after the firft ceremonies, he is as familiar as my phyfician, and his infignificancy makes me half ready to complain to him of all I would to my doctor. He, is fo courteous, that he carries half the meffages of ladies ails in town to their midwives and nurses. He underftands too the art of medicine as far as to the cure of a pimple or a rash. On occafions of the like importance, he is the moft affiduous of all men living, in confulting and fearching precedents from family to family; then he fpeaks of his obfequiousness and diligence in the ftyle of real fervices. If you fneer at him, and thank him for his great friendship, he bows, and fays, Madam, all the good offices in my power, while I have any knowledge or credit, fhall be at your fervice." The confideration of fo fhallow a being, and the intent application with which he purfues trifles, has made me carefully refect upon that fort of men we ufually call an impertinent: and I am, upon mature deliberation, fo far from being offended with him, that I am really obliged to him; for though he will take you afide, and talk half an hour to you upon matters wholly infignificant with the most folemn air, yet I confider, that thefe things are of weight in his imagination, and he thinks he is communicating what is for my fervice. If therefore it be a just rule, to judge of a man by his intention, according to the equity of good breeding, he that is impertinently kind or wife, to do you fervice, ought in return to have a proportionable place both in your affection and esteem; fo that the courteous Umbra deferves the favour of all his acquaintance; for though he never ferved them, he is ever willing to do it, and believes he does it.

But as impotent kindness is to be returned with all our abilities to oblige; fo impotent malice is to be treated with all our force to deprefs it. For this reafon, FlyBlow (who is received in all the families in town, through the degeneracy and iniquity of their manners) is to be treated like a knave, though he is one of the weakest of fools: he has by rote, and at fecond-hand, all that can be faid of any man of figure, wit, and virtue, in town. Name a man of worth, and this creature tells

you the worst paffage of his life. Speak of a beautiful woman, and this puppy will whisper the next man to him, though he has nothing to fay of her. He is a fly that feeds on the fore part, and would have nothing to Five on, if the whole body were in health. You may know him by the frequency of pronouncing the particle. But; for which reafon I never heard him fpoke of with common charity, without using my But againft him, for a friend of mine faying the other day, Mrs. Diftaff has wit, good humour, virtue, and friendship; this oaf adďed, But the is not handfome. Coxcomb! the gentlemán was faying what I was, not what I was not,

St. James's Coffee-boufe, July 6.

THE approaches before Tournay have been carried on with great fuccefs; and our advices from the camp before that place of the eleventh inftant fay, that they had already made a lodgment on the glacis. Two hundred boats were come up the Scheld with the heavy artillery and ammunition, which would be employed in difmounting the enemy's defences, and raifed on the batteries the fifteenth. A great "body of miners are fummoned to the camp to countermine the works of the enemy. We are convinced of the weakness of the garrifon by a certain account, that they called a council of war, to confust whether it was not advifable to march into the citadel, and leave the town defenceless. We are affured, that when the confederate army was advancing towards the camp of marthal Villars, that general dispatched a courier to his mafter with a letter, giving an account of their approach, which concluded with the following words: The day begins to break, and your majefty's army is already in order of battle. Before noon, I hope to have the honour of congratulating your majesty on the fuccefs of a great action; and you fhall be very well fatisfied with the marshal Villars."

It is to be noted, that when any part of this paper appears dull, there is a defign in it."

NO.

NO. 39. SATURDAY, JULY 9, 1709.

By ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, Efquire.

Grecian Coffee-boufe, July 7.

As I am called forth by the immenfe love I bear to my fellow-creatures, and the warm inclination 1 feel within me, to ftem, as far as I can, the prevailing torrent of vice and ignorance; fo I cannot more properly pursue that noble impulfe, than by setting forth the excellency of virtue and knowledge in their native and beautiful colours. For this reafon, I made my late excurfion to Oxford, where thofe qualities appear in their higheft luftre, and are the only pretences to honour and diftinction. Superiority is there given in proportion to men's advancement in wifdom and learning; and that juft rule of life is fo univerfally received among those happy people, that you fhall fee an earl walk bareheaded to the fon of the meaneft artificer, in refpect to feven years more worth and knowledge than the nobleman is poffeffed of. In other places they bow to men's fortunes, but here to their underftandings. It is not to be expreffed, how pleafing the order, the difcipline, the regularity of their lives, is to a philofopher, who has, by many years experience in the world, learned to contemn every thing but what is revered in this manfion of felect and well-taught fpirits. The magnificence of their palaces, the greatnefs of their revenues, the fweetness of their groves and retirements, feem equally adapted for the refidence of princes and philofophers; and a familiarity with objects of fplendour, as well as places of recefs, prepares the inhabitants with an equanimity for their future fortunes, whether humble or illuftrious, How was I pleafed when I looked round at St. Mary's, and could, in the faces of the ingenious youth, fee minifters of ftate, chancellors, bifhops, and judges. Here only is human life! here only the life of man is a rational

