He's quoted for a most perfidious slave,
With all the spots o' the world tax'd and debosh'd;
Whose nature sickens, but to speak a truth:
Am I or that, or this, for what he'll utter,

That will speak any thing?

King.

She hath that ring of yours.

Ber. I think, she has certain it is, I lik'd her,

And boarded her i' the wanton way of youth:
She knew her distance, and did angle for me,
Madding my eagerness with her restraint,
As all impediments in fancy's course

Are motives of more fancy; and, in fine,
Her insuit coming with her modern grace,
Subdued me to her rate: she got the ring;
And I had that which any inferior might

At market-price have bought.

Dia.

I must be patient;

You, that turn'd off a first so noble wife,

May justly diet me. I pray you yet,

(Since you lack virtue, I will lose a husband,)

Send for your ring, I will return it home,

And give me mine again.

Ber.

I have it not.

loved her, -for, indeed, he was mad for her, and talked of Satan, and of limbo, and of furies, and I know not what: yet I was in that credit with them at that time, that I knew of their going to bed; and of other motions, as promising her marriage, and things that would derive me ill will to speak of, therefore I will not speak what I know.

King. Thou hast spoken all already, unless thou canst say they are married: But thou art too fine in thy evidence; therefore stand aside. This ring, you say, was yours?

Dia.

Ay, my good lord. King. Where did you buy it? or who gave it you? Dia. It was not given me, nor I did not buy it.

Laf. This woman's an easy glove, my lord; she goes off and on at pleasure.

King. This ring was mine, I gave it his first wife. Dia. It might be yours, or hers, for aught I know.

King. Take her away, I do not like her now; To prison with her and away with him. Unless thou tell'st me where thou hadst this ring, Thou diest within this hour.

Dia.

King. Take her away. Dia.

I'll never tell you.

I'll put in bail, my liege. King. I think thee now some common customer. Dia. By Jove, if ever I knew man, 'twas you. King. Wherefore hast thou accus'd him all this

while?

Dia. Because he's guilty, and he is not guilty: He knows I am no maid, and he'll swear to't: I'll swear I am a maid, and he knows not. Great king, I am no strumpet, by my life; I am either maid, or else this old man's wife.

[Pointing to LAFEU. King. She does abuse our ears; to prison with her. Dia. Good mother, fetch my bail. - Stay, royal sir; [Exit Widow.

The jeweller, that owes the ring, is sent for,
And he shall surety me. But for this lord,
Who hath abus'd me, as he knows himself,
Though yet he never harm'd me, here I quit him:
He knows himself my bed he hath defil'd;
And at that time he got his wife with child:
Dead though she be, she feels her young one kick;
So there's my riddle, One, that's dead, is quick;
And now behold the meaning.

King.

Re-enter Widow, with HELENA.

Is there no exorcist

Beguiles the truer office of mine eyes? Is't real, that I see?

Hel.

No, my good lord;
'Tis but the shadow of a wife you see,
The name, and not the thing.
Ber.

Both, both; O, pardon.

Hel. O, my good lord, when I was like this maid, I found you wond'rous kind. There is your ring, And, look you, here's your letter; This it says, When from my finger you can get this ring, And are by me with child, &c. - This is done. Will you be mine, now you are doubly won?

clearly,

I'll love her dearly, ever, ever dearly.
Hel. If it appear not plain, and prove untrue,
Deadly divorce step between me and you! -
O, my dear mother, do I see you living?

Laf. Mine eyes smell onions, I shall weep anon:Good Tom Drum, [to PAROLLES.] lend me a handkerchief: So, I thank thee; wait on me home, I'll make sport with thee: Let thy courtesies alone, they are scurvy ones.

King. Let us from point to point this story know, To make the even truth in pleasure flow:If thou be'st yet a fresh uncropped flower,

[TO DIANA. Choose thou thy husband, and I'll pay thy dower

Thou kept'st a wife herself, thyself a maid.
Of that and all the progress, more and less,
Resolvedly more leisure shall express :
All yet seems well; and, if it end so meet,
The bitter past, more welcome is the sweet.

(Advancing.)

[Flourish.

SCENE I. - Before an Alehouse on a Heath.
Enter Hostess and SLY.

Sly. I'll pheese you, in faith.

Host. A pair of stocks, you rogue!

Sly. Y'are a baggage; the Slies are no rogues: Look in the chronicles, we came in with Richard Conqueror. Therefore, paucas pallabris; let the world slide: Sessa!

Host. You will not pay for the glasses you have burst!

Sly. No, not a denier: Go by, says Jeronimy;Go to thy cold bed, and warm thee,

Host. I know my remedy, I must go fetch the thirdborough.

[Exit.

Sly. Third, or fourth, or fifth borough, I'll answer him by law: I'll not budge an inch, boy; let him come, and kindly.

[Lies down on the ground, and falls asleep. Wind horns. Enter a LORD from hunting, with

Huntsmen and Servants.

