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to buy some unnecessary thing, I have said to myself, “ Do not give too much for the whistle," and so I saved my money.
As I grew up, and observed the actions of men, I thought I met with many, very many, who gave too much for their whistles.
When I saw any one too ambitious of court favours, sacrificing his time, his repose, his liberty, his virtue, and perhaps, his friends, to attain them, I have said to myself, “ This man gives too much for his whistle."
When I met a man of pleasure, sacrificing every laudable improvement of inind and fortune, to mere corporeal sensations, “ Mistaken man,” said I, “you are providing pain for yourself, instead of pleasure; you give too much for your whistle.”
If I saw one fond of expence and show, of fine clothes, furniture, and equipage, all above his fortune, for which he contracted debts, and ended his life in prison; “ Alas !" said I, “ he has paid dear, very dear, for his whistle.”
When I saw a beautiful sweet-tempered girl married to an illnatured brute of a husband, “What a pity it is," said I, “ that she has paid so much for her whistle."
In short, I imagine, that great part of the miseries of mankind are brought upon them by the false estimate which they make of the value of things, and by their giving too much for their whistles.
MASQUE OF NATURE. Who is this beautiful Virgin that approaches, clothed in a robe of white and green? She has a garland of flowers on her head, and flowers spring up wherever she sets her foot. The snow which covered the fields, and the ice which was in the rivers, melt away when she breathes upon them. The young lambs frisk about her, and the birds warble in their little throats to welcome her coming ; and when they see her, they begin to choose their mates, and to build their nests. Youths and maidens, have ye seen this beautiful Virgin ? If ye have, tell me who is she, and what is her name ?
Who is this that cometh from the South, thinly clad in a light transparent garment ? Her breath is hot and sultry; she seeks the refreshment of the cool shade; she seeks the clear streams, and the crystal brooks, to bathe her languid limbs. The brooks and rivulets fly from her, and are dried up at her approach. She cools her parched lips with berries, and the graceful acid of all fruits—the seedy melon, the sharp apple, and the red pulp of the juicy cherry
—which are poured out plentifully around her. The tanned haymakers welcome her coming, and the sheep-shearer who clips the fleeces of his flock with his surrounding shears. When she cometh, let me lie under the thick shade of a spreading beech tree-let me walk with her in the early morning, when the dew is yet upon the grass—let me wander with her in the soft twilight, when the shepherd shuts his fold, and the star of evening appears. Who is she
that coineth from the South ? Youths and maidens, tell me, if you know, who is she, and what is her name?
Who is he that cometh with sober pace, stealing upon us unawares ? His garments are red with the blood of the grape, and his temples are bound with a sheaf of ripe wheat. His hair is thin and begins to fall, and the auburn is fixed with mournful grey. He shakes the brown nuts from the tree. He winds the horn, and calls the hunters to their sport. The gun sounds. The trembling partridge and the beautiful pheasant flutter, bleeding in the air, and fall dead at the sportman's feet. Who is he that is crowned with the wheat-sheaf?" Youths and maidens, tell me, if you know, who is he, and what is his name?
Who is he that cometh from the North, clothed in furs and warm wool ? He wraps his cloak close about him. His head is boldhis beard is made of sharp icicles. He loves the blazing fire high piled upon the hearth, and the wine sparkling in the glass. He binds skates to his feet, and skims over the frozen lakes. His breath is piercing and cold, and no little flower dares to peep above the surface of the ground, when he is by. Whatever he touches turus to ice. If he were to stroke you with his cold hand, you would be quite stiff and dead, like a piece of marble. Youths and maidens do you see him ? He is coming fast upon us, and soon he will be here. Tell me, if you know, who is he, and what is his name?
RATHER THIN-SKINNED. We know an actor, who, not meeting with that professional success to which he considered himself entitled, cannot bear to sit in a room where there is a tea-urn or kettle. The hissing recalls the scenes of the past too painfully.
DISPUTES. It is an excellent rule to be observed in all disputes, that men should give soft words and hard arguments, that they should not so much strive to vex as to convince an enemy.
DEFINITIONS. POLICEMAN-A man paid by the parish to sleep in the open air. BABY-A young person who drinks. ALBUM-A drawing-room mantrap set by young ladies. Oid MAID-A quiver full of arrows with no-beau attached. The PEPPERBOX OF HUMANITY-A peripatetic wig block.
