traffic in all the accomplishments that can make the marriage state happy. These traders dispose of all sorts of rich heirs and heiresses, baronets, lords, ladies of fashion, and daughters of country 'squires, with as much coolness as drovers sell bullocks. They keep complete registers of the condition. and qualifications of all the marriageable persons within the kingdom; and it is as common to apply to them for an husband or wife, as to the register-offices for a man or maid-servant. They may, indeed, be considered as fathers and guardians to the greatest part of your youth of both sexes, since in marriage they may be most properly said to give them away.

It is something comical, to consider the various persons to whom men of this profession are useful. We may naturally suppose, that a young fellow who has no estate but what, like Tinsel's in the Drummer, is merely personal, would be glad to come down handsomely, after consummation with a woman of fortune; and a smart girl, who has more charms than wealth, would give round poundage on being taken for better for worse by a rich heir. Many a tradesman also wants a wife to manage his family, while he looks after the shop; and thinks it better to recommend himself by this convenient friend, than by means of the Daily Advertiser. There are also several young people who are indifferent as to any person in particular, and have no passion for the state itself, yet want to be married, because it will deliver them from the restraint of parents. But the most unnatural, though very common applications of this sort, are from the rich and the noble; who, having immense estates to bestow on their children, will make use of the meanest instruments to couple them to others of the same overgrown fortune.

I have known many droll accidents happen from the mistakes of these mercenary Matchmakers, and remember one in particular, which I shall here set down for the entertainment of my readers....A careful old gentleman came up from the north on purpose to marry his son, and was recommended by one of these Couplers to a twenty thousand pounder. He accordingly put on his best wig, best beaver, and gold buttoned coat, and went to pay his respects to the lady's mamma. He told her that he had not the pleasure of being known to her; but as his son's quiet depended on it, he had taken the liberty of waiting on her. In short, he immediately broke the matter to her, and informed her, that his boy had seen her daughter at church, and was violently in love with her; concluding, that he would do very handsomely for the lad, and would make it worth her while to have him. The old lady thanked him for the honour he intended her family; but she supposed, to be sure, as he appeared to be a prudent and sensible gentleman, he would expect a fortune answerable. 'Say nothing of that, Madam, say nothing of that,' interrupted the Don: I have heard...but if it was less,

6

it should not break any squares between us.', "Pray, Sir, how much does the world say?" replied the lady... Why, Madam, I suppose she has not 'less than twenty thousand pounds.'..." Not so much, "Sir," said the old lady, very gravely..... Well, ‹ Madam, I suppose it may be nineteen, or ... or only eighteen thousand pounds.' "Not so much, "Sir."..." Well, well, perhaps not: but...' if it was only seventeen thousand.'...." No, Sir.".... Or six'teen.'...." No.”........' Or (we must make allowances) 'perhaps but fifteen thousand.'...." Not so much, "Sir."....Here ensued a profound silence for near a minute; when the old gentleman, rubbing his fores head, Well, Madam, we must come to some con

....

'clusion. Pray, is it less than fourteen thousand? How much more is it than twelve thousand?'. "Less, Sir.".... Less, Madam ?'...." Less.".... But is it more than ten thousand?'... Not so much, "Sir.".... Not so much, Madam?'...." Not so much." ...Why, if it is lodged in the funds, consider, Madam, interest is low, very low but as the boy loves her, trifles shall not part us. Has she got 'eight thousand pounds ?'...." Not so much, Sir.".... Why then, Madam, perhaps the young lady's for'tune may not be above six, or five thousand pounds.' "...." Nothing like it, Sir."....At these words the the old gentleman started from his chair, and running out of the room.... Your servant, your servant ; 6 my son is a fool; and the fellow who recommend'ed me to you is a blockhead, and knows nothing ' of business.'

No. CXXII. THURSDAY, MAY 27.

................Monstrum nulla virtute redemptum

A vitiis. 10.00 ...

Without one sneaking virtue in thy train,

O precious villain! scoundrel! rogue in grain!

JUV.

I MENTIONED in a former paper, that a friend of mine was writing A New Treatise on Ethics, or, A System of Immoral Philosophy, compiled from the principles and practice of the present age; in which the extraordinary modesty of the moderns would be enlarged on, which has induced them to comprehend all the vices, instead of virtues, in their idea of a Fine Gentleman. The work is now finished; and the author has sent me the following letter con

cerning the Dedication, with leave to submit it to the public:

DEAR TOWN,

THE flatness and fulsome insipidity of Dedications has often been the subject of our conversation; and we have always agreed, that authors have miscarried in these pieces of flattery, by injudiciously affronting, when they meant to compliment their patrons. The humble Dedicator loads his Great Man with virtues totally foreign to his nature and disposition, which sit as awkwardly upon him as lace or embroidery on a chimney-sweeper; and so overwhelms him with the huge mass of learning with which he graciously dubs him a scholar, that he makes as ridiculous a figure as the Ass in the Dunciad. After having thus bepraised his patron, till the new Macenas is heartily ashamed of himself, hewonders, that no notice is taken of so pompous an eulogium, and that a Dedication should be as mere a drug as a sermon.

Lory, in the Relapse, advises Fashion to get into the good graces of Lord Foppington, by falling in love with his coat, being in raptures with his peruke, seeming ravished with the genteel dangle of his sword-knot, and, in short, to recommend himself to his noble elder brother, by affecting to be captivated with his favourites. In like manner, the author who would make his Dedication really valuable, should not talk to his patron of his honour, and virtue, and integrity, and a pack of unfashionable qualities, which only serve to disgrace a Fine Gentleman; but boldly paint him what he really is, and at the same time convince him of his merit in being a fool, and his glory in being a scoundrel. This mode of dedication, though proper at all times, will appear with a particular good grace before A System of Immoral Philosophy: wherefore, as my book is now finished, I

have here sent you a rough draught of the Epistle Dedicatory, and shall be glad to hear your opinion of it.

May it please your Grace! or, My Lord! or, Sir!

YOU are in every point so complete a Fine Gentleman, that the following Treatise is but a faint transcript of your accomplishments. There is not one qualification requisite in the character of a man of spirit which you do not possess. Give me leave, therefore, on the present occasion, to point forth your inestimable qualities to the world, and hold up to public view so glorious an example.

You distinguished yourself so early in life, and exalted yourself so far above the common pitch of vulgar Bucks, that you was distinguished before the age of twenty, with the noble appellation of Stag: and when I consider the many gallant exploits you have performed, the number of rascally poltroons you have sent out of the world, the number of pretty little foundlings you have brought into it, how many girls you have debauched, how many women of quality you have intrigued with, and how many hogsheads of French wine have run through your body, I cannot help contemplating you as a Stag of the first head.

What great reason have you to value yourself on your noble achievements at Arthur's! The sums you formerly lost, and those you lately won, are amazing instances of your spirit and address; first, in venturing so deeply before you was let into the secret; and then in managing it with so much adroitness and dexterity since you have been acquainted with it. Nobody cogs the dice, or packs the cards, half so skilfully; you hedge a bet with uncommon nicety, and are a most incomparably shrewd judge of the odds.