convened at Hertford, and spread before them the treatment I had met with from the rector and tutors of Yale College; who thought it adviseable to intercede for me with the rector and trustees, and to intreat them to restore me to my former privileges in college.* After this, spent some time in religious exercises with Christian friends. Saturday, May 15. Rode from Hertford to Hebron ; was something dejected on the road; appeared exceeding vile in my own eyes, saw much pride and stubbornness in my heart. Indeed I never knew such a week before, as this; for I have been almost ready to die under a view of the wickedness of my heart. I could not have thought I had such "a body of death" in me. Oh that God would deliver my soul.

[The three next days which he spent at Hebron, Lebanon, and Norwich, he complains still of dulness and desertion, and expresses a sense of his vileness, and longing to hide himself in some cave or den of the earth: yet he speaks of some intervals of comfort and soul-refreshment each day.]

Wednesday, May 19. At Millington. I was so amazingly deserted this morning, that I seemed to feel a sort of horror in my soul. Alas, when God withdraws, what is there that can afford any comfort to the soul.

[Through the eight days following, he expresses more calmness and comfort, and considerable life, fervency, and sweetness in religion.]

Friday, May 28. At New-Haven. I think I scarcely ever felt so calm in my life; I rejoiced in resignation, and giving myself up to God, to be wholly and entirely devoted to him for ever.

[On the three following days, there was, by the account he gives, a continuance of the same excellent frame of mind, last expressed: but it seems not to be altogether to so great a degree.] Tuesday, June 1. Had much of the presence of God in family prayer, and some comfort in secret.

I was

The application then made on his behalf had not the desired

success.

greatly refreshed from the word of. God this morning, which appeared exceeding sweet to me: some things that appeared mysterious were opened to me. Oh that the kingdom of the dear Saviour might come with power, and the waters of the sanctuary spread far and wide for the healing of the nations! Came to Ripton; but was very weak. However, being visited by a number of young people in the evening, I prayed with them.

[The remaining part of this week, he speaks of being much diverted and hindered in the business of religion, by great weakness of body, and necessary affairs, that he had to attend, and complains of having but little power in religion; but signifies, that God hereby shewed him, he was like a helpless infant cast out in the open field.]

Lord's day, June 6. I feel much deserted: but all this teaches me my nothingness and vileness more than

ever.

Monday, June 7. Felt still powerless in secret prayer. Afterwards I prayed and conversed with some little life. God feeds me with crumbs: blessed be his name for any thing. I felt a great desire, that all God's people might know how mean and little and vile I am; that they might see I am nothing, that so they may pray for me aright, and not have the least dependance upon me.

Tuesday, June 8. I enjoyed one precious season this day: I never felt it so sweet to be nothing, and less than nothing, and to be accounted nothing.

[The three next days he complains of desertion, and want of fervency in religion; but yet his diary shews that every day his heart was engaged in religion, as his great, and, as it were, only business.]

Saturday, June 12. Spent much time in prayer this morning, and enjoyed much nearness.-Felt insatiable longings after God most of the day I wondered how poor souls do to live that have no God. The world, with all its enjoyments, quite vanished. I see myself very helpless but I have a blessed God to go to. I longed exceedingly "to be dissolved, and to be with Christ, to behold his glory." Oh my weary soul longs to arrive at my Father's house.

E

Lord's day, June 13. Felt calm and resigned in public worship: at the sacrament saw myself very vile and worth less. Oh that I may always lie low in the dust. My soul seemed steadily to go forth after God in longing desires to live upon him.

:

Monday, June 14. Felt something of the sweetness of communion with God, and the constraining force of his love how admirably it captivates the soul, and makes all the desires and affections to centre in God!-I set apart this day for secret fasting and prayer, to intreat God to direct and bless me with regard to the great work of preaching the gospel and that the Lord would return to me, and shew me the light of his countenance. Had little life and power in the forenoon : near the middle of the afternoon, God enabled me to wrestle ardently in intercession for absent friends; but just at night, the Lord visited me marvellously in prayer. I think my soul never was in such an agony before: I felt no restraint, for the treasures of divine grace were opened to me. I wrestled for absent friends, for the ingathering of multitudes of poor souls, and for many that I thought were the children of God, personally, in many distant places. I was in such an agony, from about sun-set till ear dark, that I was all over wet with sweat; yet it seemed to me that I had wasted away the day, and done nothing. Oh, my dear Jesus did sweat blood for poor souls! I longed for more compassion towards them.- -Felt still in a sweet frame, under a sense of divine love and grace; and went to bed with my heart set on God.

