Accomplishments consist of an infinite nunber of nothings; infinite

"As the gay motes that people the sun-beams," and not one whit more substantial. A very superficial translating knowledge of the ancient tongues, and Euclid; a talking acquaintance with French and Italian: of late they have added about as large a stock of German; for servants are inquisitive, and very often know as much French and Italian as their masters. Add to this an ear, real or pretended, for music, " a singing face," ability to grumble bass, a knowledge of cards, backgammon, and perhaps (quando hæc rara avis est) of chess; an easy carriage, plenty of small talk, infinite forbearance and good humour-to the female sex; (and to the male an' it please them, for courage is no indispensable requisite,) ability to dance, ride, swear, hunt, shoot, et hoc genus omne: and you will have heaped together enough, aye, and more than enough to recommend, in conjunction with money, a man to be a batchelor of arts-and hearts also; nay, to have an absolute power paramount over the tender affections of every would-be belle; in short, to become, in some circles, (such perhaps as my quotation will suit,) "the rage, the go, the stare, the thing."

But after all, dissertations tire, and essays are apt to be narcotic, while example is always preferable to precept. Defending ourselves with these "wise saws," we will proceed to some "modern instances," and commence the piece which we have opened with so dry a prologue.

James Hasper received what is, in vulgi dicto, called a solid education. Every thing which he learned was, or was meant to be, heavy, lasting, or, to sum up all in a word, useful-we are all utilitarians now-a-days. He

went to

--

where he acquired a strong and radical knowledge of the dead languages, and proceeding from thence to the University, he applied himself to mathematics, and natural philosophy. Having distinguished himself there, he travelled for three years to acquire a correct knowledge of the living tongues. In short, he became (the expression has, I think, been applied to Dr. Johnson) a colossus of learning. He had an ardent spirit of research and enquiry, so that his mind was always active, and always collecting fresh stores of intelligence. Yet he was deficient-totally deficient in accomplishments. A defect, however, of which he was himself wholly unconscious, till the time arrived when he was to be launched into the ocean of "the World," a solitary bark.

On the contrary, Frederick Augustus Dumforn received a fashionable education. After having been instructed in the rudiments of Latin and Greek, he was forthwith sent to the tonish public school at ——. There classics were by no means the only things he picked up. He became a licentiate in flash; was initiated into the mysteries of the turf, (i. e. as far as possible without attending the race course) became well versed in the good qualities of horses; learned to be a good stroke, and a good bat. In addition to this, he became a proficient in boxing, fencing, and dancing. By this time he was nearly eighteen, and was placed under a private tutor, preparatory to going to Oxford. The Rev. gentleman to whom this hopeful young man was intrusted, quickly discovered that, as far as Latin, Greek, and Mathematics went, he knew nothing, scarcely as much as when he joined A system of cramming commenced, to which Frederick Augustus was obliged to submit with the best grace he could; and, in

due time he was sent to Oxford, there to undergo another course similar to the one he had pursued at

At the age of twenty-one he came fresh, and red hot from college an A.B., or at any rate A.B-lockhead. Then he travelled this means, he went with a tutor to Paris, the south of France, Switzerland, Rome, Naples, Sicily, and returned to England within the year; having kept company with English ever since his departure from the white cliffs of Albion. In his travels he fell in with all the French and Italian fooleries, which he had got secondhand from his own fellow countrymen; in consequence of which he could have served for a maître-à-danser, and maestra della musica. He was now quite ready for the world; full of accomplishments, of flash, and of politesse. These two young men entered society at about the same time, "but very different was their speed, I wot." Hasper, unused to company, delighted with solitude; unaccustomed to the small talk of nonsense, but wont to meditate, or pleased with intellectual discourse, was bewildered when "doing himself the pleasure to attend Lady's rout." He sat apart from the crowd, perfectly alone, without a heart to sympathise with him, without a single person around him of sense sufficient to appreciate his distress. We were rather amused to hear the different observations made on his behaviour, his absent appearance, and his vacant look, which evidently pointed out that he was thinking of nothing less, and seeing nothing less, than the brilliant throng around, before, on each side of him.

"Who is that queer man in black?" said the hon. Miss Amelia Arabella Rout'em, to Lady Caroline Evelina Uplate.

"What him, with his hand pulling his lip about?" was

the inquisitorial reply.

"The same," said Miss A. A.

"Ah! I thought you would observe him," responded Lady C. E. "He's an, I think they call it,—an odd character. He's a little you know what," touching her forehead slightly with an Indian fan, "they say—but you know the world is so censorious.

man's a man, after all; but—”

"But what, my dear Lady Caroline?"

I dare say the

Oh!-nothing; only a little eccentric. You must know-but you're such a wicked creature; you'll go and tell every one."

"Oh! no," said Miss Amelia Arabella, burning for the scandal.

"Well then, my dear, you must know that Ma' said I must dance with him, and so they actually introduced me. Poor man! he was quite taken by surprise, and after a bow, so absent! he stood quite still, and looked another way-and then at the ceiling, and then at the floor, and then leant back on the wall, 'till I—I was obliged to ask him if he meant to join the dance; when he started up with a bewildered air, muttered some words which I could not hear, and actually gallopped to his place. It was only a stupid quadrille, and you know, if you've no one to talk to, a quadrille is the most stupid of all dances. Well, and there the man stood, and didn't say a single syllable.-Other people may have a different opinion, but I think he is—"

Here her ladyship was interrupted by the hon, Frederick Augustus Dumforn aspiring to the honour of her hand for the next valse. When, after a willing acceptance, she had only time to bend over Miss Amelia Arabella, and whisper

"I think he's a downright brute."

And then she tripped off to join in the everlasting whirl.

We really were inclined to think, when we looked at the gay waltzers, that when half the fashionables on earth are brought up before Minos, they will be condemned to a perpetual enjoyment of their chief terrestrial amusement, and whirl round for ever on Ixionian wheels.

We commiserated Hasper, and forthwith accosted him, when he, evidently totally absorbed, replied to our enquiry of how he liked the party?

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Very well, thank you; how are you?”

We ventured one question more, but it was uttered into unhearing ears, and we forbore to tease him longer. We retired to a recess in the ball room, from which we could with greater ease observe the company, and be ourselves invisible, Then the first object that struck our sight was the hon. Frederick Augustus Dumforn in the pride and acme of his glory. He was standing aside from the rest of the dancers, with the lovely Lady Caroline, to allow her ladyship time to recover from her giddiness, preparatory to again adventuring in the mazy labyrinth. What a contrast did he afford to Hasper! There he stood talking, and laughing, and whispering soft nothings with all the nonchalance of long habit. We doubted much whether he or Hasper were the happier, at that moment certainly the hon. gent. seemed and appeared, and was the happier, if "vultu produntur mores." But he was at his ease, and Hasper was the very contrary. And we felt assured, that the next morning Hasper would have the advantage. But we are prosing.

After the waltz, Lady Caroline and the hon. Miss Amelia happened to sit near us, and we were again the auditors of a private piece of conversation.