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(That he instruction gainful thence might draw)
For such deep mystery you must pay your venture,
VI.--THE CASE ALTERED.
NCE on a time, if Fame says true, for Fame will lie and flatter too,
A country justice lived remote from town, and had the laws by rote; If e'er his neighbors suffered wrong, by vile abuses of the tongue, Before his worship he must go, and there relate the tale of woe; His worship seated in the chair, so stern his voice, so grave his air, The parties trembling stand in awe, and wait the sentence of the law. Long in suspense the cause appears, and each is racked by hopes aud fears ; His worship (for it now grew late) thought it was time to end debate, And thus pronounced the just decree :-“ let me advise you to agreeMake up the matter with consent-retire with friendship and content. ( Advice so good can never fail) “shake hands, and, o'er a mug of ale, Forget your wrongs, and live in peace, and let your ide quarrels cease. This wise decree they all admire, and toast the justice round the fire: By this his worship was renowned, esteemed and honored ten miles round.
But now my Muse proceeds to tell what to his worship soon befel, A tale that tarnished all his glory; come aid me, Truth, to tell the story. An honest farmer, near the spot, by industry a living got ; Always at work this man was seen, his wife was neat, his children clean ; His fields were tilled, his corn was sowed, his hearth with future plenty glowed : He cheerful saw his harvest near, his corn was rip’ning in the ear. One morn, preventing day, he rose-across the fields to work he goes ; But sudden stopped, and looked around his corn was trodden to the ground: Straight he resolved the foe to trace, for havoc stared him in the face ;
His neighbors hogs, so void of sense, who knew no bounds, had broke his fence,
VII.-THE "THROES” OF SCIENCE.
I RESIDE at Table Mountain, and my name is Truthful James,
I am not up to small deceit, or any sinful games ;
But first I would remark, that it's not a proper plan,
Nothing could be finer, or more heautiful to see,
Then Brown he read a paper, and he reconstructed there
Then Brown he smiled a bitter smile, and said, his greatest fault
Now, I hold it is not decent for a scientific gent,
another is an ass at least to all intent:
Then Abner Dean, of Angel's, raised a point of order, when
Then, in less time than I tell it, every member did engage
-And this is all I have to say of these improper games,
J. G. SAXE.
His coat it was shockingly worn, and the rust had invested his vest.
“Unfortunate man that I am ! I've never a client but grief :
While thus he was strolling around. his eye accidentally fell
Next morning, twelve citizens came, ('twas the Coroner bad them attend), To the end that it might be determined, how deceased had determined his end. “The man was a lawyer, I hear," quoth the Foreman who sat on the corse “A lawyer ? alas !” said another—"he undoubtedly died of remorse !”' A third said, “He knew the deceased—an attorney well versed in the laws; And as to the cause of his death, 'twas no doubt for the want of a cause. The jury decided at length, after solemnly weighing the matter, “That the lawyer was drownded, because—he could not keep his head above water."
IX.—THE PERVERSE HEN. ON NCE with an honest Dutchman walking, about his troubles he was talking
The most of which seemed to arise from friends' and wife's perversities, When he took breath his pipe to fill, I ventured to suggest that will Was oft the cause of human ill; that life was full of self-denials, And every man had his own trials. “'tis not the will," he quick replied, “but i'ts the won't by which I'm tried. When people will, I'm always glad ; 'tis only when they wont't I'm mad ! Contrary folks, like mine old hen, who laid a dozen eggs, and then Instead of sitting down to hatch, runs off into mine garden patch ! I goes and catches her and brings her and back into her nest I flings her ;
But sit she won't, for all I say, she's up again and rups away.
R. ORATOR PUFF had two tones in his voice, the one squeaking thus, and
the other down so; in each sentence he uttered he gave you your choice, for one half was B alt, and the rest G below. But he still talked away, spite of coughs and of frowns; so distrrcting all ears with his ups and his downs, that a wag once, on hearing the orator say, “My voice—is for war," asked him, " Which of them, pray ?”
