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Dol. For God's sake, thrust him down stairs : I cannot endure such a fustian rascal.
Pist. Thrust him down stairs ! know we not Galloway nags?
Fal. Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shovegroat shilling: nay, an a' do nothing but speak nothing, a' shall be nothing here.
Bard. Come, get you down stairs. Pist. What! shall we have incision ? shall we imbrue?
(Snatching up his sword. Thendeath rock me asleep, abridge my doleful days! Why, then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds Untwine the Sisters Three! Come, Atropos, I say !
Host. Here's goodly stuff toward !
[Drawing, and drwing Pistol out. Host. Here's a goodly tumult! I'll forswear keeping house, afore I'll be in these tirrits and frights. So; murder, I warrant now.
Alas, alas! put up your naked weapons, put up your naked weapons.
[Exeunt Pistol and BARDOLPH. Dol. I pray thee, Jack, be quiet; the rascal's gone. Ah, you whoreson little valiant villain, you!
Host. Are you not hurt i’ the groin? methought a' made a shrewd thrust at your belly.
Bard. Yea, sir. The rascal's drunk : you have hurt him, sir, i' the shoulder.
Sit on my
Fal: A rascal ! to brave me !
Dol. Ah, you sweet little rogue, you! Alas, poor ape, how thou sweatest ! come, let me wipe thy face; come on, you whoreson chops: ah, rogue ! i' faith, I love thee: thou art as valorous as Hector of Troy, worth five of Agamemnon, and ten times better than the Nine Worthies : ah, villain !
Fal. A rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket.
Dol. Do, an thou darest for thy heart: an thou dost, I'll canvass thee between a pair of sheets.
Enter Music. PAGE. The music is come, sir. Fal. Let them play.
Play, sirs. knee, Doll. A rascal bragging slave! the rogue fled from me like quicksilver.
Dol. I' faith, and thou followedst him like a church. Thou whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when wilt thou leave fighting o' days and foining o' nights, and begin to patch up thine old body for heaven? Enter, behind, Prince Henry and Poins,
disguised. FAL. Peace, good Doll! do not speak like a death's-head; do not bid me remember mine end.
Dol. Sirrah, what humour's the prince of?
Fal. A good shallow young fellow: a' would have made a good pantler, a' would ha' chipped bread well.
Dol. They say Poins has a good wit.
wit's as thick as Tewksbury mustard; there's no more conceit in him than is in a mallet.
Dol.. Why does the prince love him so, then?
Fal. Because their legs are both of a bigness, and a' plays at quoits well, and eats conger and fennel, and drinks off candles' ends for flap-dragons, and rides the wild-mare with the boys, and jumps upon joined-stools, and swears with a good grace, and wears his boots very smooth, like unto the sign of the leg, and breeds no bate with telling of discreet stories; and such other gambol faculties a’ has, that show a weak mind and an able body, for the which the prince admits him: for the prince himself is such another; the weight of a hair will turn the scales between their avoirdupois.
PRINCE. Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off ?
Poins. Let's beat him before his whore.
PRINCE. Look, whether the withered elder hath not his poll clawed like a parrot.
Poins. Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive performance?
Fal. Kiss me, Doll.
PRINCE. Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction ! what says the almanac to that?
Poins. And, look, whether the fiery Trigon, his man, be not lisping to his master's old tables, his note-book, his counsel-keeper.
Fal. Thou dost give me flattering busses.
Dol. By my troth, I kiss thee with a most constant heart,
Fal. I am old, I am old.
Dol. I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young boy of them all.
Fal. What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive money o' Thursday: shalt have a cap tomorrow. A merry song, come: it grows late; we'll to bed. Thou ’lt forget me when I am gone.
Dol. By my troth, thou ’lt set me a-weeping, an thou sayest so: prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy return: well, hearken at the end.
Fal. Some sack, Francis.
Fal. Ha! a bastard son of the king's? And art not thou Poins his brother?
PRINCE. Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what a life dost thou lead !
Fal. A better than thou: I am a gentleman; thou art a drawer.
PRINCE. Very true, sir; and I come to draw you out by the ears.
Host. O, the Lord preserve thy good grace! by my troth, welcome to London. Now, the Lord bless that sweet face of thine! O Jesu, are you come from Wales ?
FAL. Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, by this light flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome.
Dol. How, you fat fool! I scorn you.
Poins. My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and turn all to a merriment, if you take not the heat.
Prince. You whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely did you speak of me even now before this honest, virtuous, civil gentlewoman!
Host. God's blessing of your good heart! and so she is, by my troth.
Fal. Didst thou hear me ?
PRINCE. Yea, and you knew me, as you did when you ran away by Gad's-hill: you knew I was at your back, and spoke it on purpose to try my patience.
Fal. No, no, no; not so: I did not think thou wast within hearing.
PRINCE. I shall drive you then to confess the wilful abuse; and then I know how to handle you.
Fal. No abuse, Hal, o' mine honour; no abuse.
Prince. Not to dispraise me, and call me pantler and bread-chipper and I know not what?
Fal. No abuse, Hal.
I dispraised him before the wicked, that the wicked might not fall in love with him ; in which doing, I have done the part of a careful friend and a true subject, and thy father is to give me thanks for it. No abuse, Hal: none, Ned, none; no, faith, boys, none. PRINCE. See
fear and entire cowardice doth not make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close with us? is she of the wicked? is thine hostess here of the wicked ? or