THE LOVES OF A GIB. "Musicians, O, Musicians, Heart's ease, Heart's ease; Oh, an you will have me live, play Heart's ease.-Romeo and Juliet. Eheu fugaces! they were all gone lawyers, attorneys, and clients, beaux and belles, married and single, young and old, students of love, law, and physic, from the discussers of dead men's wisdom, in Alma Mater, to the discussers of dead men's bones, in York-street-all had vanished, and Dublin cut just such another figure as a school-room in the dog-days. It was the middle of the long vacation-the theatre was closed; Dan O'Connell rusticating, like his betters, and the Trades' Union people most indolently and unnaturally quiet, so that a row was not to be got up for love or money. Every one of my acquaintance had departed-some up the Danube, and some up the spout some gone to navigate the Rhine, and more to "navigate" the rhino; and, to sum the whole, the last new novel was a perfect bore-a combination of circumstances enough to inflict any wretch, condemned like me to remain in town, with a most painful curiosity as to what the deuce he was to do with himself, putting suicide out of the question. In such a mood as this I was one evening snoozing over my tumbler of punch, in the almost noiseless Shades, in the company of the twelve Cæsars, frowning majestically from the walls, and another individual, as luckless as myself, if I was to judge of the presence of a companion from the appearance of a pair of legs which protruded from beneath a mighty volume of smoke, at an adjoining table, when a growling call of "waiter," proceeding from the invisible upper works appertaining to the aforesaid legs, recalled me to some degree of attention, particularly as the voice sounded familiarly to me, though I was by no means able to recognise it. I was not long in suspense, how ever, for, on his demanding, in more articulate tones, a bottle of ale, I immediately knew it to be that of poor Fred. Mooney, who, when we were both boys, went to the one school with me, and left it to enter college, after which, owing to my own wayward fate, it had never been my fortune to meet him. I might now be mistaken, but the experiment was worth making, so I tried it and succeeded, and counted VOL. IX. myself therein the luckiest man in Dublin. After the preliminary chat which followed our recognition of each other-" Well, Mooney," said I, "you are, I suppose, by this time, a regular pater familias, married and settled these ten years eh ?" 'Lord bless you! no," returned he, with a frightful stare-"why should you think so?" Why, my good fellow," answered I, "when you left us for college, long ago, you were so inflammable that every one prophesied you would be married before your first examination was over." "Ah, but I was cured of all that since," said he, puffing away vigorously, and, methought confusedly, at the cigar, which he had then returned to his lips, as if to hide his embarrassment, and after a few moments continued you shall hear, sir, what befel me in that line, and made a bachelor for life of me-excuse my cigar-I'll tell my story all the better for it; after all, it is the true Nepenthe." "I left old Burke, to enter college, you remember, and I had as much notion, Lord help me, of the ordeal by which I was to be initiated into that learned body, as I have now about freemasonry. However, after laying in a pretty good stock of sallelon and tea and eggs, at my tutor's, with a crowd of others in the same predicament, I proceeded, with a heavy heart, to the examination hall, and took my place at the end of one of the tables, exactly opposite Dean Swift's picturepoor man, I stared him out of countenance, I am sure. Well, sir, I was not long there until I saw a low-sized, facetious, old gentleman, moving up along the table, stopping with each of the juveniles, and apparently asking questions, and noting down the answers in a book he carried with him but the occasional titter which accompanied his progress, seemed to say he was about nothing very terrible. ; At last he arrived at my next neighbour, a dandyish sort of a chap, endowed with a watch and seals, and other little marks of extra gentility, not forgetting a pretty considerable quantity of assurance. 3 B "What's your name, sir?" said the old gentleman. Pillelu! thinks I to myself, is it at the catechism you are? (for you must know that I hadn't looked into it for three years before, but once, that my old godfather came to visit us, and I got by heart, with some trouble, my duty towards my neighbour, and repeated it to him; more be token, the good old fellow patted me on the head, and said I was the makings of an honest man, and slipped a guinea into my pocket-but alas for his prophecythe first thing I bought with it was the Irish Rogues and Rapparees-no great earnest for honesty.) Adolphus Straddle," answered the youngster, rather pertly. The next question set me all to rights touching the catechism; it was, I believe "He sells shoes, sir," answered Adolphus, a little confused. Humph," said the old gentleman, knowingly, then, for the sake of brevity, we'll put him down shoemaker," and then proceeded, amid the ill-suppressed laughter of his audience, to put the other necessary questions. At length he finished with the chop-fallen petit maitre, and came to me. "And what's your name, my child?" said he good-humouredly. "Frederick Mooney, sir," said I, and determined to conciliate him by giving him as