WRITTEN BY DOCTOR JOHNSON.
To the Memory of
Or draw tears :
Over the affections
Equal to every subject :
Pure and delicate.
His memory will last
Friendship is not void of honour,
In wit a man, simplicity a child.
LAWS OF NATURE. “ NATURE, Sir, nature,” observed a first-rate ornamentor of the hair, while quickly rubbing his hands together, in order to dissolve a nob of bear's grease, which he held between them, “ she defies the power of man to set her laws aside ; and rest assured this grease, which has manured, and then matured the hair, on the bear's back, will perform the self-same office on your head.” “ He's right, Sir; he's quite right, I assure you," said a wag standing by “for I know a friend of mine who was bald, and, in mistake, was sold a pot of goose grease; this he applied, and in a little time his head was covered with feathers.”
CRUMBS OF COMFORT. It is a Spanish maxim that “ he who loseth wealth, loseth much; he who loseth a friend, loseth more; but he who loseth his spirits, loseth all ;" so keep up your spirits and a fig for care.
THE BEST TEACHERS. “What is wanting,” said Napoleon to Madame Campan, “in order that the youth of France be well educated ?” “Good Mothers," was the reply. The Emperor was struck with the answer. “Here, then," said he,“ is a system of education in one word.”
A TRUTHFUL REPLY. An Irishman having been arraigned and convicted upon full and unmistakable evidence of some flagrant misdemeanor, being asked by the judge, if he had anything to say for himself, replied with the characteristic humour of his country—“ Never a single word, yer honour, and its my real opinion there's been a grate deal too much said as it is.”
A REASON. A MINISTER was walking out one day, and passed two little boys, one of whom made a bow. As he turned his back he heard the following amusing conversation :-"Why, John, did'nt you kuow that was parson M?” “ Yes, of course I did. Well, why, my inother don't belong to his church."
A CONTENTED MAN. In Gibraltar there was a great scarcity of water, and a general complaint of the want of it. An Irish officer said “ he was very easy about the matter, for he had nothing to do with water; if he only got his tea in the morning, and punch at night, it was all that he wanted.”
MODESTY. An Irishwoinan once called upon an Apothecary with a sick infant, when the Apothecary gave her some powder, of which he ordered as much as would lie on a sixpence to be given every morning. The woman replied -" Perhaps your honour will lend me a sixpence the while, as I hav’nt got one at all."
CHARACTER OF THE ARABS. The Arabs cultivate the feelings, and are a nation of bandits ; they are exceedingly generous, exceedingly hospitable, and exceedingly unjust ; they utter the noblest sentiments, and steal the saddle from under you; they talk of the magnanimity of the Bedouins, and they cut your throat.
SECOND-HAND MEN. A MATRON, dwelling on the banks of the Tees, when under crossexamination as a wiiness at the Durham assizes, turned up her nose at an insinuation that her daughter was inclined to wed a widower. “ Very likely, indeed,” said she, with a toss of her head, " that my daughter should marry a second-hand man.”
A GOOD TURN OFF FOR A SAILOR. WILLIAM IV. seemed in a monientary dilemma one day when at table with several officers : he ordered one of the waiters to “ take away that marine there," pointing to an empty bottle. “ Your Majesty," inquired a colonel of marines, “ do you compare an empty bottle to a member of our branch of the service.” “ Yes," replied the monarch, as if a sudden thought had struck him, “I mean to say it has done its duty once and is ready to do it again.”
POWER OF HEAT ON ANIMALS.
When Milton was blind he married a shrew. The Duke of Buckingham called her a rose. “I'm no judge of colour," said Milton, “ but it may be so, for I feel the thorns daily.”
A COUNTRY boy was riding a horse to one of the English fairs, for sale, when he was accosted by a sprig of a dealer, who called out in a consequential tone—“Why jack, the horse you're riding is badly ; look what a white face he's gettin.” “ Aye,” said the boy, breaking off whistling, “an' you'd hev a white face, too, if you'd looked throngh a halter as long as he hev."
SAVE the pence and the pounds will take care of themselves.
FREQUENT not public houses; no good ever came out of it, nor ever will.