Obrazy na stronie
PDF
ePub

Such then were my hopes; but, with sorrow, your Highness,
I'm forced to confess-be the cause what it will,
Whether fewness of voices, or hoarseness, or shyness,—
Our Beelzebub Chorus has gone off but ill.

The truth is, no placeman now knows his right key,
The Treasury pitch-pipe of late is so various;
And certain base voices, that looked for a fee

At the York music meeting, now think it precarious.

Even some of our Reverends might have been warmer-
But one or two capital roarers we've had;
Doctor Wise is, for instance, a charming performer,
And Huntingdon Maberly's yell was not bad.

Altogether, however, the thing was not hearty;—
Even Eld-n allows we got on but so-so;
And when next we attempt a No-Popery party,

We must, please your Highness, recruit from below.

But, hark, the young Black-leg is cracking his
whip
Excuse me, Great Sir-there's no time to be civil ;-
The next opportunity shan't be let slip,

[blocks in formation]

SIR, -Living in a remote part of Scotland, and having but just heard of the wonderful resurrection of Mr. Roger Dodsworth from under an avalanche, where he had remained, bien frappé, it seems, for the last 166 years, I hasten to impart to you a few reflections on the subject.

Yours, etc.,

LAUDATOR TEMPORIS ACTI.

WHAT a lucky turn-up!-just as Eld-n's withdrawing,
To find thus a gentleman, frozen in the year
Sixteen hundred and sixty, who only wants thawing
To serve for our times quite as well as the Peer ;-

To bring thus to light, not the wisdom alone

Of our ancestors, such as we find it on shelves,
But, in perfect condition, full-wigged and full-grown,
To shovel up one of those wise bucks themselves!
Oh thaw Mr. Dodsworth and send him safe home,-
Let him learn nothing useful or new on the way;
With his wisdom kept snug from the light let him come,
And our Tories will hail him with 'Hear' and 'Hurra!'

! This reverend gentleman distinguished himself at the Reading election.

What a God-send to them-a good, obsolete man,

Who has never of Locke or Voltaire been a reader ;

Oh thaw Mr. Dodsworth as fast as you can,

And the L-nsd-les and H-rtf-rds shall choose him for leader.

Yes, sleeper of ages, thou shalt be their Chosen ;
And deeply with thee will they sorrow, good men,
To think that all Europe has, since thou wert frozen,
So altered, thou hardly canst know it again.

And Eld-n will weep o'er each sad innovation
Such oceans of tears, thou wilt fancy that he
Has been also laid up in a long congelation,
And is only now thawing, dear Roger, like thee.

THE MILLENNIUM.

SUGGESTED BY THE LATE WORK OF THE REVEREND MR. IRV-NG 'ON
PROPHECY.'

A MILLENNIUM at hand !-I'm delighted to hear it-
As matters, both public and private, now go,
With multitudes round us all starving, or near it,
A good rich Millennium will come à propos.

Only think, Master Fred, what delight to behold,
Instead of thy bankrupt old City of Rags,

A bran-new Jerusalem, built all of gold,

Sound bullion throughout, from the roof to the flags

A city, where wine and cheap corn' shall abound,--
A celestial Cocaigne, on whose buttery shelves
We may swear the best things of this world will be found,
As your saints seldom fail to take care of themselves!

2

Thanks, reverend expounder of raptures elysian,
Divine Squintifobus, who, placed within reach
Of two opposite worlds, by a twist of your vision
Can cast, at the same time, a sly look at each ;-

Thanks, thanks for the hope thou hast given us, that we
May, even in our own times, a jubilee share,
Which so long has been promised by prophets like thee,
And so often has failed, we began to despair.

There was Whiston, 3 who learnedly took Prince Eugene
For the man who must being the Millennium about;

1A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny. Rev. c. 6.

2 See the oration of this reverend gentleman, where he describes the connubial joys of paradise, and paints the angels hovering around 'each happy fair.'

3 When Whiston presented to Prince Eugene the Essay in which he attempted to connect his victories over the Turks with revelation, the Prince is said to have replied that 'he was not aware he had ever had the honour of being known to St. John.'

There's Faber, whose pious predictions have been
All belied, ere his book's first edition was out ;-

There was Counsellor Dobbs, too, an Irish M.P.,
Who discoursed on the subject with signal éclât,
And each day of his life, sat expecting to see

A Millennium break out in the town of Armagh !1

There was also--but why should I burden my lay
With your Brotherses, Southcotts, and names less deserving,
When all past Millenniums henceforth must give way
To the last new Millennium of Orator Irv-ng?

Go on, mighty man,-doom them all to the shelf-
And, when next thou with Prophecy troublest thy sconce,
Oh forget not, I pray thee, to prove that thyself

Art the Beast (chapter 4) that sees nine ways at once!

[blocks in formation]
[merged small][ocr errors][merged small]

Dr. Slop, upon subjects divine,

Such bedlamite slaver lets drop, That if Eady should take the mad line, He'll be sure of a patient in Slop.

