engage you fhall to be in love by to-morrow morning Upon condition, that if I overcome, faid Misogynes, you will engage to be out of love by the fame time, I agree, That is no equal stake, replied Philogynes, for it is to lay happiness against unhappiness; however, I am fo well fatisfied of my cause, that I will undertake you, even upon those odds. Upon this agreement we walked all to the other fide of the park, full of expectation of the event of the debate; when we were come thither, we found we had the whole walk to ourselves, and fo Mifogynes who gave the challenge, began in this manner: The propagation of mankind being the only way to preferve it from extinction; and the copulation with women being the only means that nature has ordained to that end; there is no doubt but all commonwealths ought to give any reasonable encouragements to it; I have therefore always admir'd the wisdom of those governments that incited, or compelled their fubjects to marry, as a thing fo much more neceffary to mankind in general, than pleafing to any one in particular; but that a man should, out of a mere act of judgment, run after women; that he should find delight in their company, is fo very extraordinary, that the wife men of old thought it hardly poffible, otherwife they had had no need of making fuch fevere laws to force them to it, as they did. Your ladyfhip, who is fo well verfed in Greek and Roman authors, knows, that amongst the Spartans, they who lived long bachelors were condemned to ignominious punishments, and debarred the privileges of other citizens. That the † Cretans had a law to com * Plutarch in life of Lycurgus. + Strabo, lib. 10, pel pel all the handsomeft young men to marry; as the t Thrufians had to invite them to it, both by honours and rewards. That || Plato ordains, that whoever lived a bachelor to the five and thirtieth year of his age fhould be capable of no honour in his commonwealth: and that the Romans did not only take all care imaginable to encourage people to marriage, but frightned them into it by punishments, if they refufed. Notwithstanding this, had you a defign of marrying them, I fhould not altogether fo much comdemn you; nay, had you but a defign of enjoying them without it, there might be fomewhat ftill alledged in your excuse. How unjuftifiable foever fuch a defign may be as to the moral part, the action itself is very agreeable to the natural. But to pick them out only for the benefit of their converfation, to fall in love with their underftandings, and to leave the company of wife men for handfome women, is just the same thing as if you should choose rather to eat jays and parrots, than woodcocks and patridges, because the feathers of the former make the finer fhew. It is a very good, as well as a very general way, to guefs at people by the company they keep; and thus we may give a great judgment of the female fex, by a view of those with whom they are the most pleased of our own. Well, let them appear then; what do you find? Fine coats, large cravat-ftrings, and good periwigs, I must own, but for any thing elfe, they and their perriwig-blocks are critics alike. It is true, to do them juftice, they talk most learnedly of points and ribbons; have most mathematical heads for the erecting Diod, Sicul. Lib. 1. Ibid. Lib. 4, & 6. Aul. Gel. lib. 1. cap. 6. Sueton. in life of Auguftus, Dion in ibid. Lucius Florus. Livy, lib. 59. of of ladies topknots, make as confiderable figures, talk as loud, and laugh more than any in drawing-rooms and play-houses; and those who know nothing of their language, would take them, by their geftures to be the wittiest perfons in Chriftendom; but if unluckily you understand them, you will find it only falfe fire, and that all this violent laughter is produced by no jeft. Then take them out of their own element, begin a discourse of any thing that is worth knowing, they are dumb : Out of modefty? No; but they hate to talk of things that are groffier; and the pedantry of scholars, and gravity of men of business, is utterly unfit fot a gentleman. Were it nothing but the compaay of fuch fort of creatures as these, it would be enough, I fhould think, to frighten a man of sense from them. Can you fee these fops, as much as you are used to them, without laughing? except it rather makes you blush to think you fhould bring yourself into competition with fuch tools as they are: I am far from blaming them for following the ladies they avoid the company of men who defpife them, for that of women who admire them: nor do I find fault with the ladies for being pleased with them; for fince likeness, they fay breeds love, what wonder is it they are fond of those men whose follies make them moft like themselves? but for a man who has fome pretences to wit and learning; for one who might be acceptable to men of sense, to run after them: nay, for a man who spends all the morning in the ftudy of Homer and Ariftotle, to fpend the afternoon among the impertinencies of women, puts me in mind of the mountebank-stages in Naples, where the jefuits and jackpuddings entertain the spectators by turns. It is poffible, you will fay, that all this makes for you: that the faults of your rivals render your virtues the more remarkable, and that there is no doubt, but a man of is you of merit may fucceed in any place where a man of no merit may pretend; but, alas! Sir, you deceive yourself very much if you encourage that opinion. Had you fit judges, there is no doubt but you were in the right: but if the fairest lady in Chriftendom were amongst the Indians, where they paint the devil of her colour, do you expect they should do her beauty juftice? or if a flender man were among the Muscovites, do think they would admire him for being well fhaped, where they thought none but big belly'd men to be fo? Credit me, Sir, a man who leaves his parts to the judgment of wo. men, very near the fame circumftances: will you not believe me in that cafe, because I profefs an enmity to them? You do well; but will you believe themselves? View all the town, take good notice: among all the young heirefles who run away from their guardians, is there any one who does it with a man of fenfe? Among all those widows who ruin themselves by fecond marriages, is there any one who does it with a man of fenfe? Among all those ladies who cuckold their hufbands, is there any one who does it with a man of sense? We fee them do these things every day with chaplains, dancing-mafters, butlers, and footmen. Who are the men that fhew the tender billets received? What are they who boast of the favours of all the finest women in town? Are they not the most despicable of mankind? Are they not fuch whose conversation is the jest of men of fenfe? And have they above one thing about them that diftinguishes them from the other sex ? After all, Sir, are not the women in the right in this point? Or do they ever fhew more judgment than when they pitch upon fuch men? What do they look for in a husband but one who will admire them, who will be governed by them, and upon whom all their little tricks will pafs? and who but fools are fit for that? What do they propofe in a gallant, but giving them pleasure with out out fcandal? And to the former part they have a receiv ed notion of the ability of fools: Then for the fcandal, who fo likely to give none as thofe men, whom the world will hardly believe were favoured by them, tho' they took their oaths upon it? For notwithstanding experience teaches us the contrary, yet people are apt to fancy a man of fenfe muft fucceed before a coxcomb; and will rather believe the former are favoured, tho' they fwear they are not; than the latter, tho' they fwear they are, But, alas! fir, men of fenfe they think know them, and that they take, as well as I do, to be a fure means to hinder their being in love. It was upon this account that* Solomon gives fuch fevere characters of them in his Proverbs; that † Euripides reprefented them fo faithfully as to get the name of the woman hater; that Simonides has diftinguished them into so many sorts of evil things; that || Lucian has fo naturally described their tricks; that § St. Chryfoftom has made fuch a severe invective against them; that Juvenal has given his friend fuch counsel against having any thing to do with them; and in fine, it is upon the fame account that all the epi grammatifts, comic poets, and fatirifts are fo continually expofing them to the world, making their follies ridiculous, and their vices odious. It is upon the fame account likewife, that to call a man effeminate, has always been reckoned fuch a reproach; and that to say a man is governed by a woman, has been one of the worst characters you could give of his understanding. See here a dreadful army, madam, against us, I asked my friend what thefe gentlemen had faid upon this oc * Chap. 7, &c. V. Stobæi Senten. cap. Vituperio Mulierum. See the dialogues of the Coutefans and that of Love. *Satrie 6th, cafion? |