an affectionate manner when discoursing on religious subjects; but now I add, that you should carry the temper through life, and be daily endeavouring to render yourselves amiable to them. The apostle cautions parents, that they should not Provoke their children to wrath, if they would bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord: On the contrary, you should put on the kindest looks, you should use the most endearing and condescending language; you should overlook many little failings, and express a high complacency in what is really regular and laudable in their behaviour. And though you must sometimes over-rule their desires, when impatiently eager, yet far from delighting generally to cross them, you should rather study their inclinations, that you may surprise them with unexpected favours. Thus will they learn quietly to refer themselves to your care, and will more easily submit to mortification and denial, when it is not made necessary by clamorous and impetuous demands. On the whole, you should endeavour to behave so, as that your children may love your company, and of choice be much in it; which will preserve them from innumerable snares, and may furnish you with many opportunities of forming their temper and behaviour, by imperceptible degrees, to what may be decent, amiable, and excellent+. If you manage these things with prudence, you need not fear that such.condescensions, as I have now recommended, will impair your authority; far from that, they will rather establish it. The superiority of your parental character may be maintained in the midst of these indulgences; and when it is thus attempered, it is most like to produce that mixture of reverence and love, by which the obedience of a child is to be distinguished from that of a slave. 3. You must be solicitous to keep your children out of the way of temptation, if you would see the success of your care in their education. If you are not on your guard here, you will probably throw down what you have built, and build up that which you have been endeavouring to destroy. An early care must be taken, to keep them from the occasions, and the very appearances of evil. We should not venture their infant-steps on the brink of a precipice, on which grown persons, who know how Eph. vi. 4. + In Parentibus vero quam plurimum esse educationis optaverim.-QUINTIL. ubi supra. to adjust the poise of their bodies, may walk without extreme danger. More hazardous might it be, to allow them to trifle with temptations, and boldly to venture to the utmost limits of that which is lawful. An early tenderness of conscience may be a great preservative: and the excess of strictness, though no excess be desirable, may prove much safer than an excess of liberty. Bad company is undoubtedly one of the most formidable and pernicious entanglements. By forming friendships with persons of a vicious character, many a hopeful youth has learnt their ways, and found a fatal snare to his soul*. You should be very watchful to prevent their contracting such dangerous friendships; and where you discover any thing of that kind, should endeavour, by all gentle and endearing methods, to draw them off from them; but if they still persist, you must resolve to cut the knot you cannot untie, and let your children know, they must either renounce their associates, or their parents. One resolute step of this kind might have prevented the ruin of multitudes, who have fallen a sacrifice to the importunities of wicked companions, and the weak indulgence of imprudent parents; who have contented themselves with blaming, what they ought strenuously to have redressed. All bad company is, in this respect, formidable; but that is most evidently so, which is to be found at home. Great care ought therefore to be taken, that you admit none into your families, who may debauch the tender minds of your children, by pernicious opinions, or by vicious practices†. This is a caution which should be particularly remembered, in the case of servants. Take heed you do not bring into your families. such as may diffuse infection through the souls of your dear offspring. It is a thousand times better to put up with some inconveniences and disadvantages, when you have reason to believe a servant fears God, and will, from a principle of conscience, be faithful in watching over your children, and a seconding your religious care in their education; than to prefer such, as while they are, perhaps managing your temporal affairs something better, may pervert your children to the service of the devil. I fear, some parents little think, how much secret mischief these base creatures are doing. And it is very possible, that if some of you recollect what you may have observed * Prov. xxii. 25. + Nil dictu fædum, visuque, hæc limina tangat, amongst the companions of your childhood, you may find instances of this nature, which riper years have not since given you opportunity to discover. See to it therefore, that you be diligently on your guard here. Again: If you send your children to places of education, be greatly cautious in your choice of them. Dearly will you purchase the greatest advantages for learning, at the expence of those of a religious nature. And I will turn out of my way to add, that school-masters and tutors will have a dreadful account to give, if they are not faithfully and tenderly solicitous for the souls of those committed to their care. The Lord pardon our many defects here, and quicken us to greater diligence and zeal! But to return : Give me leave only to add, that it is of the highest importance, if you would not have all your labour in the education of your children lost, that you should be greatly cautious with regard to their settlement in the world. Apprenticeships and marriages, into irreligious families, have been the known sources of innumerable evils. They who have exposed the souls of their children, to apparent danger, for the sake of some secular advantages, have often lived to see them drawn aside to practices ruinous to their temporal, as well as their eternal interests. Thus their Own iniquity hath remarkably corrected them*: And I heartily pray, that The God of this world may never be permitted thus to blind your eyest; but that you, my friends, may learn, from the calamities of other families, that wholesome lesson, which, if you neglect it, others may perhaps hereafter learn from the ruin of yours. 