And that, to clear his Counsel's tone, he One morning he calls his clown in chief, A half way house convenient stood, Three artful wags accost the clown, Forthwith out gently crept the cur. Both stood aghast with eager eyes, And both, no doubt, looked wondrous wise. The clown, who saw the lawyer foam, Swore 'twas a pig when brought from home: In haste returned to tell his master. Well pleased to see him take the bait, The wags his quick return await. Replace the pig within its poke. The impatient farmer hails the clown, Is changed into a puppy dog." "A dog!"-"Nay, since my word you doubt: See here; I'll fairly turn him out." No sooner was the sack untied, Than a loud grunt his word belied. "Death," cries the farmer, "tell me whence Make haste, take back this pig again, you Then brifly cried, with phiz demure— How hoarse his voice! his face how grim! What's pig with us, is dog with him. Heaven shield my future days from evil, XXVI-ROGER HOGMAN AND HIS PIGS; IN a small hamlet, town or village, Which, I won't say, However, this I know, folks lived by tillage, (Excuse my polished style) I know as much about a plough Now that I think apology enough, Well, to return to this little village, Where the people lived by tillage, As I said before; In one house—one that had a door, (That's what I have said before) There dwelt a man. "Well, was he the only one-like Adam, Before he had a madam, And lived among the birds, and beasts, and fishes, And ate his dinner without plates or dishes?'' No, there were many more, Somewhere between a dozen and a score The man I'd name was Hogman-christened Roger; And Roger Hogman was a hearty codger; What's more, he had a sow and litter, He had a wife, too, and that's better: The palace in which Roger Hogman's pigs (Observe by some 'twas called a stye) Fed, squeaked, and grunted, and played other rigs, Stood in a yard close by. Now Roger Hogman's pretty little grunters (Like many farmer's sheep, Nay, sometimes geese, fowls, nags, hunters) Some would contend that they Were carried off, or stolen; Others would say, That they had slipp'd, Some yawning gully hole in. Here, as in all affairs of doubt, He knew full well that they were gone, "They've singly left me, one by one, Except the sow, And she is single now," Said Roger Hogman, in a doleful tone, While in this meditating mood, With body slightly bent he stood, One hand in pocket, t'other scratching His head, as if he would be catching Poor simple swain ! A bear, with monarch's stately stride Approached him, by his master's side. And now the pith and marrow of the story First you must know The keeper's name was Signor Bruno. Well, Master Bruno, Bruin's master, said, "I vanta for my bear von bed; As I was come along, I spy, Dere in your yard, von snug-a a pigsty ; 'Cause at de Crown, Vere I lay down, Dey have no bed to spare." Roger was willing te accomodate, To lodge his last remaining sow. 'Twas but one night, and that would soon go. Terms being arranged The sow's old residence was changed; And soon the bear was in the stye, Soon midnight came-but I'm no poet; If they had stumbled upon midnight there, Well, midnight came, and with it came the poacher, Softly he crept, least he should wake bow-wow, Eager, to hold the prize within his arms, For which he braved traps, guns, and dog's alarms, Without more preface he embraced the bear, Who, most politely, gave him neighbor's fare, And took good care To keep him there. The thief, not liking this rough salutation, Strove to regain his former station, But in vain ; For Bruin hugged and growled, With pain. Roger, alarmed at such a clatter, Soon ran to learn what was the matter!- "Here, Nan, make haste and bring a light, For here be some unlucky wight, As far as I can see in awkward plight." The mist was cleared. HIS "So, neighbor Kill'em, it was yow Who, not content with pigs, must steal my sow. My pigs have all gone down your throat; And when you're opened, why you'll be detected." XXVII. THE SUICIDE. ANONYMOUS. IS eye was stern and wild; his cheek was pale and cold as clay; Upon his tighten'd lip, a smile of fearful meaning lay. He mused awhile, but not in doubt; no trace of doubt was there ; It was the steady, solemn pause of resolute despair! Once more he looked upon the scroll, one more its words he read; Then calmly, with unflinching hand, its folds before him spread: I saw him bare his throat, and seize the blue, cold gleaming steel, And grimly try the temper'd edge he was so soon to feel. And sickness crept upon my heart, and dizzy swam my head; I could not stir-I could not cry-I felt benumbed and dead ! Black icy horrors struck me dumb, and froze my senses o'er ; I closed my eyes in utter fear, and strove to think no more.— Again I look'd: a fearful change across his face had pass'd; He seemed to rave-on cheek and lip a flaky foam was cast. He raised on high the glittering blade ;--then first I found a tongue; "Hold, madman! stay the frantic deed!" I cried, and forth I sprung. He heard me, but he heeded not; one glance around he gave ; And, ere I could arrest his hand, he had—begun to shave! XXVIII. LEEDLE YAWCOB STRAUSS. CHARLES F. ADAMS. I HAF von funny leedle boy Vot gomes schust to my knee,— Der queerest schap, der createst rogue As efer you dit see. He runs, und schumps, and schmashes dings. But vot off dot? He vas mine son, Mine leedle Yawcob Strauss. He get der measels und der mumbs, Und eferyding dot's oudt ; He sbills mine glass off lager bier, Poots schnuff indo mine kraut ; He fills mine pipe mit Limburg cheese— Dot vas der roughest chouse; I'd dake dot vrom no oder poy But leedle Yawcob Strauss. He dakes der milk-ban for a dhrum, Und cuts mine cane in dwo To make der schticks to beat it mit Mine cracious, dot was drue! |