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ODE TO THE SUBLIME PORTE.
GREAT Sultan, how wise are thy state compositions !
And oh, above all, I admire that decree,
Shall forthwith be strangled and cast in the sea.
A maid, who her faith in old Jeremy puts ;
And hopes you're delighted with ‘Mill upon Gluts ;'
How charming his Articles 'gainst the Nobility ;-
In Jeremy's school, of no sort of utility.
Art. 1, On the Needle's variations.' by Snip;
(That eminent dealer in scribbling and scrip);
(The chief fallacy being his hope to find readers);
Art. (by the young Mr. M-), 'Hints to Breeders.'
And the bowstring, like thee, I am tempted to call-
I would bag this she Benthamite first of them all!
From the watery bottom, her clack to renew,-
I would hang round her neck her own darling Reviev
THE GHOST OT MILTIADES. And he found the scrip of Greece so
high, Ah quoties dubius Scriptis exarsit amator !
That it tired his blood, it flushed his eye;
And oh ! 'twas a sight for the ghost to The ghost of Miltiades came at night, And he stood by the bed of the Ben. For there never was Greek more Greek thamite;
than he ! And he said in a voice that thrilled the And still, as the premium higher went, frame,
His ecstasy rose—so much per cent. If ever the sound of Marathon's name (As we see, in a glass that tells the Bath fired thy blood, or flushed thy
The heat and the silver rise together), Lover of liberty, rouse thee now!'
And Liberty sung from the patriot's lip, The Benthamite, yawning, left his bed-While a voice from his pocket whispered Away to the Stock Exchange he sped, *Scrip!
The ghost of Miltiades came again :- Thus saying, the ghost, as he took his He smiled, as the pale moon shines flight, through rain,
Gave a parting kick to the Benthamite, For his soul was glad at that patriot Which sent him, whimpering, off to strain :
Jerry(And, poor dear ghost, how little he And vanished away to the Stygian knew
ferry! The jobs and tricks of the Philhellene
crew !) * Blessings and thanks !' was all he said,
CORN AND CATHOLICS. Then melting away, like a night dream,
Utrum horum fled !
Dirius borum ?-Incerti Auctores.
What! still those two infernal questions, The Benthamite hears-amazed that
That with our meals, our slumbers ghosts
mixCould be such fools-andaway he posts, That spoil our tempers and digestionsA patriot still! Ah no, ah noGoddess of Freedom, thy scrip is low,
Eternal Corn and Catholics! And, warm and fond as thy lovers are, Gods! were there ever two such bores ? Thou triest their passion when under Nothing else talked of, night or
par. The Benthamite's ardour fast decays,
Nothing in doors, or out of doors, By turns he weeps, and swears, and But endless Catholics and Corn!
prays, And wishes the d—l had crescent and Never was such a brace of pests— cross,
While Ministers, still worse than Ere he had been forced to sell at a loss. either, They quote him the stock of various Skilled but in feathering their nests, nations,
Bore us with both, and settle neither. But, spite of his classic associations, Lord! how he loathes the Greek So addled in my cranium meet quotations !
Popery and Corn, that oft I doubt "Who'll buy my scrip? Who'll buy Whether, this year, 'twas bonded wheat my scrip?
Or bonded papists they let out.
Here landlords, here polemics, nail you, To Messrs. Orlando and Luriottis,
Armed with all rubbish they can rake And says, 'Oh Greece, for liberty's
Prices and texts at once assail you-. sake,
From Daniel these and those from Do buy my scrip, and I vow to break Those dark, unholy bonds of thine
Jacob. If you'll only consent to buy up mine!' | And when you sleep, with head still
torn The ghost of Miltiades came once Between the two, their shapes you
mix, His brow, like the night, was lowering Till sometimes Catholics seem Corn,
Then Corn again seem Catholics. And he said, with a look that flashed dismay,
Now Dantzic wheat before you floatsOf liberty's foes the worst are they Now, Jesuits from California Who turn to a trade her cause divine, Now Ceres, linked with Titus Oats, And gamble for gold on Freedom's Comes dancing through the Porta shrine !
Oft, too, the Corn grows animate, So, on they went, a prosperous crew,
And a whole crop of heads appears, The people wise, the rulers clever, Like Papists, bearding Church and And God help those, like me and State
you, Themselves together by the ears ! Who dared to doubt (as some now
do) While, leaders of the wheat, a row That the Periwinkle Revenue Of Poppies, gaudily declaiming,
Would thus go flourishing on for Like Counsellor O'Bric and Co., Stand forth, somniferously flaming !
Hurra! hurra! I heard them say, In short, their torments never cease ;
And oft I wish myself transferred off And they cheered and shouted all the To some far, lonely land of peace,
way, Where Corn or Papists ne'er were
As the Great Panurge in glory went
To heard of.
his own dear Parliament. Oh waft me, Parry, to the Pole ; But folks at length began to doubt
For-if my fate is to be chosen What all this conjuring was about; 'Twixt bores and icebergs-on my soul, For, every day, more deep in debt I'd rather, of the two, be frozen! They saw their wealthy rulers get :
• Let's look (said they) the items
And see if what we're told be true
Of our Periwinkle Revenue.'