little trouble as possible, continued rapidly, "I was sixteen the tenth of last September, and papa is—” 46 Easy, now, easy, said the old gentleman," short-hand wasn't out in my time, so you must give me no more than I'll be able to write-Frederick Mooney-aged sixteen-well, what's that you were going to say about your father-what is he?" Irish, I'll be bound," said the old gentleman. No, sir," said I, a little disconcerted, "it was French he taught me.” "By my word, then," said he, “between Mr. Burke and your mamma, and Father Phillemy, I wouldn't wonder if you'd be a senior lecturer yourself one of those days, if you only mind yourself," and then, having asked me the other remaining questions, to which I gave somewhat more cautious answers, he departed, and left me to the examiners, who followed in quick succession. That day of anxieties passed over, at last, much easier than I expected, and with it the tyranny of birch for ever, for, within the regular time, I was duly admitted a student, and entitled to write myself T.C.D. “in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation," a privilege which, I can assure you, ran little chance of falling into disuse for the first few days after I obtained it. Hav ing notified to my tutor my desire to have rooms in college, I was quickly gratified with the share of a capital suite, in the old square, looking out into the park, and what was still better, I was to have the very prince of chums, young Ned Gordon, from the county Antrim, as dashing a young fellow as ever swigged October, or did the honors of Trinity Sunday. Gordon was at least five years older than I, and his terms were nearly all passed, so that he was not long discovering what an utter spooney his future companion was, but, instead of taking advantage of that, as many others would have done, he generously took me under his protection, and in a short time I was as knowing a gib as ever perambulated that classic abode. But a still greater advantage I derived from Gordon's society was, that he introduced me to most of his town friends, and constantly dragged me, good-humouredly, out of the bashfulness in which I endeavoured once or twice, with characteristic rusticity, to entrench myself. One evening that I was stewing at the syllogisms, in a state of almost hopeless stupidity, I was roused from my reverie by a slap on the shoulder 66 Come, Fred, my man," said Gordon, when I looked up, "I'm up to fun to-night, so dress yourself in your best pumps, et cetera, and be moving with me." This was no unwelcome salutation, so I hastened to obey it, and in a short time turned out as directed. He took me by the arm, and away we sauntered acquaintances, and was ushered into the down Nassau-street, into Merrion- drawing-room, where about three score square, chatting on various subjects; fashionables were already collected, in I endeavouring to fish out from him such a blaze of light and beauty as dazwhither he was leading me, and he as zled me quite for a full half hour after industriously baffling my curiosity, un- my entrance. til at length stopping suddenly at the door of a large and fashionable mansion, he turned in, and, dragging me with him, before I was able to resist, gave a rap and ring, and committed me beyond recall. "Gordon! Gordon!" said I, endeavouring, but in vain, to arrest his hand, "what the deuce are you about, or whose house is this?" "Dear me, Fred," answered he coolly, "I never saw a Gib more fond of asking foolish questions than you are; this house, I can assure you, is of unimpeachable character, and, moreover, the one in which you and I are going to spend the evening." "But I wasn't invited-I don't know the people-let me go, Gordon, if you please, I tell you I won't go in," said I, struggling rather violently to get loose; but before I could accomplish my object, the door was opened by a powdered footman, and my treacherous guide quitting his hold of me, gave me a push in by the back of the neck, which sent me skaiting and pirouetting past the astonished footman, over the marble hall, until, intercepted by the foot of the staircase, I fell with a crash that might have been heard at the garrets. On raising my head, to remonstrate with Gordon, I observed that our party was just then increased by the presence of an old gentleman, in a claret-coloured coat, and countenance of the same, who emerged hastily from a side door, no doubt to inquire into the cause of the disturbance, but much of my dismay was removed by his addressing my companion in rather a friendly tone, "Well, Mr. Ned," said he, "what freak is this, or who is this young gentleman you are maltreating?" "Oh! nothing, sir," answered the other, "but a chum of mine, that I took the liberty to bring with me tonight, and the chap got restive at the door, and wouldn't come in, so I had to take the unceremonious method of compelling him, and that's all. Get up Fred, you Connaught mule, till I introduce you to Mr. Atkinson; so gathering up my limbs with all possible caution, I gained my feet, and after performing the usual quantum of bows, became one of the worthy gentleman's Dancing commenced, and I did my devoirs therein, not in the best humour possible, however, for I had been mated with a little boarding-school giggle, just in her teens; and with all the techiness of incipient viridity, I looked upon my partner as a tacit insult to my conse quence-but Gordon's partner-by the Lord