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ODE TO THE SUBLIME PORTE.
GREAT Sultan, how wise are thy state compositions !
"Tis my fortune to know a lean Benthamite spinster—
To see her, ye Gods, a new Number devouring-
Art. 2, 'On the Bondage of Greece,' by John B-r-ng
Art. 3, Upon Fallacies,' Jeremy's own
(The chief fallacy being his hope to find readers);
Art. 4, Upon Honesty-author unknown;
Art. 5 (by the young Mr. M-), 'Hints to Breeders.'
Oh Sultan, oh Sultan, though oft for the bag
And the bowstring, like thee, I am tempted to call-
Ay, and-lest she should ever again lift her head
I would hang round her neck her own darling Reviev
If ever the sound of Marathon's name Bath fired thy blood, or flushed thy brow,
Lover of liberty, rouse thee now!'
And still, as the premium higher went,
The heat and the silver rise together), And Liberty sung from the patriot's lip, The Benthamite, yawning, left his bed-While a voice from his pocket whispered Away to the Stock Exchange he sped,
The ghost of Miltiades came again ;He smiled, as the pale moon shines through rain,
For his soul was glad at that patriot
(And, poor dear ghost, how little he knew
The jobs and tricks of the Philhellene crew!)
'Blessings and thanks!' was all he said, Then melting away, like a night dream, fled!
The Benthamite hears-amazed that ghosts
Could be such fools—and away he posts, A patriot still! Ah no, ah noGoddess of Freedom, thy scrip is low, And, warm and fond as thy lovers are, Thou triest their passion when under par.
The Benthamite's ardour fast decays,,Nothing in doors, or out of doors, By turns he weeps, and swears, and
And wishes the d-1 had crescent and
But endless Catholics and Corn!
Never was such a brace of pestsWhile Ministers, still worse than either,
Skilled but in feathering their nests, Bore us with both, and settle neither.
So addled in my cranium meet
Popery and Corn, that oft I doubt Whether, this year, 'twas bonded wheat Or bonded papists they let out.
Here landlords, here polemics, nail you,
From Daniel these and those from
And when you sleep, with head still
Oft, too, the Corn grows animate,
And a whole crop of heads appears, Like Papists, bearding Church and State
Themselves together by the ears!
While, leaders of the wheat, a row
Stand forth, somniferously flaming!
In short, their torments never cease;
Oh waft me, Parry, to the Pole;
For-if my fate is to be chosen "Twixt bores and icebergs-on my soul, I'd rather, of the two, be frozen!
THE PERIWINKLES AND THE
A SALMAG UNDIAN HYMN.
To Panurge was assigned the Lairdship of Salmagundi, which was yearly worth 6,789,106,789 ryals, besides the revenue of the Locusts and Periwinkles, amounting one year with another to the value of 2,425,768,' etc. etc.-Rabelais. 'HURRA! Hurra!' I heard them say, And they cheered and shouted all the
As the Laird of Salmagundi went
The Salmagundians once were rich,
For, every year, the Revenue1
From their periwinkles larger grew;
5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 and 10,
But folks at length began to doubt
And see if what we're told be true
But, lord, they found there wasn't a
For they gained by Periwinkles little,
And lost by Locusts ten times more!
Nor this the worst, for, direr still,
And still, as they thinned and died
The Locusts, ay, and the Locusts' Bill,
'Oh fie! oh fie!' was now the cry,
Accented as in Swift's line
'Not so a nation's revenues are paid,
A CASE OF LIBEL.
A CERTAIN old Sprite, who dwells
(Twere a libel, perhaps, to mention where),
Came up incog., some winters ago,
To try, for a change, the London air.
So well he looked, and dressed, and talked,
And hid his tail and his horns so handy,
You'd hardly have known him, as he walked,
From --, or any other Dandy.
His horns, they say, unscrew; So he has but to take them out of the socket,
And-just as some fine husbands do— Conveniently clap them into his pocket.)
In short, he looked extremely natty, And even contrived to his own great wonder
By dint of sundry scents from Gattie, To keep the sulphurous hogo under.
And so my gentleman hoofed about,
Unknown to all but a chosen few At White's and Crockford's, where, no doubt,
He had many post-obits falling due.
Alike a gamester and a wit,
At night he was seen with Crockford's crew;
At morn with learned dames would sit
So passed his time 'twixt black and blue.
Some wished to make him an M.P.;
But, finding W-lks was also one, he Was heard to say 'he'd be d-d if he Would ever sit in one house with Johnny.'
At length, as secrets travel fast,
And devils, whether he or she, Are sure to be found out at last,
The affair got wind most rapidly.
to 've seen 'em,
As paw shook hand, and hand shook paw,
And 'twas 'Hail, good fellow, wel' met,' between 'em.
Straight an indictment was preferred
That, of all the batch, his own was
In vain Defendant proffered proof
That Plaintiff s self was the Father of Evil
Brought Hoby forth to swear to the hoof,
And Stultz to speak to the tail of the
The Jury-saints, all snug and rich,
And readers of virtuous Sunday papers
Found for the Plaintiff; on hearing which
The Devil gave one of his loftiest capers
For oh, it was nuts to the father of lies (As this wily fiend is named in the Bible),
To find it settled by laws so wise, That the greater the truth, the worse the libel !
WANTED-Authors of all-work, to job for the season,
If in gaol, all the better for out-o'-door topics;
For Dramatists, too, the most useful of schools
They may study high life in the King's Bench community:
And of place they're at least taught to stick to the unity.
Any lady or gentleman come to an age
To have good Reminiscences' (threescore, or higher),
Price twenty-four shillings, is all that's required.
That gingerbread cakes always give them the colic.
As your Autobiographers-fortunate elves,
Wanted, also, a new stock of Pamphlets on Corn,
By Farmers' and 'Landholders'-(gemmen, whose lands
Or whose share of the soil may be seen on their hands).
No-Popery Sermons, in ever so dull a vein,
Sure of a market;-should they, too, who pen 'em,
Funds, Physic, Corn, Poetry, Boxing, Romance,