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pose by the sickness that prevailed there, the weakly circumstances of my own people that were with me, and especially my own extraordinary weakness, having been exercised with great nocturnal sweats, and a coughing up of blood, in almost the whole of the journey. Great part of the time I was so feeble and faint, that it seemed as though I never should be able to reach home; and at the same time destitute of the comforts, and even necessaries of life; at least, what was necessary for one in so weak a state. In this journey I was sometimes enabled to speak the word of God with power, and divine truth made some impression on divers that heard me. Several men and women, both old and young, seemed to "cleave to us,” and to be well disposed towards Christianity; but others mocked and shouted, which damped some of those who before seemed friendly. Yet God at times was evidently present, assisting me and my Interpreter, and other dear friends who were with me. I sometimes had a good degree of freedom in prayer for the ingathering of souls there, and could not but entertain a strong liope that the journey would not be wholly fruitless. Whether it will issue in the setting up Christ's kingdom there, or only the drawing of some few persons down to my congregation in New-Jersey; or whether they were nowonly preparing for some further attempts that might be made among them, I did not determine; but I was persuaded the journey would not be lost. Blessed be God, that I had any encouragement and hope.
Tuesday, Sep. 9. Rode down the river, near thirty miles. Was extremely weak, much fatigued, and wet with a thunder-storm. Discoursed with some warmth and closeness to a few poor ignorant souls, on the life and power of religion; what were, and what were not the evidences of it. They seemed much astonished when they saw my Indians ask a blessing, and give thanks at dinner, concluding that to be a very high evidence of grace in them; but were astonished when I insisted that neither that, nor yet secret prayer, was any sure evidence of grace. Oh the ignorance of men ! How are some empty outward forms, that may all be entirely selfish, mistaken for true religion,
and infallible evidences of it! The Lord pity a deluded world.
Wednesday, Sep. 10. Rode near twenty miles homeward. Was much solicited to preach, but utterly unable, through bodily weakness. Was overdone with heat and showers this day, and coughed up much blood.
Thursday, Sep. 11. Rode homeward, but was very weak, and sometimes scarcely able to ride. Had a very importunate invitation to preach at a meeting-house I came by, the people being then gathering, but I could not. Was resigned and composed under my weakness, but much exercised with concern for my companions in travel, whom I had left with much regret, some lame, and some sick,
Friday, Sep. 12. Rode about fifty miles, and came just at night to a Christian friend's house, about twentyfive miles west of Philadelphia. Was courteously received, and kindly entertained, and found myself much refreshed in the midst of my weakness and fatigues.
Saturday, Sep. 13. Was still agreeably entertained with Christian friendship, and all things suited to my circumstances. In the afternoon, heard Mr Treat preach, and was refreshed in conversation with him in the evening.
Lord's day, Sep. 14. At the desire of Mr Treat and the people, I preached both parts of the day, but short, from Luke xiv. 23. God gave me some freedom and warmth in my discourse; and, I trust, helped me in some measure to labour “ in singleness of heart." Was much tired in the evening, but comforted with the most tender treatment I ever met with. My mind, through the whole of this day, was exceeding calm. I could ask for nothing in prayer, with any encouragement of soul, but that “the will of God might be done."
Monday, Sep. 15. Spent the whole day in concert with Mr Treat, endeavouring to compose a difference subsisting between certain persons in the congregation where we now were ; there seemed to be a blessing on our endeavours. In the evening, baptized a child; was in a calm composed frame, and enjoyed a spiritual sense of divine things, while administering the ordinance. Afterwards, spent the time in religious conversation, till late in the night. This was indeed a pleasant evening.
Tuesday, Sep. 16. Continued still at my friend's house, about twenty-five miles west of Philadelphia. Was very weak, unable to perform any business, and scarcely able to sit up
Wednesday, Sep. 17. Rode into Philadelphia. Still very weak, and my cough and spitting of blood conti. nued. Enjoyed some agreeable conversation with friends, but wanted more spirituality.
Thursday, Sep. 18. Went from Philadelphia to Mr Treat's; was agreeably entertained on the road, and was in a sweet composed frame in the evening.
Friday, Sep. 19. Rode from Mr Treat's to Mr Stockston's at Prince-Town : was extremely weak, but kindly, received and entertained. Spent the evening with some degree of satisfaction.