George, sir, she was an angeldark hair, dark eyes, ruddy cheeks, marble forehead a statue in proportions, and a fawn in graceful movements. Hand me another cigar if you please— I'm getting sentimental, and that won't do. 66 When that set was over, Gordon advanced to me. Well, Fred," said he, "I'll make you some amends for that infernal toss you got. Brush up your looks and come with me, and I'll introduce you to the handsomest girl in Dublin." Guessing who he meant, I followed him with alacrity, to where his late partner was sitting alone, on an ottoman. "Mr. Frederick Mooney, T. C. D. my honoured chum, Miss Gordon," said he, on reaching the place. I bowed, and the lady curtseyed; and then, with trembling eagerness, I requested the honor of her hand for the next set; she was fortunately disengaged, and my prayer was granted. I told her the room was very warm, to which she assented, and then asked her a number of silly questions, some of which she answered in the negative and some in the affirmative; but altogether I never before or since found myself at such a loss for small talk ; however, I entertained her pretty well until the dance was over, when resigning her to the next fortunate candidate for her hand, I flew in search of Gordon, whom I found just entering into a serious flirtation with my quondam little partner; disengaging him with some difficulty from his pleasant avocation, I commenced "My dear Gordon, tell me, is that beautiful creature your sister?" "Why," said he, laughing, 66 you wouldn't take her to be old enough for my aunt, would you?" "Oh! no," answered I, "but I never heard you speak of her." "So much the more agreeable the surprise," said he. "Ah! Fred, if you knew what a sister she is; but there, go off and get a partner; don't you see Mrs. Atkinson coming over to scold us for idlers; and so saying, he limped off with the denizen of the boarding school, and I, overpowered with emotion, betook myself to a corner of the room, and there, hid from observation, sank into a most delicious reverie, from which the introduction of supper awakened me. Being firmly determined to do something desperate before I departed-but not finding the needful stamina within me, I made for the decanter, and threw off bumper after bumper of port, until I felt myself up to anything. After supper the music recommenced for waltzing, a species of dance which was quite new to me, but it appeared so simple and so much in unison with the music, that on seeing Miss Gordon unemployed, I took courage, and walked over to her, and I requested she would stand up to waltz with me-after a little reluctance she complied; so placing myself in the position, away we twirled, with the rest of them. Before ten bars more were played, we had it all to ourselves, for my awkwardness rapidly cleared the floor for us. One gentleman and his partner was picked up out of the corner and another out of the fire-place. But still I held on, sir, like another Phaeton, until bang went my fair partner against the musician, who occupied the piano, and thus brought the whole proceedings to a stand still. Sweet creature, not one word of rebuke did she utter-though how she escaped without broken bones after so many collisions, is a mystery to me. But when our gyrations were thus suddenly checked, laid her hand on my shoulder, turned up her innocent face to mine, and asked with the most perfect simplicity “Do you waltz, Mr. Mooney?" That was a poser, but I had drank too much port to be easily disconcerted; so, steadying myself as well as I could, which, in truth, was no smail difficulty, I answered “Why, ma'am, I don't exactly know how; but, 'pon my honour, my brains have been in such a whirl since I had the honour of being introduced to you, that I thought it would be quite easy for my heels to follow their example." She smiled, and my peace was made; but to resume was utterly out of the question, for I was hardly able to stand upright, and, besides, I doubt, if after my candid confession, and the accidents which led to it, I could have prevailed on the fair lady to continue; so, leading her to a seat, I bad just commenced a few flowing speeches I had spent part of the night in composing, when I was interrupted by Gordon. 66 Come, Fred," said he, "the devil's in it if you haven't had tumbling enough for one night; so, go and make your bow to Mrs. Atkinson, and follow me down to the hall, and let us be off before the gates are closed-it's twelve by town already." Alas, and woe is me! I had to do as I was bid, though I never was more inclined to rebel against College discipline; which Gordon, I suppose, perceiving, he kindly and considerately removed the temptation, by walking off with the lady under his arm. On making my adieus, I descended to the hall in search of my companion, but he was engaged in such deep and earnest conversation with his sister, that I did not feel at all justified in breaking up the tete-a-tete, so lingered on the stairs unobserved, but unintentionally an observer of all their movements. Some noise, however, disturbed them, and the young lady, after suffering my fortunate chum to imprint an ardent brotherly kiss on her cheek, bolted up stairs, nearly capsizing me over the balustrade in her flight. "What a wife that girl will make," thinks I to myself, on recovering from the jostle she gave me; "the sister who is so adored by such a brother, cannot but be possessed of the most amiable domestic