But, lord, they found there wasn't a
tittle A SALMAGUNDIAN HYMN.
Of truth in aught they heard before; *To Panurge was assigned the Lairdship of For they gained by Periwinkles little, Salmagundi, which was yearly worth 6,789,106,789 ryals, besides the revenue of the Locusts and Pe.
And lost by Locusts ten times more! riwinkles
, amounting one year with another to These Locusts are a lordly breed the value of 2,425,768,' etc. etc.-Rabelais. Some Salmagundians love to feed. ‘HURRA ! Hurra!' I heard them say,
Of all the beasts that ever were born, And they cheered and shouted all the Your Locust most delights in corn;
And though his body be but small, way, As the Laird of Salmagundi went
To fatten him takes the devil and all ! To open in state his Parliament.
Nor this the worst, for, direr still,
And prop of the Salmagundian till — For, every year, the Revenue?
For want of feeding, all fell ill ! From their periwinkles larger grew; And still, as they thinned and died And their rulers, skilled in all the trick,
away, And legerdemain of arithmetic, The Locusts, ay, and the Locusts' Bill, Knew how to place 1, 2, 3, 4,
Grew fatter and fatter every day! 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 and 10, Such various ways, behind, before, • Oh fie! oh fie !' was now the cry, That they made a unit seem a score, As they saw the gaudy show go by, And proved themselves most wealthy And the Laird of Salmagundi weut men!
open his Locust Parliament !
Accented as in Swift's line
Not so a nation's revenues are paid.'
A CASE OF LIBEL.
The press, the impartial press, that snubs
Alike a fiend's or an angel's capers — A CERTAIN old Sprite, who dwells Miss Paton's soon as Beelzebub's— below
Fired off a squib in the morning ('Twere a libel, perhaps, to mention
papers : where), Came up incog., some winters ago,
"We warn good men to keep aloof To try, for a change, the London air. From a grim old Dandy, seen about
With a fire-proof wig and a cloven hoof, So well he looked, and dressed, and Through a neat cut Hoby smoking talked,
out. And hid his tail and his horns so
Now, the Devil being a gentleman, handy, You'd hardly have known him, as he
Who piques himself on his well-bred
You may guess, when o'er these lines From or any other Dandy. (N.B. -His horns, they say, unscrew ;
How much they hurt and shocked
his feelings So he has but to take them out of the socket,
Away he posts to a man of law, And—just as some fine husbands do- And oh, 'twould make you laugh Conveniently clap them into his to 've seen 'em, pocket.)
As paw shook hand, and hand shook
paw, In short, he looked extremely natty, And 'twas ‘Hail, good fellow, wel' And even contrived - to his own met,' between 'em.
great wonder By dint of sundry scents from Gattie, Straight an indictment was preferred
And much the Devil enjoyed the jest. To keep the sulphurous hogo under.
When, looking among the judges, he
heard And so my gentleman hoofed about,
That, of all the batch, his own was Unknown to all but a chosen few
Best. At White's and Crockford's, where, no doubt,
In vain Defendant proffered proof He had many post obits falling due. That Plaintiff s self was the Father
of Evil Alike a gamester and a wit,
Brought Hoby forth to swear to the At night he was seen with Crock- hoof, ford's crew;
And Stultz to speak to the tail of the At morn with learned dames would Devil.
The Jury-saints, all snug and rich,
papers Some wished to make him an M.P.;
Found for the Plaintiff; on hearing
which But, finding W-lks was also one, he Was heard to say he'd be dd if he
The Devil gave one of his loftiest Would ever sit in one house with
For oh, it was nuts to the father of lies
(As this wily fiend is named in the At length, as secrets travel fast,
Bible), And devils, whether he or she, To find it settled by laws so wise, Are sure to be found out at last, That the greater the truth, the woist
The affair got wind most rapidly. the libel !
WANTED—Authors of all-work, to job for the season,
No matter which party, so faithful to neither :-
Can manage, like -, to do without either.
Yoar gaol is for travellers a charming retreat;
And sail round the world, at their ease, in the Fleet.
They may study high life in the King's Bench community :
And of place they're at least taught to stick to the unity.
To have good · Reminiscences' (threescore, or higher),
And the spelling and grammar both found by the buyer.
So they'll only remember the quantum desired ;-
Price twenty-four shillings, is all that's required.
Like Reynolds, may boast of each mountebank frolic,
That gingerbread cakes always give them the colic.
As your Autobiographers-fortunate elves,
Without having ever been heard of themselves !
By' Farmers' and 'Landholders'-(gemmen, whose lands
Or whose share of the soil may be seen on their hands).
Sure of a market;- should they, too, who pen 'em,
Something extra allowed for the additional venom.
All excellent subjects for turniug a penny ;-
For attaining, at last, the least knowledge of any. i This lady, in her Memoirs, also favours us with her; always desiring that the pills should prith the address of those apothecaries who have be ordered 'comme pour elle.'
.: A gentleman who distinguished himself by from time to time given her pills that agreed his evidence before the Irish Committees,