cap, wished him good morning. Never shall I forget the look he gave me. If a glance could have annihilated any man, that would have finished me. For a moment his face became purple with rage, his eye was almost hid beneath his bent brow, and he absolutely shook with passion.

“Go, sir,” said he, at length, as soon as he was able to find utterance for his words; “Go, sir, to your quarters; and before you leave them, a courtmartial shall decide, if such continued insult to your commanding officer, warrants your name being in the Army List.'"

What the devil can all this mean!" I said, in a half-whisper, turning to the others. But there they stood, their handkerchiefs to their mouths, and evidently choking with suppressed laughter.

I

May I beg, Colonel C," said

To your quarters, sir!" roared the little man, in the voice of a lion. And with a haughty wave of his hand, prevented all further attempt on my part to seek explanation.

“They're all mad, every man of them," I muttered, as I betook my way slowly back to my rooms, amid the same evidences of mirth my first appearance had excited-which even the colonel's presence, feared as he was, could not entirely subdue.

With the air of a martyr I trod heavily up the stairs, and entered my quarters, meditating within myself awful schemes for vengeance, on the now open tyranny of my colonel; upon whom, I too, in my honest rectitude of heart, vowed to have a court martial.' I threw myself upon a chair, and endeavoured to recollect what circumstance of the past evening could have possibly suggested all the mirth in which both officers and men seemed to participate equally; but nothing could I remember capable of solving the mystery, surely the cruel wrongs of the manly Othello were no laughter-moving subject.

I rung the bell hastily for my servant. The door opened.—

"Stubbes," said I, "are you aware"I had only got so far in my question, when my servant, one of the most discreet of men, put on a broad grin, and turned away towards the door to hide his face.

"What the devil does this mean?" said I, stamping with passion; he is as bad as the rest. Stubbes," and

this I spoke with the most grave and severe tone, "What is the meaning of this insolence?”

"Oh, sir," said the man, "oh, captain, surely you did not appear on parade with that face?" And then he burst into a fit of the most uncontrollable laughter.

Like lightning a horrid doubt shot across my mind I sprang over to the dressing-glass, which had been replaced, and oh! horror of horrors! there I stood as black as the King of Ashantee. The cursed dve which I had put on for Othello I had never washed off,-and there, with a huge bear-skin shako, and a pair of black, bushy whiskers, shone my huge, black, and polish d visage, glowering at itself in the looking-glass.

My first impulse, after amazement had a little subsided, was to laugh immoderately; in this I was joined by Stubbes, who, feeling that his mirth was participated in, gave full vent to his risibility. And, indeed, as I stood before the glass, grinuing from ear to ear, I felt very little surprise that my joining in the laughter of my brother officers, a short time before, had caused an increase of their merriment. I threw myself upon a sofa, and absolutely laughed till my sides ached, when, the door opening, the adjutant made his appearance. He looked for a moment at me, then at Stubbes, and then burst out, himself, as loud as either of us.When he had at length recovered himself, he wiped his face with his handkerchief, and said, with as much gravity as the consequences seemed to

warrant

“But, my dear Lorrequer, this will be a serious-a devilish serious affair. You know what kind of man Colonel Cis; and you are aware, too, you are not one of his prime favorites. He is firmly convinced that you intended to insult him, and nothing will convince him to the contrary. We told him how it must have occurred, but he will listen to no explanation."

I thought for one second before I replied. My mind, with the practised rapidity of an old campaigner, took in all the pros and cons of the cast. I saw at a glance, it were better to brave the anger of the colonel, come in what shape it might, that be the laughing stock of the mess for life, and with a face of the greatest gravity and selfpossession, said,

"Well, adjutant, the colonel is right. It was no mistake! You know I sent

him tickets yesterday for the theatre. Well, he returned them. This did not annoy me, but on one account. I had made a wager with Alderman Gullable, that the colonel should see me in Othello-what was to be done?Don't you see now, there was only one course, and I took it, old boy, and have won my bet!"

"And lost your commission for a dozen of champagne, I suppose," said the adjutant.

"Never mind, my dear fellow," I replied; "I shall get out of this scrape as I have done many others."

"But what do you intend doing ?" "Oh, as to that," said I, "I shall of course, wait on the colonel immediately; pretend to him that it was a mere blunder, from the inattention of my servant-hand over Stubbes to the powers that punish, (here the poor fellow winced a little), and make my peace as well as I can. But, adjutant, mind," said I," and give the real version to all our fellows, and tell them to make it public as much as they please." "Never fear," said he, as he left the room still laughing, they shall all know the true story; but I wish with all my heart you were well out of it."

