She has at different times, made an offering of all her jewels; and, besides these, her whole wardrobe was very lately lodged here, which threw her into an hysteric fever, and confined her to her bed-gown for upwards of a month. Those ear-rings and other jewels, are the paraphernalia of a young bride, who was so constant a votary to this place, that when nothing else remained for an offering, she even brought in her wedding-ring. You may be surprized, perhaps, to behold such a variety of necklaces, girdle-buckles, solitaires, and other female ornaments as are here collected: but it is observable, that their devotions in the Temple of Usury have been chiefly encouraged and kept alive by their assisting at their midnight orgies of avarice. Nor are the gentlemen, continued he, less encouragers of our rites. That gold watch laid snug for a considerable time, in the fob of a young man of quality; but it was one night jerked out by a single throw of the dice at a gaming-table, and made its way into the pocket of a stranger, who placed it here to keep company with several others, brought hither on a similar occasion. Those brilliant buckles once glittered on the shoes of a very pretty fellow, who set out last winter on his travels into foreign parts, but never got further than Boulogne : and that sword with the rich fillagree hilt and elegantly fancied sword-knot with gold tassels, once dangled at the side of a spirited buck; who left it here two years ago, when he went off in a great hurry to take possession of a large estate in his native country, Ireland, whence he is not yet returned. You may see many others of these instruments of death, which rust peaceably in their scabbards, as being of no use whatever to their owners: that which commonly hangs upon the vacant peg there, belongs, you must know, to a noble captain: it is called upon duty once a month, and is at this instant mounting guard at St. James's. Not far from these rich ornaments hung several embroidered coats, laced waistcoats, Point d'Espagne hats, &c. This suit, said my venerable instructor, pointing to one richly embroidered, was made up for a noble lord on the last birth-day, and conveyed hither the very next morning after he had appeared at court. That jemmy waistcoat with the goldworked button holes, on the next peg, was the property of a smart Templar, who, having spent a night out of his chambers, sent his waistcoat hither in the morning, as a penitential offering, by his landlady. As to that heap of camlet gowns, checked aprons, and coloured handkerchiefs, which you see strung together a little further off, they are oblations made here by a sect of maudlin votaries, who resort tó this Temple to pay their devotions to a goddess, whom they have christened Madam Gin; but whom they sometimes honour with the more proper appellation of Strip-me-naked. While my conductor was thus relating the history of the various offerings, and the persons who had made them, he was suddenly called aside to a dark closet: several of which were erected near the entrance, and appeared not unlike the confessionals. of the Romish priests. These little boxes, I found, were appointed to receive the votaries who came to pay their devotions, and make their offerings: but the necessary rites and ceremonies were commonly solemnized with as much caution and privacy as the mysteries of the Bona Dea among the Romans. At present, however, there was a greater noise and hubbub than usual. A person of the first rank in the kingdom, who had made some very consider. able oblations of gold and silver plate, was now about to celebrate a feast in honour of Bacchus, in which, as these rich utensils would be requisite, he prayed to have the use of them. The chief priest, after having received the customary fee, granted a dispensation for this purpose, and loaded the messengers with a number of wrought ewers, vases, and chargers; at the same time commissioning two or three of the inferior officials of the Temple to attend the celebration of the feast, and to take care that the plate was duly returned, and safely lodged again in the Temple. These matters were scarce adjusted, before an unexpected incident filled the whole Temple with confusion and disturbance. A rude tribe of officers broke in upon us, put a stop to the rites, and seized the chief priest himself, charged him with having profaned the place by a crime almost as infamous as sacrilege. He was accused of having encouraged robbers to strip the citizens of their most valuable effects, and for a small reward to deposit them as offerings. The clamour on this occasion was very great; and, at last, one of the officers, methought, seized me, as a party concerned; when endeavouring to clear myself, and struggling to get out of his clutches, I awoke. W No. CXVIII. THURSDAY, APRIL 29. Haec Stultitia parit civitates, hac constant imperia, magistratus, religio, consilia, judicia, nec aliud omnino est vita humana, quam Stultitiae lus us quidam. ERASM Nonsense o'er empires, and o'er states presides; And life itself's a Drama, play'd by fools. THERE is no race of people that has been more conspicuous, in almost every relation of life, than the illustrious family of Nonsense. In every age of the world they have shone forth with uncommon lustre,and have made a wonderful progress in all the Arts and Sciences. They have at different sea❤ sons delivered speeches from the throne, harangued at the bar, debated in parliament, and gone amazing lengths in philosophical enquiries and metaphy sical disquisitions. In a word, the whole history of the world, moral and political, is but a Cyclopædia of Nonsense. For which reason, considering the dignity and importance of the family, and the infinite service it has been of to me and many of my contemporaries, I have resolved to oblige the pub lic with a kind of abstract of the history of Non sense. Nonsense was the daughter of Ignorance, begot on Falsehood, many ages ago, in a dark cavern in Boetia. As she grew up, she inherited all the qualities of her parents: she discovered too warm a genius to require being sent to school; but while other dull brats were poring over a horn-book, she amused herself with spreading fantastical lies, taught her by her mamma, and which have in later ages been familiarly known to us under the names of Sham, Banter, and Humbug. When she grew up, she received the addresses, and soon became the wife of Impudence. Who he was, or of what profession, is uncertain: some say he was the son of Ignorance by another venter, and was suffered to become the husband of Nonsense in those dark ages of the world, as the Ptolemys of Egypt married their own sisters. Some record, that he was in the army; others, that he was an interpreter of the laws; and others, a divine. However this was, Nonsense and Impudence were soon inseparably united to each other, and became the founders of a more noble and numerous family than any yet preserved on any tree of descent whatsoever; of which ingenious device they were said to have been the first inventors. It is my chief intent at present to record the great exploits of that branch of the family, who have made themselves remarkable in England; though they began to signalize themselves very early, and are still very flourishing in most parts of the world. Many of them were Egyptian priests four thousand years ago, and told the people that it was religion to worship dogs, monkeys, and green leeks and their descendants prevailed on the Greeks and Romans to build temples in honour of supposed deities, who were, in their own estimation of them, whores and whoremongers, pick pockets, and drunkards. Others rose up some ages after in Turkey, and persuaded the people to embrace the doctrine of bloodshed and of the sword, in the name of the most merciful God: and others have manifested their lineal descent from Nonsense and Impudence, by affirming that there is no God at all. There were also among them many shrewd philosophers; some of whom, though they were racked with a fit of the stone, or laid up with a gouty toe, declared that they felt not the least degree of pain; and others would not trust their own eyes; but when they saw |