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specting the Heathen, which used to afford me some refreshment in the darkest hours of this nature. away the day in the bitterness of my soul. Near night, I felt a little better; and afterwards enjoyed some sweetness in secret prayer.
Thursday, July 1. Had some sweetness in prayer this morning.--Felt exceeding happy in secret prayer to-night, and desired nothing so ardently as that God should do with me just as he pleased.
Friday, July 2. Felt composed in secret prayer in the morning. My desires sweetly ascended to God this day, as I was travelling: and I was comfortable in the evening. Blessed be God for all my consolations.
Saturday, July 3. My heart seemed again to sink. The disgrace I was laid under at college seemed to damp me, as it opens the mouths of opposers. I had no refuge but in God only. Blessed be his name, that I may go to him at all times, and find him a present help.
Lord's day, July 4. Had considerable assistance. In the evening I withdrew, and enjoyed a happy season in secret prayer. God was pleased to give me the exercise of faith, and thereby brought the invisible and eternal world near to my soul. I hoped that my weary pilgrimage in the world would be short; and that it would not be long before I was brought to my heavenly bome, my Father's house. I felt resigned to his will, to tarry his time, to do his work, and suffer bis pleasure. I felt thankfulness to God for all my pressing desertions of late ; for I am persuaded they have been the means of making me more humble, and much more resigned. I felt pleased, to be little, to be nothing, and to lie in the dust. I enjoyed life and sweet consolation in pleading for the children of God, and the kingdom of Christ in the world: and my soul earnestly breathed after holiness, and the enjoyment of God. “O come, Lord Jesus! come quickly. Amen."
[By his diary for the remaining days of this week, it appears that he enjoyed considerable composure and tranquillity, and had sweetness and fervency of spirit in prayer, from day to day.]
Lord's day, July 11. In the morning I was deserted and exceeding dejected. In the afternoon, had some life and assistance, and felt resigned; I saw myself exceed. ing vile.
(On the two next days he expresses inward comfort, resignation, and strength in God.]
Wednesday, July 14. Felt a kind of humble resigned state of mind : spent a considerable time in secret, giving myself up wholly to the Lord.—Heard Mr Bellamy preach towards night : felt very sweetly part of the time: longed for nearer access to God.
[The four next days, he expresses considerable comfort and fervency of spirit in Christian conversation and religious exercises.]
Monday, July 19. My desires seem especially to be carried out after weanedness from the world, perfect deadness to it, and to be even crucified to all its allurements. My soul longs to feel itself more of a pilgrim and stranger here below; that nothing may divert me from pressing through the lonely desart, till I arrive at my Father's house.
Tuesday, July 20. It was delightful to give myself away to God, to be disposed of at his pleasure. I bad some feeling sense of the sweetness of being a pilgrim on earth.
[The next day, he expresses himself as determined to be wholly devoted to God; and it appears by his diary, that he spent the whole day in a most diligent exercise of religion, and exceeding comfortably.]
Thursday, July 22. Journeying from Southbury to Ripton, I called at a house by the way, where being very kindly entertained and refreshed, I was filled with amazement and shame, that God should stir up the hearts of -any to shew so much kindness' to one so unworthy. I was made sensible in some measure, how exceeding vile it is, not to be wholly devoted to God. I wondered, that God would suffer any of his creatures to feed and sustain me from time to time.
[In his diary for the next six days, are expressed various exercises and experiences, such as sweet composure and fervency of spirit in meditation and prayer, weaned. ness from the world, being sensibly a pilgrim and stranger on the earth, engagedness of mind to spend every inch of time for God, &c.]
Thursday, July 29. Was examined by the Association met at Danbury, as to my learning, and also my experience in religion, and received a licence from them to preach the gospel of Christ. Afterwards felt much devoted to God; joined in prayer with one of the ministers, my peculiar friend, in a convenient place; went to bed resolving to live devoted to God all my days.
From the time of his being licensed to preach, by the Associa
tion, till he was examined in New-York, by the Correspondents or Commissioners of the Society in Scotland
for Propagating Christian Knowledge, and approved and appointed as their Missionary to the Indians. A. D. 1742.