Lord. Huntsman, I charge thee, tender well my

hounds:

Brach Merriman, -the poor cur is emboss'd,
And couple Clowder with the deep-mouth'd brach.
Saw'st thou not, boy, how Silver made it good
At the hedge corner, in the coldest fault?
I would not lose the dog for twenty pound.

2 Hun. He breathes, my lord: Were he not warm'd with ale,

This were a bed but cold to sleep so soundly.
Lord. O monstrous beast! how like a swine he
lies!

Grim death, how foul and loathsome is thine image!
Sirs, I will practise on this drunken man.
What think you, if he were convey'd to bed,
Wrapp'd in sweet clothes, rings put upon his fingers,
A most delicious banquet by his bed,
And brave attendants near him when he wakes,
Would not the beggar then forget himself?

1 Hun. Believe me, lord, I think he cannot choose. 2 Hun. It would seem strange unto him when he wak'd.

Lord. Even as a flattering dream, or worthless fancy.

Then take him up, and manage well the jest:

Carry him gently to my fairest chamber,
And hang it round with all my wanton pictures:
Balm his foul head with warm distilled waters,
And burn sweet wood to make the lodging sweet:

Procure me musick ready when he wakes,
To make a dulcet and a heavenly sound;
And if he chance to speak, be ready straight,
And, with a low submissive reverence,
Say, What is it your honour will command ?
Let one attend him with a silver bason,
Full of rose-water, and bestrew'd with flowers;
Another bear the ewer, the third a diaper,

And say, - Will't please your lordship cool your

hands?

Some one be ready with a costly suit,
And ask him what apparel he will wear;
Another tell him of his hounds and horse,
And that his lady mourns at his disease:
Persuade him, that he hath been lunatick;
And, when he says he is, say, that he dreams,
For he is nothing but a mighty lord.
This do, and do it kindly, gentle sirs;
It will be pastime passing excellent,
If it be husbanded with modesty.

1 Hun. My lord, I warrant you, we'll play our

Now, fellows, you are welcome.

1 Play. We thank your honour. Lord. Do you intend to stay with me to-night? 2 Play. So please your lordship to accept our duty.

Lord. With all my heart. - This fellow I remember,

Since once he play'd a farmer's eldest son;
'Twas where you woo'd the gentlewoman so well :
I have forgot your name; but, sure, that part
Was aptly fitted, and naturally perform'd.

1 Play. I think, 'twas Soto that your honour

means.

Lord. 'Tis very true; - thou didst it excellent. Well, you are come to me in happy time; The rather for I have some sport in hand, Wherein your cunning can assist me much. There is a lord will hear you play to-night: But I am doubtful of your modesties; Lest, over-eying of his odd behaviour, (For yet his honour never heard a play, You break into some merry passion, And so offend him; for I tell you, sirs, If you should smile, he grows impatient.

1 Play. Fear not, my lord; we can contain ourselves, Were he the veriest antick in the world.

And see him dress'd in all suits like a lady :
That done, conduct him to the drunkard's chamber,
And call him - madam, do him obeisance.
Tell him from me, (as he will win my love,)
He bear himself with honourable action,
Such as he hath observ'd in noble ladies
Unto their lords, by them accomplished:
Such duty to the drunkard let him do,
With soft low tongue, and lowly courtesy;
And say, - What is't your honour will command,
Wherein your lady, and your humble wife,

May show her duty, and make known her love?
And then with kind embracements, tempting

kisses,

And with declining head into his bosom, -
Bid him shed tears, as being overjoy'd
To see her noble lord restor'd to health,
Who, for twice seven years, hath esteemed him
No better than a poor and loathsome beggar:
And if the boy hath not a woman's gift,
To rain a shower of commanded tears,
An onion will do well for such a shift;
Which in a napkin being close conveyed,
Shall in despite enforce a watery eye.
See this despatch'd with all the haste thou canst ;
Anon I'll give thee more instructions. -

[Erit Servant.

I know, the boy will well usurp the grace,
Voice, gait, and action of a gentlewoman :
I long to hear him call the drunkard, husband;
And how my men will stay themselves from

laughter,

When they do homage to this simple peasant. I'll in to counsel them haply, my presence May well abate their over-merry spleen, Which otherwise would grow into extremes.

[Excunt.

SCENE II. - A Bedchamber in the Lord's House.

SLY is discovered in a rich night-gown, with Attendants; some with apparel, others with bason, ewer, and other appurtenances. Enter LORD, dressed like a servant.

Sly. For God's sake, a pot of small ale.

1 Serv. Will't please your lordship drink a cup of sack ?

2 Serv. Will't please your honour taste of these conserves?

3 Serv. What raiment will your honour wear today?

Sly. I am Christophero Sly; call not me-honour, nor lordship: I never drank sack in my life; and if you give me any conserves, give me conserves of beef: Ne'er ask me what raiment I'll wear: for I have no more doublets than backs, no more stockings than legs, nor no more shoes than feet; nay, sometimes, more feet than shoes, or such shoes as my toes look through the overleather.

Lord. Heaven cease this idle humour in your honour!

O, that a mighty man of such descent,
Of such possessions, and so high esteem,
Should be infused with so foul a spirit!