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I now lost no time in making my toilet, and presented myself at the colonel's quarters. It is no pleasure to me to recount these passages in my life, in which I have had to bear the "proud man's contumely." I shall therefore merely observe, that after a very long interview, the colonel accept ed my apologies, and we parted.

Before a week elapsed, the story had gone far and near; every dinner table in Cork had laughed at it. As for me, I attained immortal honor for my tact and courage. Poor Gullable readily agreed to favour the story, and gave us a dinner as the lost wager, and the colonel was so unmercifully quizzed on the subject, and such broad allusions to his being humbugged were given in the Cork papers, that he was obliged to negociate a change of quarters with another regiment, to get out of the continual jesting, and in less than a month we marched to Limerick, to relieve, as it was reported, the 9th, ordered for foreign service, but, in reality, only to relieve Lieut.-Colonel C., quizzed beyond endurance.

However, if the colonel had seemed to forgive, he did not forget, for the very second week of our arrival in Limerick, I received one morning at my breakfast table, the following brief note from our adjutant:

"MY DEAR LORREQUER-The colonel has received orders to despatch two companies to some remote part of the county Clare, as you have done the state some service,' you are selected for the beautiful town of Kilrush, where, to use the eulogistic language of the geography books, there is a good harbour and a market plentifully supplied with fish.' I have just heard of the kind intention in store for you, and lose no time in letting you know.

God give you a good deliverance from the "garcons blancs," as the Moniteur calls the whiteboys, and believe me ever yours,

"CHARLES CURZON."

I had scarcely twice read over the adjutant's epistle, when I received an official notification from the colonel directing me to proceed to Kilrush, then and there to afford all aid and assistance in suppressing illicit distillation, when called on for that purpose; and other similar duties too agreeable to recapitulate. Alas! alas!" Othello's occupation" was indeed gone! The next morning at sun-rise saw me on my march, with what appearance of gaiety I could muster, but in reality very much chopfallen at my banishment, and invoking sundry things upon the devoted head of the colonel, which he would by no means consider as "blessings."

How short-sighted are we mortals, whether enjoying all the pomp and state of royalty, or marching like myself at the head of a company of his Majesty's 4-th.

Little, indeed, did I anticipate that the Siberia I fancied I was condemned to, should turn out the happiest quarters my fates ever threw me into ; but this, including as it does, one of the most important events of my life, I reserve for another chapter.

"What is that place called, sergeant ?"

Bunratty Castle, sir." "Where do we breakfast ?" "At Clare Island, sir? "March away, boys!"

For a week after my arrival at Kilrush, my life was one of the most dreary monotony. The rain, which had begun to fall as I left Limerick, continued to descend in torrents, and I found myself a close prisoner in the sanded parlour of "mine Inn." At no time would such "durance vile" have been agreeable; but now, when I contrasted it with all I had left behind, at head-quarters, it was absolutely maddening. The pleasant lounge in the morning, the social mess, and the agreeable evening party, were all exchanged for a short promenade of fourteen feet in one direction, and twelve in the other, such being the accurate measurement of my "salon a manger." A chicken, with legs as blue as a Highlander's in winter, for my dinner; and the hours that all Christian mankind were devoting to pleasant intercourse, and agreeable chitchat, spent in beating that dead march to time, "The Devil's Tattoo," upon my ricketty table, and forming, between whiles, sundry valorous resolutions to reform my life, and "eschew sack and loose company."

My front-window looked out upon a long, straggling, ill-paved street, with its due proportion of mud-heaps, and duck-pools; the houses on either side were, for the most part, dingy-looking edifices, with half-doors, and such pretension to being shops as a quart of meal, or salt, displayed in the window, confers; or sometimes two tobaccopipes, placed "saltier-wise," would appear the only vendible article in the establishment. A more wretched, gloomy-looking picture of wo-begone poverty I never beheld.

If I turned for consolation to the back of the house, my eyes fell upon the dirty yard of a dirty inn, the halfthatched cowshed, where two famished animals mourned their hard fate, "chewing the cud of sweet and bitter fancy" the chaise, the yellow post chaise, once the pride and glory of the establishment, now stood reduced from its wheels, and ignominiously degraded to a hen-house: on the grass-grown roof a cock had taken his stand, with an air of protective patronage to the feathered inhabitants beneath :

"To what base uses must we come at last."

