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Feb. 17. “In the morning, found myself comfortable, and rested on God in some measure.Preached this day at a little village belonging to East Hampton; and God was pleased to give me his gracious presence and assistance, so that I spake with freedom, boldness, and some power. In the evening spent some time with a dear Christian friend; and felt serious, as on the brink of eternity. My soul enjoyed sweetness in lively apprehensions of standing before the glorious God: prayed with my dear friend with sweetness, and discoursed with the utmost solemnity. And truly it was a little emblem of heaven itself. I find my soul is more refined and weaned from a dependence on my frames and spiritual feelings.
Feb. 18. 6 Felt somewhat sweetly most of the day, and found access to the throne of grace. Blessed be the Lord for any tervals of heavenly delight and composure, while I am engaged in the field of battle. Oh, that I might be serious, solemn, and always vigilant, while in an evil world! Had some opportunity alone to day, and found some freedom in study. 0, 1 long to live to God!
Feb. 19. “ Was exceeding infirm to-day, greatly troubled with pain in my head and dizziness, scarce able to sit up. However, enjoyed something of God in prayer, and performed some necessary studies. I exceedingly longed to die; and yet, through divine goodness, have felt very willing to live, for iwo or three days past.
Lord's day, Feb. 20. " I was perplexed on account of my carelessness; thought I could not be suitably concerned about the important work of the day, and so was restless with my easiness. Was exceeding infirm again to-day; but the Lord strengthened me, both in the outward and inward man, so that I preached with some life and spirituality, especially in the afternoon, wherein I was enabled to speak closely against selfish religion ; that loves Christ for his benefits, but not for himself."?
During the next fortnight, it appears that for the most part he enjoyed much spiritual peace and comfort. In his diary for this space of time, are expressed such things as these ; mourning over indwelling sin, and unprofitableness; deadness to the world; longing after God, and to live to his glory; heart melting desires after his eternal home ; fixed reliance on God for his help ; experience of much divine assistance, both in the private and public exercises of religion; inward strength and courage in the service of God; very frequent refreshment, consolation, and divine sweetness in meditation, prayer, preaching, and christian conversation. And it appears by his account, that this space of time was filled up with great diligence and earnestness in serving God, in study, prayer, meditation, preaching and privately instructing and counselling.
March 7. “ This morning when I arose, I found my heart go forth after God in longing desires of conformity to him, and in secret prayer found myself sweetly quickened and drawn out in praises to God for all he had done to and for me, and for all my inward trials and distresses of late. My heart ascribed glory, glory, glory to the blessed God! and bid welcome to all inward distress again, if God saw meet to exercise me with it. Time appeared but an inch long, and eternity at hand; and I thought I could with patience and cheerfulness bear any thing for the cause of God; for I saw that a moment would bring me to a world of peace and blessedness. My soul, by the strength of the Lord, rose far above this lower world, and all the vain amusements and frightful disappointments of it. Afterwards, had some sweet meditation on Genesis v. 24. And Enoch walked with God, &c. This was a comfortable day to my soul."
The next day, he seems to have continued in a considerable degree of sweetness and fervency in religion.
March 9. “Endeavoured to commit myself, and all my concerns to God. Rode sixteen miles to Montauk,* and had some inward sweetness on the road; but somewhat of flatness and deadness after I came there and had seen the Indians. I withdrew, and endeavoured to pray, but found myself awfully deserted and left, and had an afflicting sense of my vileness and
However, I went and preached from Is. liii. 10. Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him, &c. Had some assistance; and I trust somewhat of the divine presence was among
In the evening, I again prayed and exhorted among them, after having had a season alone, wherein I was so pressed with the blackness of my nature, that I thought it was not fit for me to speak so much as to Indians."
The next day he returned to East-Hampton ; was exceeding infirm in body, through the remaining part of this week ; but speaks of assistance and enlargment in study and religious exercises, and of inward sweetness, and breathing after God.
Lord's day, March 13. “At noon, I thought it impossible for me to preach, by reason of bodily weakness, and inward dead
In the first prayer, I was so weak that I could hardly stand; but in the sermon God strengthened me, so that I spake near an hour and a half with sweet freedom, clearness, and some tender power from Gen. v. 24. And Enoch walked with God. I was sweetly assisted to insist on a close walk with God and to leave this as my parting advice to God's people here, that they should walk with God. May the God of all grace succeed my poor labours in this place!
* Montauk is the eastern cape or end of Long:-Island, inhabitel chiefly by Indians.