qualities." All night the fair Emma, for such I learned was her name, was committing wild havoc in my luckless brains, here, there, and every where, according as imagination whisked me about, and I awoke next morning completely saturated with love. I could no longer look on my frolicsome chum as I did formerly-he was the brother of my adored, and I could not help investing him with a portion of that sentimentalism with which I regarded her. The meanest thing about him became possessed of a new and mysterious charm to me--so much so, that I felt an interest even in his old slippers, and, instead of kicking them into the corner, as I was wont, I next morning raised them respectfully, and gently deposited them on our best chair. At last, after many innuendos, which were perfectly unnoticed by Gordon, I fairly broke the ice, and told him I was in love with his sister, and begged his interest and good offices on my behalf. It was but natural, of course, that while I was making such a tender communication, I should hold my eyes on the ground, but when the silence of some moments succeeded, I was not able to bear the suspense, and accordingly looked up to remark what effect my speech had made on him to whom it was addressed. There he sat, with the most comic expression imaginable on his face, staring at me as if I told him I was in love with the old bed-maker; and then emitting a loud roar of laughter, flung his book at my head, kicked the kettle over on my shins, and throwing himself on the floor, rolled round and round in convulsions, that Democritus himself might envy. You cannot but understand how awkwardly I was situated by this unexpected result of my confidence, and even to myself, I appeared very foolish during the quarter of an hour in which Gordon continued to indulge himself in his unreasonable amusement; at length, however, after sundry efforts, he found strength to exclaim : "Oh, Fred! Fred! thou ficklest of gibs, what would the little confectioner in Grafton-street say to this, if she was to hear it?" "Oh, curse the confectioner in Grafton-street," said I," you never seem to understand the difference between jest and earnest; I assure you this is no joke." "Pray excuse me for differing with you on that point," said he; "deuce take me, but it's the best joke I ever heard; and so you'd say yourself, if you knew but all. Is it any harm to ask you how you intend to provide for my little nephews and nieces when they come? What a father of a family you'll make, Fred!" "You mistake me, Gordon, indeed you do," said I; wishing most cordially, at the same time, that I had held my tongue on the matter. "I am not talking about getting married, at all; I agree with you, it's time enough for that when I am twenty or so; and I am just seventeen now; and in fact it's quite an absurd prejudice to say, that a person is n't as wise at seventeen as ever they'll be. I know, I think I am." “Oh, may the Lord in his mercy forbid, Fred!" ejaculated my incorrigible chum, (casting his eyes up to the ceiling with the most perfect mock piety.) "Come-take a turn with me through Grafton-street, and if you are not as much in love with six different people before you come in, I'll say that Penelope herself was but a Cressida compared to you." 66 if you please, Gordon," said I, (feeling a little provoked at his badinage,) "since I have asked you the question, I wish you would give me a serious answer to it?" Nay, my dear Fred," answered he, "if you are determined to see your folly out, you must only trot off and ask the lady herself." "Have I your permission to do so?" asked 1, determined to have every thing fair and straight. "Indeed you have, Fred," answered he," and my blessing to boot —so now off with yourself, before you cool on the business; and mind, don't look under a single bounet until you get to the house, or you'll change your mind, and I'll lose a month's fun. Here, would you like the loan of my Ovid's Art of Love, to read on the way; and keep your eyes and your heart from wandering?" But I was determined not to be provoked with him; and to shew him that I was in earnest, I took him at his word, and departed-running down stairs with all despatch-quicker indeed in the end than I intended-for before I reached the court I was struck from behind on the back of the head with an old slipper, with such force as to send me down by a short cut, head foremost. "We always do that in the North, for luck," exclaimed Gordon, from the lobby above; and then turning into his room, he closed the door, and left me at peace to pursue my journey. I reached the gate of my paradise, not however without many misgivings and forebodings, to which I would have yielded, but for the ridicule with which Gordon, I knew, would receive me on my return; so I entered-faltered the lady's name to the servant, and was ushered into her presence, Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! I wouldn't do it over again for a full year of Dan. O'Connell's tribute. I am conscious of some minutes passing over me after I entered, during which I was utterly unable to do any thing but stammer; in fact, I was in a state of the most perfect mental hallucination. If possible, she was beautiful than on the night before; every article of her dress is fixed indelibly on my memory; for during the few minutes I passed in her company her figure was almost branded on my brain; and I doubt if I shall ever see a pink more |