That chaise, which once had conveyed the blooming bride, all blushes and

I

tenderness, and the happy groom, on their honeymoon visit to Ballybunnion and its romantic caves, or to the gigantic cliffs and sea-girt shore of Mogher; or with more steady pace and becoming gravity had borne along the "going judge of assize"-was now become a lying-in hospital for fowl, and a nursery for chickens. Fallen as I was myself from my high estate, it afforded me a species of malicious satisfaction to contemplate these sad reverses of fortune; and I verily believe-for on such slight foundation our greatest resolves are built-that if the rain had continued a week longer, I should have become a misanthropist for life. made many enquiries from my landlady as to the society of the place, but the answers I received, only led to greater despondence. My predecessor here, it seemed, had been an officer of a veteran battalion, with a wife, and that amount of children which is algebraically expressed by an X (meaning an unknown quantity.) He, good man, in his two years sojourn here, had been much more solicitous about his own affairs than making acquaintance with his neighbours ; and at last the few persons who had been in the habit of calling on the" officer," gave up the practice; and as there were no young ladies to refresh Pa's memory on the matter, they soon forgot completely that such a person existed-and to this happy oblivion, I Harry Lorrequer, succeeded, and was thus left without benefit of clergy to the tender mercies of Mrs. Healy of the Burton Arms.

As during the inundation which deluged the whole country around I was unable to stir from the house, I enjoyed abundant opportunity of cultivating the acquaintance of my hostess, and it is but fair that my reader, who has journeyed so far with me, should have an introduction.

Mrs. Healy, the sole proprietor of the "Burton Arms," was of some five and fifty-" or by'r lady," three score years, of a rubicond and hale complexion; and though her short neck and corpulent figure might have set her down as " doubly hazardous," she looked a good life for many years to come. In height and breadth she most nearly resembled a sugar-hogshead, whose rolling-pitching motion, when trundled along on edge, she emulated in her gait. To the ungain

liness of her figure her mode of dressing not a little contributed. She usually wore a thick linsey-wolsey gown, with enormous pockets on either side, and, like Nora Creina's, it certainly reflected no undue restriction upon her charms, but left

every beauty free,

To sink or swell as heaven pleases." Her feet-ye gods! such feet-were apparelled in liston slippers, over which the upholstery of her ancles descended, and completely relieved the mind of the spectator as to the superincumbent weight being disproportioned to the support. I remember well my first impression on seeing those feet and ancles reposing upon a straw foot-stool, while she took her afternoon dose, and I wondered within myself, if elephants were liable to the gout. There are few countenances in the world, that if wishing to convey

an idea of, we cannot refer to some well known standard, and thus nothing is more common than to hear comparisons with "Vulcan-Venus-Nicodemus," and the like; but in the present case I am totally at a loss for any thing resembling the face of the worthy Mrs. Healy, except it be, perhaps, that most ancient and sour visage we used to see upon old circular iron rappers formerly -they make none of them now-the only difference being, that Mrs. Healy's nose had no ring through it-I am almost tempted to add "more's the pity."

Such was she in the flesh-would that I could say she was more fascinating in the spirit ;—but alas, truth, from which I never may depart in these "my confessions," constrains me to acknowledg the reverse. Most persons in this miserable world of ours have some prevailing, predominating characteristic, which usually gives the tone and colour to all their thoughts and actions, forming what we denominate temperament; this we see actuating them now more, now less, and sometimes becoming almost dormant-so little does it seem to exert its influence. Not so with her of whom I have been speaking-h had but one passion, but like Aaron's rod it swallowed up every other, and that was to scold, and abuse, all whom hard fate had brought within the unfortunate limits of her tyranny. The English language, comprehensive as it is, afforded not epithets strong enough for her wrath, and she sought among the more classic beauties of her native Irish such additional ones

as served her need, and with this holy alliance of tongues, she had been for years long, the dread and terror of the entire village.

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"The dawning of morn, the day light sinking" ay, and even the night's dull hours, it was said, too, found her labouring in her congenial occupation—and while thus she continued to “ scold and grow fat," her Inn, once a popular and frequented one, became gradually less and less frequented, and the dragon of the Rhine-fells did not more effectually lay waste the territory around him, than did the evil influence of her tongue spread desolation and ruin around her. Her Inn, at the time of my visit, had not been troubled with even a passing traveller for months long; and, indeed, if I had any, even the least foreknow. edge of the character of my hostess, its privacy should have still remained uninvaded for some time longer.