Reeling homewards one evening, top-heavy with gin, and rehearsing his speech on the weight of the Crown, he tripped near a saw-pit, and tumbled right in, “Sinking-fund," the last words as his noddle came down. “Oh, law !” he exclaimed, in his he-and-she tones, Help me out !—help me out !—I have broken my bones !!!
Help you out !” said a fellow who passed, “what a bother! why, thers's two of you there; can't you help one another ?"
XI.-THE SPIDER AND THE FLY.
Wil you walk into my parlor?" said a Spider to a Fly; " 'tis the prettiest
' ; “ little parlor that ever you did spy. The way into my parlor is up a winding stair, and I have many pretty things to show you when you're there.'' “Oh no, no,” said the little Fly, o to ask me is in vain, for who goes up your winding-stair can ne'er come down again."—I'm sure you must be weary with soaring up so high ; will you rest upon my little bed ?" said the Spider to the Fly. “ There are pretty curtains drawn around, the sheets are fine and thin, and if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in." “Oh no, no!” said the little Fly, “ for I've often heard it said, they never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed !”—Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, “Dear friend! what shall I do to prove the warm afiection I've always felt for you? I have within my pantry good store of all that's nice; I'm sure you're welcome—will you please to take a slice ?" 6. Oh no, no !” said the little Fly, “kind sir, that cannot be; I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see.”—“Sweet creature !” said the Spider, "you're witty and you're wise. How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes ! I have a little looking-glass upon my parlor shelf; if you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold—yourself.” “I thank you, gentle sir," she said, "for what you're pleased to say, and, bidding you good-morning now, I call another day. - The spider turned him round about, and went into his den, for well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again: so he wove a subtle web in a little corner sly, and set his table ready—to dine upon the Fly. Then he went out to his door again, and merrily did sing, “Come hither, hither. pretty Fly, with the pearl-and-silver wing: your robes are green and purple—there's a crest upon your head ; your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead.'
Alas! alas ! how very soon this silly little Fly, hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by; with buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew, thinking only of her brilliant eyes, her green and purple hue, and dreaming of her crested head-poor foolish thing! At last up jumped the cunning spider, and fiercely held her fast. He dragged her up his winding-stair, into his dismal den, within his little parlor—but she ne'er came out again! And now, all youthful people, who may this story hear, to idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give ear : to all deceitful counsellors, close heart, and ear, and eye ;—and take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly. XII.-THE COLLEGIAN AND THE PORTER.
Cambridge—there resided one Harry Dashington—a youth excelling in all the learning commonly provided for those who choose that classic station for finishing their education ; that is—he understood computing the odds at any race or match; was a dead hand at pigeon-shooting; could kick up rows-knock down the watch-play truant, and the rake, at random-drink, tie cravats— ind drive a tandem. Remonstrance, fine, and rustication, so far from working reformation, seemed but to make his lapses greater ; 'till he was warned that next offence would have this certain consequence-expulsion from his Alma Mater.
One need not be a necromancer to guess that, with so wild a wight, the next offence occurred next night; when our incurable came rolling home as the midnight chimes were tolling, and rang the College bell. No answer. .
The second peal was vain—the third made the street echo its alarum ; when to his great delight he heard the sordid Janitor, old Ben, rousing and growling in his den. "Who's there?—I s'pose young Harum-scarum.” “'Tis I, my worthy Ben— tis Harry.” “Ay, so I thought—and there you'll tarry: 'tis past the hour—the gates are closed
-you know my orders ;—I shall lose my place if I undo the door.” -“And I" (young Hopeful interposed), “shall be expelled if you refuse ; so pr’ythee”-Ben began to snore. —“I'm wet,” cried Harry, “to the skin : hip!-hallo !-Bendon't be a ninny ; beneath the gate I've thrust a guinea, so tumble out and let me in.” “Humph !" growled the greedy old curmudgeon, half overjoyed and half in dudgeon. “Now you may pass, but make no fuss ; on tip-toe walk and hold your prate."
“Look on the stones, old Cerberus,” cried Harry, as he passed the gate; "I've dropped a shilling-take the light-you'll find it just outside--good-night,'