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"Little Jack Horner-"
"Ride a cock horse
To Banbury Cross—”
66 Sing a song,
The days are long,
The cuckoo and the sparrow,
"Sing a song for sixpence,
A pocket full of rye," &c., &c.
His wife is generally an indolent nonentity, who is too happy to resign her duties to his control and management; and, while she quietly sits down in her morning-gown and slippers, her hair in papillotes, greedily devouring a volume of dear, delightful Bulwer, or satirical Trollope, he, good man, combs and dresses the children, and takes them out "a-walking," or, if they should be very tender and juvenile, packs two of them in a chaise, and carries a third in his arms, and so parades them abroad for the benefit of the air.
Madam declares he is a "good creature," and an excellent father; and pray, who has a right to take an exception to such an approved pattern of a conjugal partner?
LINK THE SEVENTH.
Of the victims of the "green-eyed monster, Jealousy," ninety-nine out of a hundred are the lords of
the creation; and, upon the most accurate computation, ninety suffer without the shadow of a cause, although they industriously cudgel their brains, and try a thousand ridiculous tricks to prove the veracity of their suspicions.
The majority of these self-tormentors are of that class which are said to make the best husbands,— namely, reformed rakes; their morals having been so warped, and their minds so distorted, that, like the reflections of certain ingenious mirrors, they present to their "mind's eye" every image in its most unnatural form, elongating, magnifying, or diminishing it.
If the lady of one of this amiable genus should chance to sigh,-(and, by the mark! she has abundant reason,)—the conclusion is, that it is for something or somebody,
"Eyes roll, and cheeks grow pale."
"Are you ill?" cries the unhappy fool, starting up; and then, should the abruptness of his manner or hideous look frighten his partner into a faint, which is very probable, he "hugs misery to him," and is assured-perfectly assured-that he has accidentally touched the chord that vibrates in her faithless heart; and, if very desperate, sometimes finishes his doubts and his destiny by touching another cord-yes, hangs himself with the sort of Hibernian apology that suspense is intolerable!
Women, when jealous, generally give vent to their
suspicions by tears and reproaches, rarely cherishing the viper in secresy and silence in their tender bosoms. Some, on the other hand, "speak daggers, though they use none;"-and, in sooth, a jealous woman is
here the simile ends, or is at fault; for the husband should invariably-take the lady's part!
Disparity of age is not a necessary bar to domestic felicity. A man of forty may make a wife of twenty extremely happy. When Plutus presides at the nuptials instead of Cupid, the "match" frequently proves a "lucifer," and the least friction sometimes produces an explosion that is anything but harmonious or agreeable.
Old women who set themselves up for judges quaintly observe
We are of a different opinion. Love may sometimes cool a little in a protracted courtship, and gradually assume the milder symptoms of a confirmed friendship; but, as in the decoction of roots, a slow simmer is more likely to draw out the virtues than a rapid boil.
In the purchase of a horse, or a watch, a trial is allowed; and surely, in the choice of a wife some time and consideration ought to be permitted; for, after all, a breach of promise of marriage is a better alternative than a divorce. The one is only probable; the other difficult, and frequently impracticable.
In fine, youth of both sexes! if you wish to be happy,
"Choose not alone a proper mate,
But proper time to marry."
LINK THE NINTH.
MARRIAGE is like a silk purse,-most agreeable to bear when there is plenty of money in it.
Marriage is like a mouse-trap-once get into it, and you are caught, without the least prospect of recovering your liberty.
Marriage is like a
rose-tree in full bearing." How attractive are its flowers! But the bright leaves fall after a season, and the thorns alone remain.
Marriage, among fools, is like a boiled calf's head without the accompaniment of brains.
Marriage is like a roast leg of mutton on Sundayserved up cold on Monday,-ditto, with pickles, on Tuesday, and hashed up on Wednesday.
Marriage is the sunshine of life; beneath its genial influence spring up the best affections, and the noblest virtues of man, which, in the sterility of selfish celibacy, would have lain dormant and useless. It is the source of virtuous pleasure in youth; the balm and solace of old age.
A good wife is, in fine, a priceless jewel; for, as Solomon truly says, "She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness; she looketh well to the way of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness; her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her."