patlander, happening to be riding together, passed a gallows. “Where would you be,” said Jonathan, " if the gallows had its due ?” Riding alone, I guess," said the Irisbman.
UNSOPHISTICATED ELOQUENCE. A COUNTRYWOMAN was carrying on a very simple process, against a neighbour, in one of the small
courts of Germany. The attorney of the opponent pestered her with so much of chicanery and legal subtleties, that she lost all patience, and interrupted him thus"I bespoke of my opponent, the carpet-maker, a carpet with figures, which were to be as handsome as my lord the judge, and he wants now to force me to take one with horrible caricatures, uglier even than his attorney. Was I not right in breaking off the bargain ?" The court laughed at the comparison, the attorney was stupified, and the woman won her suit.
PARTY PREDILECTIONS. A young American lady, being asked by a politician, which party she was most in favor of, replied—“That she preferred a wedding
INTERESTING SIMPLICITY. “I say, mamma!” “Well, my pet!" “ Was Uncle Tom the husband of Anti-Slavery ?." Tut, nonsense, child ! tell Jane to put you to bed.”
Let's always have courage to try,
And each on his own strength rely.
Or in what direction it lay,
With the will there is always a way.
Shall always find crosses attend ;
But manly to bear till the end.
Its but the will that we need :
If we try we're sure to succeed.
And let not its lure baits entice,
And perish the victims of vice.
Of virtue, of truth, and of love;
To thrice happy regions above.
Let nothing our spirit subdue,
And mind's glorious pathway pursue.
Let's all do the good that we can,
With courage becoming a man.
THE VALUATION OF A TRUE THOUGHT. I look upon every true thought as a valuable acquisition to society, which cannot possibly hurt or obstruct the good effect of any other truth whatsoever, for they all partake of one common essence, and necessarily coincide with each other; and like the drops of rain which fall separately into the river, mix themselves at once with the stream, and strengthen the general current.—Dr. Conyer Middleton.