March 14. - In the morning, was very busy in preparation for my journey, and was almost continually engaged in ejaculatory prayer. About ten, took leave of the dear people of EastHampton; my heart grieved and mourned, and rejoiced at the same time ; rode near fifty miles to a part of Brook-Haven, and lodged there, and had refreshing conversation with a Christian friend."
In two days more, he reached New-York; but complains of much desertion and deadness on the road. He stayed one day in New York, and on Friday went to Mr. Dickinson's at Elizabeth-Town. His complaints are the same as on the two preceding days.
March 19. “Was bitterly distressed under a sense of my ignorance, darkness, and unworthiness ; got alone, and poured out my complaint to God in the bitterness of my soul. In the afternoon, rode to Newark, and had some sweetness in conversation with Mr. Burr,* and in praying together. O blessed be God for ever and ever, for any enlivening and quickening
Lord's day, March 20. “ Preached in the forenoon: God gave me some assistance and sweetness, and enabled me to speak with real tenderness, love, and impartiality. In the evening preached again; and of a truth, God was pleased to assist a poor worm.
Blessed be God, I was enabled to speak with life, power, and desire of the edification of God's people, and with some power to sinners. In the evening, I felt spiritual and watchful, lest my heart should by any means be drawn away from God. O when shall I come to that blessed world, where every power of my soul will be incessantly and eternally wound up in heavenly employments and enjoyments, to the highest degree!
On Monday, he went to Woodbridge, where he speaks of his being with a number of ministers ;t and, the day following
* Afterwards President Burr, of Nassau Hall.
† These ministers were the Correspondents who now met at Woodbridge, and gave BRAINERD new directions. Instead of sending him to the Indians at the Forks of Deleware, as before intended, they ordered him to go to a number of Indians at Kaunaumeek; a place in the province of New York, in the woods between Stockbridge and Albany. This alteration was occasioned by two things. 1. Information which the correspondents had received of some contention now subsisting between the white people and the Indians at Delaware, concerning their lands; which they supposed would be a hindrance, at present, to their entertainment of a missionary, and to his success among them. 2. Some intimations which they had received from Mr. Sergeant, Missionary to the Indians at Stockbridge, concerning the Indians at Kaunaumeek, and the hopeful prospect of success which a Missionary might have among them.. VOL. X.
of his travelling part of the way towards New-York. On Wednesday, he came to New-York. On Thursday, he rode near fifty miles, from New-York to North-Castle. On Friday, went to Danbury. Saturday to New-Milford. On the Sabbath he rode five or six miles to the place near Kent in Connecticut, called Scaticocke, where dwell a number of Indians, and preached to them. On Monday being detained by the rain, he tarried at Kent. On Tuesday, he rode from Kent to Salisbury Wednesday, he went to Sheffield. Thursday, March 31, he went to Mr. Sergeant's at Stockbridge. He was dejected and very disconsolate, through the main of this journey from New-Jersey to Stockbridge ; and especially on the last day his mind was overwhelmed with peculiar gloom and melaneholy.
+ These were the same Indians which BRAINERD mentions in his Diary, August 12, 1742.
From the Commencement of his labours at Kaunaumeek, to his
April 1, 1743. “I rode to Kaunaumeek, near twenty miles from Stockbridge, where the Indians live with whom I am concerned, and there lodged on a little heap of straw. I was greatly exercised with inward trials and distresses all day, and in the evening, my heart was sunk, and I seemed to have no God to go to. Oh that God would help me!"
The next five days, he was for the most part in a dejected, depressed state of mind, and sometimes extremely so. He speaks of God's “ waves and billows rolling over his soul ;" and of his being ready sometimes to say, “ Surely his mercy is clean gone forever, and he will be favourable no more ; and says, the anguish he endured, was nameless and inconceivable; but at the same time speaks thus concerning his distresses, “What God designs by all my distresses, I know not; but this I know, I deserve them all, and thousands more.”
He gives an account of the Indians kindly receiving him, and being seriously attentive to his instructions.
April 7. “ Appeared to myself exceedingly ignorant, weak, helpless, unworthy, and altogether unequal to my work. It seemed to me, that I should never do any service, or success among the Indians. My soul was weary
I longed for death, beyond measure. When I thought of any godly soul departed, my soul was ready to envy him his privilege, thinking," when will my turn come! must it be years first !" But I know these ardent desires, at this and other times, rose partly for want of resignation to God under all miseries and so were but impatience. Towards night, I had the exercise of faith in prayer, and some assistance in writing. Oh that God would keep me near him!
April 8. “ Was exceedingly pressed under a sense of my pride, selfishness, bitterness, and party spirit, in times past, while I attempted to promote the cause of God. Its vile na