CHR. And did you presently fall under the power of this conviction? HOPE. No, I was not willing presently to know the evil of sin, nor the damnation that follows upon the commission of it;

Hopeful at first but endeavoured, when my mind at first began to be shaken shuts his eyes against the light. with the Word, to shut mine eyes against the light thereof.

CHR. But what was the cause of your carrying of it thus to the first workings of God's blessed Spirit upon you?

HOPE. The causes were, 1. I was ignorant that this was the work of God upon me. I never thought that, by awakenings for sin, God at first begins the conversion of at

Reasons of his

resisting of the light.

sinner. 2. Sin was yet very sweet to my flesh, and I was loath to leave it. 3. I could not tell how to part with mine old companions, their presence and actions were so desirable unto me. 4. The hours in which convictions were upon me, were such troublesome and such heartaffrighting hours, that I could not bear, no not so much as the remembrance of them upon my heart.

CHR. Then, as it seems, sometimes you got rid of your trouble. HOPE. Yes, verily, but it would come into my mind again, and then I should be as bad, nay, worse, than I was before.

CHR. Why, what was it that brought your sins to mind again? HOPE. Many things; as,

When he had lost his sense of sin, what brought this again.

1. If I did but meet a good man in the streets; or,

2. If I have heard any read in the Bible; or,

3. If mine head did begin to ache; or,

4. If I were told that some of my neighbours were sick; or, 5. If I heard the bell toll for some that were dead; or,

6. If I thought of dying myself; or,

7. If I heard that sudden death happened to others;

8. But especially, when I thought of myself, that I must quickly come to judgment.

CHR. And could you at any time, with ease, get off the guilt of sin, when by any of these ways it came upon you?

HOPE. No, not I, for then they got faster hold of my conscience; and then, if I did but think of going back to sin (though my mind was turned against it), it would be double torment to me.

CHR. And how did you do then?

HOPE.

When he could no longer shake off his guilt by sinful courses,

vours to mend.

I thought I must endeavour to mend my life; for else, thought
I, I am sure to be damned.

HOPE. Yes; and fled from not only my sins, but sinthen he endea ful company too; and betook me to religious duties, as prayer, reading, weeping for sin, speaking truth to my neighbours, &c. These things did I, with many others, too much here to relate.

HOPE. Yes, for a while; but at the last, my trouble came tumbling upon me again, and that over the neck of all my refor- Then he thought

mations.

himself well.

Reformation at

last could not

help, and why.

CHR. How came that about, since you were now reformed? HOPE. There were several things brought it upon me, especially such sayings as these: "All our righteousnesses are as filthy rags." (Isa. lxiv. 6.) "By the works of the law shall no flesh be justified." (Gal. ii. 16.) When ye shall have done all those things, say, We are unprofitable," (Luke xvii. 10;) with many more such like. From whence I began to reason with myself thus: If ALL my righteousnesses are filthy rags; if, by the deeds of the law, NO man can be justified; and if, when we have done ALL, we are yet unprofitable, then it is but a folly to think of heaven by the law. I further thought thus: If a man runs a debtor by the law hundred pounds into the shopkeeper's debt, and after that shall pay for all that he shall fetch; yet, if this old debt stands still in the book uncrossed, for that the shopkeeper may sue him, and cast him into prison till he shall pay the debt.

CHR. Well, and how did you apply this to yourself?

His being a

troubled him.

HOPE. Why, I thought thus with myself: I have, by my sins, run a great way into God's book, and that my now reforming will not pay off that score; therefore I should think still, under all my present amendments, But how shall I be freed from that damnation that I have brought myself in danger of, by my former transgressions?

CHR. A very good application: but, pray, go on.

HOPE. Another thing that hath troubled me, even since my late amendments, is, that if I look narrowly into the best of what I do now, I still see sin, new sin, mixing itself with the best of that I do; so that now I am forced to conclude, that notwithstanding my former fond conceits of myself and duties, I have committed sin enough in one duty 158 to send me to hell, though my former life had been faultless.

His espying bad things in his best

duties troubled

him.

This made him

HOPE. Do! I could not tell what to do, until I brake my mind to Faithful, for he and I were well acquainted. And he told me, that unless I could obtain the righteousness of a man that never had sinned, neither mine own, nor all the righteousness of the world could save me.

break his mind to Faithful, who told him the way to be saved.

HOPE. Had he told me so when I was pleased and satisfied with mine own amendment, I had called him fool for his pains; but now, since I see mine own infirmity, and the sin that cleaves to my best performance, I have been forced to be of his opinion.

CHR. But did you think, when at first he suggested it to you, that there was such a man to be found, of whom it might justly be said, that he never committed sin?

HOPE. I must confess the words at first sounded strangely, but after a little more talk and company with him, I had full constarted at present. viction about it.

At which he

CHR. And did you ask him what man this was, and how you must be justified by him?

HOPE. Yes, and he told me it was the Lord Jesus, that dwelleth on the right hand of the Most High. And thus, said he, you must be justified by him, even by trusting to what he hath done by himself, in the days of his flesh, and suffered when he did hang on the tree. A more parti- I asked him further, how that man's righteousness could cular discovery be of that efficacy to justify another before God? And he told me he was the mighty God, and did what he did, and died the death also, not for himself, but for me; to whom his doings, and the worthiness of them, should be imputed, if I believed on Him. (Heb. x.; Rom. iv.; Col. i.; 1 Pet. i.)

of the way to be

saved.

CHR. And what did you do then?

He doubts of

HOPE.

I made my objections against my believing, for acceptation. that I thought he was not willing to save me. CHR. And what said Faithful to you then?

HOPE. He bid me go to him and see. Then I said it was presumption; but he said, No, for I was invited to come. (Matt. xi. 28.) Then he gave me a book of Jesus, his inditing, to encourage me the more freely to come; and he said, concerning that book, that every

jot and tittle thereof stood firmer than heaven and earth. (Matt. xxiv. 35.) Then I asked him, What I must do when I came; and he He is better intold me I must entreat upon my knees, with all my heart and soul, the Father to reveal him to me. (Psa. xcv. 6; Dan. vi. 10;

structed.