antiquated palate, how much wiser are you than a child that builds houses of clay? Then to the folly of love add bloodshed, its consequence, and stir the fire with a sword.* I ask you, when Marius lately, after he had stabbed Hellas, threw himself down a precipice, was he raving mad? or will you absolve the man from the imputation of a disturbed mind, and condemn him for the crime according to your custom, imposing on things names that have ant affinity in signification.

There was a certain freedman, who, an old man, ran about the streets in a morning fasting, with his hands washed, and prayed thus: "Snatch me alone from death; adding, for what so great thing is it? me alone, for it is an easy matter for the Gods." This man was sound in both his ears and eyes: but his master, when he sold him, would except his understanding, unless he was fond of lawsuits. This crowd too Chrysippus places in the fruitful family of Menenius.‡

O Jupiter, who inflictest and takest away the greatest afflictions, cries the mother of a boy now lying sick a-bed for five months, if this cold quartan ague should leave the child, that day, in the morning on which you enjoin a fast, he shall stand naked in the Tiber. Should chance, or the physician, relieve the patient from his imminent danger, the infatuated mother will destroy the boy placed on a cold bank, and will bring back the fever. With what disorder of the mind is she

* A proverbial expression for making bad worse. + In order to make a distinction where there is no difference, for wickedness (argues he) is madness.

The family of Menenius-a crazy person, of a numerous and illustrious family.

stricken? why, with a superstitious fear of the Gods.

These arms Stertinius, the eighth of the wise men, gave to me, as to a friend, that for the future I might not be roughly accosted without revenging myself. Whosoever shall call me madman, shall hear as much from me in return; and shall learn to look back on the bag* that hangs behind him.

O Stoic, so may you, after your damage, sell all your merchandises the better: what folly (for it seems there are more kinds than one) do you think I am infatuated with? for to myself I seem quite sound. What! when Agavet carries the amputated head of her unhappy son in her hands, does she then seem mad to herself? I allow myself a fool (let me yield to the truth) and a madman likewise: only declare this, with what particular distemper of mind you think me afflicted. Hear, then: in the first place, you build; that is, though from top to bottom you are but of the two foot size, you imitate the tall: and yet you, the same person, laugh at the spirit and strut of Turbo in armour, too great for his little body; pray, how are you less ridiculous than him? What, is it fitting, that in every thing Mecenas does, you, who are so very much unlike him, and so much his inferior, should vie with him? The young ones of a frog being in her absence crushed

* Alluding to the fable of Æsop, where Jupiter is feigned to have put two bags upon every man, the one filled with his neighbour's faults before, the other filled with his own behind, so that he sees the former, but not the latter.

† Agave slew her son Pentheus, for despising the Bacchanalian ceremonies.

‡ Turbo was a little strutting gladiator.

by the foot of a calf, when one of them had made his escape, he told his mother what a huge beast had dashed his brethren to pieces. She began to ask, how big? What, prithee, was it so great, says she, puffing up herself? Then the young one answered, greater by half: what, so big? when she had swelled herself more and more: If you should burst yourself, says he, you will not be equal to it. This image bears no ill allusion to you. Now add poems: that is, add oil to the fire; which, if ever any man in his senses made, why, so do you. I do not mention your horrid rage of temper. At length have done. Your way of living beyond your fortune. Confine yourself to your own affairs, Damasippus. Those thousand passions for the fair. Thou greater madman, at last spare thy inferior.

SATIRE IV.

He ridicules the absurdity of one Catius, who placed the summit of human fclicity in the culinary art.

WHENCE, and whither, Catius? I have not time to inform you, being desirous of impressing on my memory some new precepts; such as may excel Pythagoras, and * he that was accused by Anytus, and the learned Plato. I acknowledge my offence, since I have interrupted you at so unlucky a juncture: but grant me your pardon, good sir, I beseech you. If any thing should have slipped you now, you will presently recollect it: whether this talent of yours be of nature, or of art, for you are amazing in both. Nay, but I was solicitous how I might retain all these precepts; as being things of a delicate nature, and in a delicate style. Tell me the name of this personage; and, at the same time, whether he is a Roman, or a foreigner? As I have them by heart, I will recite the precepts: the author must be concealed.

Observe, in the first place, to serve up those eggs that are of an oblong make, as being of sweeter flavour, and finer colour, than the round ones; for, being tough shelled, they contain a male-yolk. Cabbage that grows in dry lands is sweeter than that about town: nothing is more flashy than a garden much watered. If a visiter should come unexpectedly upon you in the evening, lest the old hen, being tough, prove disagreeable to his palate, you must be instructed to drown it in Falernian wine, mixed with water; this will make it tender. The mushrooms that grow in meadows are of the best kind; all others are dangerously trusted. That man shall spend his summers healthy, who shall finish his dinners with mulberries black with ripeness, which he shall have gathered from the tree before the sun is too powerful. Aufidius used to mix honey with strong Falernian, injudicicusly: because it is fitting to commit nothing to the empty veins but what is emollient: you will, with more propriety, wash your stomach with soft mead. If your belly should be hard bound, limpets and coarse cockles will remove all obstructions, likewise leaves of the small sorrel; but not without Coan white wine. The increasing moons fill out the lubricating shell-fish. But every sea is not

alike productive of the exquisite sorts. The Lucrine muscle is better than the Baian burret: the best oysters come from the Circean promontory: crayfish from Misenum: the soft Tarentum plumes herself on her broad scallops. Let no one presumptuously arrogate to himself the science of banqueting, unless the nice doctrine of taste had been previously considered by him with great exactness. Nor is it enough to sweep away a parcel of fishes from the expensive stall, while he remains ignorant for what sort stewed sauce is more proper, and what being roasted, the sated guest will presently replace himself on his elbow.* Let the boar from Umbria, and that which has been fed with the acorns of the scarlet oak, bend the round dishes of that person who dislikes all flabby meat: for the Laurentian boar, fattened with flags and reeds, is bad. The vineyard does not always afford the most eatable kids. A man of sense will be fond of the wings of a pregnant hare. What is the proper age and nature of fish and fowl, though inquired after, never was discovered before my distinguishing palate. There are some whose genius invents nothing but new kinds of pasty. But to waste one's care upon one thing is by no means sufficient: just as if any person should use all his endeavours for this only, that the wine be not bad; quite careless, at the same time, what oil he pours upon his fish. If you put out your Massic wine in fair weather, if there is any thing thick in it, it will be attenuated by the nocturnal air; and that smell, which is unfriendly to the nerves, will go off; but, if