As love without esteem is volatile and capricious; esteem without love is languid and cold. I am afraid that many men, whose wives have poffeffed their Eitsteem, have yet lavished their fortune and their fondness upon a mistress : and that the love of others, how. ever ardent, has been quickly alienated, because it was not dignified and supported by esteem.

Though good-nature does indeed participate the pains and pleasures of others, and may, therefore, be considered as a constant and forcible motive to commu. | nicate happiness and alleviate misery; yet it is at best but the imperfect excellence of imperfe&t beings, whose immediate gratifications are often felfish, and such as folly or vice render incompatible with the true happiness of the individual, and of each other.

As there is not perhaps upon earth, any couple, whose natural difpofitions and relish of life are so perfe&tly similar, as that their wills constantly coincide; so it must fometimes happen that the immediate pleasure of indulging opposite inclinations, will be greater than a participation of that pleasure, which would arise to the other if this indulgence should be forborne : but as

to forbear this indulgence can never fail to conciliate .esteem, it should always be considered as a means of

happiness, and rather as an advantage than a loss: espea cially if it be true, that the indulgence itself, in these

circumstances, never gives the pleasure that it pro: mifes. f Lady Charlotte Sprightly, the wife of a young Ba- .' | ronet, was dressing for an assembly a few nights ago,

when Sir Harry came in. “My dear Charlotte," says he, “ I am sorry that you are going out to-night ; for

my cousin George is just arrived from the East-Indies; I have invited him to sup; and as he has never

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feen

a

romance.

as married ; and as I am very far from thinking that they may now fit down in negligent security, and remit at once their afliduity and circumspection, I shall warn them of some opinions of which this conduct is the consequence, dete& fome errors by which the general intention of good-nature may be disappointed, and endeavour to put them upon their guard against some propensities by which it may be overborne.

It is now necessary to remind them, that the paffion which is supposed to animate the lover, the passion which is represented by flames and darts, which swells the bosom with perpetual rapture, and neither changes its object nor loses its ardour, exists only in poetry and

The real passion which wit and folly have thus concurred to disguise, is subject to disgust and fatiety, is excited by novelty, and frequently extinguished by poffeffion.

It is also equally true, that a refined and abstracted friendship between persons of different fexes, a union of souls to which the corporal passion is merely accidental, is only to be found in the writings of those enthusiasts, who have addressed the world from a cave or a college, and perhaps denied the force of defires which they could not subdue ; or in the professions of infidious hypocrites, who have endeavoured thus to gain a confidence, which they intend only to abuse. But there is an esteem which is meliorated by love, and a love that is elevated by esteem ; a kind of mixed affection, peculiar to mankind as beings compounded of instinct and reason, or, in other words, of body and mind. This is that species of affection, upon which the supreme or peculiar happiness of marriage depends, and which can scarce be preserved without a constant attention and perpetual efforts.

As

As love without esteem is volatile and capricious; esteem without love is languid and cold. I am afraid that many men, whose wives have poffeffed their esteem, have yet lavished their fortune and their fondness upon a mistress : and that the love of others, however ardent, has been quickly alienated, because it was not dignified and supported by esteem.

Though good-nature does indeed participate the pains and pleasures of others, and may, therefore, be considered as a constant and forcible motive to communicate happiness and alleviate misery ; yet it is at best but the imperfect excellence of imperfect beings, whose immediate gratifications are often selfish, and such as folly or vice render incompatible with the true happiness of the individual, and of each other.

As there is not perhaps upon earth, any couple, whose natural difpofitions and relish of life are so perfectly fimilar, as that their wills constantly coincide ; fo it must sometimes happen that the immediate pleasure of indulging opposite inclinations, will be greater than a participation of that pleasure, which would arise to the other if this indulgence should be forborne : but as to forbear this indulgence can never fail to conciliate esteem, it should always be considered as a means of happiness, and rather as an advantage than a loss: especially if it be true, that the indulgence itself, in these circumstances, never gives the pleasure that it promises.

Lady Charlotte Sprightly, the wife of a young Ba- . ronet, was dressing for an assembly a few nights ago, when Sir Harry came in. " My dear Charlotte," says he, “ I am sorry that you are going out to-night; for

my cousin George is just arrived from the East-Indies; I have invited him to sup; and as he has never

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seen

feen you, .

I promised him your company.” “ Nay, dear “ Sir Harry,” replied the lady,“ do not ask me te a stay at home to-night ; you know I am fond of

dancing, and now my fancy is set upon going, I am

sure you will not diffappoint me.” Sir Harry, who was truly good-natured, would not urge her to stay; tor to stay with apparent reluctance, would not have gratified his wish. She perceived that he was secretly displeased: however, away she went. But as she had not less good-nature than Sir Harry, she suffered fo so much pain by reflecting on the pain the had given him, that she often wished herself at home. Thus she ofended the delicacy of his affection, by preferring a dance to the quiet of his mind; and forfeited part of the esteem, which was due to that very good-nature by which she lost the enjoyment of the night.

In this instance the pain inflicted upon the husband, was accidental to the private gratification proposed by the wife. But there is a passion very different both from malice and rage, to the gratification of which the pain of another is fometimes essentially necessary. This passion, which, though its effects are often directly opposite to good-nature, is yet perhaps predominant in every breast, and indulged at whatever risque, is Vanity.

To a gratification of vanity, at the expence of reciprocal esteem, the wife is certainly under much stronger temptations than the husband : and I warn the ladies against it, not only with more zeal, but with greater hope of success; because those only who have fuperior natural abilities, or have received uncommon advantages from education, have it in their power,

Successfully to rally a wife, confers no honour upon burband; the attempt is regarded rather as an insult

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than a contest; it is exulting in a masculine ftrengti, to which the makes no pretensions, and brandishing weapons me is not supposed to have skill to wield.

For the same reasons, to confute or to ridicule a husa band with an apparent superiority of knowledge or of wit, affords all the parade of triumph to a wife; it is to be strong where weakness is no reproach, and to conquer when it would not have been dishonourable to fiy. But these circumstances, which increase the force of the temptation, will be found to afford proportionate motives to refift it: whatever adds to the glory of the victor, adds equally to the dishonour of the vanquished; and that which can exalt a wife only by degrading a husband, will appear upon the whole not to be worth the acquifition, even though it could be made without changing fondness to resentment, or provoking to jealousy by an implication of contempt. If the ladies do not perceive the force of this argument, I earnestly request that they would for once trust implicitly to my judgment; a request which, however extraordinary, is not unreasonable ; because in this instance the very vanity which hides truth from them, muft necessarily discover it to

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me.

But if good-nature is sufficiently vigorous to secure the esteem of reason, it may yet be too negligent to gratify the delicacy of love : it must therefore, not only be steady, but watchful and assiduous : beauty must fuffer no diminution by inelegance, but every charm must contribute to keep the heart which it contributed to win; whatever would have been concealed as a defeet from the lover, muft with yet greater diligence be concealed from the husband. The most intimate and tender familiarity cannot surely be supposed to exclude

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decorum ::