I had not been many hours installed when I got a specimen of her powers; and before the first week was over, so constant and unremitting were her labours in this way, that I have, upon the occasion of a slight lull in the storm, occasioned by her falling asleep, actually left my room to enquire if anything had gone wrong, in the same way as the miller is said to awake if the mill stops. I trust I have said enough to move the reader's pity and compassion to my situation-one more miserable it is difficult to conceive. It may be thought that much might be done by management, and that a slight exercise of the favourite Whig plan of conciliation, might avail. Nothing of the kind-she was proof against all such arts; and what was still worse, there was no subject, no possible circumstance, no matter, past, present, or to come, that she could not wind by her diabolical ingenuity into some cause of offence-and then came the quick transition to instant punishment. Thus, my apparently harmless enquiry as to the society of the neighbourhood suggested to her a wish on my part to make acquaintance—therefore to dine out-therefore not to dine at home-consequently to escape paying half-a-crown and devouring a chickentherefore to defraud her, and to behave, as she would herself observe, like a beggarly scullion with his four shillings a-day setting up for a gentleman," &c.

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By a quiet and Job-like endurance of all manner of taunting suspicions and unmerited sarcasms, to which

daily became more reconciled, I absolutely became almost a favourite; and before the first month of my banishment expired, bad got the length of an invitation to tea in her own snuggery an honour never known to be bestowed on any before, with the exception of Father Malachi Brennan, her ghostly adviser; and even he, it is said, never ventured on such an approximation to intimacy until he was, Kilrush phrase, "half screwed," thereby meaning more than half tipsy. From time to time thus I learned from my hostess such particulars of the country and its inhabitants as I was desirous of hearing; and among other matters, she gave me an account of the great landed proprietor himself, Lord Callonby, who was daily expected at his seat, within some miles of Kilrush, at the same time assuring me that I need not be looking so "pleased and curling out my whiskers"—"that they'd never take the trouble of asking even the name of me." This, though neither very courteous, nor altogether flattering to listen to, was no more than I had already learned from some brother officers who knew this quarter, and who informed me that the Earl of Callonby, though only visiting his Irish estates every three or four years, never took the slightest notice of any of the military in his neighbourhood, nor, indeed, did he mix with the country gentry-confining himself to his own family, or the guests, who usually accompanied him from England, and remained during his few weeks' stay. My impression of his lordship was therefore not calculated to cheer my solitude by any prospect of his rendering it lighter.

The earl's family consisted of her lady ship, an only son, nearly of age, and two daughters; the eldest, Lady Jane, had the reputation of being extremely beautiful; and I remembered when she came out in London, only the year before, hearing nothing but praises of the grace and elegance of her manner, united to the most classic beauty of her face and figure. The second daughter was some years younger, and said to be also very handsome; but as yet she had not been brought into society. Of the son, Lord Kilkee, I only heard that he had been a very gay fellow at Oxford, was much liked, and had but small sympathy with the ultra exclusive notions of the rest of his family, who augured but ill of him from what

they denominated "his taste for losing caste."

Such were the chief particulars I obtained of my neighbours, and which I should not have been so circumstantial in noting down, if they had not subsequently occupied one, at least one important page in my history.

After some weeks' close confinement, which, judging from my feelings alone, I should have counted as many years, I eagerly seized the opportunity of the first glimpse of sunshine to make a short excursion along the coast; I started early in the morning, and after a long stroll along the bold headlands of Kilkee, was returning late in the evening to my lodgings. My path lay across a wild, bleak moor, dotted with low clumps of furze, and not presenting on any side the least trace of habitation. In wading through the tangled bushes, my dog Mouche" started a hare; and after a run "sharp, short, and decisive,” killed at the bottom of a little glen some hundred yards off.

I was just patting my dog, and examining the prize, when I heard a crackling among the low bushes near me; and, on looking up, perceived, about twenty paces distant, a short, thick set man, whose fustian jacket and leathern gaiters at once pronounced him the game keeper; he stood leaning upon his gun, quietly awaiting, as it seemed, for any movement on my part before he interfered. With one glance I detected how matters stood, and immediately adopting my usual policy of "taking the bull by the horns," called out, in a tone of very sufficient authority,

"I say, my man, are you his lordship's game keeper?"

Taking off his hat, the man approached me, and very respectfully informed me that he was.

"Well, then," said I, "present this hare to his lordship with my respectshere is my card, and say I shall be most happy to wait on him in the morning and explain the circumstance."

The man took the card, and seemed for some moments undecided how to act; he seemed to think that probably he might be illtreating a friend of his lordship's if he refused; and on the other hand might be merely “jockied” by some bold-faced poacher. Meanwhile I whistled my dog close up, and, humming an air with great appearance of indifference, stepped out homeward. By this piece of presence of mind I