4. See to it, that you confirm your admonitions by a suitable example, if you desire, on the whole, that they should prove useful to your children. A consciousness of the irregularity of our own behaviour, in any remarkable instances which may fall under their observation, will probably abate much of that force and authority with which we might otherwise address them. When we know they may justly retort upon us, at least in their minds, those words of the apostie, Thou that teacheth another, teachest thou not thyself§? surely a sense of guilt and of shame must either * Jer. ii. 19. + 2 Cor. iv. 4. Unde tibi Frontem Libertatemque Parentis, VOL. II. § Rom. ii. 21. entirely silence us, or at least impair that freedom and confidence with which we might otherwise have exhorted and rebuked. Or had we so much composure and assurance, as to put on all the forms of innocence and virtue, could we expect regard, when our actions contradicted our discourses, or hope they should reverence instructions, which their teachers themselves appear to despise? It is in the general true, that there is a silent, but powerful oratory in example, beyond the force of the most elegant and expressive words; and the example of parents has often a peculiar weight with their children*; which seems to be alluded to in that exhortation of St. Paul, Be ye followers (or imitators) of God, as dear childrent. So that on the whole, as a very celebrated writer well expresses itt, "To give children good instruction, and a bad example, is but beckoning to them with the head to shew them the way to heaven, while we take them by the hand, and lead them in the way to hell." We should therefore most heartily concur in David's resolution, as ever we hope our families should be re ligious and happy: I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way; I will walk within my house with a perfect heart§. 5. Cheerfully accept of all proper assistances in the education. of your children, if you desire it may succeed well. It will be your wisdom to accept of the assistance, which may be offered, either from books or friends. Books may in this respect be very useful to you: the book of God above all; both to furnish you with materials for this great work, and instruct you in the manner of performing it. Other writings may be subservient to this purpose. Wise and pious treatises on the subject of education, may be read with great pleasure and advantage; and you may receive singular assistance from those catechisms, and prayers, and songs for children, with which most of your families are now furnished, through the condescension of one valuable friend in writing them, and the generosity of another in bestowing them upon us. I hope you will express your thankfulness to both, by a diligent care to use them; and I persuade myself, that you and yours may abundantly find your account in them; for while the language is so plain and easy, that even an infant may un -Velocius & citius nos Corrumpunt vitiorum Exempla domestica, magnis Cum subeunt animos Auctoribus.-Juv. Sat xiv. v. 31-33. derstand it, you will often find, not only a propriety, but a strength and sublimity in the sentiments, which may be improving to persons of advanced capacities. There is much of that milk, by which strong men may be entertained and nourished. I add, that in this important work, you should gladly embrace the assistance of pious and prudent friends. I can by no means approve that Lacedemonian law, which gave every citizen a power of correcting his neighbour's children, and made it infamous for the parent to complain of it: Yet we must all allow, that considering the great importance of education, a concern for the happiness of families and the public will require a mutual watchfulness over each other in this respect; nor is there any imaginable reason to exclude this from the number of those heads, on which we are to Admonish one another*, and to Consider each other, to provoke unto good works+. Nothing seems more evident than this; and one would suppose, that persons who are acquainted with human nature, should suspect, that self-love might work under this form, and that they might be a little blinded by a partial affection to their offspring. Such a reflection might engage them at least patiently, or rather thankfully, to hear the sentiments, and receive the admonitions of their friends on this head But instead of this, there is in many people a kind of parental pride, if I may be allowed the expression, which seldom fails to exert itself on such an occasion. They are so confident in their own way, and do so magisterially despise the opinion of others, that one would almost imagine, they took it for granted, that with every child, nature has given to the parent, a certain stock of infallible wisdom for the management of it; or that, if they thought otherwise, they rather chose their children should be ruined by their own conduct, than saved by any foreign advice. If this arrogance only rendered the parents ridiculous, one should not need to be greatly concerned about it; especially as their high complacency in themselves would make them easy whatever others might think or say of them: But when we consider the unhappy consequences it may produce, with regard to the temper and conduct of the rising generation, it will appear a very serious evil, well worthy a particular mention, and a particular care to guard against it. |