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CHAP. III.

Y Father, who loved me tenderly, seeing how little my education was attended to, sent me to a convent of the Ursulines, I was then near seven years old; in this house were two half sisters of mine, the one by my father, the other by my mother. My Father placed me under his daughter's care, whom I may affirm to be a person of the greatest capacity, and most exalted piety, and excellently qualified for the instruction of youth. This was a singular dispensation, Oh my Lord of thy providence and love towards me, and proved the first means of my salvation. She loved me tenderly, and her affection made her dis cover in me many amiable qualities, which thou of thy great goodness hadst implanted in me: She endeavoured to improve these good qualities, and I believe that had I continued in such careful hands, I should have acquired as many virtuous habits, as I had afterwards contracted evil ones.

THIS good sister employed her time in instructing me in piety, and in such branches of learning as were suitable to my age and capacity. She had good talents, and improved them well, was fre quent in prayer, and her faith as great and as pure as most. She denied herself every other satisfaction, to be with me, and to instruct me: Nay such was her affection for me, that it made her find, as she told me, more pleasure with me than any where else.

IF I made her agreeable answers, more from chance than judgment, she thought herself well paid for all her labour, In short, under her care

I soon became mistress of most things suitable for me, insomuch that many grown persons, of rank and figure, could not have answered to the things which I did.

As my father often sent for me home to see me, one time I found the Queen of England there. I was then near eight years of age. My father told the Queen's confessor, that if he wanted a little amusement, he might entertain himself with me, and propound some questions to me. He tried me with several very difficult ones, to which I returned such pertinent answers, that he carried me to the Queen, and said to her, "Your Majesty must have some diversion with this child." She also tried me; and was so well pleased with my lively answers, and my manners, that she demanded me of my father with no small importunity, assuring him that she would take particular care of me, designing me for maid of honour to the princess. But my father resisted so far as to disoblige her. Doubtless it was God who caused his refusal, and thereby turned off the stroke which might have probably intercepted my salvation: For being so weak as I was, how should I have withstood the temptations, and distractions of a court.

I went back to the Ursulines, where my good sister continued her affection. But as she was not the mistress of the boarders, and as I was obliged sometimes to go along with them, I contracted bad habits; I became addicted to lying, peevishness and indevotion, passing whole days without thinking on God; tho' he watched continually over me, as the sequel will manifest. I did not remain long under the power of such vicious habits; for my sister's care recovered me. I loved much to hear of God, was not weary of church, loved to pray, had tenderness for the poor, and a

natural

natural dislike for persons whose doctrine was judged unsound; having sucked in, with my milk, the purity of the faith: And God has always continued to me that grace, in the midst of my greatest infidelities.

THERE was at the end of the garden a little chapel dedicated to the child JESUS. To which I betook myself for devotion; and, for some time, carrying my breakfast thither every morning, hid it all behind his image; for I was so much a child, that I thought I made a considerable sacrifice in depriving myself of it. Being also delicate in my choice of food, I wished to mortify myself; but found self-love still too prevalent, to submit to such mortification. After this, when they were cleaning out this chapel, they found behind the image what I had left there, and presently guessed that it was I, as they had seen me every day going thither: And God, who lets nothing pass without a recompence, soon rewarded me with interest for this little infantine devotion.

I CONTINUED Some time longer with my sister, where I retained the love and fear of God. My life was easy; I was educated agreeably with her. I improved much in the time I had my health; for very often was I sick, and seized with maladies as sudden as uncommon: In the evening well, and in the morning swelled and full of blueish marks, symptoms of a fever which soon followed. At nine years of age, I was taken with so violent a fit of throwing up blood, that they thought I was going to die: I was rendered exceedingly weak thereby.

A LITTLE before this severe fit, my other sister became jealous, wanting to have me in her turn. Tho' she led a good life, yet she had not a talent

for

for the education of children. I may say, that was the period of my happiness in this house. At first she caressed me much; but all her caresses made no impression on my heart. My other sister did more with a look, than she with either caresses or threatenings. As she saw that I loved her not so well as the other, she changed her fondling to rigorous treatment. She would not allow me to speak to my other sister; and when she knew I had spoke to her, she got me whipt, or else beat me herself. I could no longer hold out against such severe usage, and therefore requited with ingratitude all the favours of my paternal sister, going no more to see her: Which yet did not hinder her from giving me marks of her usual goodness, in the great malady I mentioned above. She kindly construed my ingratitude to be rather owing to my fear of chastisement, than to a bad heart. Indeed I believe this was the only instance in which fear of chastisement operated so very powerfully upon me, for from that time I was naturally led to suffer more in occasioning pain to one I loved, than in suffering myself at their hand. Thou knowest, Oh my Beloved! that it was not the dread of thy chastisements that sunk deep, either on my understanding or my heart; it was the sorrow for offending thee, which ever constituted the whole of my distress, and it was such that I imagine, tho' there were neither heaven or hell, I should always have retained the same fear of displeasing thee. Thou knowest that after my faults, when in forgiving mercy thou wert pleased to visit my soul, thy caresses were a thousand fold more insupportable than thy rod.

My father being informed of all that passed, took me home again. I was at that time near ten years of age. I stayed only a little while at home;

for a nun of the order of St. Dominic, of a great family, and one of my father's intimate friends, solicited him to place me in her convent, of which she was the prioress, promising she would take care of me herself, and make me lodge in her own chamber; for this lady had conceived a great affection for me. But she was so much taken up with her community, in which many troublesome affairs fell out, that she was not at liberty to take much care of me. Here I had the chicken-pox, which made me keep my bed three weeks, in which I had very bad attendance, tho' my father and mother thought I was under excellent care. The ladies of the house had such a dread of the small-pox, as they imagined mine to be, that they durst not come near me. I passed almost all the time without seeing any body, but a lay-sister, who only brought me my allowance of diet at the set hours, and then immediately went off again. I providentially found a bible in my chamber, and having both a fondness for reading and a happy memory, I spent whole days in reading it from morning to night, and learned entirely the historical part. Yet I was really very unhappy in this house: For the other boarders, being big girls, plagued me with very grievous persecutions. I was so much neglected, as to meat and drink, that I fell away, and became quite emaciated. Several other crosses I had, which were hard enough for me to bear,

CHAP.