In ordering dinner, therefore, 'tis no wonder He blunder'd, and it cannot be denied, But more the expense, to him the greater fun; Fifteen of those, vid vich the sheep do run!" "A dinner most enormous !” cried the elf ; However. they seemed a set of hungry curs; And now around the table all elate, But soon the Frenchman's countenance did change, In his face burns, While Tapps the table did arrange, As nice as he was able; And while the Frenchmen for the feast prepared, "Mon Dieu! Monsieur, vy for you make Vy for, you bring to me dese mouton legs?" Tapps, with a bow, his pardon begs : "I've done as you have ordered, sir," said he ; "Did you not order fifteen legs of me? Six of which before your eyes appears, And nine besides are nearly done down stairs! Here John!" "Got tam, sare! Jean! you fool! you ass! You von great clown to bring me to dis pass. "Parbleu! Monsieur, vy you no comprehend? But dese here leetel tings vid vich de sheep do trot!" "Confound it!" cried the landlord, in a rage, "Why, zounds!'' said he. as to the door he totters, These legs of mutton both to buy and cook, You merely wanted fifteen poor sheeps' trotters!" XXIII.-RURAL FELICITY. BY HOOD. WELL, the country's a pleasant place, sure enough, for people's that's country born, And useful, no doubt, in a natural way, for growing our grass and our corn, It was kindly meant of my cousin Giles, to write and invite me down, Though, as yet, all I've seen of a pastoral life only makes one more partial to Town. At first I thought I was really come down into all sorts of rural bliss, For Porkington Place, with its cows, and its pigs, and its poultry, looks not much amiss; There's something about a dairy farm, with its different kinds of live stock, To be sure it is pleasant to walk in the meads. and so I should like for miles, Of course, in the end, one learns how to climb without constant tumbles down; There's a way, I know, to avoid the stiles, and that's by a walk in a lane; For who should I meet but a rampaging bull, that wouldn't be kept in the pound, Then I've rose with the sun, to go brushing away at the first early pearly dew, gown That's not the way that we bathe our feet, or wear our pearls, up in Town! But worse than that; in a long rural walk, suppose that it blows up for rain. And while you're running, all duck'd and drown'd, and pelted with sixpenny drops, "Fine weather,' crops !" you hear the farmer's say "a nice growing show'r for the But who's to crop me another new hat, or grow me another new gown? For you can't take a shilling fare with a plow, as you do with the hackneys in Town. Then my nephews, too, they must drag me off to go with them gathering nuts, And we always set out by the longest way, and return by the shortest cuts. Short cuts, indeed! But it's nuts to them, to get a poor lustyish aunt To scramble through gaps, or jump over a ditch, when they're morally certain she can't; For whenever I get in some awkward scrape (and it's almost daily the case,) down; But it serv'd me right, like a gooseberry fool, to look for champagne out of Town! To be sure cousin G. meant it all for the best, when he started this pastoral plan; And his wife is a worthy domestical soul, and she teaches me all that she canSuch as making of cheese, and curing of hams-but I'm sure that I never shall learn ; And I've fetched more back-ache than butter, as yet, by chumping away at the churn : But in making hay, though it's tanning work, I found it more easy to make, But, Lord! they don't hug one round the waist, and give one such smacks, in Then I've tried to make friends with the birds and the beasts, but they take to such curious rigs, I'm always at odds with the turkey-cock, and I can't even please the pigs. The beasts are as vicious as any wild beasts-but they're kept in cages in Town. Another thing is the nasty dogs; through the village I hardly can stir And now you would swear all the dogs in the place were set on to hunt me down : Last night about twelve I was scar'd broad awake, and all in a tremble of fright, But instead of a family murder, it proved an owl that flies screeching at night. Then there's plenty of ricks and stacks all about, and I can't help dreaming of Swing: In short, I think that a pastoral life is not the most happiest thing; For, besides all the troubles I've mention'd before as endur'd for rurality's sake, I've been stung by the bees, and I've sat among ants, and once-ugh! I trod on a snake ! And as to mosquitoes-they tortured me so, for I've got a particular skin; I do think it's the gnats coming out of the pond that drives the poor suicides in ! And dairy-fed pork in Broad St. Giles's, and fresh butter wherever you will? Howsomever, my mind's made up, and although I'm sure cousin Giles will be vexed, I mean to book me an inside place up to town upon Saturday next, F XXIV.-MARC ANTONY'S ORIGINAL ORATION. RIENDS, Romans, countrymen! Lend me your ears;— I will return them next Saturday. I come To bury Cæsar,-because the times are hard, The evil that men do lives after them,- So let it be with the deceased. Brutus hath told you Cæsar was ambitious, What does Brutus know about it? It is none of his funeral. Would that it were ! Make a speech at Cæsar's funeral. He was my friend, faithful and just to me,- And signed my petition for a post-office,— But Brutus says he was ambitious. Brutus should wipe off his chin. Cæsar hath brought many captives home to Rome,- Did the general coffers fill. When that the poor hath cried, Cæsar hath wept- Made him solid with the masses. Ambition should be made of sterner stuff; Yet Brutus says he was ambitious. I thrice presented him a kingly crown, Which he did thrice refuse, because it did not fit him quite. Was this ambition? Yet Brutus says he was ambitious. Brutus is not only the biggest liar in the country, But he is a horse thief of the deepest dye. If you have any tears, prepare to shed them now. You all do know this ulster. I remember the first time Cæsar put it on ; It was on a summer's evening, in his tent, With the thermometer registering 90 in the shade. And cost him $7 at Marcaius Swartzmeyer's Corner Broad and Ferry streets, sign of the red flag. But finally came down to $7, because it was Cæsar! Brutus has a monopoly on all that business, And if he had his deserts he would be In the penitentiary, and don't you forget it. Kind friends, sweet friends, I do not wish to stir you up To such a flood of mutiny. And as it looks like rain, The pall bearers will please place the coffin in the hearse, And we will proceed to bury Cæsar, Not to praise him. A XXV-THE PIG IN A POKE; OR, THE DOUBLE METAMORPHOSIS. FARMER'S lease contained a flaw; |