Seven millions of Papists, no less,

Dr. Eady, less bold, I confess,
Dr. S-they attacks like a Turk ;a

Attacks but his maid of all-work.3

Dr. S-they, for his grand attack,

Both a laureate and senator is; While poor Dr. Eady, alack,

Has been had up to Bow Street, for his!

And truly, the law does so blunder, That, though little blood has been spilt, he

their immediate allies (he says) every faction that is banded against the State, every dema gogue, every irreligious and seditious journalist, every open and every insidious enemy to Monarchy and to Christianity.'

See the late accounts in the newspapers of the appearance of this gentleman at one of the police-offices, in consequence of an alleged assault upon his maid of all-work.'

May probably suffer as, under

The Chalking Act, known to be guilty. So much for the merits sublime

(With whose catalogue ne'er should
I stop)

Of the three greatest lights of our time,
Drs. Eady and S-they and Slop!
Should you ask me, to which of the three
Great Doctors the preference should
fall,

As a matter of course, I agree

Dr. Eady must go to the wall.
But as S-they with laurels is crowned,
And Slop with a wig and a tail is,
Let Eady's bright temples be bound

With a swinging' Corona Muralis!"

EPITAPH ON A TUFT-HUNTER.
LAMENT, lament, Sir Isaac Heard,
Put mourning round thy page, De-
brett,

For here lies one who ne'er preferred
A Viscount to a Marquis yet.

Beside him place the God of Wit,
Before him Beauty's rosiest girls;
Apollo for a star he'd quit,

And Love's own sister for an Earl's.

Did niggard Fate no peers afford,

He took, of course, to peer's rela tions!

And rather than not sport a lord,

Put up with even the last creations. Even Irish names, could he but tag 'em

With 'Lord' and 'Duke,' were sweet
to call;

And, at a pinch, Lord Ballyraggum
Was better than no Lord at all.

Heaven grant him now some noble nook,
For, rest his soul, he'd rather be
Genteely damned beside a Duke,
Than saved in vulgar company.

THE PETITION

OF THE ORANGEMEN OF IRELAND.

To the people of England, the humble Petition
Of Ireland's disconsolate Orangemen, showing-
That sad, very sad, is our present condition ;-

That our jobs are all gone, and our noble selves going;

That, forming one seventh-within a few fractions-
Of Ireland's seven millions of hot heads and hearts,
We hold it the basest of all base transactions

To keep us from murdering the other six parts;

That, as to laws made for the good of the many,
We humbly suggest there is nothing less true;
As all human laws (and our own more than any)
Are made by and for a particular few ;-

That much it delights every true Orange brother
To see you, in England, such ardour evince,

In discussing which sect most tormented the other,

And burned with most gusto, some hundred years since ;

1A crown granted as a reward among the Romans to persons who performed any extraor dinary exploits upon walls-such as scaling them, battering them, etc. No doubt, writing upon them, to the extent that Dr. Eady does, would equally establish a claim to the honour.

That we love to behold, while Old England grows faint,
Messrs Southey and Butler near coming to blows.
To decide whether Dunstan, that strong-bodied saint,
Ever truly and really pulled the devil's nose;

Whether t'other saint, Dominic, burnt the devil's paw-
Whether Edwy intrigued with Elgiva's old mother-
And many such points, from which Southey doth draw
Conclusions most apt for our hating each other.

That 'tis very well known this devout Irish nation
Has now for some ages gone happily on,
Believing in two kinds of Substantiation,
One party in Trans, and the other in Con,

That we, your petitioning Cons, have, in right
Of the said monosyllable, ravaged the lands,
And embezzled the goods, and annoyed, day and night,
Both the bodies and souls of the sticklers for Trans;---

That we trust to Peel, Eldon, and other such sages,
For keeping us still in the same state of mind;
Pretty much as the world used to be in those ages,
When still smaller syllables maddened mankind ;-

When the words ex and per3 served as well, to annoy
One's neighbours and friends with, as con and trans now;
And Christians, like Southey, who stickled for oi,

Cut the throats of all Christians who stickled for ou.4

That, relying on England, whose kindness already
So often has helped us to play the game o'er,
We have got our red coats and our carabines ready,
And wait but the word to show sport, as before.

That, as to the expense-the few millions, or so,
Which for all such diversions John Bull has to pay-
"Tis, at least, a great comfort to John Bull to know
That to Orangemen's pockets 'twill all find its way.
For which your petitioners ever will pray,

1 To such important discussions as these the greater part of Dr. Southey's Vindicia Ecclesiæ Anglicana is devoted.

2 Consubstantiation-the true reformed belief; at least the belief of Luther, and, as Mosheim asserts, of Melancthon also.

3 When John of Ragusa went to Constantinople (at the time this dispute between 'ex' and

etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

per' was going on), he found the Turks, we are told, laughing at the Christians for being divided by two such insignificant particles.'

The Arian controversy.-Before that time, says Hooker, 'in order to be a sound believing Christian, men were not curious what syllables or particles of speech they used.'

« PoprzedniaDalej »