Saturday, Sep. 20. Arrived among my own people just at night. Found them praying together : went in and gave them some account of God's dealings with me and my companions in the journey, whieh seemed affecting to them. I then prayed with them, and thought the divine presence was amongst us; several were melted into tears, and seemed to have a sense of divine things. Being very weak, I was obliged soon to repair to my lodgings, and felt much worn out in the evening. Thus God has carried me through the fatigues and perils of another journey to Susquabannall, and returned me again in safety, though under a great degree of bodily indisposition. Oh that my soul were truly thankful for renewed instances of mercy! Many hardships and distresses I endured in this journey ; but the Lord supported me under them all.
After his return from his last journey to Susquahannah,
until his death. [HITHERTO Mr Brainerd had kept a constant Diary, giving an account of what passed from day to day, with very little interruption; but henceforward his diary is very much interrupted by his illness. He was often brought so low, as either not to be capable of writing, or not well able to bear the burden of a care so constant as was requisite, to recollect every evening what had passed in the day, and set down an orderly account of it in writing. However, his Diary was not wholly neglected ; but he took care, from time to time, to take some notice of the most material things concerning himself and the state of his mind, even till within a few days of his death, as the reader will see afterwards. * 1
Lord's day, Sep. 21, 1746. I was so weak I could not preach, nor pretend to ride over to my people in the fore
In the afternoon, rode out; sat in my chair, and discoursed to my people from Rom. xiv. 7, 8. I was strengthened and helped in my discourse, and there appeared something agreeable in the assembly. I returned to my lodgings extremely tired, but thankful that I had been enabled to speak a word to my poor people, from whom I had been so long absent. Was able to sleep very
* Mr Shepard, in his Select cases resolved, under the first case says as follows. “ I have lately known one very able, wise and godly, put upon the rack, by him that, envying God's people's peace, knows how to change himself into an “ angel of light." For it being his usual course, in the time of his health, to make a diary of his hourly life, and finding much benefit by it, he was in conscience pressed, by the power and delusion of Satan, to take the same daily survey of his life in the time of his sickness ; by means of which he spent his enfeebled spirits, and cast on fuel to fire his sickness. Had not a friend of his convinced him of his erroneous conscience misleading him at that time, he had murdered his body, out of conscience to save his soul, and to preserve his grace. And do you think these were the motions of God's Spirit, which like those locusts, Rev. ix. 9, 10, had faces like men, but had tails like scorpions, and stings in their tails ?"
little this night, through weariness and pain. Oh how blessed should I be, if the little I do were all done with right views! Oh that, “ whether I live, I might live to the Lord,” &c.
Saturday, Sep. 27. Spent this day, as well as the whole week past, under a great degree of bodily weakness, attended with a violent cough and fever, Had no appetite to any kind of food, and frequently brought up what I ate, as soon as it was down; and oftentimes had little rest in my bed, by reason of pains in my breast and back. I was able, however, to ride over to my people, about two miles, every day, and take some care of those who were then at work upon a small house for me to reside in amongst the Indians. * I was sometimes hardly able to walk, and never able to sit up the whole day, through the week. Was calm and composed, and but little exercised with melancholy, as in former seasons of weakness. Whether I should ever recover or no, seemed very doubtful; but this was many times a comfort to me, that life and death did not depend upon my choice. I was pleased to think that he who is infinitely wise, had the determination of this matter : and that I had no trouble to consider and weigh things upon all sides, in order to make the choice whether I would live or die. Thus my time was consumed. I had little strength to pray, none to write or read, and scarcely any to meditate ; but through divine goodness, I could with great composure look death in the face, and frequently with sensible joy. Oh how blessed it is, to be habitually prepared for death. The Lord grant, that I may be actually ready also !
Lord's day, Sep. 28. Rode to my people; and though under much weakness, attempted to preach from 2 Cor. xiii. 5. Discoursed about half-an-hour; at which season divine power seemed to attend the word; but being extremely weak, I was obliged to desist; and after a turn of faintness, with much difficulty rode to my lodgings; where
* This was the fourth house he built for his residence among the Indians. Besides that at Kaunaumeek, and that at the Forks of Delaware, and another at Crosweeksung, hebuilt one now at Cranberry.