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by making them believe that now their 'Hand is in they may go on : that since they
have begun a Score, it will not much encrease their Guilt, to gratify themselves in the next Enjoyments: The Sum of their Guilt will be much the same, if having gone so far, they take t’other Satisfaction in also; the fame Repentance will serve to account for both, and the same Humiliation to wipe out all, and this Temptation seldom fails to carry it; especially when there is a strong Party within, and a predisposition in our Minds by former Commissions. But O my Soul, let me know that it is Infinite matter of Rejoycing,
to be sav'd from one sin; that we who bear upon God's Patience by our Commissions, 'Mou'd rather than displease him, suffer any
thing, to avoid one Evil. The contrary is '
the Language of a Heart alineated from God, ' and that has forgot the Sweets of his Fa'vour: besides the consequence is more fatal, ' and feldom terininates in one Sin; but encreasing the Enmity of our Will towards God, disposes us afterwards to commit the fame, and other Sins, maliciously, and in a kind of Defiance to him, which before we ' did out of Weakness and Childish Infirmity,
For the First Sins which are committed by
a Child of God, are Innocent, in respect of 'the additional Repetitions, which are com'mitted on presumption of God's reconcileableness, and hopes of Repentance: For this does Two Things; It habituates the Person to the Sin, and makes him more powerfully
dispos'd to it by a bodily and mental Habit and Inclination: And it raises in his Mind a Sense of greater Guilt, and by consequence of God's Displeasure; The effect
of which is, that he contracts an Ermity to 'God; for being habituated and inclin'd to
his Sin, and knowing on the other side, that 'God is displeas'd with himn for it, he likewise
becomes Angry with God, who stands in the !
way of his Enjoyment and Gratifying him'self; and this breeds Enmity to God, which ' is the constant Affection of a Sinner, as Love 'is of a Saint, and nothing more hardens our
Heart from returning to God, or concludes us in a state of Sin, than this does; because
it makes us Sin maliciously, the Breach is 'made wide, and Reconciliation not easy ;
and in the mean time Habits grow Power'ful,and they carry away the Soul that is thus ? Eitrang’d from God, with the same ease that "a Wolt devoursa Solitary Sheep that is gone
astray, and quite out of the sight of its Shepherd. It is in the condition of the Israelites, when Moses was so long in the Mount; As for this Man (and this God) who brought us out of Egypt, we know not what is become of them : Up, let us make other Gods.
Hear, O Lord my God, the Humble Request of Thy Unworthy Servant, according
as I unfeignedly desire to pour it out before 'Thee; Let me have Grace to serve Thee; . Let me be deliver'd from every sin, and all
occasions of Falling; Let me have Grace to wait upon Thee with never ceasing
? Diligence, in well-doing in humble, con
ftant, and earnest Prayer; Let me proceed in Holiness, Exemplariness, and all Christian Graces ; make me Inwardly Sound in re. spect of my self, and Outwardly Influential
to all I converse with: that thy Grace may ! be in my Heart and on my Tongue, in my
Looks and in my Eyes, and shine bright in all my Actions. ' Teach me, O my God, the wisdom of Salvation, and let me understand Thy Will, and way of proceeding in dealing with my
In all my Sufferings I find that this gives me ease, and makes me able quietly to submit, while Thou dost tell my Soul, It is thy Will I shou'd thus Suffer ; For in submitting to Thy Will, I hope to please Thee; and in gaining Thy Favour, I gain more than the World can make me lose. Farewel then all Projects and vain Contrivances; this is the Will of my God, This must be
best for my soul; Here I will stay, and ( here will I fubmit.
The great Benefit of these severe Tryals, from Sickness and other Afflictions he expresses in the following Meditation, Compos'd soon after the Former.
• O Lord, Thou didst bring the Wife Heathen to the knowledge of Thy Son, by
the leading of a Star : How carly didit 'Thou make them partakers of this great 'Blessing! whose Minds having duly improv'd
their Natural Light, Thou didit Form by Thy Blessed Spirit to that degree of Saving
Humility, that they were not offended at the (meanness of our Saviours Circumstances.
Had not that exceeding great Joy, wherewith they were Transported, when they saw the
Star Conducting them to the place where ' our Saviour lay, buried all Carnal Affections ' in them, the Pride of their Heart wou'd
have made them have flung back, as Naaman
did from Elisa, saying, surely we thought ? to have found some great Prince richly At
tended, and in despight of the Heavenly Signal, counted all but a Delusion, and have
refus d to have submitted their reason to so 'great Absurdities: But Thou, O Lord, didft ' not only enlighten their Eyes, but touch
their Hearts, and inflame their Spirits with • Heavenly affections, so that when they saw
the star, they rejoyced with exceeding great Joy. Thou, O Lord, hast thought fit to Afflict me in divers manners; in Mercy I Trust for
the good of my Soul, that thou may st not · Condemn me w.ch the World: But, o Graci
cious Lord, while I find my Soul mov'd i to Thee by such Chastisements, while I find ( each of them to have its natural and due Ef• fect upon my Spirit, while I find my Soul · humbled by Reproaches, my Mind drawn ? off the World, and resign'd to Thee with i humble and contented dependance at Losses; « while it is thus with me upon each Occasion; ' Let Men contemn and speak evil of me; ! Let the News come of the loss of my Estate
or other Calamity, I shall Rejoyce, O my God, with exceeding great Joy; because it
brings me to the Haven were I would be, and to that temper of Mind, which is more precious than all things upon Earth. Indeed while Afflictions have nct this due Effect they are like wandering Fires, that lead my Soul ' so much the more Astray; but when they
have, they are like this Blessed Star that Conducts me to my Saviour ; whom when I
find warming my Soul with heavenly Affe*ations, I cannot but Rejoice with exceeding
great Foy ; with Joy, to find my Lord, while I lose the World, with Joy to find my hea' venly Physick work kindly on my Soul; " and an Eternal Health springing up in it. 'O my God, so guide me, so conduct me, so ! prepare my Sonl, and temper my Mind, ? that I may chearfully follow the Motions of i Thy Blessed Providence, and yield my self
to the mighty Workmanship of thy Eternal • Spirit.
There is another thing which I shall here take notice of, concerning Mr. Bonnell's early and happy progress in Piety ; which is, that as both at Cambridge,and Mr. Freeman's he was a constant Communicant, so his self Examinations for the Sacrament were strict and severe. He began very early à most useful Practice, which he continued during his whole Life, and that was, upon every Return of the Holy Sacrament, to put down in Writing those Thoughts which at that time most Affected and Entertained his Mind. I have a good number of Sacramental Meditations, compos’d by him, betwixt the Twenty First and Twen