being

231 being here men understand and are employed in works worthy their noble nature. This tranfitory being paffes away in an employment not unworthy a future ftate, the contemplation of the great decrees of Providence. Each man lives as if he were to answer the queftions made to Job, Where waft thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? Who fhut up the fea with doors, and faid, Hitherto thou shalt come, and no further?' Such fpeculations make life agreeable, make death welcome.

6

But alas! I was torn from this noble fociety by the bufinefs of this dirty mean world, and the cares of fortune: for I was obliged to be in London against the feventh day of the term, and accordingly governed myfelf by my Oxford almanack, and came laft night; but find, to my great aftonishment, that this ignorant town began the term on the twenty-fourth of the last month, in oppofition to all the learning and aftronomy of the famous univerfity of which I have been fpeaking; ac cording to which, the term certainly was to commence on the first inftant. You may be fure a man, who has turned his ftudies as I have, could not be mistaken in point of time; for knowing I was to come to town in term, I examined the paffing moments very narrowly, and called an eminent aftronomer to my affiftance. Upon very ftrict obfervation we found, that the cold has been fo fevere this laft winter, (which is allowed to have a benumbing quality) that it retarded the earth in mov ing round from Christmas to this feafon full feven days and two feconds. My learned friend affured me further, that the earth had lately received a fhogg from a comet that croffed its vortex, which, if it had come ten degrees nearer to us, had made us lofe this whole term. I was indeed once of opinion that the Gregorian computation was the most regular, as being eleven days before the Julian; but am now fully convinced, that we ought to be feven days after the chancellor and judges, and eighteen before the pope of Rome; and that the Oxonian computation is the beft of the three.

These are the reasons which I have gathered from philofophy and nature; to which I can add other circum

flances

ftances in vindication of the account of this learned body who publish this almanack.

It is notorious to philofophers, that joy and grief carr haften and delay time. Mr. Locke is of opinion, that a man in great mifery may fo far lofe his measure, as to think a minute an hour; or in joy make an hour a mimute. Let us examine the prefent cafe by this rule, and we fhall find that the cause of this general mistake in the British nation, has been the great fuccefs of the laft campaign, and the following hopes of peace. Stocks ran fo high at the Exchange, that the citizens had gained three days of the courtiers; and we have indeed been fo happy all this reign, that if the university did not rectify our mistakes, we should think ourselves but in the fecond year of her prefent majefty. It would be endless to enumerate the many damages that have happened by this ignorance of the vulgar. All the recognizances within the diocefe of Oxford have been forfeited, for not - appearing on the first day of this fictitious term. The univerfity has been nonfuited in their action against the bookfellers for printing Clarendon in quarto. Indeed, what gives me the most quick concern, is the cafe of a poor gentleman my friend, who was the other day taken in execution by a fet of ignorant bailiffs. He fhould, it feems, have pleaded in the first week of term; but being a master of arts of Oxford, he would not recede from the Oxonian computation. He fhewed Mr. Broad the almanack, and the very day when the term began; but the merciless ignorant fellow, against all fense and learning, would hurry him away. He went indeed quietly enough, but he has taken exact notes of the time of arreft, and fufficient witneffes of his being carried into gaol; and has, by advice of the recorder of Oxford, brought his action; and we doubt not but we fhall pay them off with damages, and blemish the reputation of Mr. Broad. We have one convincing proof, which all that frequent the courts of juftice are witneffes of the dog that comes conftantly to Westminster on the first day of the term, did not appear until the first day according to the Oxford almanack; whofe inftinct I take to be a

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