Tuesday, June 15. Had the most ardent longings after God that ever I felt in my life: at noon, in my secret retirement, I could do nothing but tell my dear Lord, in a sweet calm, that he knew I longed for nothing but himself, nothing but holiness; that he had given me these desires, and he only could give me the thing desired. I never seemed to be so unhinged from myself, and to be so wholly devoted to God. My heart was swallowed up in God most of the day. In the evening I had such a view of the soul's being as it were enlarged, to contain more holiness, that my soul seemed ready to separate

from my body, in order to obtain it. I then wrestled in an agony for divine blessings; had my heart drawn out in prayer for some Christian friends, beyond what I ever had before.I feel differently now from what ever I did under any former enjoyments; more engaged to live to God for ever, and less pleased with my own frames. I am not at all more easy after such sweet conflicts than before; for it seems far too little, if I could always be So. Oh how short do I fall of my duty in my best moments!

[In his diary for the two next days, he expresses something of the same frame, but in a far less degree. *]

Friday, June 18. Considering my great unfitness for the work of the ministry, my present deadness, and total inability to do any thing for the glory of God; feeling myself very helpless, and at a great loss what the Lord would have me to do; I set apart this day for prayer, but was amazingly deserted most of the day: yet I found God graciously near; once in particular, while I was pleading for more compassion for immortal souls, my heart seemed to be opened at once, and I was enabled to cry with great ardency for a few minutes.

Oh, I was distressed, to think, that I should offer such dead cold services to the living God! My soul seemed to breathe after holiness, a life of constant devotedness to God. But I am almost lost sometimes in the pursuit of this blessedness, and ready to sink, because I continually fall short and miss of my desire. Oh that the Lord would help me to hold out yet a little while, till the happy hour of deliverance comes!

Saturday, June 19. Felt much disordered; my spirits were very low: but yet enjoyed some freedom and sweetness in the duties of religion. Blessed be God.

Lord's day, June 20. Spent much time alone. My soul longed to be holy, and reached after God; but I

Here end the thirty first pages of the third volume of his diary, which he speaks of in the beginning of this volume, (as was observed before,) as containing a specimen of his ordinary manner of living, through the whole space of time, from the beginning of those two volumes that were destroyed.

seemed not to obtain my desire. I hungered and thirsted; but was not sweetly refreshed and satisfied. My soul cleaved to God, as my only portion. Oh that I could grow in grace more abundantly every day.

[The next day he speaks of his having assistance in his studies, and power, fervency, and comfort in prayer.}

Tuesday, June 22. In the morning, spent about two hours in prayer and meditation, with considerable delight. Towards night, felt my soul go out in longing desires after God, in secret retirement. In the evening, was sweetly composed and resigned to God's will; was enabled to leave myself and all my concerns with him, and to have my whole dependance upon him. My secret retirement was very refreshing to my soul; it appeared such a happiness to have God for my portion, that I had rather be any other creature in this lower creation, than not come to the enjoyment of God. I had rather be a beast, than a man, without God, if I were to live here to eternity. Lord, endear thyself more to me!

[In his diary for the next seven days, he expresses a variety of exercises of mind. He speaks of great longings after God and holiness, and earnest desires for the conversion of others, of fervency in prayer, and power to wrestle with God, and of composure, comfort, and sweetness, from time to time; but expresses a sense of the vile abomination of his heart, and bitterly complains of his barrenness, and the pressing body of death; and says, he "saw clearly, that whatever he enjoyed, better than hell, was free grace." Complains of his being exceeding low, much below the character of a child of God; and is sometimes very disconsolate and dejected.]

I

Wednesday, June 30. Spent this day alone in the woods, in fasting and prayer, and underwent the most dreadful conflicts. I saw myself so vile, that I was ready to say, "I shall now perish by the hand of Saul." thought, and almost concluded, I had no power to stand for the cause of God, but was almost afraid of the shaking of a leaf. Spent almost the whole day in prayer, incessantly. I could not bear to think of Christians shewing me any respect. I almost despaired of doing any service in the world. I could not feel any hope or comfort re