Friday, July 30, 1742. Rode from Danbury to Southbury; preached there from 1 Pet. iv. 8. Had much of the comfortable presence of God in the exercise.' I seemed to have power with God in prayer, and power to get hold of the hearts of the people in preaching.
Saturday, July 31. Exceeding calm and composed, and was greatly refreshed and encouraged.
[It appears by his diary, that he continued in this happy frame, almost through the whole of the next week.]
Lord's day, August 8. In the morning felt comfort ably in secret prayer; my soul was refreshed with the hopes of the Heathen's coming home to Christ : was much resigned to God, and thought it was no matter what became of me. -Preached both parts of the day at Bethlehem, from Job xiv. 14. It was pleasant to me to meditate on death. In the evening, felt very comfortably, and cried to God fervently in secret prayer.
[It appears by his diary, that he continued through the three next days, engaged with all his might in the business of religion, and in almost a constant enjoyment of the comforts of it.]
Thursday, August 12. This morning and last night was exercised with sore inward trials: I had no power to pray; but seemed shut out from God. I had in a great measure lost my hopes of God's sending me among the Heathen afar off, and of seeing them flock home to Christ. I saw so much of my own vileness, that I appeared worse to myself than any devil. I wondered that God would let me live, and wondered that people did not stone, much more that they would ever hear me preach. It seemed as though I never could nor should preach any more; yet about nine or ten o'clock, the people came over, and I was forced to preach. And blessed be God, he gave me his presence and Spirit in prayer and preaching : so that I was much assisted, and spake with power from Job xiv. 14. Some Indians cried out in great distress,* and all appeared greatly concerned. After we had prayed and exhorted them to seek the Lord with constancy, and hired an English woman to keep a kind of school among them, we came away about one o'clock, and came to Judea, about fifteen or sixteen miles. There God was pleased to visit my soul with much comfort. Blessed be the Lord for all I meet with.
[It appears, that the two next days he had much comfort, and had his heart much engaged in religion.]
Lord's day, August 13. Felt much comfort and devotedness to God this day. At night, it was refreshing to get alone with God, and pour out my soul before him. Oh who can conceive the sweetness of communion with the blessed God, but those that have experience of it! Glory to God for ever, that I may taste of heaven below.
* It was in a place near Kent, in the western borders of Connec: ticut, where there is a number of Indians.
Monday, August 16. Had some comfort in secret prayer, in the morning.--Felt happy at various times in prayer this day; but was much perplexed in the evening with vain conversation. - Tuesday, August 17. Exceedingly depressed in spirit; it cuts and wounds my heart to think how much selfexaltation, spiritual pride, and warmth of temper, I have formerly had intermingled with my endeavours to promote God's work: and sometimes I long to lie down at the feet of opposers, and confess what a poor imperfect creature I have been, and still am. Oh, the Lord forgive me, and make me for the future“ wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove !"-Afterwards enjoyed considerable comfort and delight of soul.
Wednesday, August 18. Spent most of this day in prayer and reading. I see so much of my own extreme vileness, that I feel ashamed and guilty before God and
I appear to myself like the greatest sinner in the land. I wonder that God stirs up his people to be so kind to me.
Thursday, August 19. This day, being about to go from Mr Bellamy's at Bethlehem, where I had resided some time, I prayed with him, and two or three other Christian friends, and gave ourselves to God with all our hearts, to be his for ever : eternity looked very near to me, while I was praying. If I never should see these Christians again in this world, it seemed but a few moments before I should meet them in another world. Parted with them sweetly.
Friday, August 20. I appeared so vile to myself that I hardly dared to think of being seen, especially on account of spiritual pride. However, to-night I enjoyed a solemn hour alone with God, (at Ripton :) I was lifted above the frowns and flatteries of this lower world, had a sweet relish of heavenly joys, and my soul entered as it were into the eternal world, and really tasted of heaven. I was happy in making intercession for dear friends in Christ; and God helped me to cry fervently for Zion. Blessed be God for this season.
Saturday, August 21. Was much perplexed in the